Please read!!
Author's Note: This is a first-person-present-tense-Janeway story. If you don't like Janeway, you won't like this story. This is originally a NC-17 story… and it's still pretty hot. Nothing graphical, though, but consider yourselves warned. :)
Thank you to Cress for helping me remake this story!
Pairings: Mainly J/C, a little J/Harry. Mention of P/T, D/7, and C/7. Don't let that frighten you though - it's not as bad as it sounds.
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Send any and all comments about this story to nameless_ensign@hotmail.com.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything in this story. No the story in itself, though. Not until they pay me for it, anyway. ;) And that will never happen.
To the journey (post Endgame)
PG-13 version
by Nameless Ensign (nameless_ensign@hotmail.com)
Part Nine - Home
I've never been one to put much faith in religions or gods, but this morning, when I was in the shuttle on my way to Voyager, I had an experience that can only be described as divine. I was in the shuttle's front seat, impatiently awaiting a glimpse of Voyager. Then the pilot turned the shuttle around and she came into view. Well, she practically filled the view screen. So beautiful against the background of the stars it took my breath away. A big grin spread across my face, and the young pilot by my side only smiled at me. Not noticing what I did at first, my hands reached towards the shuttle's view port, as if I could touch her. Voyager. There will never be another ship quite like her. I doubt that there ever has been before.
I have to give my compliments to the crew that did her overhaul. They've cleaned her up nicely, both interior and the exterior. She's shining so much I'd think she was brand new if I didn't know better. They've done a few diagnostics, but barely touched her systems. I doubt that any Starfleet crew, except the one that has spent seven years on board her, can figure out just how Voyager's systems work. She is better stocked than she's ever been before, though, so there won't be any rationing this time. I'm going to ask Chell to continue to serve as the chef anyway, but only because it was nice to have a mess hall with a chef, not because we have to.
I was the first one to arrive, but I know that the others will be arriving tomorrow. Not having rooted myself anywhere these last few months, I requested permission to get back on board Voyager as quickly as possible. I didn't have many possessions to collect, I just took my bags and went to stay with my mother on Earth, eagerly waiting for permission to embark. I did stop by Starfleet Headquarters to pick up the Doctor, but he is only a shining piece of mobile emitter right now. I hope he won't be angry with me for keeping him deactivated for a few extra hours. I just wanted to be alone with Voyager for a little while. I've been walking her half-lit and deserted corridors, running my hands along the bulkheads. Talking to her. Reassuring her that the whole family soon will be gathered within her hull again. I'm glad I'm all alone. If anyone had seen me talking to an empty ship, they'd definitely call a counselor.
I'm on the bridge now, Earth displayed on the view screen, an empty cup beside me. I think it's time I woke the Doctor up.
"Please state the nature..." he starts in his usual brisk manner, then goes quiet. His voice grows softer at the sight of me in my chair on the barely lit bridge. "Oh, hello Captain!"
"Kathryn," I say and smile, "I'm not on duty yet." It may seem silly, but I like being called Kathryn, and I'll make sure everyone that I consider a friend calls me that off duty from now on.
"Of course," the Doctor says, "Kathryn." He looks around and lets out a small sigh.
I get up to stand beside him. "It's nice to be back, isn't it?" I say.
He only nods.
"What do you say we go to the mess hall and have a cup of coffee? I heard they've put up holographic emitters in there. So you can have a drink too, if you like."
That peaks his interest. "Really? I didn't know that."
"Me neither, not until this morning, anyway. There are holographic emitters installed on the bridge and in the transporter room too." I was quite surprised when I was told about it, all I had asked for was that one of the quarters would be equipped with emitters. And when the planning and construction of Voyager B had started, I thought they'd forgotten about the first Voyager altogether. I'm glad they hadn't.
"Oh," he says happily, "that was very considerate."
"There are of course emitters installed in the Chief Medical Officer's quarters as well," I say and study him, waiting for his reaction.
"Captain?" he says, then shake his head a little. "I mean... Kathryn?"
"Your quarters, Doctor," I say and smile. "If you want them?"
He is glowing with excitement. He puts his arms around me and hugs me tightly for a moment. Then he lets go of me, looking embarrassed. "Sorry, Cap... Kathryn."
I can't help but chuckle. "It's quite all right, Doctor. What do you say we stop by your new quarters on the way to the mess hall?"
"After you," he says and gestures for the turbo lift with barely contained eagerness.
Half an hour later we're sitting side by side in the mess hall, each cradling a cup of steaming coffee. The Doctor's coffee being holographic, of course. He looks content, and I can only assume that he's happy about this newfound freedom of his. It's long overdue anyway. I wish we'd had the resources to give him this years ago. It's funny how I was one of the last persons to stop thinking of him as a machine. The righteous Kathryn Janeway, who considers herself to be so open-minded. Well, better late than never I suppose. "I'm sorry," I say before I have time to think about whether or not to say it.
He looks at me curiously. "For what?"
"For not making sure we got holo-emitters installed in more places earlier. For not getting you quarters. For..." I take a deep breath. "For not accepting you as a person for so long."
He looks at me for a second, with genuine surprise on his face. "Thank you," he says with sincerity in his voice.
We sip our coffee in silence for a while. Then he speaks. "You have seen Seven?"
"Yes," I say, "I just came from Vulcan. She is there with Tuvok and his family. She was well, and seemed very happy."
"Ah," he says.
I wait for the question that I know he wants to ask. He doesn't say anything, though, but I decide to answer the question anyway, even though he hasn't voiced it. "Chakotay is on Dorvan. They've broken up."
"Oh," he says, surprised. A spark of something is lit in his eyes. Hope? But it disappears almost immediately. "That doesn't change anything, though," he says somberly.
"You never know, Doctor," I say, trying to cheer him up. Trying to cheer myself up too, I guess. 'That doesn't change anything.'—I have to believe that maybe it does. I take his hand, offering my support. He smiles a little at me, then turns his gaze back to the stars outside the view port.
I don't know how long we've been sitting like that when the sudden hiss of doors opening shakes us both from our musings. Surprised, I turn to face the doors. The rest of the crew isn't scheduled to start arriving until tomorrow morning. Even though I can't see his face, I immediately know who it is. The dark shape standing by the doors is unmistakable.
"Chakotay," I whisper.
"Kathryn," I hear him reply, and the sound of his voice sends little shivers up my spine. No one says my name quite the way he does. Then he speaks again, a little louder. "Doctor."
The Doctor gets up and moves towards Chakotay.
"Good evening, Commander," he says, cheerfully. Then he looks back at me. "Well, if you both excuse me, I have quarters to decorate. Perhaps you two would like to join me for breakfast in there tomorrow morning?"
Chakotay looks slightly confused. "Quarters?"
"Yes, the Captain has arranged for me to have my own quarters," the Doctor replies proudly.
"I'd love to see them, Doctor. Breakfast it is."
"Good. Kathryn?" the Doctor says and looks at me.
"I'd love to, Doctor. I'll see you in the morning," I say, tearing my gaze from Chakotay.
The Doctor smiles happily, nods, and walks out of the mess hall, leaving me with Chakotay.
A silence follows, and neither one of us moves. Then he starts walking towards me. "How are you, Kathryn?"
"Fine," I say as I watch him approach. "Please, have a seat."
He sits down next to me and looks out the view port in silence for a while. Then he turns to look at me. "Kathryn... I..."
"Hush," I say softly. "Tomorrow. We can talk tomorrow." I don't want to hear any excuses or explanations tonight. I don't want to give any either. I take his hand in mine. "Let's just sit here and enjoy the silence tonight, Chakotay."
He brushes his thumb over my hand, then removes his hand and puts his arm around my shoulders instead. I lean into him, enjoying his warmth and familiar scent. He kisses my hair softly. "It's good to be home," he says.
I know that his words have a double meaning. We used to sit like this on warm evenings on New Earth as well. Embracing, quietly watching the stars. I wonder if our crew would have come back for us if they had known how close we had become. If they had known about the bathtub, the garden, the boat. If they had known that we nearly became lovers. Chakotay and Kathryn, the Adam and Eve of New Earth. I close my eyes for a moment to stop the tears that are threatening to spill at the recollection of the memories. "Yes," I say quietly, "it's good to be home."
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