Part 2:
Dear Giles,
Now before you go all 'Dear Lord', start rubbing your glasses and getting all panicky on me, let me assure you that this is not one of those suicide, 'Goodbye Cruel World' notes. I know, I know, letters are really a thing of the past with computers or 'those infernal machines' as you so fondly call them around. But e-mail isn't appropriate for what I'm about to write to you.
Jeez, this sounds so much like a Dear John letter doesn't it?? Well, except for your name being Giles and not John. Well, it should be dear Rupert actually, but.. ok, ok, getting sidetracked. The reason I'm writing you this letter is because my therapist says it'll give me closure. So here I am, closing.
We learned how to write official letters in school, but not 'closure' letters. I wonder if there's a format or something. Looks like I'll have to wing it (I can see you rolling your eyes Giles). Hmm, where do I begin? Maybe I'll start with how my life is going right now (This is where Dr. Stromberg will start telling me not to be so self absorbed and egoistic, but what the hell, it is my closure letter).
I guess I hit rock bottom the night Willow and Xander.. went away. Even though Willow had gone bad long before that night, and deep down I knew that it was either her or us, I was still unprepared for what happened. She was the glue that held me together when I first came here and she was the closest female friend and confidante I had after mom and Dawn. And even though I now realize that Willow chose her own path, I also see that I was partly to blame for not recognizing her problem since I was so wrapped up with my own. I want to tell her how sorry I am for not seeing that but now I can't.
And Xander. Even though it always belonged to another, Xander was my heart. The day when Anya died and Xander stopped living, my heart stopped beating. Out of everyone in the group, he was the only one that never stopped believing and that night he gave his life for us... for me. Do you know that night he told me he loved me? I don't know whether he meant 'friend' love or something more, and I never will.
You know what was the worst part Giles? We couldn't even recover their bodies. Which means that I couldn't even say goodbye to them that way. At least if we could have had a funeral for them I could have had some closure on some level (Here I go thinking about the world in terms of myself again, gotta love that Buffy ego).
The day after the everything happened I ended what I had with Spike. I knew what we had was nothing but sex, and I recognized that I was hurting myself by staying in an unhealthy relationship. Spike didn't love me, he just wanted the Slayer. Surprisingly though, he took it quite well. I think he did because even though he doesn't love me, he does love Dawn. And for that, I'm grateful. Spike still helps me with the patrol and even helps me train (in other words, he's my vampire shaped punching bag). Anyway, the day after that I checked into therapy and now I'm earning an honest living as co-owner of the Magic Box.
Speaking of the Magic Box, my 'boss' is finally getting her life post- rat together. Amy runs most everything in the Magic Box (don't worry Giles, she still keeps the bat essence away from the eye of newt, just like you used to do) and though no one speaks of it, she has taken up the leadership role of our group. She checks for upcoming prophecies, sets up the patrolling schedule and basically acts all stuffy and Englishmen like. I swear, sometimes she sometimes even does your accent just to get our attention.
Dawn has changed a lot since that night. I think she has as much emotional investment in you guys as I do. For a while there we thought we had lost her, but she made it through. Don't we always do? Dawn's more mature now. She doesn't do stupid things like rush head first into battles anymore. In fact, me, Amy and Spike usually take her along to help out when we have a particularly nasty big bad to fight nowadays. I know this is not the most conducive life for a teenage girl, but despite the circumstances Dawnie has grown up into a marvelous young woman, and I'm very proud of her for it.
So that's it. The last six months of my life of my life condensed in an easily read and referenced format. I have a new group to help me fight the evil things now. But they can't ever replace the three of you, Giles. And I don't want them to replace the three of you. I can't even call us the Scooby gang anymore since the Scooby gang was me, you, Xander and Willow. What I have now is just a pale comparison. And it hurt me a lot when all of you were gone. It hurt me a lot when YOU went away. You were like a father to me Giles, and when you left, I was lost. It was like I had lost a whole part of me. Part of the reason that I went to Spike for comfort was because I had to have something to fill the void that you left in me. But I understand why you did what you did. I became a better person because of it. And I am very thankful for it.
So there you have it. I'm finally taking the first steps to getting my life back together. I have people who care for me and I also have my self respect back. Life's not perfect right now, but it is heading towards 'bearable', which is all anyone can hope for in Sunnydale. I know what you're thinking: I've jinxed us haven't I? Oh, well. If there's anything I've learned this past six months is to take life one day at a time and not worry too much about the future. That's why the call the present, 'present'. It's a gift.
Goodbye Giles. I love you.
Hugs and very restrained English kisses,
Buffy Summers.
Buffy sighed as she put her pen down. She stared wistfully at the finished letter for a moment before placing it into a white envelope with the word 'Giles' written neatly in the center.
" At least I'll be able to actually mail this one if I had the guts." she murmured as she opened her desk drawer. She placed the envelope inside next to two similar envelopes with the words 'Xander' and 'Willow' written on each of them respectively. She stared at the envelopes for a moment before exiting her room to go for her usual nightly patrol.
He surveyed the seemingly peaceful town from atop a nearby cliff.
{The Hellmouth. I can feel it's power. The stars are properly aligned. I just hope all the players of this little drama about to unfold are on schedule. It is time. Time for me to rise to my rightful position in this world.}
With that thought, the man waved his arms nonchalantly, causing a portal of white light to materialize out of thin air. The man whistled an unfamiliar tune as he entered the portal, closing it behind him with another wave of his hand.
Dear Giles,
Now before you go all 'Dear Lord', start rubbing your glasses and getting all panicky on me, let me assure you that this is not one of those suicide, 'Goodbye Cruel World' notes. I know, I know, letters are really a thing of the past with computers or 'those infernal machines' as you so fondly call them around. But e-mail isn't appropriate for what I'm about to write to you.
Jeez, this sounds so much like a Dear John letter doesn't it?? Well, except for your name being Giles and not John. Well, it should be dear Rupert actually, but.. ok, ok, getting sidetracked. The reason I'm writing you this letter is because my therapist says it'll give me closure. So here I am, closing.
We learned how to write official letters in school, but not 'closure' letters. I wonder if there's a format or something. Looks like I'll have to wing it (I can see you rolling your eyes Giles). Hmm, where do I begin? Maybe I'll start with how my life is going right now (This is where Dr. Stromberg will start telling me not to be so self absorbed and egoistic, but what the hell, it is my closure letter).
I guess I hit rock bottom the night Willow and Xander.. went away. Even though Willow had gone bad long before that night, and deep down I knew that it was either her or us, I was still unprepared for what happened. She was the glue that held me together when I first came here and she was the closest female friend and confidante I had after mom and Dawn. And even though I now realize that Willow chose her own path, I also see that I was partly to blame for not recognizing her problem since I was so wrapped up with my own. I want to tell her how sorry I am for not seeing that but now I can't.
And Xander. Even though it always belonged to another, Xander was my heart. The day when Anya died and Xander stopped living, my heart stopped beating. Out of everyone in the group, he was the only one that never stopped believing and that night he gave his life for us... for me. Do you know that night he told me he loved me? I don't know whether he meant 'friend' love or something more, and I never will.
You know what was the worst part Giles? We couldn't even recover their bodies. Which means that I couldn't even say goodbye to them that way. At least if we could have had a funeral for them I could have had some closure on some level (Here I go thinking about the world in terms of myself again, gotta love that Buffy ego).
The day after the everything happened I ended what I had with Spike. I knew what we had was nothing but sex, and I recognized that I was hurting myself by staying in an unhealthy relationship. Spike didn't love me, he just wanted the Slayer. Surprisingly though, he took it quite well. I think he did because even though he doesn't love me, he does love Dawn. And for that, I'm grateful. Spike still helps me with the patrol and even helps me train (in other words, he's my vampire shaped punching bag). Anyway, the day after that I checked into therapy and now I'm earning an honest living as co-owner of the Magic Box.
Speaking of the Magic Box, my 'boss' is finally getting her life post- rat together. Amy runs most everything in the Magic Box (don't worry Giles, she still keeps the bat essence away from the eye of newt, just like you used to do) and though no one speaks of it, she has taken up the leadership role of our group. She checks for upcoming prophecies, sets up the patrolling schedule and basically acts all stuffy and Englishmen like. I swear, sometimes she sometimes even does your accent just to get our attention.
Dawn has changed a lot since that night. I think she has as much emotional investment in you guys as I do. For a while there we thought we had lost her, but she made it through. Don't we always do? Dawn's more mature now. She doesn't do stupid things like rush head first into battles anymore. In fact, me, Amy and Spike usually take her along to help out when we have a particularly nasty big bad to fight nowadays. I know this is not the most conducive life for a teenage girl, but despite the circumstances Dawnie has grown up into a marvelous young woman, and I'm very proud of her for it.
So that's it. The last six months of my life of my life condensed in an easily read and referenced format. I have a new group to help me fight the evil things now. But they can't ever replace the three of you, Giles. And I don't want them to replace the three of you. I can't even call us the Scooby gang anymore since the Scooby gang was me, you, Xander and Willow. What I have now is just a pale comparison. And it hurt me a lot when all of you were gone. It hurt me a lot when YOU went away. You were like a father to me Giles, and when you left, I was lost. It was like I had lost a whole part of me. Part of the reason that I went to Spike for comfort was because I had to have something to fill the void that you left in me. But I understand why you did what you did. I became a better person because of it. And I am very thankful for it.
So there you have it. I'm finally taking the first steps to getting my life back together. I have people who care for me and I also have my self respect back. Life's not perfect right now, but it is heading towards 'bearable', which is all anyone can hope for in Sunnydale. I know what you're thinking: I've jinxed us haven't I? Oh, well. If there's anything I've learned this past six months is to take life one day at a time and not worry too much about the future. That's why the call the present, 'present'. It's a gift.
Goodbye Giles. I love you.
Hugs and very restrained English kisses,
Buffy Summers.
Buffy sighed as she put her pen down. She stared wistfully at the finished letter for a moment before placing it into a white envelope with the word 'Giles' written neatly in the center.
" At least I'll be able to actually mail this one if I had the guts." she murmured as she opened her desk drawer. She placed the envelope inside next to two similar envelopes with the words 'Xander' and 'Willow' written on each of them respectively. She stared at the envelopes for a moment before exiting her room to go for her usual nightly patrol.
He surveyed the seemingly peaceful town from atop a nearby cliff.
{The Hellmouth. I can feel it's power. The stars are properly aligned. I just hope all the players of this little drama about to unfold are on schedule. It is time. Time for me to rise to my rightful position in this world.}
With that thought, the man waved his arms nonchalantly, causing a portal of white light to materialize out of thin air. The man whistled an unfamiliar tune as he entered the portal, closing it behind him with another wave of his hand.