Disclaimer: I do not own any of the WK or SM characters, although touch my Aya-kun, and I'll be forced to hurt you! *giggles*
Tenshi's Notes: Minna, I'll make this as short as possible. Essentially, I've been EXTREMELY disappointed with the response for this fic. So I'm forced to do something I swore I would never do. I figure if I don't get a good 15 reviews or more for this latest chapter, I'll stop updating this fic on here. What I'm going to start doing now is for those who have been wonderfully supportive and reviewing, I'll simply send you the chapters. It's much easier that way for me, and that way I don't have to wonder if anyone cares if I update or not.
I dedicate this chapter especially to Kat-chan, my imouto-chan, who has been wonderfully supportive of this fic, and my RK projects. I also thank the reviewers who have been following, and my chans and imoutos for being there always.
Lastly, I would like to address the issue of Usagi being out of character. As I have said before, she's NOT the same Usagi we know. She has a different background, and VERY different circumstances. She's far from perfect as you will see in future chapters.
That's it really. Enjoy and ja!
Warning: This fic contains spoilers for the WK series and starts off after episode 11 or 12.
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She stood there silently, and all around her, it was as still as death. A fitting tribute given the place she was in at the moment, she was oblivious to everything but the pain resting in her heart. Clutching the flowers to her chest, she could feel the familiar burn behind her eyes as tears began to well up. She bit her lip to control the trembles as she stared with unseeing eyes, lost to the memories in her head, when she had been young and free.
The green eyes, so similar to Yohji's yet much deeper and more brilliant, had always sparked with intelligence and kindness. The passionate intensity that laced his voice made up part of why she loved him so much. He had always been there for her, no matter what happened to her. He never shunned her because of her past or her parents' mistakes. He was the one who saved her from an unspeakable hell so many years ago. His love was unconditional, an offering free for the taking. She remembered the angry, hurt child she was, and how she had been so lost. He had made her want to live again. He had given her reasons to believe.
The tears fell without warning, as they always had before whenever she thought of him. She closed her eyes, head raised up to the clouds overhead that had blocked out the sunshine as if in respect to her current mood. Every act of generosity he had shown her, every ounce of love he had given her was all taken away so cruelly from her. One moment in time was all it had took.
Her legs had been rooted to the ground, shock freezing every muscle in place and she had just watched helplessly. She couldn't even yell or scream for him to get out of the way. The men had descended upon them so unexpectedly and even his own bodyguards couldn't react in time. She had stood there, an observer to the harsh shouts and blood that splattered all over. The assassins were merciless, deadened eyes with no hint of mercy. She could still feel the sounds lodged in her throat as she struggled to scream, to move, anything so that he wouldn't be taken away from her. Not him. Not when she had loved him so much.
Panic had set in, freeing the bounds of paralysis that had kept her in place as she burst forth, the sounds coming too late. All she had seen was the despair, the pain, and the regret, moments before those forest green eyes would never see again, her name a jumbled gurgle in his throat as his body tumbled lifelessly to the ground. It was a scene she had lived with, and remained forever ingrained in her mind.
Then, they had seen her.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to remember, yet helpless to the strings that tugged at her memory vaults. She didn't remember much truthfully. She had essentially died when he had. A part of her was forever lost that day. Her screams, those damnable sounds was all that she had left of her. Those shrill cries were more from her loss than of any pain inflicted on her. This was her guilt, her penance. This was what she had to carry for all eternity for what she had failed to do.
As much as the pain burned within, from the embers grew another more powerful flame. The urge for vengeance upon the very man who had hired the assassins. When she was through with them, only then would she allow the pain to consume her fully. She had wanted to die when she had finally woken up. The doctors had told her she had been unconscious for several months, and she had nearly withered away. She had no reason for living. Not anymore. Not without him.
The breeze stirred sending the scent of the gentians in her arms wafting up to her nose. She opened her eyes once again, and for a moment, her world was in chaos. In between memories and reality, there lay a chasm that she had been trapped in. Between reality and sleep, she had lain there comatose, with no one there to awaken her. But someone had been there. The warm touch of consciousness had beckoned her, just as the cruel grasp snatched her right back. Back and forth it went, she a not-so-innocent bystander, a victim of destiny and of her own making. In that dreary world, she could pretend that everything was okay, that she had him with her.
Never again would she feel as safe as she did, not without him.
The eyes called out to her, and she had been helpless to its lure. Live for yourself, a voice had whispered from the light, invisible hands reaching for her, bringing her into the world of the living. In the undead world of her mind, she had resurfaced with only one burning thought in her mind.
For you. For your memory. For everything you've done for me…
Never would she hear his laughter, feel his compassion, or share each other's lives. Never would she be able to thank him for everything he had done for her. For saving a child that had meant almost nothing to him, with little else but the slightest of bloodlines to bind them together. For showing a child that love existed beyond being used as a pawn between her parents.
Laying the flowers down gently on the ground, she lay her head against the cold tombstone, the temperature and feel so similar to the one in her heart.
Tsukino Motoki
April 5, 1971 – June 30, 1999
Brother of my heart
Where you will forever remain, never forgotten.
The tears trickled down, unheeded by the cold marble, left to be absorbed by the equally hard, unfeeling ground.
From behind her, a man watched silently, feeling uncomfortable for intruding such a private moment as this. But he had been a slave to his emotions for one moment, just as she had been to hers.
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He lost track of time, from the moment when his life had ceased being his to the man he was today. Vivid memories of a beautiful woman spun through his mind, and he stamped them down, refusing to let them interrupt his chain of thoughts. Something unexpected had occurred. An unknown factor in his equation had turned up, and fallen onto his lap. He remembered the girl confronting him, with eyes so much like the ones he saw so often.
"Takatori Shuuichi," she had announced, swirling around in his chair as he had entered his office.
"Nani!?" His hand twitched towards the gun he had in his jacket.
"I wouldn't try if I were you," she had said flatly, the coldness in her eyes contrasting starkly against her beauty
"What do you want?" he had demanded.
"I want Reiji. And I'm going to get him through you."
That had definitely been unexpected, and he was a man not given to surprises. She had appeared suddenly upon the scene after being dormant for so long. After she had told him her story, he had asked for the reason why.
"I needed to train. I know Weiss is the best out there, and I know they want him as badly as I do. They will help me meet my needs, and I will kill him with my own hands."
"You sound as if you're more than capable of performing the task yourself. Finding out my identities as well as my connections can't have been easy."
"Everything leaves a trail," she had said harshly. "Blood never erases clean does it?"
"Why do you want to join them? Don't you already know who they are by now?"
She had shaken her head, and stood up slowly. His gaze was drawn to her stature. Even her carriage radiated her pain.
"Iie. That's their business. I just need them to get me there. I'll take care of the rest from there on."
"They won't like it," he had replied cautiously.
"They have no choice because they will listen to you."
"I still don't understand."
"I have no wish to get more blood than is necessary on my hands." Her eyes had been steely, unwavering in her beliefs.
"A strange comment for an assassin, don't you think?"
An odd gleam had appeared in her eyes, grabbing at him, the familiarity in the gaze holding no lies to the story he had just heard.
"I never said I was one, did I?"
She had pried open the vent above his office, and swung herself through effortlessly.
"I'm sorry for your loss little one…" His whisper had gone by unnoticed though he could've sworn he heard a noise from the ducts above.
Clearing his thoughts of her visit yesterday, he made a decision.
"Manx, I need you to get some information for me."
Damnit Reiji. All your bastards are crawling out of the woodwork.
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The wind held no power over her. Up here on the hilltop she could feel so free, unrestrained by her burdens on life. She had found this area not too long ago, after Motoki had been killed. She could find solace in the hidden recesses of the forest, protected by the trees and enveloped by the slightly chilled breeze coming in from the sea. She felt so lost and so alone, though she sensed that she wasn't for long.
"Come out, you coward," she called out wearily. She was so tired. She didn't hate the intrusion, not from him. Perhaps he could explain his behaviour and his attitude from this morning.
She heard the soft footsteps far earlier than most normal people would catch on. Then again, she wasn't "most people". She wondered when her life had spiraled towards chaos and when she had lost control.
"You knew I was following you."
It was more of a statement, rather than a question, delivered with grudging admiration. She rather thought that it would've pained him to say such a thing. She could almost hear him grit his teeth, but she was probably being fanciful.
"Yet you allowed me to."
She did, and she didn't know why. In the dead matter that had once been her heart, somehow, life had begun appearing again when she first saw him. There was something she hadn't been able to control, drawing her helplessly. It was ironic. As much as she hated it, it was the very thing she sought. Yin and Yang.
"Why didn't you just tell us?"
She didn't want to answer. The questions were impertinent, and none of his concern. Again, she was brought back to their every meeting, and how she had wished she could say something. Strange that he was the one now pushing for answers.
"I know damn well you're not mute."
Her head spun around, and something within her snapped. Eyes blazing, she said with the coldest tone of voice she had ever used, "It's none of your damned business." She could feel the fury emanating from depths she thought long buried, rising to confront this arrogant jerk who had intruded on her privacy and now dared to ask her questions about it.
She didn't want to feel this way. Not for one moment. Not today. It was her special day with him.
The words came upon her in a rush as the memories struck against her like a tidal wave.
"He used to take me out for ice cream." She closed her eyes, remembering how happy she was, letting the sensations wash over. This time, the emotions didn't drown her. "He would hold on to my hand, and I would skip along, begging him to walk faster." She smiled tenderly as if lost in the scenes of the past. "He would always laugh, and the sound would just make me want to laugh too. He told me that for such little legs, he never understood why I always outran him for ice cream."
The thoughts… they were so personal, yet he could see the joy lighting up her face as she remembered. For one so afraid of emotions and feelings, he was strangely willing to listen. For her, he would try.
"He was so upset the first time I fell down and skinned my knees. I was wearing my favourite sun dress. It was yellow with flowers all over it. I felt so pretty and I had been running ahead of him. I was maybe six at the time, not too long after he took me in." Her smile turned into a frown abruptly. "It hurt so badly, with blood everywhere, staining my dress. He just stared at me confused, and he pulled his hair in frustration. That was when I forgot the pain and started laughing because he looked so funny."
Her saviour. The man in question was her saviour. He had rescued her from something that Aya knew he would never get answers about. Not yet at least.
"I remembered as a child, he would tell me about love, and how incredible it would be. He was there when I fell in love for the very first time, or I believed I did at the time. And he was there to catch me when my heart broke for it wasn't truly love. How I cried like a baby, and how he bore it I don't know. He just let me sob like I was five, deprived of ice cream, wetting his nice white shirt."
Her balance. Her stepping stone. That man had guided her through it all.
"It had been my birthday that day. Motoki just told me to chin up, because it was my sweet sixteen. He told me I was so pretty I would knock everyone's socks off and I would find a better man, a man worthy of my love."
Gods. No. He didn't want to think it. Her own story held such similar overtones to his and he found himself holding his breath, not daring to believe.
"A restaurant. Filled with bright sparkling lights. He had made me wear this dress he had gotten me." Her eyes closed again, visualising the scene that had played countless of times in her mind. "The food was wonderful, and Motoki told me I was going to make him broke from the amount I ate." She laughed lightly, the edge of pain already present.
He wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the rest of it, because he believed he knew. And her words confirmed his worst thoughts.
"Motoki…" she breathed, her eyes glazing over as her memories completely devoured her.
He had presented a locket to her, a beautiful silver star that she had stared at in awe. She had completely forgotten about the heartache of earlier as she touched it gingerly. He had laughed at her slack-jawed expression and the wonderment that shone from her beguiling eyes.
"Turn it around, Usagi," he had requested softly.
Her fingers trembling, she had felt the rough edges on the back of the locket before turning it around slowly.
To my dear imouto-chan. May the rest of your life bless you with the sam happiness you have brought into mine. Love always, Toki-nii.
He had secured the clasp for her, and she had flitted her hand up to touch at it in disbelief.
"It's so beautiful, Toki-nii. Where did you find it?"
"It's a secret," he had answered back with twinkling green eyes. "Come. Let's take you home before midnight ne? Birthday or not, you still have to go to school."
He had laughed at her protests and her groans and led her to the car. That was when all her nightmares had begun.
What she had never told anyone was the strange chill of apprehension that had crept up her spine just before the four shadows had descended upon them.
She was being shaken abruptly, her tumultuous senses snapping to the time present. The shakes took over without warning, and she would've collapsed to the ground if Ran hadn't had caught her. He tried to set her to the ground gently, but she only pushed him aside as she hunched over, struggling to catch her breath. She could feel the tears welling in her eyes once again, as the vortex of emotions churned within.
"Daijoubu ka??? USAGI???"
She could hear him yelling but she couldn't answer, not till she had at least regained some semblance of control. She had revisited every heart-wrenching moment, along with the truths she hadn't wanted to see. She wanted so desperately to be normal, and she had denied that which lived within her for so long. The simple fact was that she wasn't just an ordinary eighteen year-old. She possessed secrets and abilities that nobody could fathom. When her mind was overwhelmed just like it had been a few minutes ago or two years ago, it just seemed to overtake her.
"Usagi!! Answer me, damnit!!"
She swallowed past the lump caught in her throat and stared at him wordlessly. Desperation shone from his face, along with a strange emotion she couldn't quite put her fingers on. She nodded, the only action she was capable of. Relief flooded his eyes as he laid strangely gentle hands upon her back. The soothing motion seemed to calm her nerves as everything fell back into place. Dragging puffs of precious oxygen into her deprived lungs, she sat down abruptly, taking deep breaths to settle herself. And he remained with her, looking a bit awkward and unsure of himself, but he had stayed.
Time passed and she couldn't help but look at him curiously.
"Doushite? Why aren't you asking what's wrong with me?"
He shrugged nonchalantly. "I figured if you wanted me to know, you'd tell me."
"Didn't seem to stop you before," she retorted before wishing she had bit her tongue at the words. He merely raised an eyebrow at her, as if she were some disobedient child.
She seethed before realising what he had just done. For one brief moment, his behaviour had reminded her of Motoki. Her mind whirled about, cloudy mists fogging her ability to see what was in front of her. Could she have been mistaken about this? Iie. They were never wrong. This man was her destiny. She knew it.
Hesitation sank in for the very first time, mingled with the sharp taste of uncertainty. All she knew was that the four men she had met this afternoon would never hurt her, especially the one who stood in front of her. And she could've been seeing things, but she swore she saw those glacial purple eyes thaw just a little bit.
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Tenshi's blurb: Look, no cliffie either! More plot twists to come!