Amazing. I fell in love with a man with a heart of ice. So I told him and he turned into a Youji-wannabe. Only, Youji is willing to sleep with me.
It's been like this since I was a child, letting anyone who wanted something from me take it. It started when my dad had some business associates that would always look at me. My father used me as a bargaining chip. And Aya thought Takatori was heartless.
Now that I've gotten away from my father, I'm still letting people use me. Omi occasionally needs to just release his frustration, so he comes to me. Youji needs to feel submissive, so he comes to me. Aya never wanted anything from me in that way. So, me being the stupid moron I am, I fell in love with him. It took me a while to figure out if it was really love or not since I've never been loved by anyone or loved anyone in my entire life, but somehow I knew that's what it was.
And Aya hated me for it. He went off on tons of dates while I stayed home, watching soccer and cleaning up the house. I was like the maid or something. Omi was off with a study group while Youji was at a dance club. So I ironed. I need a life.
Once again, it was the anniversary of the day my life became Hell. I'm not talking about the day I killed Kase. Hell, no. This was by far worse. And I wasn't going to let a soul know about it. It was my secret I and I wasn't about to let my closest friends know the one thing I hid from the rest of the world.
Aya left a picture of him and his family in his pocket again. I can't help but stare. They're all so happy. It's so obvious how much they love each other. Why hadn't anybody ever loved me like that? Was there something wrong with me? Was I not good enough? My mother (bitch) would say yes if she were alive, thank whatever deity is up there that she isn't.
Aya walked in and looked at me while I stared at the photo. I didn't even notice him until he snatched the picture out of my hands.
"Why do you have this?" he snarled. Snarled! Really, the guy needs to take anger management classes.
"I was doing the laundry and it was in your pocket. I saved it from the evil washing machine, oh great one." I spat dryly. I was getting really sick of this shit.
He frowned, "What are you so mad about? I thought you were in love with me."
I couldn't believe the malice and taunting I heard in his voice. It totally pissed me off! "That was before you turned into a complete asshole. I mean, God, what the hell, Aya? One minute all you can think about in getting revenge, which I respected even though it creeped me out, and now all you want to do is make me feel like a load of shit. Well, I'm sick of it, Aya. I've been treated like shit my entire life and I didn't really care because I didn't give a shit about them, but you! Christ, Aya, I care about you! I think you're intelligent and interesting and despite your bastard exterior, a good person. Now you decide since I'm a freak, I'm not worth being polite to. You could at least thank me for doing all the fucking housework! You do what, nothing? You visit your sister, work the shop, and kill people. No wonder you're such a cold-hearted sonuvabitch with a fucking sister complex. I can't believe I actually fell in love with you!!"
I paused, taking a breath for the first time since I had started ranting. Aya glared at me. What else would he do?
"Look, sorry, Aya. I've not been myself lately..." Aya just quirks his eyebrows as I apologize. "You know what, I was probably never even really in love with you. Simple infatuation. I'll get over it." I want to run away. Far, far away. I settle for slowly turning and walking to my room, chuckling to myself as I left the dirty clothes in a heap on the floor where I was about to separate and clean them, "I don't even know what love is."
It's been like this since I was a child, letting anyone who wanted something from me take it. It started when my dad had some business associates that would always look at me. My father used me as a bargaining chip. And Aya thought Takatori was heartless.
Now that I've gotten away from my father, I'm still letting people use me. Omi occasionally needs to just release his frustration, so he comes to me. Youji needs to feel submissive, so he comes to me. Aya never wanted anything from me in that way. So, me being the stupid moron I am, I fell in love with him. It took me a while to figure out if it was really love or not since I've never been loved by anyone or loved anyone in my entire life, but somehow I knew that's what it was.
And Aya hated me for it. He went off on tons of dates while I stayed home, watching soccer and cleaning up the house. I was like the maid or something. Omi was off with a study group while Youji was at a dance club. So I ironed. I need a life.
Once again, it was the anniversary of the day my life became Hell. I'm not talking about the day I killed Kase. Hell, no. This was by far worse. And I wasn't going to let a soul know about it. It was my secret I and I wasn't about to let my closest friends know the one thing I hid from the rest of the world.
Aya left a picture of him and his family in his pocket again. I can't help but stare. They're all so happy. It's so obvious how much they love each other. Why hadn't anybody ever loved me like that? Was there something wrong with me? Was I not good enough? My mother (bitch) would say yes if she were alive, thank whatever deity is up there that she isn't.
Aya walked in and looked at me while I stared at the photo. I didn't even notice him until he snatched the picture out of my hands.
"Why do you have this?" he snarled. Snarled! Really, the guy needs to take anger management classes.
"I was doing the laundry and it was in your pocket. I saved it from the evil washing machine, oh great one." I spat dryly. I was getting really sick of this shit.
He frowned, "What are you so mad about? I thought you were in love with me."
I couldn't believe the malice and taunting I heard in his voice. It totally pissed me off! "That was before you turned into a complete asshole. I mean, God, what the hell, Aya? One minute all you can think about in getting revenge, which I respected even though it creeped me out, and now all you want to do is make me feel like a load of shit. Well, I'm sick of it, Aya. I've been treated like shit my entire life and I didn't really care because I didn't give a shit about them, but you! Christ, Aya, I care about you! I think you're intelligent and interesting and despite your bastard exterior, a good person. Now you decide since I'm a freak, I'm not worth being polite to. You could at least thank me for doing all the fucking housework! You do what, nothing? You visit your sister, work the shop, and kill people. No wonder you're such a cold-hearted sonuvabitch with a fucking sister complex. I can't believe I actually fell in love with you!!"
I paused, taking a breath for the first time since I had started ranting. Aya glared at me. What else would he do?
"Look, sorry, Aya. I've not been myself lately..." Aya just quirks his eyebrows as I apologize. "You know what, I was probably never even really in love with you. Simple infatuation. I'll get over it." I want to run away. Far, far away. I settle for slowly turning and walking to my room, chuckling to myself as I left the dirty clothes in a heap on the floor where I was about to separate and clean them, "I don't even know what love is."