YAY! I finally decided to start writing again ^_^ 3rd chapter! 3rd chapter!
When the hell will I write a plot for this damned thing? I start off with a
plot, but then parts of it get bored waiting to be written, and bugger off
to the pub for a few drinks. I need some chains.
Anyway, anyway, the 3rd chapter! In which our beloved little Frodum does stuff!
Oh yeah, thanks goes to that author Lyle, who was only happy to point out my grammatical errors so as to motivate an army to bring me down, strip me of my fame and glory and leave me to live the rest of my life as a shunned outcast! J/k XD
*****
Hey, Was a Chapter Skipped or Something?
Frodum spent the next week trying - and failing - to ignore Colonel Cheesepox's incessant chatter. That blasted stone would talk about anything, including how much its feet hurt from all the walking it wasn't doing. Frodum attempted to block the stone out of his mind by thinking longingly of his boot. This worked almost too well it seemed, because he didn't notice when Celeborn was suddenly talking to him.
"Hey! Hey listen to me you communist bastard!" said the elf. Frodum stared up at him, and started.
"HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" Said he. Celeborn winced. Obviously, Frodum was still mad about that little incident with the brass frogs and 40 tons of pencil shavings, although he still couldn't think how that had gone wrong (a/n: haha!!! Skipped a chapter!).
"Nevermind that now" he said bracingly. "Listen, I need to borrow your giant cabbage!"
Frodum stared at him until he almost set Celeborn on fire. But Frodum was no Gandalf.
"What cabbage?" he asked with narrowed eyes and a glowing stone.
"That one," replied Celeborn, pointing straight at the stone.
"This isssssn't a giant cabbage. Itssss a probably evil glowing sstone."
"No its not. Its a cabbage."
"Glowing sstone"
"giant cabbage!"
"sssstone!"
"cabbage!" with an exasperated sigh Celeborn folded his arms. "Just look already! Its a giant cabbage!"
Muttering darkly, Frodum turned and looked. And it really was a giant cabbage. He stared at it. It stared back.
And then it said "kasquee?" Frodum turned back to Faramir - Faramir?! What happened to Celeborn?
"He - er - had to leave.... called away..." said Faramir, glancing from side to side.
"Isss that a shovel?" Frodum asked, staring at his hand. The Giant Cabbage said "kasquee?" again. Faramir glanced at the shovel and threw it into a nearby bush.
"What shovel?" He said innocently, and before Frodum could speak he continued. "Now Frodum, you really should stay away from that cabbage" he said warningly.
"Why should I?" snapped Frodum.
"Kasquee?"
"Well you know... a nice little...err... thing like you, all alone.... alot of weirdoes out here... anything could happen. You gotta watch out for those cabbages."
"Faramir..."
"Yes?"
"Issss that a ssssquirrel in your pantsss?"
".....no..."
A long silence followed this last statement. It was broken by the Cabbage.
"GRRRRRRRRRR" it said. Then it started to roll. Faramir and Frodum ran away in terror.
"See! I told you they're dangerous!" said Faramir.
"Whatever!" snapped Frodum. "Get us out of here!" Behind them the giant Cabbage was going "kasqueekasqueekasqueekasquee" and they kept running. Suddenly Faramir grabbed Frodum.
"Hisss! What are you doing!" cried Frodum, as Faramir leapt high up into the air.
"Don't worry, I have a plan!" replied Faramir, while turning in mid air to face the Cabbage from above. "Hang on!"
"Fox tail inferno!!!!!" yelled Faramir. Nothing happened.
"Uh, you know Faramir, the important factor of that attack issss having a tail" said Frodum. And then gravity caught up with them and they fell, with Faramir lamenting his failure
"OH FUUUUUUUUUC-" but the last part was drowned out by a deafening explosion. Opening his eyes, Frodum saw the cabbage being blown apart. But then they hit the ground, and for 20 seconds, Frodum didn't see anything. When he woke up, the first thing he saw was -
"Celeborn?"
"Yes. I destroyed the Cabbage." YES! Go Elvish High Tech Destructo Eyebeams! Score!
"And now I will destroy you!" said Celeborn. Frodum jerked.
"Who, me?"
"No. Him!" Celeborn was pointing at Faramir, who had just recovered.
"Steal my part in the story, will you! I'll slay you! Slay you to death!" said the enraged elf. Somewhere, in the depths of Frodum's mind he heard a distant noise....
"......kasqueekasqueekasqueekasquee...."
*****
tired. Should I write another chapter? I dunno. Maybe. If I can find the strength. Hey review and tell me how much you love High Tech Destructo Eye Beams!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
Anyway, anyway, the 3rd chapter! In which our beloved little Frodum does stuff!
Oh yeah, thanks goes to that author Lyle, who was only happy to point out my grammatical errors so as to motivate an army to bring me down, strip me of my fame and glory and leave me to live the rest of my life as a shunned outcast! J/k XD
*****
Hey, Was a Chapter Skipped or Something?
Frodum spent the next week trying - and failing - to ignore Colonel Cheesepox's incessant chatter. That blasted stone would talk about anything, including how much its feet hurt from all the walking it wasn't doing. Frodum attempted to block the stone out of his mind by thinking longingly of his boot. This worked almost too well it seemed, because he didn't notice when Celeborn was suddenly talking to him.
"Hey! Hey listen to me you communist bastard!" said the elf. Frodum stared up at him, and started.
"HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" Said he. Celeborn winced. Obviously, Frodum was still mad about that little incident with the brass frogs and 40 tons of pencil shavings, although he still couldn't think how that had gone wrong (a/n: haha!!! Skipped a chapter!).
"Nevermind that now" he said bracingly. "Listen, I need to borrow your giant cabbage!"
Frodum stared at him until he almost set Celeborn on fire. But Frodum was no Gandalf.
"What cabbage?" he asked with narrowed eyes and a glowing stone.
"That one," replied Celeborn, pointing straight at the stone.
"This isssssn't a giant cabbage. Itssss a probably evil glowing sstone."
"No its not. Its a cabbage."
"Glowing sstone"
"giant cabbage!"
"sssstone!"
"cabbage!" with an exasperated sigh Celeborn folded his arms. "Just look already! Its a giant cabbage!"
Muttering darkly, Frodum turned and looked. And it really was a giant cabbage. He stared at it. It stared back.
And then it said "kasquee?" Frodum turned back to Faramir - Faramir?! What happened to Celeborn?
"He - er - had to leave.... called away..." said Faramir, glancing from side to side.
"Isss that a shovel?" Frodum asked, staring at his hand. The Giant Cabbage said "kasquee?" again. Faramir glanced at the shovel and threw it into a nearby bush.
"What shovel?" He said innocently, and before Frodum could speak he continued. "Now Frodum, you really should stay away from that cabbage" he said warningly.
"Why should I?" snapped Frodum.
"Kasquee?"
"Well you know... a nice little...err... thing like you, all alone.... alot of weirdoes out here... anything could happen. You gotta watch out for those cabbages."
"Faramir..."
"Yes?"
"Issss that a ssssquirrel in your pantsss?"
".....no..."
A long silence followed this last statement. It was broken by the Cabbage.
"GRRRRRRRRRR" it said. Then it started to roll. Faramir and Frodum ran away in terror.
"See! I told you they're dangerous!" said Faramir.
"Whatever!" snapped Frodum. "Get us out of here!" Behind them the giant Cabbage was going "kasqueekasqueekasqueekasquee" and they kept running. Suddenly Faramir grabbed Frodum.
"Hisss! What are you doing!" cried Frodum, as Faramir leapt high up into the air.
"Don't worry, I have a plan!" replied Faramir, while turning in mid air to face the Cabbage from above. "Hang on!"
"Fox tail inferno!!!!!" yelled Faramir. Nothing happened.
"Uh, you know Faramir, the important factor of that attack issss having a tail" said Frodum. And then gravity caught up with them and they fell, with Faramir lamenting his failure
"OH FUUUUUUUUUC-" but the last part was drowned out by a deafening explosion. Opening his eyes, Frodum saw the cabbage being blown apart. But then they hit the ground, and for 20 seconds, Frodum didn't see anything. When he woke up, the first thing he saw was -
"Celeborn?"
"Yes. I destroyed the Cabbage." YES! Go Elvish High Tech Destructo Eyebeams! Score!
"And now I will destroy you!" said Celeborn. Frodum jerked.
"Who, me?"
"No. Him!" Celeborn was pointing at Faramir, who had just recovered.
"Steal my part in the story, will you! I'll slay you! Slay you to death!" said the enraged elf. Somewhere, in the depths of Frodum's mind he heard a distant noise....
"......kasqueekasqueekasqueekasquee...."
*****
tired. Should I write another chapter? I dunno. Maybe. If I can find the strength. Hey review and tell me how much you love High Tech Destructo Eye Beams!
Disclaimer: I own nothing!