Title: Elrond Halfelven Woke Up Gay (1/1)

Author: Liz Huisman

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: Not mine.  So not mine.  They extremely do not belong to poor ol' me.  Also, I'm not receiving any money, so I'm okay.  Away, evil lawyers!

Summary: See title.  He really did.

A/N: A new installment!  Really, folks, this is becoming crazy.  Elrond?  ::nods head:: Elrond.  Anyway, it's funny, so read. 

P.S. Set at different time than other 'Woke Up Gay' stories, seeing as Gandalf comes in and Elrond uses an evil nickname on him.  ::shudder::

One outstandingly beautiful day in Rivendell, Elrond Halfelven woke up gay.

He strode around the Last Homely House, feeling exceptionally light and feathery.

Elrond made his way to the bathroom.  He looked at himself in the mirror.

I'm too sexy for this circlet, too sexy for this hair, too sexy… hold up.

Elrond was a bit disturbed by that.  He didn't know WHY exactly he was feeling this light and whatnot, but he didn't mind it.

I'm too sexy for this cloak, too sexy for these shoes, too sexy…

There was a knock on the door.

"Elrond, are you busy?"

It was Glorfindel.  "Of course not," Elrond said, coming out of the bathroom.  "What do you need, Glorfindel?" he asked with more than a note of happiness in his voice.

Glorfindel studied Elrond.  To him, Elrond looked much happier, much more cheerful than usual.

"It was nothing… are you feeling alright today?"

Elrond looked at him.  "Of course I am!  It's a beautiful day, Glorfindel!  The sun is shining, the flowers are gorgeous!  How could I be anything but?"

"Yesterday you were crabby and short-tempered."

"But that was yesterday!  This is a new day!  A beautiful one at that!"

Glorfindel shook his head.  "I eh… have some things I must attend to.  Good day, Elrond."

"It IS a good day, Glorfey, and don't you forget it!"

Glorfindel walked VERY quickly away from Elrond when he heard him use the name Glorfey.  When Elrond started using those awful nicknames he used once in a great while, you just went away, as fast as elvishly possible.

Meanwhile, as Glorfey was running from Elrond as fast as elvishly possible, Elrond had found a full-length mirror, and was posing.

You sex maCHINE!  He thought as he posed.

Soon, Gandalf came walking down the hall.  "Elrond!  I am here on some – what in the name of everything holy are you doing?"

"Do you find me a sexy man, Gandalf?"

Gandalf didn't comment.  Instead, he started chanting over and over, it didn't just happen to him.  It didn't just happen to him.  It didn't just happen to him.

"Gandalf, friend, what is the matter!  You look like you could use some pepper-up!"

Gandalf shook his head furiously.  "No, thank you.  No pepper-up.  No!"

"Oh come on, Alfie!  You haven't look this put-out since Saruman and the whole thing with the giant, bouncing –"

"Do NOT mention that, PLEASE!"

Elrond looked taken aback.  "Oh come on, Alfie!  Just because the whole Saruman thing didn't work out, there's no reason why we can't –"

"Just stop right there, Elrond!" cried Gandalf.  "I boff with no one."

"Well, that's a lie.  There was Radagast, one thousand years ago, and then your failed thing with Saruman, and I know that you did NOT spend the entire five hundred years of THAT mess not-boffing!  And then there was – "

"You're no better than many of those squabbling, gossiping hobbits!" Gandalf said angrily, his temper flaring at the mention of his long-time failed Saruman thing.  "I have things to do, Elrond.  No time to sit around reminiscing," he said, as he turned and left, muttering, why oh WHY does he have to wake up gay once every hundred years?  WHY?

Elrond sighed loudly.  First Glorfey ran off on him, and then Alfie.  Everyone that was boff-worthy was just… LEAVING! 

He started to walk back to his room, but on the way, caught sight of himself in another full-length mirror.

Oh… I'm too sexy for this house, too sexy for my land, too sexy…

END

(A/N: Heh.  HEH.)