I'm bored of this disclaimer now, you all know it anyway. Go back to chapter 1 if you wanna read it again.
A/N: Last chapter! *And* it's a long one! The `President of the Galaxy...' quote is from The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy, a book by Douglas Adams. The kitchen idea for the home of the PTB came from the film, The Matrix. The song at the end is an adapted version of `She Knows' by Four Star Mary. Also you should know that actually I totally worship Joss Whedon as the creator of Buffy and Angel, and only get annoyed with what he does with the characters sometimes...
The story so far: Dawn and Spike were kidnapped by the Avengers, four teenage girls who were annoyed with Joss Whedon, but then he sent a bunch of demons after them. When that didn't work he sent Buffy and the Scooby Gang, and everyone thought all was lost when Buffy caught Kat, the brains of the Avengers but suddenly Min stopped reading (for once!) and the question on everyone's lips is `Can she save the Avengers now?'
And you thought it was just a normal evening in Sunnydale huh?
Part VI - In which everything comes together
"Poppy - you get Xander! Haz - Giles and Willow!" Min instructed quickly.
In a moment Xander found himself handcuffed to Poppy, who seemed to be enjoying herself immensely, and Giles was tied to a chair, whilst Willow realised that there was a .22 Calibre against her temple.
Now Min smiled smugly at Buffy.
"You didn't think it would be that easy did you? You of all people should know that the President of the Galaxy's job is not to wield power, but to draw attention away from it!"
"Ok, what?" Buffy asked, confused, her hands still around Kat's neck.
"Oh, I forgot. You got chucked out of Pop culture class so you wouldn't understand the subtly fitting reference I just made to Douglas Adams."
"Ok, what?" Buffy asked again.
"Kat's just the Decoy Brains, you idiot!" Min started to get slightly annoyed.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you!" Buffy said, thrown by this sudden twist to the plot.
"D'you think it's easy coming up with brilliant, mind-boggling plans and concealing the fact that you're actually and evil genius?" Min was upset now, and wasn't everyone damn well going to know it. "Well, not totally evil, but hell-bent on world domination through literature? I mean, I have issues too y'know! But all everyone thinks is `Oh, there's Min. She's alright. A little wacky maybe, but she's got no problems, don't worry about her!' Oh, the stories I could tell you..."
Luckily for all of them, however, Min never did get to tell them her stories. Partly because The Powers That Be, i.e. Joss Whedon, had finally realised that a few demons and a Vampire-Slayer weren't going to stop The Avengers and partly because the story was getting a little slow, the four girls were suddenly catapulted out of Sunnydale and into somewhere quite different.
The four girls found themselves standing in a solid gold kitchen. And sitting at the end of the kitchen on a solid gold wasing machine in mid-spin (It feels kinda like one of those massage chairs that vibrate, you should try it) was The Power. The God that millions submitted to, for fear of their television-watching lives, but that four girls had dared to stand up to. It was Joss Whedon.
"You!" He said angrily. "D'you have any idea of the trouble you've caused? The viewers are going mental without Dawn and Spike! I've had to say that they've both simultaneously come down with a freak attack of Gastric Flu! How long d'you think I've got till they stop believing me?"
"About 29 hours, 36 minutes and 15 seconds, give or take a milli-second or two." Min smiled brightly. "So you'd better start agreeing to our demands."
Joss sighed. "What are they?" he asked.
Min produced a roll of paper, which she ceremoniously handed to Kat who cleared her throat and unravelled it. The bottom of the scroll unrolled and trailed down on the floor. Joss gulped. Their list was *long*.
"1. Hoover stairs. 2. Do maths homework..."
"Not that bit!" Min told Kat "At the end."
Kat quickl.y scanned through Min's `To do' list. Linally she reached the end of the list.
"Post script. Infiltrate Sunnydale and force Joss to
a. Stop treating Spike as Buffy's lapdog and preferably turn him evil again
b. 14-year olds do *not* act like that, let Dawn grow up a bit.
c. Xander and Anya are *so* cute together. Let them get married or something similar
d. Willow and Tara do *not* fight ( I heard they do later in the series)
e. Giles rocks and must not leave, or at least must be given his own spin-off show
f. Buffy should stop being all `I'm saving the world, boohoo, poor me' self pity does not suit her.
g. Bring Angel back on to normal English TV, we've only had season one here
h. Keep Writing!" Kat read.
"And if I don't?" Joss asked.
"Oh, I don't know, how d'you feel about a trip to LA, girls?" Min asked the others wickedly.
"Ok, ok, I give in!" Joss clapped his hands and thunder boomed.
"It is done." He said mysteriously. "Now please leave me alone!"
"We promise not to interfere with Sunnydale again." Kat promised, falling back into her position as decoy brain.
"Shall I send you home?" Joss asked hopefully, getting ready to clap again.
"No thanks, we've got a ride, just back to Sunnydale." Joss looked worried, but did as they asked.
"But we don't have a ride," Haz reminded Kat when they were back in Sunnydale.
"I know, she grinned, "But we're not going back just yet!"
The other three realised that Kat had led them to the front of a very familiar warehouse.
"The Bronze!" they cried in unison.
They made their way inside where they found the Scoobies around their regular table.
"Hey!" Buffy called, quite friendly compared to before. Maybe Joss was being as good as his word, or maybe it was the fact that the Avengers no longer had her sister held captive.
"Oh yes!" Poppy said "The Irony of the situation is something quite similar to that of several stereotypical fictional works, but the formula works well, if it is a little repetitive."
Everyone stared at her.
"Oh great! Everyone just thinks I'm this brown-haired bimbo who goes to parties, drinks and flirts! I have layers you know!" she pouted and Min quickly comforted her "Of course we don't, we know your not a bimbo" she told her "Oh look, that guy over there's eying you up."
"Oooh, where?" Poppy asked, quite forgetting that she was supposed to be sulking.
The band struck up a few notes
//They fly from a blinding light
and spiral to my heart//
Kat and Haz looked at each other. "Four Star Mary!" they cried
"Well who did you think it would be?" A familiar North-London voice drawled. "This is Sunnyhell after all."
Kat grinned.
"D'you wanna dance?" The blond vampire asked.
"Which one of us?" Haz asked.
"Both..." He looked at them, then on to Poppy and Min. "No, *all* of you!"
//I try to find my mind but
don't know where to start.//
The four girls looked at ach other, then smiles began to play on their faces.
"Sure!"
The four girls and vampire moved into the crowd.
//Won't ever, can't ever
find my sanity.//
Then they did what they all did best.
Party!!
// Won't ever, can't ever
till I here them calling for me.//
~ Finis. For now bwahahahahahaha!
A/N: So at the end of it all, we've discovered that:
Kat's just the decoy
Min has issues (and brains)
Poppy has layers
And Haz likes guns, wait, we already knew that!
But hey, I have a low boredom threshold, so don't count on it staying that way for long!
A/N: Last chapter! *And* it's a long one! The `President of the Galaxy...' quote is from The Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy, a book by Douglas Adams. The kitchen idea for the home of the PTB came from the film, The Matrix. The song at the end is an adapted version of `She Knows' by Four Star Mary. Also you should know that actually I totally worship Joss Whedon as the creator of Buffy and Angel, and only get annoyed with what he does with the characters sometimes...
The story so far: Dawn and Spike were kidnapped by the Avengers, four teenage girls who were annoyed with Joss Whedon, but then he sent a bunch of demons after them. When that didn't work he sent Buffy and the Scooby Gang, and everyone thought all was lost when Buffy caught Kat, the brains of the Avengers but suddenly Min stopped reading (for once!) and the question on everyone's lips is `Can she save the Avengers now?'
And you thought it was just a normal evening in Sunnydale huh?
Part VI - In which everything comes together
"Poppy - you get Xander! Haz - Giles and Willow!" Min instructed quickly.
In a moment Xander found himself handcuffed to Poppy, who seemed to be enjoying herself immensely, and Giles was tied to a chair, whilst Willow realised that there was a .22 Calibre against her temple.
Now Min smiled smugly at Buffy.
"You didn't think it would be that easy did you? You of all people should know that the President of the Galaxy's job is not to wield power, but to draw attention away from it!"
"Ok, what?" Buffy asked, confused, her hands still around Kat's neck.
"Oh, I forgot. You got chucked out of Pop culture class so you wouldn't understand the subtly fitting reference I just made to Douglas Adams."
"Ok, what?" Buffy asked again.
"Kat's just the Decoy Brains, you idiot!" Min started to get slightly annoyed.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you!" Buffy said, thrown by this sudden twist to the plot.
"D'you think it's easy coming up with brilliant, mind-boggling plans and concealing the fact that you're actually and evil genius?" Min was upset now, and wasn't everyone damn well going to know it. "Well, not totally evil, but hell-bent on world domination through literature? I mean, I have issues too y'know! But all everyone thinks is `Oh, there's Min. She's alright. A little wacky maybe, but she's got no problems, don't worry about her!' Oh, the stories I could tell you..."
Luckily for all of them, however, Min never did get to tell them her stories. Partly because The Powers That Be, i.e. Joss Whedon, had finally realised that a few demons and a Vampire-Slayer weren't going to stop The Avengers and partly because the story was getting a little slow, the four girls were suddenly catapulted out of Sunnydale and into somewhere quite different.
The four girls found themselves standing in a solid gold kitchen. And sitting at the end of the kitchen on a solid gold wasing machine in mid-spin (It feels kinda like one of those massage chairs that vibrate, you should try it) was The Power. The God that millions submitted to, for fear of their television-watching lives, but that four girls had dared to stand up to. It was Joss Whedon.
"You!" He said angrily. "D'you have any idea of the trouble you've caused? The viewers are going mental without Dawn and Spike! I've had to say that they've both simultaneously come down with a freak attack of Gastric Flu! How long d'you think I've got till they stop believing me?"
"About 29 hours, 36 minutes and 15 seconds, give or take a milli-second or two." Min smiled brightly. "So you'd better start agreeing to our demands."
Joss sighed. "What are they?" he asked.
Min produced a roll of paper, which she ceremoniously handed to Kat who cleared her throat and unravelled it. The bottom of the scroll unrolled and trailed down on the floor. Joss gulped. Their list was *long*.
"1. Hoover stairs. 2. Do maths homework..."
"Not that bit!" Min told Kat "At the end."
Kat quickl.y scanned through Min's `To do' list. Linally she reached the end of the list.
"Post script. Infiltrate Sunnydale and force Joss to
a. Stop treating Spike as Buffy's lapdog and preferably turn him evil again
b. 14-year olds do *not* act like that, let Dawn grow up a bit.
c. Xander and Anya are *so* cute together. Let them get married or something similar
d. Willow and Tara do *not* fight ( I heard they do later in the series)
e. Giles rocks and must not leave, or at least must be given his own spin-off show
f. Buffy should stop being all `I'm saving the world, boohoo, poor me' self pity does not suit her.
g. Bring Angel back on to normal English TV, we've only had season one here
h. Keep Writing!" Kat read.
"And if I don't?" Joss asked.
"Oh, I don't know, how d'you feel about a trip to LA, girls?" Min asked the others wickedly.
"Ok, ok, I give in!" Joss clapped his hands and thunder boomed.
"It is done." He said mysteriously. "Now please leave me alone!"
"We promise not to interfere with Sunnydale again." Kat promised, falling back into her position as decoy brain.
"Shall I send you home?" Joss asked hopefully, getting ready to clap again.
"No thanks, we've got a ride, just back to Sunnydale." Joss looked worried, but did as they asked.
"But we don't have a ride," Haz reminded Kat when they were back in Sunnydale.
"I know, she grinned, "But we're not going back just yet!"
The other three realised that Kat had led them to the front of a very familiar warehouse.
"The Bronze!" they cried in unison.
They made their way inside where they found the Scoobies around their regular table.
"Hey!" Buffy called, quite friendly compared to before. Maybe Joss was being as good as his word, or maybe it was the fact that the Avengers no longer had her sister held captive.
"Oh yes!" Poppy said "The Irony of the situation is something quite similar to that of several stereotypical fictional works, but the formula works well, if it is a little repetitive."
Everyone stared at her.
"Oh great! Everyone just thinks I'm this brown-haired bimbo who goes to parties, drinks and flirts! I have layers you know!" she pouted and Min quickly comforted her "Of course we don't, we know your not a bimbo" she told her "Oh look, that guy over there's eying you up."
"Oooh, where?" Poppy asked, quite forgetting that she was supposed to be sulking.
The band struck up a few notes
//They fly from a blinding light
and spiral to my heart//
Kat and Haz looked at each other. "Four Star Mary!" they cried
"Well who did you think it would be?" A familiar North-London voice drawled. "This is Sunnyhell after all."
Kat grinned.
"D'you wanna dance?" The blond vampire asked.
"Which one of us?" Haz asked.
"Both..." He looked at them, then on to Poppy and Min. "No, *all* of you!"
//I try to find my mind but
don't know where to start.//
The four girls looked at ach other, then smiles began to play on their faces.
"Sure!"
The four girls and vampire moved into the crowd.
//Won't ever, can't ever
find my sanity.//
Then they did what they all did best.
Party!!
// Won't ever, can't ever
till I here them calling for me.//
~ Finis. For now bwahahahahahaha!
A/N: So at the end of it all, we've discovered that:
Kat's just the decoy
Min has issues (and brains)
Poppy has layers
And Haz likes guns, wait, we already knew that!
But hey, I have a low boredom threshold, so don't count on it staying that way for long!