"Gray Skies Again" (3/3)
Author: Bella
E-mail: bella_lumina@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters (except Joe, Jamie, John, and Nina and Ellie Vaughn) are not mine.
Spoilers: Everything up to and including "The Box." Minor spoilers from "The Coup" are referenced indirectly. You probably won't be able to find them if you aren't looking.
Notes: This is a companion piece to "Nothing to Be Afraid Of." Thanks to Cassandra for the beta-read! :) Another story will follow this one, tying up the loose ends.
*June 13, 2004*
I can't believe it. I literally cannot believe it. She's pregnant. It wasn't enough that her bastard of a husband got to marry her; it wasn't enough that she was willing to sleep with him whenever he felt like it; no, he had to have a child, too.
I don't know. I say those things, and I don't really know. I'm so incredibly jealous that I barely know what I'm talking about sometimes. I can't help it. I love her, and it hurts down to the very marrow of my bones that she's carrying his baby.
She seems happy except when she's feeling sick, which seems to be quite often. Every day, about the time that Vaughn comes home from work, she gets so nauseous that she runs to the bathroom to throw up. He always follows her with a wet washcloth, blotting the sweat off of her forehead. They sit on the floor there, with the door open, and I watch as she leans against him while he strokes her back.
"I feel awful," she said tonight, sighing. Her feet were bare, and her toes curled as he kissed the top of her head.
"I'm so sorry, Syd," he replied softly. "Is there anything else I can do?"
She shook her head quickly. "Just...don't move, okay?"
"Okay," he agreed. "How was school?"
"Kids were annoying," she answered. "I had a headache all day, and Sheila sneezed on me." Sheila's one of the math teachers; from what I gather, she's not one of Sydney's better friends. "It wasn't a good day."
"At least it's Friday," he reminded. "We can sleep in tomorrow."
"Francie called an hour ago," she told him. "She wants us to go to dinner with them tomorrow night."
He sighed. "You know what, we might as well. We've got to tell people eventually."
She groaned. "I know. It's just...if we don't tell them, it's our little secret. That's kind of cool."
"They're going to notice in a few months, you know..."
"So we'll tell them in a few months."
"Sydney..."
She sighed. "Okay, okay. We'll go to dinner. We'll tell them."
"Do you want to tell your dad first?"
"No," she said. "Francie comes before Dad. She's been my family for much longer."
"I'd like to tell my mom," he mentioned quietly. "Want to go to Santa Barbara for lunch?"
She nodded. "Okay." She paused. "You know what they're going to say, don't you?"
"What?"
"That this is too soon."
I agreed with that whole-heartedly.
"I don't know about that. My mother's going to be thrilled."
Well, that makes one...
"They're going to say that we aren't ready for this."
That's because you aren't, I wanted to say. You picked the wrong man, and now you're never going to be free of him.
"Why does it matter what they think?" he asked, and she sighed.
"I don't know. I guess it shouldn't."
I wanted to run inside and explain to her exactly how much it should matter. It should matter a lot. In fact, if she really, really listened to their qualms -- if she had just once listened to her father about Vaughn -- maybe she wouldn't be in this mess.
*June 16, 2004*
I heard last night that she was going to tell her father, and I got curious, so I stopped by to see how it was going. They had eaten dinner, obviously, because Vaughn was clearing plates from the table. Jack sat down in the living room with Sydney and asked how the house plans were coming.
"Slowly," she said carefully, giving him a wary smile.
"I hope you'll let me look at the blueprints once they're finished," he replied, sipping from his wineglass. "This is spectacular; where did you find it?"
"Nina gave it to us," she answered, fidgeting on the sofa. "She went to Napa a few weekends ago with some friends..." She drank slowly from her water glass and looked behind her for Vaughn, who was still gathering things in the kitchen.
"Sydney?" her father asked, his brow furrowing. "Is everything okay?"
"What?" she replied quickly. "No, no, everything's fine."
"You're acting a little strange," he pointed out.
"I know, I know," she said, exhaling as Vaughn moved to sit beside her on the sofa.
"She's okay, isn't she?" he asked Vaughn, who nodded slowly.
"She's fine," Vaughn responded. "She's--"
"--pregnant," Sydney finished quickly, watching her father's eyebrows shoot up. She bit her lip.
There was an uncomfortable silence. Jack finally broke it. "Well...that's great news."
"Dad..." Sydney began.
"I'm happy for you," he said. "You'll have to excuse me, I'm just...surprised."
"So were we," Vaughn commented, grasping Sydney's hand.
"When are you due?" Jack asked calmly.
"February," Sydney replied.
They hadn't planned it, I'm sure of that. There's no way that they would decide to have a baby now, after they hadn't even been married a year and Sydney had just started her new job, which must have been impossible to find halfway through the school year. They hadn't even started their house yet.
Things were going to fall apart if they weren't careful. I was afraid for her.
*July 15, 2004*
She's tired all the time now. Her clothes don't fit well anymore. I feel incredibly sorry for her, and I would give my right arm to make her feel better. She's got these horrible dark circles under her eyes.
Francie stopped by today, held out her left hand, and immediately burst into tears. "He proposed," she recounted. "I said yes. Do you remember what happened last time I said yes to a proposal?"
Sydney looped her arm through Francie's and led her to the couch. "John isn't Charlie," she pointed out quietly.
"I know that," France sniffled. "But *still*."
"You love John," Sydney added, sinking back into the couch cushions and resting a hand on her slightly rounded abdomen.
"I loved Charlie, too," Francie countered. "Syd, what am I going to do?"
"If you said yes, you must want to marry him," Sydney replied, yawning. "Sorry."
"S'okay," Francie assured her. "I do want to marry him. But I'm scared."
"That's okay. Marriage is kind of scary."
"Says the woman with a great husband and a baby on the way," Francie remarked. I won't even comment.
"Pregnancy is not all it's cracked up to be," she replied, sarcasm edging into her voice. "You throw up for three months, you have to pee all the time, and at the end? Excruciating pain."
"Where's Michael?" Francie asked, looking around the room.
"He had to work late," Sydney explained. "He'll be home soon. Hey, let me see the ring again."
Francie scooted closer, holding out her left hand. The diamond was huge, much larger than Sydney's. "That's quite a rock," Sydney commented.
"I know," Francie agreed, studying it. "It must have cost him a fortune."
"Just...make sure I'm not too huge when you get married, okay? Before the stomach or after, not during," she requested with a smile.
"You've got it," Francie said, beaming. "I'm getting married..."
"You're getting married," Sydney replied, pulling her into a hug. "Congratulations, sweetie."
*August 2, 2004*
Will left abruptly three days ago, and Sydney and Francie are panicking. I'm not sure what's happened to him, to be completely honest. If I knew, I'd go get him back. That'd bring Sydney's blue skies back.
Vaughn seems worried about her; I'll give him that much. He's called in sick to work the last few days, choosing to stay at home with her while Francie searches around. He sits with her at night, just holding on to her. I wish it was me; at least it's someone.
Last night he took her to the hospital; her back started hurting, and she called out that she was having stomach pains. He scooped her up and took her out to the car, racing to the emergency room. I followed, practicing my cough on the way there.
I sat on the opposite side of the waiting room, my nose buried in a magazine. He sat restlessly, constantly fidgeting and shifting positions. Finally a doctor came in and told him that he could come back; everything was okay, she hadn't miscarried the baby.
He insisted that she rest today, and she spent the day in bed, trying to sleep. I feel awful for her, but I can't do anything to help.
*August 3, 2004*
He strolled back in through Sydney's front door today, and she proceeded to completely chew him out. "Where have you been?" she shouted. "What makes you think you can do something like this?"
"Don't yell at me," Will replied brusquely. "And I can't talk about it, so don't ask."
*September 4, 2004*
Francie married John today in the garden wedding I always imagined that Sydney would have. Sydney was the maid -- matron, actually, I guess -- of honor; she walked down the aisle on the arm of John's best friend. She had finally started to really show, and her dress showed off the soft curve of her abdomen. Her hair was swept away from her face. She was gorgeous.
At the reception, she sat beside Vaughn, her eyelids drooping. "We can go home if you want," Vaughn offered, massaging the back of her neck.
"No, we can't leave yet," she disagreed, picking at the white tablecloth. "We've got to stay for Francie."
"I think she'll understand," Vaughn pointed out. "You're exhausted, Syd."
"I'm fine," she replied, sighing and propping her feet up on his knees. "Just...ankles?"
He nodded, moving his hands to her ankles and rubbing them slowly. "Good?"
"Perfect," she agreed.
They stayed for another hour, mingling with the other guests, until Francie practically ordered Vaughn to take Sydney home. I was glad. She looked so uncomfortable, and that isn't good for any of us.
*October 17, 2004
I stopped by her house to check on her tonight. It seemed like a run of the mill evening at home; Vaughn brought a pint of Cherry Garcia home with him -- her latest craving -- and they curled up on the sofa to watch television.
Suddenly, she gasped, and my eyes turned toward her. "What is it?" Vaughn asked quickly.
"Hang on," she replied, shutting her eyes.
"Syd..."
"Just a second," she repeated, and then she gasped again. "Feel," she instructed, grabbing his hand and flattening his palm against her belly. "Right there..."
He waited for a moment, and then his eyes lit up. "Whoa. Is that the first time...?"
"Uh-huh," she answered. "That feels so weird." She paused. "This really makes it feel real."
He nodded. "We're going to have a baby..."
She murmured something I couldn't hear in response and kissed him on the mouth.
*November 26, 2004*
It was ninety degrees on Thanksgiving. I stayed at home in the morning, and I had planned to stay at home all night. I needed to stop seeing her. I knew that. It was just so difficult to leave her when she was in a position to be in danger. I wasn't certain that her husband could take care of her.
I broke at six-thirty, and I crept over to her house silently. She was hosting Thanksgiving dinner, and her mother-in-law had insisted upon coming over and helping with the food -- they had discussed it last night over the telephone. Nina was happily setting the table, speaking in quiet French to Vaughn as he carried the turkey to the table. I don't understand French.
"How are you feeling, dear?" Nina asked Sydney, who shrugged.
"My back hurts, but that's about it," Sydney replied. Her whole face glowed as she smiled at Nina. "I haven't been sick for months."
"I remember that subsiding eventually, too," Nina reminisced. "Of course, this one kept me on my toes. No wonder he turned out to be a hockey fanatic like his dad; he skated around in my stomach the whole time." She jabbed Vaughn in the side, and he rolled his eyes.
"We're going to the doctor tomorrow," Sydney said as she carefully folded a stack of cloth napkins. "I think we're going to find out the sex."
"Really?" Nina asked. "I thought you were going to be surprised."
Sydney shook her head. "We need to decide on a name. That and I'm really curious."
I could hear Vaughn laugh from the kitchen. "She and Francie did this crazy superstition thing with her wedding ring and a piece of my hair," he said as he carried in a basket of rolls. "If we go according to that, then it's a boy."
"I don't believe it, though," Sydney replied. "It's a girl. I'm eighty percent sure."
"Have you thought about any names?" Nina asked, arranging the silverware.
Sydney shrugged. "Nothing serious. Your son hasn't offered anything except Wayne and Gordie."
"Both perfectly good names," Vaughn defended.
"Wayne Vaughn?" his mother asked incredulously, and Vaughn laughed loudly.
"I'm not serious."
Nina made a face. "I should hope not."
I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up, all the lights were out in the house and all the cars were gone from the driveway. I trudged home in the darkness.
*December 31, 2004*
"Happy New Year!" Francie chirped as she and John walked through Sydney's front door.
It wasn't exactly the New Year yet, but I couldn't point that out. I was sitting outside the window, watching Jack peruse the blueprints that Vaughn had spread out on the dining room table. "I like the stairs," Jack said, nodding slowly. "They're positioned well. It'll keep them away from the baby until she can climb." Sydney had been right; it was a girl. A sonogram photo was magneted to the refrigerator door.
"I thought that was a good idea," Vaughn agreed. "We wanted to keep her room on the bottom floor."
Jack nodded again. "These are well done."
"My friend Joe is an architect," Vaughn reminded him. "He does good work."
"When do you start?"
"Excavation for the basement starts in a week."
The party was small and uneventful until Alice unexpectedly showed up with Joe and Jamie. She proceeded to explain that she had lost her job; she latched on to the champagne right away and ended up completely drunk before the night ended. Sydney looked on warily as Alice talked with Vaughn.
Then, at midnight, as Vaughn moved to go kiss his wife, Alice grabbed him and planted one on him. He pushed her away carefully, and she stood there, looking up at him. She burst into tears and ran out; Joe and his wife followed, explaining that they would drive her home.
Sydney looked as if she didn't know what to say. If an escapade like that isn't proof that I'm right about the whole situation, I'm not sure what is.
*January 11, 2005*
Sydney needs my help now more than ever; her husband has done something incredibly stupid. What kind of idiot breaks his leg when his wife is eight months pregnant? Idiot, thy name is Vaughn.
He's got a cast up to his knee, and suddenly Sydney is the more mobile of the two. She walks around the house slowly, but rests most of the time. She's taken the second semester off from her job at the school, so she's at home all the time.
From what I gather, Vaughn was walking around the building site when he tripped over something and fell awkwardly. I'm beginning to think she would have been better off with the disturbed, paranoid reporter than someone dense enough to do this.
*February 2, 2005*
She's in labor. She started having contractions last night at home, and Francie came over to drive them to the hospital. Vaughn's still in his cast, and will be for another three weeks or so.
I decided to go to the hospital. I'm not sure if it was a good decision, but I did it anyway. I'd been planning it for a while; I wore a disguise, masquerading as a janitor in the maternity ward. I beat them to the hospital, and I watched as they calm in the door. Sydney was in a wheelchair, her hair tucked behind her ears; Vaughn followed behind on a pair of crutches.
I couldn't hear most of what was going on, because I had to be careful. I couldn't stand beside the door and listen; I couldn't stay in one place for any amount of time. I had to look busy.
I only got to see her once today. A nurse spilled a pitcher of ice and water outside Sydney's open door, and I could hear her and see her from outside while I cleaned it up.
"You're sure you don't want the epidural, then?" a nurse asked skeptically, and Sydney shook her head adamantly.
"No," she said. "I can handle it. No drugs."
"Okay," the nurse answered, raising her eyebrows and shaking her head. "It's all up to you, then, Dad."
Vaughn nodded, not looking up at the nurse; he was holding one of Sydney's hands in both of his. "She'll do fine," he assured the nurse. "She's up to it."
The nurse couldn't possibly understand. Sydney had been tortured, she'd been beaten, and a million other things while she worked for SD-6. She knew what pain was like, and she had been taught techniques to deal with it. Standard agent stuff. I watched some of the agents at FTL go through the same type of training.
A contraction hit her while I was mopping, and she breathed through it slowly. Vaughn moved one hand to stroke her forehead lightly. "Okay?" he asked once the lines on the monitor had moved back to normal.
She nodded, exhaling. "This isn't that bad. I'm not going to let them give me medication."
"I won't let them," he assured her. "I know how much you hate sedatives."
Five hours later, she was still in labor; five hours after that, the baby still hadn't been born. I wondered if she was all right. This kind of thing couldn't last forever.
*February 3, 2005*
The baby was born at 8:25 this morning: a girl with dark hair and the usual bright blue eyes. Two hours after she was born, she was in the nursery while Sydney slept. I walked by with my mop and noticed Vaughn standing outside the nursery, peering through the windows.
"One of those yours?" I asked quickly, pausing by the window.
Vaughn leaned on his crutches and pointed to a bassinet near the window. "Ellie...a row from the front."
The baby was sleeping, wrapped up in a light green blanket. "She's a cute one."
He beamed. "Thank you. She looks like my wife."
"Must have a beautiful wife."
"I do, actually," he remarked, smiling.
I went along on my way. I only saw them once more that afternoon before leaving; Sydney was sitting up in bed, the baby cradled in her arms.
I had to give this up. Maybe she would be okay without me. I'd worked so hard to make sure she was safe; nothing had happened.
Maybe I needed to reconcile myself with the fact that I was the one who needed her, not the other way around. I felt safe when I was near her. I wasn't ready to explain that yet.
*April 17, 2005*
Happy birthday, Sydney. She's thirty-one today: hard to believe, isn't it? She doesn't look her age. You'd never know that she had a baby two months ago, either; the weight somehow melted right off of her.
Vaughn's walking normally again, and when I stopped by to see her on her birthday, he was walking around the living room, patting the baby gently on her back. She burped loudly, and he smiled. "Good girl," he murmured, kissing her on the top of the head.
"We have ice, don't we?" Sydney asked, meandering through the living room.
"We've got ice," he confirmed. "Everything's good to go."
"I feel like we're forgetting something," she said absently, sitting down in a chair and leaning her head back.
"Relax, birthday girl," Vaughn teased, and Sydney smiled.
"I love birthdays. I don't care how old I get, I'm always going to love my birthday."
"I'm glad," he replied, grinning. "I happen to like your birthday, too."
"Because you get cake?" she asked innocently.
The baby squealed, and Vaughn laughed. "You can't have cake," he said seriously, looking Ellie straight in the eyes. Ellie stared back, and when Vaughn's mother walked in the room, she cracked up.
"You and your father used to do that when you were a baby," she said, laughing. "Happy birthday, sweetheart." She leaned down and kissed Sydney on the cheek.
"Thanks, Nina," Sydney replied, grinning.
"Now, give me my grandchild," Nina ordered, holding out her hands. Vaughn handed Ellie over and whipped the burp rag off his shoulder. He peered out the front windows at the car that had just pulled into the driveway.
"Your dad's here," he called out.
Sydney sighed. "Just let him in...I don't think I'm going to move from this spot all night."
She did, of course. Francie and John came over, along with Eric, Will, Amy, Joe, and Jamie; everyone brought packages. Nina put Ellie to bed, and they all sat around and talked about work and family and everything else. The house was finished; the carpet-layers were coming in a few days.
Maybe I should make a resolution. They'll be moving soon; that could be the end of this. I don't think she needs me anymore.
I need her. But this...this just isn't worth it anymore.
*June 3, 2005*
They moved in five weeks ago, and I haven't been to the new house. I've decided to leave Los Angeles. Maybe I should just go jump off that bridge in Romania. I should have done that in the first place. It would have been easier.
I packed up my apartment, such as it is. I've decided to go see her one more time. I still love her, and I can't leave without seeing her. Maybe that will sustain me for a little longer.
I will head up the hill to their house and peer in the window. Maybe Vaughn won't be home. I should go in the late afternoon, when it's dusky enough to stay hidden but light enough that the sunset will reflect on her face beautifully. I'll see her holding her daughter, or talking on the telephone, or cooking.
I just need to see her again. One more time.
FIN
February 8, 2002
Author: Bella
E-mail: bella_lumina@yahoo.com
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters (except Joe, Jamie, John, and Nina and Ellie Vaughn) are not mine.
Spoilers: Everything up to and including "The Box." Minor spoilers from "The Coup" are referenced indirectly. You probably won't be able to find them if you aren't looking.
Notes: This is a companion piece to "Nothing to Be Afraid Of." Thanks to Cassandra for the beta-read! :) Another story will follow this one, tying up the loose ends.
*June 13, 2004*
I can't believe it. I literally cannot believe it. She's pregnant. It wasn't enough that her bastard of a husband got to marry her; it wasn't enough that she was willing to sleep with him whenever he felt like it; no, he had to have a child, too.
I don't know. I say those things, and I don't really know. I'm so incredibly jealous that I barely know what I'm talking about sometimes. I can't help it. I love her, and it hurts down to the very marrow of my bones that she's carrying his baby.
She seems happy except when she's feeling sick, which seems to be quite often. Every day, about the time that Vaughn comes home from work, she gets so nauseous that she runs to the bathroom to throw up. He always follows her with a wet washcloth, blotting the sweat off of her forehead. They sit on the floor there, with the door open, and I watch as she leans against him while he strokes her back.
"I feel awful," she said tonight, sighing. Her feet were bare, and her toes curled as he kissed the top of her head.
"I'm so sorry, Syd," he replied softly. "Is there anything else I can do?"
She shook her head quickly. "Just...don't move, okay?"
"Okay," he agreed. "How was school?"
"Kids were annoying," she answered. "I had a headache all day, and Sheila sneezed on me." Sheila's one of the math teachers; from what I gather, she's not one of Sydney's better friends. "It wasn't a good day."
"At least it's Friday," he reminded. "We can sleep in tomorrow."
"Francie called an hour ago," she told him. "She wants us to go to dinner with them tomorrow night."
He sighed. "You know what, we might as well. We've got to tell people eventually."
She groaned. "I know. It's just...if we don't tell them, it's our little secret. That's kind of cool."
"They're going to notice in a few months, you know..."
"So we'll tell them in a few months."
"Sydney..."
She sighed. "Okay, okay. We'll go to dinner. We'll tell them."
"Do you want to tell your dad first?"
"No," she said. "Francie comes before Dad. She's been my family for much longer."
"I'd like to tell my mom," he mentioned quietly. "Want to go to Santa Barbara for lunch?"
She nodded. "Okay." She paused. "You know what they're going to say, don't you?"
"What?"
"That this is too soon."
I agreed with that whole-heartedly.
"I don't know about that. My mother's going to be thrilled."
Well, that makes one...
"They're going to say that we aren't ready for this."
That's because you aren't, I wanted to say. You picked the wrong man, and now you're never going to be free of him.
"Why does it matter what they think?" he asked, and she sighed.
"I don't know. I guess it shouldn't."
I wanted to run inside and explain to her exactly how much it should matter. It should matter a lot. In fact, if she really, really listened to their qualms -- if she had just once listened to her father about Vaughn -- maybe she wouldn't be in this mess.
*June 16, 2004*
I heard last night that she was going to tell her father, and I got curious, so I stopped by to see how it was going. They had eaten dinner, obviously, because Vaughn was clearing plates from the table. Jack sat down in the living room with Sydney and asked how the house plans were coming.
"Slowly," she said carefully, giving him a wary smile.
"I hope you'll let me look at the blueprints once they're finished," he replied, sipping from his wineglass. "This is spectacular; where did you find it?"
"Nina gave it to us," she answered, fidgeting on the sofa. "She went to Napa a few weekends ago with some friends..." She drank slowly from her water glass and looked behind her for Vaughn, who was still gathering things in the kitchen.
"Sydney?" her father asked, his brow furrowing. "Is everything okay?"
"What?" she replied quickly. "No, no, everything's fine."
"You're acting a little strange," he pointed out.
"I know, I know," she said, exhaling as Vaughn moved to sit beside her on the sofa.
"She's okay, isn't she?" he asked Vaughn, who nodded slowly.
"She's fine," Vaughn responded. "She's--"
"--pregnant," Sydney finished quickly, watching her father's eyebrows shoot up. She bit her lip.
There was an uncomfortable silence. Jack finally broke it. "Well...that's great news."
"Dad..." Sydney began.
"I'm happy for you," he said. "You'll have to excuse me, I'm just...surprised."
"So were we," Vaughn commented, grasping Sydney's hand.
"When are you due?" Jack asked calmly.
"February," Sydney replied.
They hadn't planned it, I'm sure of that. There's no way that they would decide to have a baby now, after they hadn't even been married a year and Sydney had just started her new job, which must have been impossible to find halfway through the school year. They hadn't even started their house yet.
Things were going to fall apart if they weren't careful. I was afraid for her.
*July 15, 2004*
She's tired all the time now. Her clothes don't fit well anymore. I feel incredibly sorry for her, and I would give my right arm to make her feel better. She's got these horrible dark circles under her eyes.
Francie stopped by today, held out her left hand, and immediately burst into tears. "He proposed," she recounted. "I said yes. Do you remember what happened last time I said yes to a proposal?"
Sydney looped her arm through Francie's and led her to the couch. "John isn't Charlie," she pointed out quietly.
"I know that," France sniffled. "But *still*."
"You love John," Sydney added, sinking back into the couch cushions and resting a hand on her slightly rounded abdomen.
"I loved Charlie, too," Francie countered. "Syd, what am I going to do?"
"If you said yes, you must want to marry him," Sydney replied, yawning. "Sorry."
"S'okay," Francie assured her. "I do want to marry him. But I'm scared."
"That's okay. Marriage is kind of scary."
"Says the woman with a great husband and a baby on the way," Francie remarked. I won't even comment.
"Pregnancy is not all it's cracked up to be," she replied, sarcasm edging into her voice. "You throw up for three months, you have to pee all the time, and at the end? Excruciating pain."
"Where's Michael?" Francie asked, looking around the room.
"He had to work late," Sydney explained. "He'll be home soon. Hey, let me see the ring again."
Francie scooted closer, holding out her left hand. The diamond was huge, much larger than Sydney's. "That's quite a rock," Sydney commented.
"I know," Francie agreed, studying it. "It must have cost him a fortune."
"Just...make sure I'm not too huge when you get married, okay? Before the stomach or after, not during," she requested with a smile.
"You've got it," Francie said, beaming. "I'm getting married..."
"You're getting married," Sydney replied, pulling her into a hug. "Congratulations, sweetie."
*August 2, 2004*
Will left abruptly three days ago, and Sydney and Francie are panicking. I'm not sure what's happened to him, to be completely honest. If I knew, I'd go get him back. That'd bring Sydney's blue skies back.
Vaughn seems worried about her; I'll give him that much. He's called in sick to work the last few days, choosing to stay at home with her while Francie searches around. He sits with her at night, just holding on to her. I wish it was me; at least it's someone.
Last night he took her to the hospital; her back started hurting, and she called out that she was having stomach pains. He scooped her up and took her out to the car, racing to the emergency room. I followed, practicing my cough on the way there.
I sat on the opposite side of the waiting room, my nose buried in a magazine. He sat restlessly, constantly fidgeting and shifting positions. Finally a doctor came in and told him that he could come back; everything was okay, she hadn't miscarried the baby.
He insisted that she rest today, and she spent the day in bed, trying to sleep. I feel awful for her, but I can't do anything to help.
*August 3, 2004*
He strolled back in through Sydney's front door today, and she proceeded to completely chew him out. "Where have you been?" she shouted. "What makes you think you can do something like this?"
"Don't yell at me," Will replied brusquely. "And I can't talk about it, so don't ask."
*September 4, 2004*
Francie married John today in the garden wedding I always imagined that Sydney would have. Sydney was the maid -- matron, actually, I guess -- of honor; she walked down the aisle on the arm of John's best friend. She had finally started to really show, and her dress showed off the soft curve of her abdomen. Her hair was swept away from her face. She was gorgeous.
At the reception, she sat beside Vaughn, her eyelids drooping. "We can go home if you want," Vaughn offered, massaging the back of her neck.
"No, we can't leave yet," she disagreed, picking at the white tablecloth. "We've got to stay for Francie."
"I think she'll understand," Vaughn pointed out. "You're exhausted, Syd."
"I'm fine," she replied, sighing and propping her feet up on his knees. "Just...ankles?"
He nodded, moving his hands to her ankles and rubbing them slowly. "Good?"
"Perfect," she agreed.
They stayed for another hour, mingling with the other guests, until Francie practically ordered Vaughn to take Sydney home. I was glad. She looked so uncomfortable, and that isn't good for any of us.
*October 17, 2004
I stopped by her house to check on her tonight. It seemed like a run of the mill evening at home; Vaughn brought a pint of Cherry Garcia home with him -- her latest craving -- and they curled up on the sofa to watch television.
Suddenly, she gasped, and my eyes turned toward her. "What is it?" Vaughn asked quickly.
"Hang on," she replied, shutting her eyes.
"Syd..."
"Just a second," she repeated, and then she gasped again. "Feel," she instructed, grabbing his hand and flattening his palm against her belly. "Right there..."
He waited for a moment, and then his eyes lit up. "Whoa. Is that the first time...?"
"Uh-huh," she answered. "That feels so weird." She paused. "This really makes it feel real."
He nodded. "We're going to have a baby..."
She murmured something I couldn't hear in response and kissed him on the mouth.
*November 26, 2004*
It was ninety degrees on Thanksgiving. I stayed at home in the morning, and I had planned to stay at home all night. I needed to stop seeing her. I knew that. It was just so difficult to leave her when she was in a position to be in danger. I wasn't certain that her husband could take care of her.
I broke at six-thirty, and I crept over to her house silently. She was hosting Thanksgiving dinner, and her mother-in-law had insisted upon coming over and helping with the food -- they had discussed it last night over the telephone. Nina was happily setting the table, speaking in quiet French to Vaughn as he carried the turkey to the table. I don't understand French.
"How are you feeling, dear?" Nina asked Sydney, who shrugged.
"My back hurts, but that's about it," Sydney replied. Her whole face glowed as she smiled at Nina. "I haven't been sick for months."
"I remember that subsiding eventually, too," Nina reminisced. "Of course, this one kept me on my toes. No wonder he turned out to be a hockey fanatic like his dad; he skated around in my stomach the whole time." She jabbed Vaughn in the side, and he rolled his eyes.
"We're going to the doctor tomorrow," Sydney said as she carefully folded a stack of cloth napkins. "I think we're going to find out the sex."
"Really?" Nina asked. "I thought you were going to be surprised."
Sydney shook her head. "We need to decide on a name. That and I'm really curious."
I could hear Vaughn laugh from the kitchen. "She and Francie did this crazy superstition thing with her wedding ring and a piece of my hair," he said as he carried in a basket of rolls. "If we go according to that, then it's a boy."
"I don't believe it, though," Sydney replied. "It's a girl. I'm eighty percent sure."
"Have you thought about any names?" Nina asked, arranging the silverware.
Sydney shrugged. "Nothing serious. Your son hasn't offered anything except Wayne and Gordie."
"Both perfectly good names," Vaughn defended.
"Wayne Vaughn?" his mother asked incredulously, and Vaughn laughed loudly.
"I'm not serious."
Nina made a face. "I should hope not."
I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up, all the lights were out in the house and all the cars were gone from the driveway. I trudged home in the darkness.
*December 31, 2004*
"Happy New Year!" Francie chirped as she and John walked through Sydney's front door.
It wasn't exactly the New Year yet, but I couldn't point that out. I was sitting outside the window, watching Jack peruse the blueprints that Vaughn had spread out on the dining room table. "I like the stairs," Jack said, nodding slowly. "They're positioned well. It'll keep them away from the baby until she can climb." Sydney had been right; it was a girl. A sonogram photo was magneted to the refrigerator door.
"I thought that was a good idea," Vaughn agreed. "We wanted to keep her room on the bottom floor."
Jack nodded again. "These are well done."
"My friend Joe is an architect," Vaughn reminded him. "He does good work."
"When do you start?"
"Excavation for the basement starts in a week."
The party was small and uneventful until Alice unexpectedly showed up with Joe and Jamie. She proceeded to explain that she had lost her job; she latched on to the champagne right away and ended up completely drunk before the night ended. Sydney looked on warily as Alice talked with Vaughn.
Then, at midnight, as Vaughn moved to go kiss his wife, Alice grabbed him and planted one on him. He pushed her away carefully, and she stood there, looking up at him. She burst into tears and ran out; Joe and his wife followed, explaining that they would drive her home.
Sydney looked as if she didn't know what to say. If an escapade like that isn't proof that I'm right about the whole situation, I'm not sure what is.
*January 11, 2005*
Sydney needs my help now more than ever; her husband has done something incredibly stupid. What kind of idiot breaks his leg when his wife is eight months pregnant? Idiot, thy name is Vaughn.
He's got a cast up to his knee, and suddenly Sydney is the more mobile of the two. She walks around the house slowly, but rests most of the time. She's taken the second semester off from her job at the school, so she's at home all the time.
From what I gather, Vaughn was walking around the building site when he tripped over something and fell awkwardly. I'm beginning to think she would have been better off with the disturbed, paranoid reporter than someone dense enough to do this.
*February 2, 2005*
She's in labor. She started having contractions last night at home, and Francie came over to drive them to the hospital. Vaughn's still in his cast, and will be for another three weeks or so.
I decided to go to the hospital. I'm not sure if it was a good decision, but I did it anyway. I'd been planning it for a while; I wore a disguise, masquerading as a janitor in the maternity ward. I beat them to the hospital, and I watched as they calm in the door. Sydney was in a wheelchair, her hair tucked behind her ears; Vaughn followed behind on a pair of crutches.
I couldn't hear most of what was going on, because I had to be careful. I couldn't stand beside the door and listen; I couldn't stay in one place for any amount of time. I had to look busy.
I only got to see her once today. A nurse spilled a pitcher of ice and water outside Sydney's open door, and I could hear her and see her from outside while I cleaned it up.
"You're sure you don't want the epidural, then?" a nurse asked skeptically, and Sydney shook her head adamantly.
"No," she said. "I can handle it. No drugs."
"Okay," the nurse answered, raising her eyebrows and shaking her head. "It's all up to you, then, Dad."
Vaughn nodded, not looking up at the nurse; he was holding one of Sydney's hands in both of his. "She'll do fine," he assured the nurse. "She's up to it."
The nurse couldn't possibly understand. Sydney had been tortured, she'd been beaten, and a million other things while she worked for SD-6. She knew what pain was like, and she had been taught techniques to deal with it. Standard agent stuff. I watched some of the agents at FTL go through the same type of training.
A contraction hit her while I was mopping, and she breathed through it slowly. Vaughn moved one hand to stroke her forehead lightly. "Okay?" he asked once the lines on the monitor had moved back to normal.
She nodded, exhaling. "This isn't that bad. I'm not going to let them give me medication."
"I won't let them," he assured her. "I know how much you hate sedatives."
Five hours later, she was still in labor; five hours after that, the baby still hadn't been born. I wondered if she was all right. This kind of thing couldn't last forever.
*February 3, 2005*
The baby was born at 8:25 this morning: a girl with dark hair and the usual bright blue eyes. Two hours after she was born, she was in the nursery while Sydney slept. I walked by with my mop and noticed Vaughn standing outside the nursery, peering through the windows.
"One of those yours?" I asked quickly, pausing by the window.
Vaughn leaned on his crutches and pointed to a bassinet near the window. "Ellie...a row from the front."
The baby was sleeping, wrapped up in a light green blanket. "She's a cute one."
He beamed. "Thank you. She looks like my wife."
"Must have a beautiful wife."
"I do, actually," he remarked, smiling.
I went along on my way. I only saw them once more that afternoon before leaving; Sydney was sitting up in bed, the baby cradled in her arms.
I had to give this up. Maybe she would be okay without me. I'd worked so hard to make sure she was safe; nothing had happened.
Maybe I needed to reconcile myself with the fact that I was the one who needed her, not the other way around. I felt safe when I was near her. I wasn't ready to explain that yet.
*April 17, 2005*
Happy birthday, Sydney. She's thirty-one today: hard to believe, isn't it? She doesn't look her age. You'd never know that she had a baby two months ago, either; the weight somehow melted right off of her.
Vaughn's walking normally again, and when I stopped by to see her on her birthday, he was walking around the living room, patting the baby gently on her back. She burped loudly, and he smiled. "Good girl," he murmured, kissing her on the top of the head.
"We have ice, don't we?" Sydney asked, meandering through the living room.
"We've got ice," he confirmed. "Everything's good to go."
"I feel like we're forgetting something," she said absently, sitting down in a chair and leaning her head back.
"Relax, birthday girl," Vaughn teased, and Sydney smiled.
"I love birthdays. I don't care how old I get, I'm always going to love my birthday."
"I'm glad," he replied, grinning. "I happen to like your birthday, too."
"Because you get cake?" she asked innocently.
The baby squealed, and Vaughn laughed. "You can't have cake," he said seriously, looking Ellie straight in the eyes. Ellie stared back, and when Vaughn's mother walked in the room, she cracked up.
"You and your father used to do that when you were a baby," she said, laughing. "Happy birthday, sweetheart." She leaned down and kissed Sydney on the cheek.
"Thanks, Nina," Sydney replied, grinning.
"Now, give me my grandchild," Nina ordered, holding out her hands. Vaughn handed Ellie over and whipped the burp rag off his shoulder. He peered out the front windows at the car that had just pulled into the driveway.
"Your dad's here," he called out.
Sydney sighed. "Just let him in...I don't think I'm going to move from this spot all night."
She did, of course. Francie and John came over, along with Eric, Will, Amy, Joe, and Jamie; everyone brought packages. Nina put Ellie to bed, and they all sat around and talked about work and family and everything else. The house was finished; the carpet-layers were coming in a few days.
Maybe I should make a resolution. They'll be moving soon; that could be the end of this. I don't think she needs me anymore.
I need her. But this...this just isn't worth it anymore.
*June 3, 2005*
They moved in five weeks ago, and I haven't been to the new house. I've decided to leave Los Angeles. Maybe I should just go jump off that bridge in Romania. I should have done that in the first place. It would have been easier.
I packed up my apartment, such as it is. I've decided to go see her one more time. I still love her, and I can't leave without seeing her. Maybe that will sustain me for a little longer.
I will head up the hill to their house and peer in the window. Maybe Vaughn won't be home. I should go in the late afternoon, when it's dusky enough to stay hidden but light enough that the sunset will reflect on her face beautifully. I'll see her holding her daughter, or talking on the telephone, or cooking.
I just need to see her again. One more time.
FIN
February 8, 2002