Disclaimer- I do not own NBC and if I did Malucci would be back. Don't steal my story.

The way she moves around the hospital makes me go weak in the knees. Her professionalism is amazing. She doesn't get involved with the patients like all of us. Her life is a secret to us because she leaves that a secret. So mysterious. It's almost sexy.

I'm a father and a husband and here I am talking about my feelings toward another woman. It's sad, I know. But these feelings I cannot ignore. I must admit I feel like a horrible person. I need to get a few things straight with myself first.

Elizabeth is a wonderful mother and wife. I love her with all my heart and would die for her. Since Ella got a hold of some of Rachel's drugs, Elizabeth thinks I need to ship Rachel back to her mother. Rachel is such a great kid and I can't send her back to that mother of hers. Ella is alive and Rachel is sorry. If I were in Elizabeth's position, I'd feel the same way.

Rachel shouldn't have drugs. I was allowing drugs in my household, which endangered the life, my baby daughter. Rachel needs to suffer the punishment but the punishment is not to be shipped off to her mother but, to stay and get help to get away from drugs. Rachel needs help, badly.

The tumor is coming back. I can feel it in my bones. I know. Susan doesn't want me to feel worse because of what happened with Ella. I know if I die then Rachel will have to move back with her mother and Ella could forget me. I don't know if I should tell Elizabeth what's going on but right now she's mad with me.

The thoughts in my head are circling and swimming without a reason. I feel love and hate and so much more. I want to scream out my feelings to the closest person but that closest person is nobody. I feel extremely alone right now as I sit in an exam room. The feelings are in my brain. They need to be poured out. The bottle of beer is getting fuller and it's about to burst with feelings.

The room is dark. I feel nobody else around me and I'm scared. Maybe I'm dying right now. Maybe my life is ending as I think of all these feelings I've kept inside. I need to tell someone but at this point in time I feel I'm dying. I'm scared. I'm so deeply scared I'm dying right now.

The thoughts in my head are so violent and disgusting. I hate my life right now. It's falling apart because of Rachel.

Abby came and shook him softly.

"Wake-up...Rachel's here."

What do y'all think? Thanks!