Please read!!
Author's Note: This is a first-person-present-tense-Janeway story. If you don't like Janeway, you won't like this story. This is originally a NC-17 story… and it's still pretty hot. Nothing graphical, though, but consider yourselves warned. :)
Thank you to Cress for helping me remake this story!
Pairings: Mainly J/C, a little J/Harry. Mention of P/T, D/7, and C/7. Don't let that frighten you though - it's not as bad as it sounds.
Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Send any and all comments about this story to nameless_ensign@hotmail.com.
Disclaimer: Paramount owns everything in this story. No the story in itself, though. Not until they pay me for it, anyway. ;) And that will never happen.
To the journey (post Endgame)
PG-13 version
by Nameless Ensign (nameless_ensign@hotmail.com)
Part Twelve - Promises fulfilled
I had dinner with Chakotay last night. It was... wonderful. Red roses, kisses, smiles, admissions of love. I woke up this morning wondering if it really had happened or if I'd just dreamt it. Then I realized that I'd never dream up something that sappy. Ha ha. It's true, though, I wouldn't. So it must have happened. I think I must have smiled so much last night that it got stuck on my face, because I still can't stop smiling. I bet I've been smiling while I was sleeping too. I just feel wonderful. In love. Loved. Oh, it's a wonderful morning.
He actually left last night. Can you believe that? I said he could stay if he wanted to. To tell you the truth, I wanted him to. He just said 'tomorrow', kissed me goodnight, and left. As if we were teenagers and he left me at the door to my parents' house. But I'm sure looking forward to tonight...
Right now I'm expected to turn up at the bridge and claim the Captain's seat, though, so I better do that.
I manage to tone down my smile just before the turbo lift doors open, but then I see him in his chair, smiling at me. I'm lost. I'm grinning like a fool again. I meet the eyes of Tom Paris and he starts to smile, too. Oh, God. We're the smiling officers of Voyager. Sounds like one of Tom's old 'B-movies'. I steal a glance at Tuvok; he's not smiling is he? Because if he is, we're in trouble. He's not. Good. "Good morning!" I manage to say, as I cross the bridge to my chair.
I feel Chakotay looking at me. It's taking all my willpower to ignore his look. I can't meet his eyes, not here, not on the bridge. I might not be able to stop looking at him, and that will certainly create more gossip than we can handle. It's not that I want my relationship with Chakotay to be a secret, but spending my shift staring into his eyes might not be the most tactful way to break the news. The crew is bound to find out, anyway, just like they found out about me and Harry. Harry. My head shoots up to look at him. Just for a second I meet his gaze, then he looks away. He knows exactly what's going on, and I'm reminded that I've let him get to know me quite well. There's a hint of sadness in his eyes, and knowing that I put it there makes me feel a little guilty. I wonder how Seven will take this. Perhaps I should tell her myself, I don't want her to find out from rumors. But that's for later. Right now I just want to be guilt-free and revel in the love I have for Chakotay. So I put thoughts of the past aside and concentrate on the console instead. I scroll through the night's sensor readings, thinking of Chakotay's promise of 'tomorrow', and smiling at the thought. This is going to be a very long day.
I can't take this. I can't sit next to him. No matter how hard I try to look at the console, I end up studying his hands, his legs, whatever part of him that's within my view. I get up abruptly, and force myself to look into his eyes. "Commander, you have the bridge. I'll be in my ready room," I manage to say. Oh, God, was that my voice? Now the bridge crew knows what's going on for sure, if there were ever any doubt.
"Aye, Captain," he says, but it feels like a caress, his soft words flowing to me.
I can't take my eyes off him. Damn. From the corner of my eye I see Tom Paris swirl around. I think I just revived his betting pool. Damn that big, Native American and former Maquis leader for making me behave like this. Does he have to flash those dimples at me? Using all my willpower, I tear my gaze from him, and walk briskly to my ready room. I replicate a cup of coffee, but before I even make it to my desk, the door chimes.
"Come," I say, hoping it's not Chakotay. Not that I don't want to see him, on the contrary. There's just no telling what will happen if I find myself alone with him, and I don't want to end up doing the things I want to do with him in my ready room. I don't think I'd ever be able to work in here again if I do.
The door opens to reveal a smiling Chakotay, and against my better judgment, it makes me happy. I smile back at him. "What can I do for you, Commander?" I say as he's walking through the door. It's my usual line, but it sounds oddly different today. It has suddenly taken on a completely different meaning. He smiles even wider.
"Well..." he says and pretends to think. Then he looks at me and moves towards me, like a predator closing in on its pray. I clutch my coffee cup. "You could give me a kiss," he says.
Without thinking, I put my cup down and walk to meet him. How can I not?
The kiss is demanding, ferocious, and it makes me want more. I run my hands through the short hair on the back of his head and his mouth moves down to kiss my neck. I keep thinking that I should stop him, but find that I don't really want to.
"I want you," he growls, making me want him all the more.
"Not here," I say, fighting for self-control, "not in the ready room. Please."
He stops, but doesn't move away. "Ok," he says, finally, and looks up at me. "Tonight."
Today has been the longest day of my life. I've been having so much trouble keeping my eyes and hands off Chakotay. I'm beginning to think he should have stayed last night, maybe that would have taken some of the tension away. Because this whole day has been filled with flirting. It's a good thing there wasn't a lot of work to be done today, because I'm not sure I would have been able to concentrate. I've spent most of the day hiding in my ready room. Away from him.
He did come to see me in my ready room, and we nearly ended up making love right then and there. We did manage to stop in time, but it wasn't easy. God, I've been aroused the whole day. I never thought I'd ever feel like this, I thought it was just something you read in romantic novels. Now I know better.
There are still things we need to resolve, though. We need to discuss all the things that came between us in the Delta Quadrant, we need to talk about Seven, and Harry. But not tonight. Tonight, I'll just forget about all those things. Tonight, I'll just enjoy having him close to me.
My door chimes and I get up abruptly, throwing the diary carelessly onto the table, knowing exactly who's at the door. The last 30 minutes, waiting for him to get here, has been torture. I don't even notice what he's wearing when he walks into my quarters. All I see is those eyes. It only takes a few seconds before we're kissing, just as fiercely as we did in my ready room this morning. It feels as if this whole day has been foreplay and now we're both desperate for more intimate touches. Kissing, we fall to the floor.
The lovemaking is a passionate and furious release of all the glances, the touches, the feelings that have been constrained these last seven years.
We stay on the floor for quite a while, calming our breathing. "Good evening, Kathryn," he says, dead serious, and I start to laugh.
"Good evening, Chakotay," I reply between chuckles. "How are you tonight?"
Now he chuckles too, and lowers his head to kiss me again. "Never been better."
End of "To the Journey." Watch for the sequel, "Lost and Found," which follows the mission the Voyager crew are now on. There'll be an abduction, a rescue, and the aftermath of avoiding those conversations about Harry and Seven.
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