Realization, a card captor sakura fanfic

Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura is not mine... I wish it were, though...

I wrote this before I watched the ending of the series. So if it's a little off track, forgive me. Please R and R! This is my first CCS fanfic.

Realization

(Yeah, I know, lousy title...)

It was just another ordinary day. Nothing seemed out of place. Nothing, except myself.

It would be summer vacation soon. Just thinking about the cool waters that would soon envelop my body made me feel a bit better. Only a bit better.

"Sakura! Sakura! Wait up!"

I had been too engrossed in walking that I didn't realize that someone was calling me. I've been like this lately. This feeling is strange to me.

"Sakura! Would you look this way please!"

It was my best friend Tomoyo. Seeing her somehow brings me to deeper depression. It's not like this most of the time.

"Sakura, what's the matter with you?"

I could only smile and shake my head. After all, there is nothing wrong with me anyway. Or is there?

"Wanna go to the beach later this weekend? Come on, everyone's going to be there! Shaoran and Meilin are going too! If you want, you can bring Touya and your dad as well!"

"Yes, I'd like that", I said.

Yes, I would do anything to go back to the way things were.

It has been so long since I've been with Yukito. Seven years. Seven whole years. I know I just couldn't go back to the way I was. I can't just call Yukito anytime now. I was too old, it would be too brazen, it would be disgraceful. I know Touya would be ashamed of me.

My brother's best friend. The one I desire the most. Why is it that the best things are always the ones out of reach?

But Tomoyo's suggestion sparked an idea. Maybe, just maybe, it would work.

Dear Diary,

After such a long time of not thinking about Yukito, i was suddenly reminded of him again. Why now, after such a long period of time? The feeling is intense, like an arrow shot through my heart. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this. I have better things to think about. The clow cards aren't even all gathered yet. After seven long years, still, it's still been the same old story.

Ring ring ring

I just let the phone ring. Until finally someone answered it. Thank God for extension phones.

"Sakura, it's for you! Sakura, would you PLEASE pick up the phone!"

"Sorry Touya! I'll get it!"

Damn! What lousy timing! Just when I was in the middle of deep thinking!

"Hello Sakura?"

Great. Just what I needed. Another distraction.

"Hello Shaoran. What's up?"

"Just wanted to know if you could come with us to the beach this weekend. I'll give you a ride if you want!"

"Aren't you going with Meilin? She'll throw a fit if she knew."

"Then let her! I don't care!"

"All right, I'll be there. What time?"

"Nine AM, okay?"

"Okay!"

Hmm. Might as well have some fun. After all, I won't be seventeen forever.

At last we arrive at our destination. The warm sun, the warm wind, the ocean waves, the powdery sand. It was heaven on earth. At least, it was for me.

"Hey guys!"

Everyone was there, just as Tomoyo said. I can't believe we're all here. Tomoyo, Shaoran, Meilin, my other classmates. Who wouldn't have fun with them?

So much have changed. Meilin is no longer the bratty girl I once knew. Tomoyo, she's grown so pretty. And Shaoran...

I can't say anything about Shaoran, except that he's never changed after all these years. Okay, he did grow to about six feet tall. Maybe it's because I took him for granted so much. I didn't realize that at all.

He smiled at me. I can't believe it. He did change after all. His hair was now long and wavy, perfect for running my fingers over it...

What am I thinking? This is Shaoran after all! Ugh!

"Guys, I'm going off by myself for a while, ok?"

I really need some time off for myself.

I wandered to the far end of the beach. I could only reminisce about the old times. The city riddle contest. The carnival. The way he held my hand. What a shame that I could not reminisce about how he kissed me. He never did anyway.

"Sakura! Sakura!"

That voice, it sounded so familiar... I heard it so many times in my head. I turned around.

"Sakura, is that really you? I can't believe it, it's been so long!"

"Yukito! So you came back after all!"

Seven long years. And now he's back again. He's a bit older, but so am I. He still has the same glasses, the same build. He's the same Yukito that I knew so well!

Tears streamed from my eyes. I lost a part of me and then I found it again. After such a long time, I was whole again.

"Don't cry, Sakura... everything's all right, I promise..."

I looked up, and saw the care in his eyes. Did he mind the ten-year gap? I could only hope against hope, and did the only thing that I could think of.

After all these years of holding back, I finally had the guts to do it.

I kissed him.

And to my surprise, he kissed me back.

"Sakura, you have no idea how long I've waited for this moment"

"Yukito-san, I've waited for something like this forever"

At last, I finally reclaimed that lost part of myself. I could only sigh at the indescribable emotions I was feeling at that time. I was lost in the rush.

Everything else was blocked out. I could only sense the passion ignited between us. When you've been holding on for so long, and to finally be reunited with the one you've been longing for all these years.

"Sakura"

"Shh, Yukito, don't speak anymore."

Suddenly, I was no longer in control of myself. It was as though his body and mine moved by themselves.

Until...

"Sakura! Sakura, are you all right?"

It was only a dream, then.

"Sakura, we were so worried about you! You suddenly fainted while you were walking. You mustn't be too hard on yourself!"

Tears streamed down my eyes. It couldn't be, it was so real. It tore me apart, and made me sink into an even deeper depression than what I had before today. This day...

"I'm all right, Shaoran, it's ok, I guess I was just tired."

Yukito is still in the States. And I'm still stuck here.

At least for a few moments I was reunited with the love of my life. Suddenly, it felt as though my world broke apart again.

Dear Diary,

I dreamt of Yukito today. It was so vivid, it felt so real. I could almost feel his warm embrace, his tender kiss... It's just that it was only a dream...

Why is it that the ones you love never come your way? And the people you don't care about are the ones who bother to care for you?

Knock Knock Knock

I wanted to scream, to tell the world that I don't care for anyone knocking at my door. But it was insistent.

"Who is it?"

"Hey Sakura, you've got a visitor!"

"Touya, tell him or her I'm sick." I couldn't care less.

"Sakura, it's Yukito."

Am I dreaming?

"Come down, Sakura, Yukito wants to see you!"

Faster than a speeding bullet I ran down and almost tripped on the stairs. But guess who was there to catch me.

"Sakura!"

"Yukito! It's been such a long time!"

It's as though I've seen a ghost. Is it finally real this time?

"Sakura, Yukito wants to visit the places he haven't been in since seven years ago. Would you mind taking him there? I still have work to do."

The perfect opportunity. Has it come at last?

I look at Yukito, his smiling face. Just like in my dream.

"Well Sakura, shall we go?"

I smile at him, and he offered his hand like he used to. Just like old times, I put my hand in his and walked with him out the door.

"Bye Touya!"

So I gave him a "return-home-tour" in the place I called home.

"It's good to see you again, Sakura"

If he only knew how good it is for me to see him again too.

"Likewise, Yukito"

"You've grown so much, Sakura. How long has it been?"

Seven years.

"Seven years, Yukito."

I couldn't take it anymore. I turned and hugged him.

But he seemed surprised by the whole thing. Totally unlike my dream.

"Sakura, why..."

"Yukito, I've waited so long to tell you this... I love you.."

And the world stopped in that moment. I could hear the beat of his heart. His heart, the heart that should belong to me...

"I love you too Sakura"

Say that again?

I stared at his glass-rimmed eyes, and closed mine.

I only felt the warm embrace of the man that I've always loved.

"Do you mean it?"

"Have I ever lied to you, Sakura"?

Yes you have, Yukito. You said that you won't leave me, but you did.

"Yukito, I..."

"Shhh, no words now, Sakura"

And then this time, he leant in for a kiss.

I could swear the whole world stood still in that moment of time. It's too much, what if I wake up again?

If this was a dream, then I don't want to wake up any more.

It wasn't. Everything was real. Yukito is really here. And he really said that he loved me. That is the only thing that mattered. Let the whole world crumble to pieces. I don't care at all. There is only Yukito and I.

"Sakura, I've waited so long for you. At last..."

But he lied to me before. Would he lie to me again?

I don't care. After all, I loved him and he loved me. Wasn't it all that mattered?

I'm home again.

Surprisingly, I'm even more confused than I was before.

Wasn't I supposed to be happy now? Now that the love of my life is finally back and has confessed his feelings for me too?

Wasn't everything supposed to be perfect?

Suddenly, I felt the need to talk to Shaoran.

Ring Ring Ring

Somebody answer the phone please...

"Hello?"

"Sakura, what a pleasant surprise!"

"Shaoran, is it okay if we go out for a walk today?"

And so we made our way towards the beach. The only place that could pacify me.

"Ahh... This is the best place on earth! Wouldn't you agree, Sakura?"

I smile. How right he was. This is my paradise.

"Yes, you're right Shaoran."

I swam in the deep blue water. The waters have a fine way of soothing me. Strange that this was one of the elements of the clow cards. That was so long ago. Seven years ago.

How come the clow cards aren't all collected yet?

I could see Shaoran frolicking along the shore. He never liked the deep end of the beach.

All of a sudden, I felt something stir within me.

Such a familiar feeling. When had I felt this way before?

"Sakura, I feel something!"

Could it be?

"Could it be clow cards, Shaoran?"

"Yes, it must be! Remember that we haven't sealed all of them yet?"

"But I haven't felt one in seven years!"

At that moment, it felt as though all the sealed memories I had came rushing in. How strange. Why here? Why now?

"Shaoran, could we still do it? Without our weapons?"

"We have to try! We are sworn to do it!"

Sure enough, I could feel the presence of clow cards. But from where it emanates, I could not be sure.

The only thing that had made an appearance suddenly within the last seven

years was...

"Sakura! I had no idea that you were here!"

My mind froze. Could he have something to do with all of this?

"Yukito, what are you doing here?"

He seemed so innocent, so sweet. So impossible to connect with clow cards.

But he was too intelligent to not know. Maybe the reason for his disappearance was...

"I came here to look for you."

My mind became cloudy again. It was night, all of a sudden.

I remember the warning my teacher gave to me.

It just so happened that the moon was full that night.

"Yukito, you..."

His smiling face, his gentle face, seemed to do no wrong.

Seemed to know no wrong.

But something was terribly amiss.

And then all of a sudden...

"Look out Sakura!"

"Huh?"

I could only shake my head in confusion of the events. Shaoran was screaming his head off in trying to warn me. But the only thing I could do was...

Blag.

I fainted again. And I had a strange dream again.

"Sakura, don't ever leave my side again, understood?"

"Yes, Yukito, whatever you say..."

That dream vision ended in another kiss.

I can't shake my gut feeling. Something is definitely wrong. But what could it be? Is it possible that I still do not understand anything?

I wake up again. And to my shock, I saw Shaoran lying on the ground.

Where was Yukito?

"Shaoran, open your eyes! Shaoran!"

I felt as though my world crumbled again.

"Shaoran, please!"

I never realized he meant so much to me.

"Uhhh... Where am I?"

I vowed from that moment that I would never take him for granted again.

After I finally got Shaoran to wake up, I brought him to my place to rest. His parents were out of the country, and there was no one to tend to him. No one but me.

"Dad, Touya, could Shaoran stay for the night?"

Puzzled looks met me.

"He was injured today and no one could look after him."

I put on my best smile.

Finally, they consented.

That night, I dreamt of Cerberus. After such a long time, I saw him again.

"You are in trouble, Sakura."

"Why, Cerberus? Why now after all these years?"

"You have to seal the last card left."

"The last card?"

"Yes, the one that has returned."

I woke up with a start. I tried to sleep, to learn more, but Hypnos would not visit me again.

I was haunted, with a strange event that had to do with the past.

That moment, I felt like I was ten again.

Cerberus, please come to me.

So many signs have passed me. So many symbols, which I could not understand. But I have to. For the sake of my sanity, at the very least.

Another night, another full moon.

Somehow, the moon wielded such a strong power over me.

Somehow, the moon was like Yukito.

"Yue, bring her to me."

"Yes, master, I will do as you say."

"Time is running out, Yue, you must do so as soon as possible. It won't be long until she learns of this."

Why do I keep having these dreams? And who was Yue, anyway?

His resemblance to Yukito was amazing.

Is it merely a coincidence?

But there is no such thing as coincidence...

Later, Yukito asked me to go out with him that night.

Another full-moon night.

Somehow, this thought unnerves me.

I was contemplating on the events that happened to me these past few days.

"Sakura-chan...."

"Yukito?"

And then suddenly, the moon began to fade.

And right then and there, Yukito began to fade...

"Yukito, what's happeni..."

I never finished what I wanted to say.

I could only see his total transformation.

Whoosh

I could hear wings flapping in the still summer air.

Wings that suddenly shot out of Yukito's back.

Suddenly, he wasn't Yukito anymore.

"Sakura..."

Could it be?

"Sakura..."

His voice had an odd, trance-like quality.

And then I realized that I have heard that voice before.

"Yue.."

Finally, I meet him face to face. Yue, the man haunting my dreams. Yue, was he the one who existed all along?

"Sakura! Take care of yourself!"

I just remembered what Cerberus said at that moment.

"The one who had returned..."

I knew then I had to seal the card. The only one left unsealed. The most powerful one of all.

Yukito.

Or rather, Yue.

What is real?

If this is real, then...

What is the significance of his leaving seven years ago?

"He's gone to look for the other clow cards, Sakura."

I could hear Cerberus' comforting voice behind me.

Tears streamed down my eyes.

"Why is this happening, Cerberus? Why here? Why now?"

"Perhaps you should ask me that question."

"Shaoran, what are you doing here?"

"I have to make a complete apology to you Sakura."

What is happening?

"You should take care of Yue first."

And so I sealed him away. The one I loved the most. Was it all an illusion? Please don't tell me that nothing had been real! The carnival, the way he kissed me...

They took away the only one I cared for the most.

I couldn't stop crying all this time.

"Sakura, listen to me."

What's the point? You don't even care, do you Shaoran?

"Sakura, I tried to seal him off seven years ago..."

"But why, Shaoran?"

"Because I cared for you too much, Sakura."

You never told me you did, Shaoran.

How was I to know?

"Shaoran, you..."

"Sakura, I loved you too much to let them take you away from me."

I felt limp. I could not stand anymore.

But he was there to catch me.

I realized then and there that he had always been there to catch me after all.

And then light flashed from the sky.

"Thank you, Sakura, Shaoran.."

Why was Cerberus floating away?

"Don't leave me, Cerberus!"

"Thank you for setting me free."

"Wait!"

"I'll never leave your side, I promise."

With that as a parting word, he faded away.

And ironically, finally, after all these years, I felt peace again.

Strange, isn't it, that the one I thought I loved wasn't even real at all.

And stranger still, it was the hardest thing to let him go.

I guess love is just an illusion.

Or is it?

I am only seventeen after all.

And I have the rest of my life to find out.

Finally, all the clow cards have been sealed.

Only one thing left to deal with.

But I guess you know the answer to that now.

"Sakura! Are you free tonight? Let's go watch a movie!"

"Yes, let's, Shaoran."

So, what do you think? It had a way way different ending because I made this after watching only 3 unrelated episodes of CCS. Comments are highly appreciated.