Coming Home (part 12)
After almost an hour, Chandler thought he had better take Becky back to the children's ward. Monica looked very tired, and Becky was beginning to get restless and move around, accidentally bumping into Monica's painful broken bones.
"Maybe we should get going?" he suggested. "I know Joey and Phoebe want to see you too, and this one," he nodded at Becky, "has to be getting back to the childrens' ward."
"Chandler, could you please ask Joey and Phoebe to wait a while? I want to see them, its just I'm really tired," she said apologetically.
"Of course, no problem. I'm sure they won't mind," he assured her. He thought they probably would mind, but they were Monica's friends, they would understand how she was feeling.
"Thanks Chandler," she said tiredly. He picked Becky up off the bed and bent down so she could kiss her Mommy goodbye. Monica kissed Becky's cheek, then silently asked Chandler for one more kiss, which he gave her more than happily.
After saying goodbye to the others, and passing on Monica's message that she was tired, Chandler took BEcky up to the childrens' ward, where he spent the night, trying to sleep in a chair by her bed. She had been given some baby tylenol to help her sleep, so she didn't suffer the nightmares Chandler did.
He managed to fall asleep around one thirty, but it wasn't long before he saw himself back out there shopping, relived the accident, saw Monica fly into the air, Amy thrown to one side, her tiny body standing no chance against the cruel concrete. He saw details he couldnt' even remember seeing when it was actually happening. He heard several loud cracks, as Monica's bones broke, which he knew he couldn't have really heard over the noise of the traffic, especially with Becky screaming. He saw blood on the road, which he knew had probably been there, he just hadn't paid much attention to it. He woke up shivering and almost called out for Monica, as he would have done normally if he had a nightmare, and she would wake up and comfort him. Then he remembered where he was and kept quiet, so he wouldn't wake any sleeping children.
He checked Becky was still asleep, then tried to go back to sleep himself. A few hours later, he was in the grip of another nightmare. This time, someone was telling him that Monica was dead. He was screaming and crying, and Becky, who was with him was doing the same. Then somehow, Becky was Monica. He supposed that should have comforted him, that she was still there, but it just scared him even more. He woke up and realised he had fallen on the floor and his cheeks were wet with real tears. He didn't think he had been screaming though, because no one was looking at him, and Becky was still asleep.
Chandler suddenly felt he needed to go and check on Monica. He didn't care that it was after three am, he had to see her. He crept out of the children's ward and down the corridor, wondering as he did so if any of the others would be there, or if they would have gone home. As it turned out, only Ross was still at the hospital, and he was asleep outside Monica's room, she had obviously asked for some peace, and he had gone outside to wait and fallen asleep.
He went into her room as quietly as he could, knowing she would probably be sleeping. She was, but he went in and sat down next to her bed anyway, just needing some reassurance that she was okay, that his nightmare hadn't come true. After a few minutes of listening to her steady breath, which had the same soothing effect on him as when they were cuddling up in bed together, Chandler leaned over and stroked her cheek, wanting to touch her, almost as if he wanted reassurance that she was real. Monica's eyes fluttered open at his light touch.
"Hi," he whispered, "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"Its okay," she said smiling.
"So, how are you feeling?" he asked.
"Sore, I think the painkillers they gave me are starting to wear off. But I'm glad you came," she said.
"do you want me to go find the doctor?" he offered quickly.
"Not right now. I just want you to be here with me," she said. He smiled. He wanted to be there with her too. "so how's Becky doing?"
"Good, much better since she saw you. She's asleep," Chandler told her.
"Good," Monica said. She yawned tiredly.
"Mon, go back to sleep," he said smiling. "I really don't want you to stay awake on my account," he said.
"Don't flatter yourself," she said, trying to stiffle another yawn.
"Sorry," he grinned.
"Chandler?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"No problem," he said, although he wasn't really sure what she was thanking him for. She was looking very sleepily now, so he didn't want to ask her to explain.
"Stay here a little while?" she asked.
"Sure," he said. He would have done anyway, but it was nice to know she wanted him to. Becky would be fine on her own, she wouldn't wake up for another few hours, so he was okay to stay with Monica.
He watched her while she slept. She looked just as peaceful as always, so long as he ignored her injuries. He had spent the whole day in hospital with her, and had learned to tune out the noise of her various machines. He smiled as she turned to face him, she sighed in her sleep. Chandler started to close his eyes himself and fall asleep.
He was woken a little while later by a monotonous sound that at first he couldn't place. He opened his eyes slowly, and saw that it was Monica's respirator. He jumped to his feet, suddenly very wide awake. Chandler bent over her. She wasn't breathing. He ran out into the hallway, which was pretty empty, because it was the middle of the night.
"Help me! Monica's stopped breathing," he screamed. Ross, who was still there, asleep in a chair, jumped up.
"What?" he demanded.
"Monica's dying!" he yelled.
Several doctors and nurses had heard Chandler, and started to hurry down the corridor to Monica's room. They pushed past Chandler and Ross and started trying to revive Monica. Chandler and Ross stood in the hallway, they couldn't watch. Chandler turned to Ross, his eyes wide with fear. What if she died? Ross returned Chandler's panicked look.
A few minutes later, a doctor came out. He saw Ross and Chandler and sighed.
"Is she okay?" Chandler asked worriedly. The doctor shook his head sadly.
"I'm very sorry. Mrs Burke died a few minutes ago," he said.
"What? But she was okay? You said she was gonna be fine!" Ross said angrily.
"We said we wouldn't know for sure until she had a brain scan," the doctor pointed out.
"But she was awake, I talked to her?" Chandler said in a confused voice. He didn't understand what the doctor was saying. Monica couldn't be dead. Becky needed her. He needed her.
"Things change very fast when people have the type of injuries Mrs Burke had," the doctor explained.
"what about Becky? How do I tell a four year old that her Mom's dead?" Chandler demanded tearfully.
"If you like, one of the nurses on the childrens' ward can tell her," the doctor offered.
"No, that'd be even worse. I dont' want a stranger to tell her. I hate the thought of telling her, but I know it has to be me," Chandler said.
"Oh, God, she's an orphan," Ross said. His mind conjured pictures of Becky as little orphan Annie. He supposed Phoebe was teachnically an orphan, and she tuend out okay, but Becky was so little.
"She's got me," Chandler pointed out.
"You're not her parent!" Ross snapped.
"I'm the closest she's got!" Chandler remarked. "Monica obviously thought so too, since she asked me to look after Becky!"
"Mrs Burke made you Rebecca's guadian?" the doctor asked.
"Yeah. I dont' know if its official or anything, she only told me today. But she may have been thinking about it before," Chandler said.
"If it isn't official, that may create some problems," the doctor said thoughtfully. "Are there any witnesses to Mrs Burke saying she wanted you to look after her daughter if anything happened to her?"
"Not when she told me, but she told Ross that was what she wanted," chandler said.
"Okay, well, do you want to see her?" the doctor asked. They both nodded.
"Ross, can I see her first?" Chandler asked. Ross looked slightly annoyed, but nodded anyway. He hated having to accept that Monica had loved Chandler, even though he had abandoned her for five years. But he knew she would have wanted him to get over it and let Chandler back into his life again.
Chandler went in. He felt so reminded of when he had been to see her right after she got out of surgery. Was that really only a few hours ago? It felt like so much had happened in one day, well, technically two, since it was now the early hours of the morning. But in twenty four hours, he had seen Monica and Amy get hit by a car, Amy die, Monica almost die, then come back to him, and now she was dead, and this time, there was no chance she would come back to him.
"I'm going to miss you so much. I thought missing you was when I went to Ottawa, but I miss you more than that already, and you've barely been dead five minutes. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you. You know, even during those five years when we were apart, I guess I thought that we'd end up together somewhere further down the line, like Ross and Rachel I guess. And I supposed I was right, because we did end up back together, but for such a short time. I wish we hadn't wasted those five years. Maybe then Becky and Amy would have been my children, not Richard's, but don't worry Mon, I don't hold any of the Richard stuff against you. I'm done being angry about it. I'm done even blaming myself. I know how stupid I was to leave, but I'd be even more stupid to keep thinking about it. I'm not sure really what I want to say to you. There's so much I missed, I guess we can never get those years back. Well, I mean we never could have, we certainly won't now. I suppose what I really want to say is, I love you. I never stopped loving you, when I left for Ottawa, when I was seeing other women. You were still the one. I think you always were, even before London. I guess all there is left is to say, I love you. I'll always love you. I'm gonna miss you so much. And goodbye Monica," Chander said, stroking her gently as he spoke. She was still warm. It was hard to believe she was actually dead. He bent over and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, then on her lips. "bye Mon," he said, then left the room. He was crying, but he barely noticed. "Your turn dude," he said to Ross, who was waiting outside. Chandler took the seat Ross had just vacated, put his head in his hands and cried.
"Hi Mon. Um, I never thought I'd be the one saying goodbye to you. I don't know why, but I just assumed that because I'm older, I'd die first. I know its stupid, but thats just the way I figured it would be. Anyway, I know we fight a lot, even if we're friends. But I'm so glad I have you as a sister. I know most brothers and sisters aren't that close, and I'm happy we are, were," he corrected himself sadly. "Well, I love you lots, sis. Bye," Ross finished. He kissed her lightly on the cheek.
He went back out to join Chandler. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say.
"I can't believe she's gone," Chandler said finally.
"Me neither," Ross said sadly.
TO BE CONTINUED...
No cliffhanger again this time, to make up for killing Monica. Part 13 coming soon.
After almost an hour, Chandler thought he had better take Becky back to the children's ward. Monica looked very tired, and Becky was beginning to get restless and move around, accidentally bumping into Monica's painful broken bones.
"Maybe we should get going?" he suggested. "I know Joey and Phoebe want to see you too, and this one," he nodded at Becky, "has to be getting back to the childrens' ward."
"Chandler, could you please ask Joey and Phoebe to wait a while? I want to see them, its just I'm really tired," she said apologetically.
"Of course, no problem. I'm sure they won't mind," he assured her. He thought they probably would mind, but they were Monica's friends, they would understand how she was feeling.
"Thanks Chandler," she said tiredly. He picked Becky up off the bed and bent down so she could kiss her Mommy goodbye. Monica kissed Becky's cheek, then silently asked Chandler for one more kiss, which he gave her more than happily.
After saying goodbye to the others, and passing on Monica's message that she was tired, Chandler took BEcky up to the childrens' ward, where he spent the night, trying to sleep in a chair by her bed. She had been given some baby tylenol to help her sleep, so she didn't suffer the nightmares Chandler did.
He managed to fall asleep around one thirty, but it wasn't long before he saw himself back out there shopping, relived the accident, saw Monica fly into the air, Amy thrown to one side, her tiny body standing no chance against the cruel concrete. He saw details he couldnt' even remember seeing when it was actually happening. He heard several loud cracks, as Monica's bones broke, which he knew he couldn't have really heard over the noise of the traffic, especially with Becky screaming. He saw blood on the road, which he knew had probably been there, he just hadn't paid much attention to it. He woke up shivering and almost called out for Monica, as he would have done normally if he had a nightmare, and she would wake up and comfort him. Then he remembered where he was and kept quiet, so he wouldn't wake any sleeping children.
He checked Becky was still asleep, then tried to go back to sleep himself. A few hours later, he was in the grip of another nightmare. This time, someone was telling him that Monica was dead. He was screaming and crying, and Becky, who was with him was doing the same. Then somehow, Becky was Monica. He supposed that should have comforted him, that she was still there, but it just scared him even more. He woke up and realised he had fallen on the floor and his cheeks were wet with real tears. He didn't think he had been screaming though, because no one was looking at him, and Becky was still asleep.
Chandler suddenly felt he needed to go and check on Monica. He didn't care that it was after three am, he had to see her. He crept out of the children's ward and down the corridor, wondering as he did so if any of the others would be there, or if they would have gone home. As it turned out, only Ross was still at the hospital, and he was asleep outside Monica's room, she had obviously asked for some peace, and he had gone outside to wait and fallen asleep.
He went into her room as quietly as he could, knowing she would probably be sleeping. She was, but he went in and sat down next to her bed anyway, just needing some reassurance that she was okay, that his nightmare hadn't come true. After a few minutes of listening to her steady breath, which had the same soothing effect on him as when they were cuddling up in bed together, Chandler leaned over and stroked her cheek, wanting to touch her, almost as if he wanted reassurance that she was real. Monica's eyes fluttered open at his light touch.
"Hi," he whispered, "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."
"Its okay," she said smiling.
"So, how are you feeling?" he asked.
"Sore, I think the painkillers they gave me are starting to wear off. But I'm glad you came," she said.
"do you want me to go find the doctor?" he offered quickly.
"Not right now. I just want you to be here with me," she said. He smiled. He wanted to be there with her too. "so how's Becky doing?"
"Good, much better since she saw you. She's asleep," Chandler told her.
"Good," Monica said. She yawned tiredly.
"Mon, go back to sleep," he said smiling. "I really don't want you to stay awake on my account," he said.
"Don't flatter yourself," she said, trying to stiffle another yawn.
"Sorry," he grinned.
"Chandler?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
"No problem," he said, although he wasn't really sure what she was thanking him for. She was looking very sleepily now, so he didn't want to ask her to explain.
"Stay here a little while?" she asked.
"Sure," he said. He would have done anyway, but it was nice to know she wanted him to. Becky would be fine on her own, she wouldn't wake up for another few hours, so he was okay to stay with Monica.
He watched her while she slept. She looked just as peaceful as always, so long as he ignored her injuries. He had spent the whole day in hospital with her, and had learned to tune out the noise of her various machines. He smiled as she turned to face him, she sighed in her sleep. Chandler started to close his eyes himself and fall asleep.
He was woken a little while later by a monotonous sound that at first he couldn't place. He opened his eyes slowly, and saw that it was Monica's respirator. He jumped to his feet, suddenly very wide awake. Chandler bent over her. She wasn't breathing. He ran out into the hallway, which was pretty empty, because it was the middle of the night.
"Help me! Monica's stopped breathing," he screamed. Ross, who was still there, asleep in a chair, jumped up.
"What?" he demanded.
"Monica's dying!" he yelled.
Several doctors and nurses had heard Chandler, and started to hurry down the corridor to Monica's room. They pushed past Chandler and Ross and started trying to revive Monica. Chandler and Ross stood in the hallway, they couldn't watch. Chandler turned to Ross, his eyes wide with fear. What if she died? Ross returned Chandler's panicked look.
A few minutes later, a doctor came out. He saw Ross and Chandler and sighed.
"Is she okay?" Chandler asked worriedly. The doctor shook his head sadly.
"I'm very sorry. Mrs Burke died a few minutes ago," he said.
"What? But she was okay? You said she was gonna be fine!" Ross said angrily.
"We said we wouldn't know for sure until she had a brain scan," the doctor pointed out.
"But she was awake, I talked to her?" Chandler said in a confused voice. He didn't understand what the doctor was saying. Monica couldn't be dead. Becky needed her. He needed her.
"Things change very fast when people have the type of injuries Mrs Burke had," the doctor explained.
"what about Becky? How do I tell a four year old that her Mom's dead?" Chandler demanded tearfully.
"If you like, one of the nurses on the childrens' ward can tell her," the doctor offered.
"No, that'd be even worse. I dont' want a stranger to tell her. I hate the thought of telling her, but I know it has to be me," Chandler said.
"Oh, God, she's an orphan," Ross said. His mind conjured pictures of Becky as little orphan Annie. He supposed Phoebe was teachnically an orphan, and she tuend out okay, but Becky was so little.
"She's got me," Chandler pointed out.
"You're not her parent!" Ross snapped.
"I'm the closest she's got!" Chandler remarked. "Monica obviously thought so too, since she asked me to look after Becky!"
"Mrs Burke made you Rebecca's guadian?" the doctor asked.
"Yeah. I dont' know if its official or anything, she only told me today. But she may have been thinking about it before," Chandler said.
"If it isn't official, that may create some problems," the doctor said thoughtfully. "Are there any witnesses to Mrs Burke saying she wanted you to look after her daughter if anything happened to her?"
"Not when she told me, but she told Ross that was what she wanted," chandler said.
"Okay, well, do you want to see her?" the doctor asked. They both nodded.
"Ross, can I see her first?" Chandler asked. Ross looked slightly annoyed, but nodded anyway. He hated having to accept that Monica had loved Chandler, even though he had abandoned her for five years. But he knew she would have wanted him to get over it and let Chandler back into his life again.
Chandler went in. He felt so reminded of when he had been to see her right after she got out of surgery. Was that really only a few hours ago? It felt like so much had happened in one day, well, technically two, since it was now the early hours of the morning. But in twenty four hours, he had seen Monica and Amy get hit by a car, Amy die, Monica almost die, then come back to him, and now she was dead, and this time, there was no chance she would come back to him.
"I'm going to miss you so much. I thought missing you was when I went to Ottawa, but I miss you more than that already, and you've barely been dead five minutes. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you. You know, even during those five years when we were apart, I guess I thought that we'd end up together somewhere further down the line, like Ross and Rachel I guess. And I supposed I was right, because we did end up back together, but for such a short time. I wish we hadn't wasted those five years. Maybe then Becky and Amy would have been my children, not Richard's, but don't worry Mon, I don't hold any of the Richard stuff against you. I'm done being angry about it. I'm done even blaming myself. I know how stupid I was to leave, but I'd be even more stupid to keep thinking about it. I'm not sure really what I want to say to you. There's so much I missed, I guess we can never get those years back. Well, I mean we never could have, we certainly won't now. I suppose what I really want to say is, I love you. I never stopped loving you, when I left for Ottawa, when I was seeing other women. You were still the one. I think you always were, even before London. I guess all there is left is to say, I love you. I'll always love you. I'm gonna miss you so much. And goodbye Monica," Chander said, stroking her gently as he spoke. She was still warm. It was hard to believe she was actually dead. He bent over and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, then on her lips. "bye Mon," he said, then left the room. He was crying, but he barely noticed. "Your turn dude," he said to Ross, who was waiting outside. Chandler took the seat Ross had just vacated, put his head in his hands and cried.
"Hi Mon. Um, I never thought I'd be the one saying goodbye to you. I don't know why, but I just assumed that because I'm older, I'd die first. I know its stupid, but thats just the way I figured it would be. Anyway, I know we fight a lot, even if we're friends. But I'm so glad I have you as a sister. I know most brothers and sisters aren't that close, and I'm happy we are, were," he corrected himself sadly. "Well, I love you lots, sis. Bye," Ross finished. He kissed her lightly on the cheek.
He went back out to join Chandler. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say.
"I can't believe she's gone," Chandler said finally.
"Me neither," Ross said sadly.
TO BE CONTINUED...
No cliffhanger again this time, to make up for killing Monica. Part 13 coming soon.
