Chapter Four
"So?"
"So what?"
I scowled at him, crumpling the brown tissue in my hand. "I mean, 'so what do you want to ask me?' I can't stay long here; I live clear across town. You better state why you whisked me away to Manhattan at this ungodly hour in ten words or less."
He sighed, twitching under my gaze. "I wanted to ask you about... you."
I raised my eyebrow in curiosity. "Me? Why the hell would you care about me?" I started ripping the paper into miniscule shreds. "Don't tell me. All this time you've been missing, you've decided to become a better and warmer person, all the while maintaining a high-paying job and a gaggle of girlfriends?" I meant to be really irritating so that I could go home and forget this whole thing ever happened.
Why?
Why?!
I didn't need this! I wanted to die a measly and quiet death in my dark and contaminated little hellhole. Not to think that somewhere in this city, Tokiya may be puttering around his office, settling cases here and there (knowing his logic and strategy, he chose a good career) or dating young American women whose idea of revealing their depths of knowledge was lowering their cleavage.
That might have sounded shallow, but hey! I worked at a bar and my exposure was very limited. I even did that myself, but I only did it for profit, not pleasure. That Victoria Alexander sounded just like she fitted perfectly in that category.
Did I sound jealous? I hated to admit it, but I did. A little. When Tokiya left, I was probably the most affected and definitely the most worried. Sure, I had affinities for all my teammates during the UBS, because of all the things we faced together. But no one knew, and no one ever will know, that I had a certain affinity for a particular Ensui-wielding young man.
Dammit, do I have to spell it out!?
I liked him.
Just that. Plain and simple. No, I wasn't in love with him. Curse the mere thought. I think it's obvious that I'm not the damsel-in-distress type who fell in love, swooning, with the perfect prince. It was too cliché for me anyway. Besides, he wasn't perfect. In the first place, the bastard never really opened up to any of us. Falling in love was a big issue for me. As far as I was concerned, I was never in love. Sure, I had a few infatuations here and there, and Tokiya was one of them.
If you were a normal girl, you would understand why I developed an attraction to Tokiya. Hell, you could be a man and you'd still understand! I mean, his chiseled Adonis looks and feminine grace were so pleasing to look at that it almost made up for his asshole attitude. I'll bet a hundred dollars that Recca felt threatened by Tokiya's looks. I'll bet even more that Yanagi took a second look at Tokiya.
The main reason, though, why I liked Tokiya was all because of my curious nature. I made it a personal mission to make Tokiya come out of his shell. I decided that it was too unhealthy for him to be in that way. So after the UBS, I had coaxed him gently and not-so-gently out of his shell. In the midst of all those days I spent pestering him, I felt this little tug in my chest. Whenever I was near him, I tended to go slightly red.
I really thought I could to do it. I really believed that Tokiya could open up to us and change. After I told him about a joke about a chicken's other name, I thought I saw his mouth tug up a little.
My heart leapt then. It was the closest thing to a smile that I had ever seen. I saw my mission coming to a close. I had been so triumphant that I was foolish enough to think that after he was healed and happy, I could tell him that I had liked him.
Ha! Bully for me.
He left two days after the chicken joke, and I was devastated. After all that time... he was really thinking about leaving. He didn't even say goodbye. He was never healing. That small grin wasn't probably even a grin. He was probably mocking me for my childish stupidity. He probably thought I was so stupid thinking that he might actually become a friend.
He probably never even got the joke!
That devastation turned to fury, and that fury fueled my desire to leave everything behind me. I had fooled myself so long ago that it was just a small need when now I knew. It was because I had failed. Laugh all you want. I know you think I'm stupid for throwing my life away because a guy didn't like me back. It wasn't just that.
After he left, I had no one to stay with. Ganko and Kaoru were now like brother and sister. Recca and Yanagi had just gotten engaged. Domon met Minato and had fallen head-over-heels with her. Sure, we were still close, but whenever I was around them... they formed their little pairings and I sat in the corner brooding, alone. They never even realized that they were alienating me. And that hurt.
It took me awhile to realize this. After six months, I just packed up and left. But even though I was hurting, I had to say goodbye. I didn't want to repeat Tokiya's mistakes.
And now... seeing him now all happy and smiley made me feel somewhat aggravated. I wanted to scream and shout at him for making me feel that emptiness and inadequacy. But that wasn't the right thing to do. He didn't know what I had gone through after he left, so I really shouldn't blame him. I wanted to though.
He raised his eyebrows, "Is that so hard to believe? Apart from the girlfriends comment, yes, that's precisely what I think you ought to think what happened." Then he laughed, a rich, deep rumble that erupted from his throat. "Look, we've barely seen each other for an hour and already we're fighting."
I muttered darkly, "I didn't start it."
"You really haven't changed Fuuko. Still as smart and sassy as ever."
"And you, dearest Mi-chan," I simpered, blinking my eyes falsely, "You are still the terrified little rabbit who couldn't face the consequences of his actions." My eyes hardened. "This talk is over. I need to go. I still have to work to support myself, unlike you." My hands gripped the table to stand but Tokiya reached out and enfolded my hand in his.
"Fuuko, please. Let's be civil and talk," he pleaded, his cerulean eyes shining with sincerity. "I know you are angry. I understand why. I would be angry if I were you too. But I had issues Fuuko, and I couldn't stay. I'm sorry if I didn't say goodbye, but... please?"
Was he playing again? Or was he actually making an attempt to reconcile his friendship with me? If I accepted, would he leave me again? Once was enough. If he did it again I would have surely broken. I stared hard into his eyes. "On one condition."
He sighed and retracted his hand. Strangely, my hand felt cold without it. I shook the feeling off. "What is it?" he asked carefully. He glanced tentatively into my eyes, and shades of blue battled against each other.
"Tell me this. What was a chicken's
other name?"