Soledad
In the world you've left behind
If only you can hear my heart
Just one more time
A man in his late 30s sat at the corner of his room, arms wrapped around himself, seemingly a frail child. His blond hair was wild, tears kept flowing in an endless torrent as his sobs filled the silent room.
"Why did you leave me?" he whispered. "We could had have so much ..."
It's too late now.
Isn't more than 20 years enough? Isn't it sufficient to extinguish the flame within, a raging blaze kindled by your touch, your sweet caresses, by your mere presence?
"Why did you marry her?"
It still hurt. I still hurt. He hugged himself tight. Everything was beyond redemption. Nothing that had happened could be undone.
A part of me died too, that night, with you.
There's an image of your face
And once again I come to realize
You're a loss I can't replace
He closed his eyes painfully, leaning on the oak desk behind him, his rocking ceasing. Almost immediately, his mind was assaulted with eyes, framed with clear glass, of the warmest brown, smooth honey-colored skin, untidily tousled sable tresses ... his lips were smiling in unhindered joy. His voice would beckon him, 'Lucius ...'
Only in my dreams, where I can see you, where we can be together. When slumber creeps, at the hours of the night, conscious subjecting ... that would only be the time that I can see you smile, directed to me, again.
You have the single worthy place in my heart where no one can delve into, for no one can compare to you. The heat that consumed, consumes, me, only you can quench; the thirst I have for you was unsatable.
Marriage had done nothing for me, especially having been born with an heir. I could not stop from thinking that you might also have a son, of your likeness ... do you realize how hard it was for me when you left me? Your death would not let any pacification deem my soul. It only intensified my hunger for you.
I feel guilty for my family. And still, even with work delaying the overwhelming emotions, nothing could take your place.
"Sorry ... I'm sorry ..."
Since the day that you were gone
Whu did you leave me? Soledad
In my heart you are the only
And you're memory lives on
Why did you leave me? Soledad
Loneliness. It leaves me empty, though it fills my every being. Do you still remember that day ... of course you do. I only wish you remember it with the same sentiments that I have. A wonderful autumn afternoon, it was.
He smiled at the thought, albeit grimly, clenched fists digging in his sides as he rocked himself slowly.
Hah. Your wedding day. I approached you, didn't I? You looked so happy, the way your face radiated with light from within ... Love. For someone else ... I couldn't bear to approach you ...
Fingernails drew cresent marks, then a trickle of blood, which seeped through the fingers, staining his flaxen skin.
I finally managed to drag you away from Lupin, Black, and Pettigrew. You look so flustered. I finally proved that you were right that time you said goodbye. It wouldn't be easy for you, as it had been with me.
I've been nice on the both of us, if you get my meaning. I just asked for one last kiss. You said that we won't be able to break off if we did, jokingly, but frighteningly serious were your eyes. However, I was an ass. I grabbed you and I kissed you. You kissed me back, and your last farewell was uttered in that kiss ...
But now...
Tears leaked through the closed lids.
Where our love was young and free
Can't believe just what an empty place
It is cut to be
His life is meaningless without him; a repeatitive routine, wearying, without a cause.
Hogwarts was the only place where he had achieved fullfilment of the body, as well as of the soul. It's halls witnessed the looks exchanged, caresses returned, retorts verbalized, intimacies shared. Those solitary nights they have, in each other's arms they spent ...
The memories lashed out, and the blond man relished them. It was useless; they were never to happen again. James was dead. Dead, for fifteen years now.
It had been his Master who took his life.
If it could only be the same
'Coz I couldn't still the voice inside of me
That is calling out your name
But as always, the guilt was there, so was the love, enough to overwhelm the selfish whims ...
If only I can turn back time ... back to when it was just you and I ... our youth at Hogwarts ... when the evil had not tainted us and our love was unhindered ...
I don't know if you were aware ... I became a Death Eater by my own will, just to spite you. Just like my marriage with Narcissa.
He burried his face in his hands. He burnt with shame as he never did before.
The nights killed, James. There was not a night that passed that I haven't called her by your name. Our honeymoon, James. I called her 'James' when I was supposed to tell her that I love her. That I finally got over you.
Damn you, James Potter.
Since the day that you were gone
Whu did you leave me? Soledad
In my heart you are the only
And you're memory lives on
Why did you leave me? Soledad
He staggered forward on the rich Persian carpet, clutching the soft fibers in his lean fingers, kneeling. Plain torture, it was, loving each other.
I knew how hard it was when you married Lily Evans, when she became one with you.
The day when the scent of peach blossoms filled the air.
Underneath the golden falling foliage of the surrounding maples and oaks, we were talking, I remember it too well. "James, I lov --"
"I know, Lucius. I feel the same way. It's just that ... we've talked about this before, haven't we? I'm just ... really really sorry --"
"Don't be. What's important is that your happy. I hope she knows how lucky she is by having you ..."
"Shh ..." You touch my cheek softly, assuring me.
I cup your face. "Kiss me, just this last time. Please."
And you did.
It did nothing to change the fact that you were leaving me.
And after all, we're meant to be
Love will bring us back to you and me
If only you can see
He would never hear it uttered again by the person that meant everything to him.
"You're a Malfoy. A Slytherin. Who am I to you? An enemy, a Gryffindor, despised."
I was about to protest then, when you silenced me.
"We're a mismatched pair, I know that. Destiny brought us together, we love each other. That's enough for me, Lucius."
Dead. They can never be together now. All because of his name, his heritage, his father. All because of his Lord.
"We'll have kids, too, someday, Lucius. I certainly can assure you that they'd be a personified rivalry of Gryffindor and Slytherin."
"Just like us." And how true was it.
He saw it too. He did never love Lily as much as she deserves, for James's heart was with another, of another's. I love you came too late.
Since the day that you were gone
Whu did you leave me? Soledad
In my heart you are the only
And you're memory lives on
Why did you leave me? Soledad
I know I could have done something that Halloween night, fifteen years ago. I tried to resist my Master but I failed completely ...
Nothing had changed. I still love you.
I'm grateful for everything that ... for just everything.
Face blank, wiped clean of emotion, Lucius Malfoy choked back the last of his sobs.
The time will come. And he will be ready for it.
"Draco?" Harry Potter murmured in through their kiss. Opening his eyes, Draco Malfoy drew back a little, and gazed at back at a pair of sincere verdant spheres.
"I'm never going to let you go."
He smiled, a true smile.
"Brainless git," he drawled. He waved his hand elegantly, indicating the intertwined naked bodies, with a slight sheen of sweat, amidst the clutter of pillows and sheets. They were at Draco's room at the Malfoy Manor*, having some good quality time together. "I think we'd be stuck in this position forever."
Harry snorted. "Yeah, well, as if you don't like it."
Draco smirked. "My point, exactly." He cuddled close then whispered, "Love you, baby."
"Oh, really?" He received a slap on the hip. "Hey!"
Impish grin. "My, my, Harry, I always knew you were some kinda masochist. Why feint?"
"Oh, yeah, I'm really in for a round of spanking." He grinned, then after a few minutes of silence was replaced by a grim expression.
"You're father. He doesn't want us to be together, doesn't he?"
Draco's silver eyes flashed. "I'm not a prat enough to remain oblivious, Potter," he snapped. Setting his chin (very like Hermione) determinedly, "I don't give a fucking damn. I'm going to get my way this time. I want you, I love you and they can't do shit about it."
"Bratty, are we?" Harry commented, drawing a languid finger along Draco's spine, bringing them closer. "Shh ... don't worry."
Words dying in his throat, Draco was kissed by Harry thoroughly, almost suffocatingly. The kiss wasn't a fight of dominance, nor of intense passion. It was langorous, as if both were laying claim on each other, as they moaned in abandonment.
When they pulled away at last, the blond young man sniggered.
"Imagine Father's face when he sees the Great Harry Potter on his son's bed ... the Boy Who Lived that was --"
He never got to finsh the thought since Harry kissed him again, longer than the last.
They didn't even notice that there was a poor soul who saw the whole scene. And it was not Lucius Malfoy.
Tears brimmed her ice blue eyes. "Take care of my son, Harry Potter," Narcissa Malfoy whispered softly.
Owari!!! 10:52 PM 02/07/2002