I don't own the rights to anything, especially anything that might appear
in this story. Call me a minimalist. I suppose I should put up a warning
that this story is a bit slashy, but if you have read the first chapter, I
think you know that already. Enjoy.
Story:
When the lights came back on (and the giggling and "ssh, not so loud"s stopped), the incredibly attractive man with the greasy hair was standing in the doorway shirtless with a towel around his waist and a golf club in one hand.
"Hey, you look suspiciously like that guy from that really bad Travolta movie" Frodo said.
"I'm sure any resemblance is purely accidental. The author would never picture me as that really hot Australian guy" the man returned. "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn and man-bitch of Arwen, although I prefer the term 'secret lover'. I am the hero of your quest."
"Well I'm glad we got that part cleared up so early in the story. Can I go home now?" Legolas asked.
"Shut up, you girly elf. You can frolic and eat lembas when this is over." Gandalf the Grey… I mean Sea Foam Green huffily replied.
As Legolas went to cry in a corner by himself, the others started doing the hustle. After the disco ball had been put away, the nine decided to have a picnic in Bree. After they had inexplicably trashed Bag End, they all ran to the door, did a pirouette, and left the hole. They jumped on their noble steeds, in this case a bunch of fat donkeys, and headed for Bree.
"My ass is too fat. Can we switch?" Legolas asked Gandalf the Grey…I mean Sea Foam Green.
"Shut up, you girly elf. My ass is not up for sale." He replied.
"Stop calling me a girly elf! We prefer 'masculine-challenged'." Legolas cried.
"Shut up, you girly elf."
As they slowly rode in the direction of Bree, nine dark riders all dressed like Shaft intercepted them.
"Who's the badass mother f-" "shut your mouth!" "But I'm only talking about…" was heard as they approached the company.
"Go away! I haven't even told them about the ring yet! You're not supposed to come in until the next chapter!" Gandalf cried as he snapped his fingers and put up his hand.
"Sorry, Gandalf baby, Sauron must have gotten the chapters confused. I'll see you later." The leader answered in a sexy deep voice as they riders turned around and rode away.
"Ring? What ring? Is it shiny and pretty? Can I see it? Pretty please?" Frodo asked Gandalf the Grey… I mean Sea Foam Green.
"I was going to wait until we got to Bree to tell you this, dear Frodo, but I'm afraid that you're going to have to carry this all-powerful and evil ring to Mount Doom and destroy it."
"Can Sam come with me?"
"Of course he can. It's a long, arduous journey, and I'm sure you'll need some company along the way to keep you warm at night. Of course, we're all going with you, at least until I disappear for a while and everyone else goes their separate ways." Gandalf explained.
"Well okay then."
"Oh Mister Frodo" was all Sam could say.
"Man, can we at least bring some pipeweed?" Merry and Pippin asked together.
"Shut up, you stoned hobbits" Gandalf answered grumpily.
"Man, you sure are one grumpy green wizard, man. You should loosen up man. Can you dig it, man?" Pippin asked.
"Shut up, you stoned hobbits" was all that they got out of him.
After Gandalf the Grey… I mean Sea Foam Green had given Frodo the ring, which was really pretty with a bunch of opals in a gold setting, they realized that they had already passed Bree.
"We should go to Gondor, so that you can meet my brave people. They're really nifty." Boromir suggested.
"As the heir of Gondor, I veto that, my trusty steward. My dominatr…I mean 'secret lover' is waiting for me in Rivendell, so we must go there. Now. Seriously, she'll kick my ass if I don't show up soon." Aragorn commanded.
"To Rivendell." Gandalf cried as he whipped his donkey into a slow walk.
And so the company, which had become the Fellowship of the really pretty Ring with opals in a gold setting slowly rode their fat donkeys to Rivendell.
To Be Continued
If you've read this far, you might as well take the few seconds and review the story. I don't care if you hated it, loved it, or don't remember what you just read. Just tell me while you're reviewing it! Please!
Story:
When the lights came back on (and the giggling and "ssh, not so loud"s stopped), the incredibly attractive man with the greasy hair was standing in the doorway shirtless with a towel around his waist and a golf club in one hand.
"Hey, you look suspiciously like that guy from that really bad Travolta movie" Frodo said.
"I'm sure any resemblance is purely accidental. The author would never picture me as that really hot Australian guy" the man returned. "I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn and man-bitch of Arwen, although I prefer the term 'secret lover'. I am the hero of your quest."
"Well I'm glad we got that part cleared up so early in the story. Can I go home now?" Legolas asked.
"Shut up, you girly elf. You can frolic and eat lembas when this is over." Gandalf the Grey… I mean Sea Foam Green huffily replied.
As Legolas went to cry in a corner by himself, the others started doing the hustle. After the disco ball had been put away, the nine decided to have a picnic in Bree. After they had inexplicably trashed Bag End, they all ran to the door, did a pirouette, and left the hole. They jumped on their noble steeds, in this case a bunch of fat donkeys, and headed for Bree.
"My ass is too fat. Can we switch?" Legolas asked Gandalf the Grey…I mean Sea Foam Green.
"Shut up, you girly elf. My ass is not up for sale." He replied.
"Stop calling me a girly elf! We prefer 'masculine-challenged'." Legolas cried.
"Shut up, you girly elf."
As they slowly rode in the direction of Bree, nine dark riders all dressed like Shaft intercepted them.
"Who's the badass mother f-" "shut your mouth!" "But I'm only talking about…" was heard as they approached the company.
"Go away! I haven't even told them about the ring yet! You're not supposed to come in until the next chapter!" Gandalf cried as he snapped his fingers and put up his hand.
"Sorry, Gandalf baby, Sauron must have gotten the chapters confused. I'll see you later." The leader answered in a sexy deep voice as they riders turned around and rode away.
"Ring? What ring? Is it shiny and pretty? Can I see it? Pretty please?" Frodo asked Gandalf the Grey… I mean Sea Foam Green.
"I was going to wait until we got to Bree to tell you this, dear Frodo, but I'm afraid that you're going to have to carry this all-powerful and evil ring to Mount Doom and destroy it."
"Can Sam come with me?"
"Of course he can. It's a long, arduous journey, and I'm sure you'll need some company along the way to keep you warm at night. Of course, we're all going with you, at least until I disappear for a while and everyone else goes their separate ways." Gandalf explained.
"Well okay then."
"Oh Mister Frodo" was all Sam could say.
"Man, can we at least bring some pipeweed?" Merry and Pippin asked together.
"Shut up, you stoned hobbits" Gandalf answered grumpily.
"Man, you sure are one grumpy green wizard, man. You should loosen up man. Can you dig it, man?" Pippin asked.
"Shut up, you stoned hobbits" was all that they got out of him.
After Gandalf the Grey… I mean Sea Foam Green had given Frodo the ring, which was really pretty with a bunch of opals in a gold setting, they realized that they had already passed Bree.
"We should go to Gondor, so that you can meet my brave people. They're really nifty." Boromir suggested.
"As the heir of Gondor, I veto that, my trusty steward. My dominatr…I mean 'secret lover' is waiting for me in Rivendell, so we must go there. Now. Seriously, she'll kick my ass if I don't show up soon." Aragorn commanded.
"To Rivendell." Gandalf cried as he whipped his donkey into a slow walk.
And so the company, which had become the Fellowship of the really pretty Ring with opals in a gold setting slowly rode their fat donkeys to Rivendell.
To Be Continued
If you've read this far, you might as well take the few seconds and review the story. I don't care if you hated it, loved it, or don't remember what you just read. Just tell me while you're reviewing it! Please!