Disclaimer: General disclaimer here. I don't own Gundam Wing or its character. I'm poor so don't sue me, please. This story is for entertainment purposes only.
Finally, the long awaited ending to this story. Sorry it took me almost a year to get out, but that's what happens when life gets in the way.
I hope you enjoy it. It can be concidered my farewell story for GW. I have more stories for other anime on the way. Of course, just like everyone, I could be convinced to write more. ^.~
Part 2
"Duo, what's wrong?" He heard the running water and occasional sob from the other side. "Duo, c'mon. Open this door."
"I've gotta get it off. I've gotta get it all off me. Oh God, oh my God. I'm so sorry." Duo chanted.
Heero started to worry. This wasn't like Duo and by the sound of things on the other side it didn't seem to be good. He had to act fast. He tried the handle on more time before he began to ram the door. By the third time the door fell in. The site before him made him stop.
Duo knelt on the toilet beside the sink. The steam in the room made it hard to see but Heero could tell his "good" hand was red and raw from rubbing and the water flowing from the faucet. Streams of tears marred the usual angelic face making him look more like a weeping saint than the happy joker he usually played. He breathed a small sigh of relief when he saw there was no sharp objects near, but what was going on?
Heero hesitantly stepped into the bathroom. For once he had no idea how to proceed. Duo was still trying scrubbing his hands in the sink and seemed to go about it more aggressively with ever step Heero took. Heero paused, trying to think of a way to proceed that wouldn't involve Duo harming himself any further. Why was he doing this?
"Duo, what's wrong?" Heero started, hoping that talking to the grieved pilot would help.
"Their dead. Their blood is covering my hands. Father Maxwell, the other children, my friends… their blood is on me! I can't make it go away again. It won't go away." Duo stopped his actions briefly to look at his hands then up at Heero. "How do you make it all go away? How do you tell them you're sorry for messing up?" He pleaded in a voice barely above a whisper.
"I don't know," was the honest answer. He had struggled with the same question himself at one time or another. "I do know that you can't bring them back. Injuring yourself won't do it and neither will lamenting on what's passed. "
"But… but it was my fault. I killed them because I didn't think things through." Duo started rubbing his hands under the water again. "I have to do something. I can't let their blood stay on me."
Heero slowly walked over to the sink. He took Duo's hands in his and turned off the water. Duo started to panic when the water was turned off, but Heero wouldn't let him move. He carefully looked over the hands then used a hand towel to gently dry them careful not to irritate them further or jar his bandaged arm.
"You can't change that. What happened may have happened because of your decisions, but that choice had been made and can't be taken back. If those people you cared so much for cared as much for you, I'm sure they wouldn't want you to be sitting here like this regretting the past."
Heero hoped this would work, he had nothing else to fall back on. If the memories of old friends had gotten him in this, maybe they could get him out too. He was doing this unprepared, but he had been trained to handle unexpected situations.
Duo shook his head.
"No, I deserve to suffer. I deserve all this pain. Why else would I go through this so many times?
"Whatever I do or feel, it can't possible be anything like what they felt. They may have been forgiving—no, I know they were forgiving. But I can't seem to do it. " Duo tried to hold back some of the tears. "I try to forget, ya know. Everyday I go out there and smile, and play around, all because I though that that's what they would have wanted. I go out and I take out as many of the enemy as I can cause I feel like I'm able to do something now and not be helpless like then. But it never fails. They always come back. The memories always come back to haunt me. The feeling of being too weak comes to crush me back down." Duo looked pleadingly into Heero's eyes. "I don't want it to haunt me anymore, Heero. I don't want to hurt. I want to try and live that life they wanted me to for real, for their sakes. I know I don't deserve that pity, but…"
Suddenly all the barriers that were put up to keep him coherent broke. Duo started to sob. He fell forward into Heero and let it all out. He mumbled incoherent phrases into Heero's chest between hitched inhales.
Heero was shocked by the change in the smaller boy. He let go of Duo's hands and wrapped his arms slowly around the other boy. He stood there wondering if he did the right thing. Was this better than what Duo was doing before?
"Shhhh," he said trying to soothe the distraught boy he rocked in his arms. He still hadn't accomplished what he had hoped to.
Heero glanced around their room looking for more options. He spotted his bed near the computer and a thought came to mind. Carefully he picked up Duo and carried him to the bed. Duo seemed to panic slightly, and clung to Heero even tighter as he walked. He gently placed Duo into the bed pulling the covers up then turned back for the bathroom.
Duo let out a slight whimper and tried to follow out of the bed as Heero left, but the other boy turned around and assured him he wasn't going far. Reaching the medicine cabinet, Heero pulled out the package of sleeping aids and filled a glass of water. These weren't exactly what he would have liked right then, but they would have to do. He couldn't help his friend right now, he needed some time.
"Take these." Heero handed the glass and pills to Duo. "It'll help you calm down for now. Don't worry I'll be right over here. Just take the pills and sleep. I promise to do whatever I can to help you."
Cautiously, Duo took the pills. He believe every word the other boy said. He had never heard a lie out of his mouth the whole time they had known each other. Maybe everything will be alright. Maybe this time there will be a way to stop the memories. He lay back in the bed and tried to let the pills go to work.
Heero watched over Duo until his breathing was in the rhythmic patterns of sleep. He turned to the computer on his desk and started to work. He used all the information he as able to piece together from what Duo had said. He knew he was from the L2 colonies, he had mentioned a "father" and "sister", most likely a priest and nun looking at the boy's clothes. And finally, a large catastrophe. He entered those all in and found one event that matched.
Heero read every account he could find on the attack of the church. How could Duo feel he was the blame for all this? No wonder he had such deep survivor's guilt. Later, when the sleeping boy felt up to it, he would have to find out everything he could about what had happened. It seem that was the only way they were going to get past the anguish and help him once and for all. But for now it was time to let him rest. Hopefully his dreams are full of the happy times before the deaths of his loved ones.
Heero gave one more glance over at the sleeping boy, then settled in for a long night in his chair keeping vigil until the morning.
