When I open my eyes, I first think I'm in heaven. An easy mistake with the moving clouds on the walls and ceiling together with the sunlight beaming into the room from behind me. That, and the fact that the floor around me consists of some sort of fluffy, soft and pleasurably warm material in white. It looks like a mist covers the floor. But then, I sit up and find that I have been lying on a bed covered with a white down quilt, a gorgeous ferret like creature (just a lot fluffier with a longer tail, like some sort of angora ferret with a three feet tail) cuddled next to me. When it senses that I have moved, it squeaks and runs up my body to perch itself on my shoulder, wrapping its long tail around my thin torso.
I smile at that, and softly pet it while wondering where Snape possibly can be. Moreover, where I am. I seem to remember I made a very believable impression of a zombie when we got here last night, and didn't see or hear anything. Flying on a broom for almost thirteen hours tends to do that to you. Especially Snape it seems. It had been priceless seeing his expression after almost running into the side of the ravine. He had taken it a lot better than I would've thought, even smiling at himself. It made me loosen up more to him than words ever could have done.
Then suddenly, I hear a knock and a door opens up in the wall opposite of me, revealing Severus, clad in worn jeans and a black tee sporting the word 'Slytherin' in silver on the chest, a sad smile on his uncharacteristically gentle expression.
"Good morning, Harry" he softly said. "I see you've met Honey."
I frown. Honey? Who's Honey?
He must have seen my expression, because he chuckles and points at the creature on my shoulder. I smile embarrassedly and look down.
"How come you have a creature like her?" I ask, still not trusting this changed Snape completely, but definitely confidant enough to express myself around him. After all, if he's all right with me smiling at him, he can't freak out because I'm talking to him, right?
A strange noise sounds and I look up, just in time to catch a sad and ashamed, not to mention guilty, expression flashing over Snape's face. Something is wrong.
"She belonged to me when I was a child" he finally says. "I was going to give him to my child one day, but it's impossible now."
He looks up, not quite managing to smile. The serious expression on his face is close enough to his teacher one to make me shudder. I am right. Something is wrong. Something has happened here, something bad. I can feel it in my very bones.
"It's breakfast," Snape abruptly says. "Just tap the wall beside the door and you'll find your belongings. Please dress and come down."
I nod, still stunned by Snape's violent reaction to my innocent question, automatically reverting to silent mode again. I'm also pondering the fact he told me he couldn't give Honey to his child. Even as he's ancient for someone in my age (Sirius told me he is thirty-six, the same age as Snape) it's common knowledge that men can still produce children at that age. He should be able to give Honey to his child yet.
I decide to put the matter on the shelf for a while, mostly for the reason that I'm really hungry. Therefore, I did what Snape asked me to do. Imagine my surprise when I find myself staring at a wardrobe filled with mugglecloths in my size. A true novelty after only wearing Dudley's cloths for so long. Another side to the spectrum that is Snape.
Choosing quickly, I grab a pair of jeans and a simple, emerald tee with a dragon to go with them and dress quickly. Then I open the door and step out into the reality. Or rather onto a balcony leading around the huge living room below. A living room, which differently to what one could believe isn't decorated in silver and green, but midnight blue and white. It is inviting and light, furnished with a couch with a matching, small table by an open fireplace and small groups of comfortable armchairs and tables scattered over the rest of the room.
Ten feet away from me, I can see a staircase leading down to it, in dark, polished wood. And as Snape told me to come down, I do as he asked. I don't want to irritate him in any way. Irritation leads to anger, and anger leads to consequences I most likely won't like. It doesn't help much though, since Snape isn't in the living room. Deciding to test the doors, I find that the closest door leads outside and so can't lead to Snape. Therefore, I test one to my right and find a spacious office. The third door I try, lead outside too, but to a beautiful inside garden. On the other side though, I can see the kitchen. With Snape inside, preparing something. So, I carefully make my way through the garden and open the door on the other side.
"Severus?" I question, remembering his plea for me to use his given name this summer.
He jumps slightly, whirling around to look at me. The expression in his face shows surprise and not so little confusion.
"And why, Harry, did you come that way" he asks, an amused look now in his face "when there's a staircase leading here?"
Apparently, he's in a good mood again. I look questioningly at him. I didn't see any staircase leading to the kitchen. Snape sighs and turns to the stove to ease the pan off the plate as its contents started to burn. While he does that, a little whirlwind of fur come from nowhere, running up my body. Surprised, I let out a small cry, making Snape jump for the second time this day. But when he turns around, he's smiling.
"There's no use leaving her alone" he tells me, a soft, quiet laughter in his voice. "She'll just find you again. And when it comes to the staircase, you'll have to call out the name of the area you want to descend to. This house is built in two parts, with no inside connection between the two of them, you see. Hence a magic staircase to keep them connected."
I nod foolishly. I should have seen that a wizard lives in a wizard's cottage. Of course the staircase can move.
"But you couldn't know that" Snape continues to my surprise.
He seems to have seen the face I made, because he smirks at me, but not in the way he used to. This smirk is more, harmless. You couldn't help but see he don't mean anything with it. Then he gestures to my left, making me aware of the table littered with food.
"Breakfast" he says, grinning slightly. "And if you eat enough, you'll get to ask all those questions I can see you want to ask."
Needless to say, I dive onto the table. As I am both hungry and curious about this whole situation, this is great. Snape follows me too, but not as quickly. He sits down across of me, watching while I eat and sipping on some strange liquid, which is neither tea nor coffee.
It's easily the strangest breakfast I've ever eaten. Meat, bread and butter were mixed with carrots, salad and apples, making up a very balanced meal if I ever got the human body's need for nutrition down right. If I hadn't eaten it, I would never even have guessed that Snape knew how to eat healthy. But I can't eat for all eternity, and when I finally put down my glass, Severus gives me a slightly amused grin, one of the things that make these two days so strange.
"A promise is a promise," he says. "Ask away, Harry."
I smile nervously. Even though I'm not sure about this new Snape, I want, no need answers.
"Well," I say, hesitant to ask. "Why are you so nice to me? I mean…"
I trail off. Snape sighs and put down his cup to look me squarely in the eyes.
"To do that, boy, to answer that question" he seriously says "I have to bring up some not too nice memories for both you and me."
I silently nod.
"I think I need to know," I carefully say, trying to look less desperate than I am.
"So do I," is his only response.
Sev's POV
It feels bizarre, sitting in my kitchen, watching a boy like Harry watching me, my old pet Honey on his shoulder. And it feels strange to smile without feeling guilty for it, to let the self I've buried deep inside as a punishment show itself. Because here in my home, the shadow of the old Severus Snape remains to watch me from the past. The Death Eater and one of Voldemort's closest men, one of the most vicious men at that time. Not to mention it feels strange being the person I am and not the shielded act I do at Hogwarts, especially together with someone like Harry.
He knows what he needs answers to, I have to give him that. But I don't know how to answer. Because when I do that, I will have to reveal things. Things that neither Harry nor I want to examine closer.
"I'm an orphan, and I have been one since I was a small child."
That isn't the prelude I had planned to use. Judging from the startled look on Harry's face though, it is as good as any.
"My parents, Duncan and Zahrah Snape, died when I was six months old, or so people tell me. Apparently, they had gone to visit an old friend, Riddle, leaving me with a babysitter. They never returned. However, differently from you, I didn't grow up with relatives. I grew up at an orphanage. The same orphanage that once held Tom Riddle. And they treated me and everyone else there, just about the same way as the Dursleys treats you. Like a freak that didn't deserve to exist."
It hurt thinking about it, even as it is long past, long forgotten in history. But at the same time, it feels nice having someone to talk to. And Harry listens. I can see it in his eyes, read it in his posture. He cares. And now, he also starts to understand.
"I think that's a big part of why I hated you. The fact that I disliked James has really nothing to do with it. It was the fact that while you was fostered by rich relatives in a beautiful house, I was fostered at a terrible orphanage with no one to love me, even though our lives had been so similar until then."
And within his eyes, I can finally see what I should have seen from the beginning. Resentment over how his relatives treated him. Realization that he was no freak and that no one had the right to call him that. And last but not least, understanding of the situation, his history and me. It makes me think it was worth bringing all this pain to the surface again.
"The Dursleys didn't love me," he says suddenly, his voice tight and controlled; yet shaking with emotions. "They hated me, still hates me."
"I know" I silently reply. "Now. I finally understood that last summer when I came to fetch you. You lived in hell, not the paradise I placed you in. And that was the beginning to the change. I couldn't just leave you there, facing those appalling people. Already when I got back to Hogwarts I made a deal with Dumbledore to take care of you this summer."
"Thank you" Harry softly replies. "It means more than you know."
And I can read in his voice that he realizes what I do for him. I nod slightly, startled to find tears rolling down my cheeks, just as they do on his. With a swift movement, I move towards Harry and am met in the middle, meeting him in a warm hug, so much needed for both of us. I have managed to break down another wall and in this moment, nothing is between us.
His thin body feels so fragile against mine, and I am not bulky by any means. Now I know why, but he doesn't really know why I am so thin, why I steadily loose weight. But he doesn't need to know. Even if he wonders. Maybe I'll tell him some day, about my family. Not today though. I'm not ready yet. For he is not the only one with past ghosts.
Instead, I let myself relish in the hug, finding the comfort I so badly need. And in that moment, I know that I might still have a chance to have a family again. Maybe…
Harry's POV
I understand why he disliked me so much now. I really do. Nevertheless, I wish I had known earlier, maybe then, I could've helped him, made him understand. Because I feel that this is the first time, he lets himself grieve. As it is the first time, I do the same. But because of a whole other reason. This is the first time I realize I have the right to grieve.
To loose one's parents is a horrible thing. Probably even more so when you knew them. So, in that way, both Severus and I have it easier, if you can call it that. Yet, both of us grew up under horrible circumstances. Him at the orphanage, me with the Dursleys. I would wish neither to no one.
He is thinner than I thought. But maybe it isn't so strange. I would get sick to my stomach too if I had to meet Voldemort so often as this man do. Yet, I can sense there's something else behind it. Something he isn't telling me. I don't blame him for it. This revelation is only one step of many, but an important such.
I feel him hugging me closer and I do the same, wetting his shirt with my tears. Somehow, I feel close to him in a way I don't even feel with Sirius. Maybe, it is because I've known him longer, but I don't think so. My thought is that it's rather the similarities between our upbringings. We understand how it feels growing up without love and it makes us closer.
With that, I don't mean I don't love Sirius, because I do. And I don't mean I love Severus either. I do not completely trust the man yet after all. I just mean we understand each other in a way Sirius and I never can. But it would be even greater if Sirius could be a part of this too.
Living with the Dursleys constantly reminding me about my parents' demise, I grew accustomed to thinking that my chance at having a family was lost forever. Now, I know it's not. But I still wish Severus would tell me what's really bothering him… However, this is not something I have the right to worry about yet. Because even as we are beginning to get closer, to trust each other, there's still a long road before us. But I could come to love this man, to trust him. And I truly hope I will.
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