If you guys are paying attention to the title of the story, I realize that
it is titled "The Road to Bree", and that in my last chapter, they skipped
Bree entirely. Oh well. Hey to Amanda and Briské, my steadfast supporters.
Amanda, I'm sorry, but Leggy is gay. Oh, and if you guys are still confused
about the Travolta movie/hot man in a towel thing and haven't read my bio,
it's Hugh Jackman.
Story:
As our fellowship of the really pretty ring was riding slowly to Rivendell, they came to a large hill with a sing in front of it that had "Weathertop" crossed out and replaced with "Big Hill in the Middle of Nowhere".
"Ooh, it looks homey" said Sam.
"Let us stop here for the night" commanded Aragorn, still wearing only a towel.
"Hey, isn't it uncomfortable riding a donkey in only a towel?" Legolas asked.
"Just because I'm riding a donkey through a field doesn't mean I can't look sexy." Aragorn replied.
During this time they had dismounted and climbed to the top of Big Hill in the Middle of Nowhere. As they approached the summit, they were mobbed by a bunch of teenage girls. One ran straight to Legolas.
"Oooh, Leggy, you're so sexy! Will you take your shirt off for me? I love your pointy ears and pointy shoes!" Mercedes squealed excitedly.
"Umm…Errr…No? I'm masculine-challenged, why don't you go bother one of the hobbits? I hear some women find Merry rather strapping." He replied uncomfortably.
"NOOOOOOO!" She cried, her world utterly shattered.
Two of the other girls ran up to Aragorn and tried desperately to get that pesky towel off.
"That is the best chest I have ever seen. EVER. Oh my goodness. Marry me?" Lauren asked while nearly panting.
"No!" Katalina yelled, "Go to Prom with me! Please?!"
"Girls, girls, there's enough Aragorn to go around!" he answered, boyishly grinning.
"Why aren't there any girls swarming me? Nobody likes the dwarves." Gimli said grumpily.
"Man, girls are no fun, man, they just use your pipeweed and steal your van and drive to Mexico, man. Believe me, man, I know." Pippin said knowingly.
Sam and Frodo had seemed to disappear in all the ruckus.
"Wait a minute", said Gandalf the Sea Foam Green, "I thought we were supposed to battle the Ringwraiths on Big Hill in the Middle of Nowhere."
"Oh, sorry, there's been a bit of a plot change. Call it literary license" said Lauren, tearing her eyes away from Aragorn for a few seconds.
"So do we have to battle you?" asked Gandalf the Sea Foam Green.
"Hmm…how about you just take us on as your traveling companions, at least until we get to Rivendel?" said Katalina wisely.
"Rivendel? You can't come to Rivendel! My dominatrix- I mean 'secret lover' will go crazy! She'll kick your asses, and then she'll kick mine! And everyone knows my ass doesn't deserve that kind of treatment" Aragorn said, looking frightened.
"Amen to that. But we'll take care of her when we get there. Believe me, it's in the next chapter." Said Lauren comfortingly.
"Well, it's unorthodox, but I suppose we can do that." Said Gandalf the Sea Foam Green. "Now let's party!"
With that torches surrounding the fellowship of the really pretty ring sprang into multi-colored flames (a surprisingly large number of them purple), mini-hot dogs appeared in festive bowls, and Aerosmith appeared in full concert regalia and started playing. Sam and Frodo emerged from some discreet bushes to join the fun. Everyone was getting down with their bad selves, with Lauren and Katalina going into raptures dancing in between Aragorn and Steven and Joe. Poor Mercedes had to console herself by dancing with Gimli and Tom Hamilton. But she wasn't too upset, because she knew that she would have a better story line in upcoming chapters.
The only ones not dancing were Pippin and Merry, who were rolling on the ground giggling uncontrollably, their pipes in their hands. Sam and Frodo were the best dancers of the bunch, being surprisingly graceful and nimble. Boromir, who had been left out of the chapter until now, was doing the shopping cart while Gandalf did the sprinkler.
Just when they thought the party couldn't get any better, they heard a threatening voice shout "Get your hands off my bitch!"
To Be Continued
Please review. Pretty please. You've already read this far. Why not review? Come on, this is a shameless plug, don't you feel guilty not reviewing?
Story:
As our fellowship of the really pretty ring was riding slowly to Rivendell, they came to a large hill with a sing in front of it that had "Weathertop" crossed out and replaced with "Big Hill in the Middle of Nowhere".
"Ooh, it looks homey" said Sam.
"Let us stop here for the night" commanded Aragorn, still wearing only a towel.
"Hey, isn't it uncomfortable riding a donkey in only a towel?" Legolas asked.
"Just because I'm riding a donkey through a field doesn't mean I can't look sexy." Aragorn replied.
During this time they had dismounted and climbed to the top of Big Hill in the Middle of Nowhere. As they approached the summit, they were mobbed by a bunch of teenage girls. One ran straight to Legolas.
"Oooh, Leggy, you're so sexy! Will you take your shirt off for me? I love your pointy ears and pointy shoes!" Mercedes squealed excitedly.
"Umm…Errr…No? I'm masculine-challenged, why don't you go bother one of the hobbits? I hear some women find Merry rather strapping." He replied uncomfortably.
"NOOOOOOO!" She cried, her world utterly shattered.
Two of the other girls ran up to Aragorn and tried desperately to get that pesky towel off.
"That is the best chest I have ever seen. EVER. Oh my goodness. Marry me?" Lauren asked while nearly panting.
"No!" Katalina yelled, "Go to Prom with me! Please?!"
"Girls, girls, there's enough Aragorn to go around!" he answered, boyishly grinning.
"Why aren't there any girls swarming me? Nobody likes the dwarves." Gimli said grumpily.
"Man, girls are no fun, man, they just use your pipeweed and steal your van and drive to Mexico, man. Believe me, man, I know." Pippin said knowingly.
Sam and Frodo had seemed to disappear in all the ruckus.
"Wait a minute", said Gandalf the Sea Foam Green, "I thought we were supposed to battle the Ringwraiths on Big Hill in the Middle of Nowhere."
"Oh, sorry, there's been a bit of a plot change. Call it literary license" said Lauren, tearing her eyes away from Aragorn for a few seconds.
"So do we have to battle you?" asked Gandalf the Sea Foam Green.
"Hmm…how about you just take us on as your traveling companions, at least until we get to Rivendel?" said Katalina wisely.
"Rivendel? You can't come to Rivendel! My dominatrix- I mean 'secret lover' will go crazy! She'll kick your asses, and then she'll kick mine! And everyone knows my ass doesn't deserve that kind of treatment" Aragorn said, looking frightened.
"Amen to that. But we'll take care of her when we get there. Believe me, it's in the next chapter." Said Lauren comfortingly.
"Well, it's unorthodox, but I suppose we can do that." Said Gandalf the Sea Foam Green. "Now let's party!"
With that torches surrounding the fellowship of the really pretty ring sprang into multi-colored flames (a surprisingly large number of them purple), mini-hot dogs appeared in festive bowls, and Aerosmith appeared in full concert regalia and started playing. Sam and Frodo emerged from some discreet bushes to join the fun. Everyone was getting down with their bad selves, with Lauren and Katalina going into raptures dancing in between Aragorn and Steven and Joe. Poor Mercedes had to console herself by dancing with Gimli and Tom Hamilton. But she wasn't too upset, because she knew that she would have a better story line in upcoming chapters.
The only ones not dancing were Pippin and Merry, who were rolling on the ground giggling uncontrollably, their pipes in their hands. Sam and Frodo were the best dancers of the bunch, being surprisingly graceful and nimble. Boromir, who had been left out of the chapter until now, was doing the shopping cart while Gandalf did the sprinkler.
Just when they thought the party couldn't get any better, they heard a threatening voice shout "Get your hands off my bitch!"
To Be Continued
Please review. Pretty please. You've already read this far. Why not review? Come on, this is a shameless plug, don't you feel guilty not reviewing?