Just Breathe
*Chapter Two*
Goodbye Means Hello
********************
The following morning had arrived, and there was still no sign of Jamal. Of course, the night before wasn't any different. Jamal had mentioned that he had a few errands to run, but he never mentioned how long he would be gone... nor, that he'd be gone this long. Alison was plagued with worry by this point, and even at every noise she heard, she practicually jumped at the thought of it being Jamal.
"Jamal," she whispered shakily. "where are you?" she questioned aloud, when suddenly, the phone rang out in a thunderous tone, almost causing her to jump out of her skin. Wasting no time in dodging for the phone, she picked up the reciever, clasping her hand tightly to her chest. "Hello? Hello?" she questioned abruptly.
"Hey, baby girl, it's me."
"Jamal!" she cried. "Oh my god! Thank god your alright.. I thought, that-- you were.."
"I can hardly hear you, Ali. The reception on this payphone ain't all that great.."
She smiled tearfully at the notion that Jamal was alright, "You know what, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm just happy to hear your voice."
"Same." he answered shortly. "Look, Ali, there's something you need to know.."
"Yeah?" she questioned expectantly.
"Well," he began, his tone growing weak. "yesterday, when I left the apartment.. when I told you I had errands to run, well.. there was only one."
"One..?" she questioned quite hesitantly. "Jamal, where are you going with this?"
"I went to see Valerie." he stated clearly.
"And?" she questioned sarcastically. "Look, Jamal, I know that you feel you have some sort of obligation to Valerie, especially since she's going through such a terrible ordeal right now. And don't take this the wrong way, but right now.. I really think that your the last person Valerie needs."
"Ali," he began. "Valerie's dead."
Alison's jaw dropped at Jamal's revelation, her faced turned white and she almost let the phone slip through her fingers. Alison was too shocked to say a word, she just couldn't believe something like this had happened. "Wait a minute.. Valerie, she's dead? But, just yesterday she was.. Jamal, how the hell did this happen?"
"I know, I wouldn't have believed it either if I hadn't been there. But, the reality is, Valerie is dead.. and it's my fault."
"What? No, Jamal, this is NOT your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself!"
"Just think about it-- a week ago, Valerie was perfectly happy. She had her daughter, the only thing that ever mattered to her.. if only I wouldn't have taken that away from her by signing away my rights as Hope's father, she would still be happy. She would still be alive. Before, when she blamed us for taking away everything that ever mattered to her, I thought it was only her depression talking.. but now, now I can clearly see what she saw. We did this, Ali, we're responsible for her death."
"Jamal, no.." she answered in a tone of disbelief. "You just hold on right there! None of this is your fault.. our fault! We did nothing wrong!" she cried out with such rage. Afterwards, she took in a deep breathe to calm herself down a bit, "why don't you tell me exactly what happened?"
"Look, Ali, I can't really talk about this on the phone right now.." his voice silently trailed off into the distance. "Right now, I'm in Chicago with the Hartman's, making funeral arrangements, and I.. I just can't talk about this right now, especially with you. I'll see you when I come home, aight?"
"Jamal, wait!" she cried. "Jamal?" she didn't get an answer, and after that, all she heard was him hanging up on her. Slowly placing the phone back into it's place, she ran her fingers violently through her blonde locks, "I can't believe this happened.." she admitted aloud. "I have to go to Chicago.. I need to be with Jamal!"
Alison ran into her and Jamal's bedroom, dodging for the closet and whipping out her overnight bag. She threw the bag roughly onto her bed, then shortly crossed over to her dresser, pulling open the drawers and grabbing as much clothing as she figured she'd need for her stay in Chicago. Which, actually, wasn't too much.. which was a bit suprising coming from Alison, considering that she was usually a pack-rat when it came to going on a road trip. Finally, after shoving all of her clothes into her overnight bag, she threw the bag over her shoulder, grabbed the keys to her car and was out the door.. heading for Chicago.
********************
With a soft, bright smile on her face, and only blocks away from her apartment, on her way to Chicago, Alison reached for the tuning button on the radio in her car. Once the radio was on, a very special, very meaningful song played throughout the speakers in her car, as she listened tearfully to the lyrics.
I can't imagine living my life without you now
Not ever having you around
We found our way out
(on you I can depend)
Don't have to look back to realize how far we've come
There are million reasons
I'm lookin up
I don't want this to end
Nothin
Nothin should ever bring you down
Knowing what goes around will come around
"Your a very special person to me, you know that, right?" she admitted, whole-heartedly to him. "I know, believe me.. I know, and I'll never forget." he answered with a soft smile. "I mean, through all of this.. your the only one who has been there for me, the only one whose cared. Even when I've taken all my pain.. all my heartache out on you, you never, not even once, turned your back on me. You've been there for me this entire time, watching over me like your my own, personal guardian angel." "Maybe I am." he grinned softly. "You showed me that dreams can come true.. because of you, I believe.."
You showed me faith is not blind
I don't need wings to help me fly
Miracles happen, once in a while
When you believe
(miracles happen)
You showed me dreams come to light
That takin a chace on us was right
All things will come with a little time
When You believe
"When you believe, Alison, anything is possible." "You changed my life, in more ways than one," she paused for a slight moment, laughing tearfully, "what am I going to do without you? Without you, I can't see anything else. Your my best friend, and to lose you is worse than a tragic death.. just the thought of never seeing you again, it breaks my heart." "I'll always be with you, Alison, all you have to do is look up and you'll know I'm there, watching down on you." he smiled, reaching out his arms and pulling her into him. "I don't want to say goodbye, because I know that if I do, I'll forget.." she cried. "Always remember.." he whispered finally, before disappearing out of her arms. "I'll always remember.." she whispered tearfully, looking up to the gods.
There is no question we found the missing pieces
Our picture is complete
It's fallen into place
(it's fallen into place)
This is our moment, you and I are looking up
Someone is watching over us
Keeping me close
Closer to you everyday
The song was finally over, with memories plaguing Alison's thoughts of the emotional goodbye that took place between Rafe and herself on Christmas Eve. With tears streaming down her cheeks, her eyes were distracted away from the road.. quickly realizing how careless she had been with her driving, she pulled over onto the side of the road.
"Damn it, Ali!" she scolded herself, "You love Jamal.. not Rafe," she reminded herself. "then why can't I stop thinking about him?" she wondered. Then, the more she thought about it, the more she came to realize what everyone else has known for so long. "Maybe," she began slowly. "could I be falling.. in--" she suddenly stopped herself from saying the words. "No, no.. no!"
Suddenly, there was a pounding on the glass window on the passengers side of the car, which literally caused Alison to jump out of her skin. "Alison!" the other person yelled, drastically trying to get her attention.
Clasping her hand to her chest, thinking she's going to have an heart-attack, Alison breathed in slowly before rolling down the window on the passengers side. "Rafe?" she questioned, confusion taking over the tone in her voice. "Since when has goodbye meant hello?" she questioned, the tone in her voice revealing nothing but sarcasm. She quickly brushed off that question with another, "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same, but I'm getting the feeling that asking that of you isn't for the best at this point." he babbled. Rafe continued after looking both ways, then opening the door and hopping into the front seat. "From the look of things, it seems that you have the same intentions as myself.."
"Come again?" she questioned sarcastically.
"Your leaving town, am I right?"
"Yeah, but under different circumstances.. you see, I'm leaving Port Charles to be with my boyfriend, who feels responsible for his exes death, while you.. your leaving town because you have nothing keeping you here."
"Right!" he replied unphased, not even realizing what Alison had said about Jamal feeling responsible for Valerie's death. "Um, wait a minute.. let's back up a few steps here. What was that about a 'death'? Who died?"
"Valerie." Alison stated, looking away.
"What? How?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what do you know?"
"Nothing!" she growled.
"Okay. Really though, there's no need to take your grief out on me, Ali." he stated, the hurt taking over the tone in his voice. "So, I take all you know is that Valerie is dead, and Jamal feels responsible.. right?"
"Exactly," she began. "And, if you don't mind. I'd really like to be on my way now."
"Actually, I do mind." he stated clearly.
"What?" she questioned, clearly confused.
"I'm not going anywhere, Alison.. your clearly in an emotional state of mind right now, and taking this trip, to wherever, by yourself, is really the last thing you need."
"Fine!" she yelled, feeling beaten. "If your staying, then would you mind shutting that damn door so we can leave?!"
"My pleasure." he grabbed the handle on the car door, and slammed it shut.. soon thereafter, Alison hit the gas and they sped off.
"Woah there, do you even realize how fast your driving right now?" Rafe questioned, grabbing for anything within his reach.
"I don't care!" she replied in a stubborn tone.
"Well, I do. And I actually care about the time I have left on earth, so if you don't mind-" he reached for the steering-wheel, only to have Alison shove him away. "What the hell is going on with you?!" he demanded.
She turned towards him, with pre-tears in her eyes. "Do you really need to ask?"
"Yeah, I do.. because right now, I don't even feel like I know you. Your a completely different person."
"I don't even know why I continue to try and make things right with everyone. I mean, I'm damned if I do.. and I'm damned if I don't, right? You know me, Rafe, I always put everyone else before myself. God, I hate that! First, when Valerie came to town, I watched on knowingly, while Jamal pushed me away and put Valerie and his daughter before everything else. Then, I got involved with you and nearly ruined my relationship with Jamal, thus refusing to give up either of you at first. Then, to satisfy Jamal, I give my friendship with you up!"
"Your a good person, Alison, there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all."
"Your wrong, Rafe! So terribly wrong.. you see, before I met you.. before I even met Jamal, I didn't have a care in the world. Anything and everything I ever did was care-free. That's the luxuries of being a Barrington.. never having to give a damn about anyone, or anything. Even if it meant being a cold, heartless bitch, and living alone without love.. at least heartbreak was never an issue for me back then. And now, everywhere I turn, all I give and recieve is heartbreak, no matter how good my intentions!"
Rafe couldn't bare to look into her tear-bound eyes, it was just too painful for him. He turned away from her, his eyes shifting back onto the road. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide in shock and his face turned 'ghost' white. "Alison.." he whispered, trying desperately to choke the words out.
"What?!" she growled in a frustrated tone.
"ALISON! WATCH OUT!!!" he yelled frantically.
*Chapter Two*
Goodbye Means Hello
********************
The following morning had arrived, and there was still no sign of Jamal. Of course, the night before wasn't any different. Jamal had mentioned that he had a few errands to run, but he never mentioned how long he would be gone... nor, that he'd be gone this long. Alison was plagued with worry by this point, and even at every noise she heard, she practicually jumped at the thought of it being Jamal.
"Jamal," she whispered shakily. "where are you?" she questioned aloud, when suddenly, the phone rang out in a thunderous tone, almost causing her to jump out of her skin. Wasting no time in dodging for the phone, she picked up the reciever, clasping her hand tightly to her chest. "Hello? Hello?" she questioned abruptly.
"Hey, baby girl, it's me."
"Jamal!" she cried. "Oh my god! Thank god your alright.. I thought, that-- you were.."
"I can hardly hear you, Ali. The reception on this payphone ain't all that great.."
She smiled tearfully at the notion that Jamal was alright, "You know what, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm just happy to hear your voice."
"Same." he answered shortly. "Look, Ali, there's something you need to know.."
"Yeah?" she questioned expectantly.
"Well," he began, his tone growing weak. "yesterday, when I left the apartment.. when I told you I had errands to run, well.. there was only one."
"One..?" she questioned quite hesitantly. "Jamal, where are you going with this?"
"I went to see Valerie." he stated clearly.
"And?" she questioned sarcastically. "Look, Jamal, I know that you feel you have some sort of obligation to Valerie, especially since she's going through such a terrible ordeal right now. And don't take this the wrong way, but right now.. I really think that your the last person Valerie needs."
"Ali," he began. "Valerie's dead."
Alison's jaw dropped at Jamal's revelation, her faced turned white and she almost let the phone slip through her fingers. Alison was too shocked to say a word, she just couldn't believe something like this had happened. "Wait a minute.. Valerie, she's dead? But, just yesterday she was.. Jamal, how the hell did this happen?"
"I know, I wouldn't have believed it either if I hadn't been there. But, the reality is, Valerie is dead.. and it's my fault."
"What? No, Jamal, this is NOT your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself!"
"Just think about it-- a week ago, Valerie was perfectly happy. She had her daughter, the only thing that ever mattered to her.. if only I wouldn't have taken that away from her by signing away my rights as Hope's father, she would still be happy. She would still be alive. Before, when she blamed us for taking away everything that ever mattered to her, I thought it was only her depression talking.. but now, now I can clearly see what she saw. We did this, Ali, we're responsible for her death."
"Jamal, no.." she answered in a tone of disbelief. "You just hold on right there! None of this is your fault.. our fault! We did nothing wrong!" she cried out with such rage. Afterwards, she took in a deep breathe to calm herself down a bit, "why don't you tell me exactly what happened?"
"Look, Ali, I can't really talk about this on the phone right now.." his voice silently trailed off into the distance. "Right now, I'm in Chicago with the Hartman's, making funeral arrangements, and I.. I just can't talk about this right now, especially with you. I'll see you when I come home, aight?"
"Jamal, wait!" she cried. "Jamal?" she didn't get an answer, and after that, all she heard was him hanging up on her. Slowly placing the phone back into it's place, she ran her fingers violently through her blonde locks, "I can't believe this happened.." she admitted aloud. "I have to go to Chicago.. I need to be with Jamal!"
Alison ran into her and Jamal's bedroom, dodging for the closet and whipping out her overnight bag. She threw the bag roughly onto her bed, then shortly crossed over to her dresser, pulling open the drawers and grabbing as much clothing as she figured she'd need for her stay in Chicago. Which, actually, wasn't too much.. which was a bit suprising coming from Alison, considering that she was usually a pack-rat when it came to going on a road trip. Finally, after shoving all of her clothes into her overnight bag, she threw the bag over her shoulder, grabbed the keys to her car and was out the door.. heading for Chicago.
********************
With a soft, bright smile on her face, and only blocks away from her apartment, on her way to Chicago, Alison reached for the tuning button on the radio in her car. Once the radio was on, a very special, very meaningful song played throughout the speakers in her car, as she listened tearfully to the lyrics.
I can't imagine living my life without you now
Not ever having you around
We found our way out
(on you I can depend)
Don't have to look back to realize how far we've come
There are million reasons
I'm lookin up
I don't want this to end
Nothin
Nothin should ever bring you down
Knowing what goes around will come around
"Your a very special person to me, you know that, right?" she admitted, whole-heartedly to him. "I know, believe me.. I know, and I'll never forget." he answered with a soft smile. "I mean, through all of this.. your the only one who has been there for me, the only one whose cared. Even when I've taken all my pain.. all my heartache out on you, you never, not even once, turned your back on me. You've been there for me this entire time, watching over me like your my own, personal guardian angel." "Maybe I am." he grinned softly. "You showed me that dreams can come true.. because of you, I believe.."
You showed me faith is not blind
I don't need wings to help me fly
Miracles happen, once in a while
When you believe
(miracles happen)
You showed me dreams come to light
That takin a chace on us was right
All things will come with a little time
When You believe
"When you believe, Alison, anything is possible." "You changed my life, in more ways than one," she paused for a slight moment, laughing tearfully, "what am I going to do without you? Without you, I can't see anything else. Your my best friend, and to lose you is worse than a tragic death.. just the thought of never seeing you again, it breaks my heart." "I'll always be with you, Alison, all you have to do is look up and you'll know I'm there, watching down on you." he smiled, reaching out his arms and pulling her into him. "I don't want to say goodbye, because I know that if I do, I'll forget.." she cried. "Always remember.." he whispered finally, before disappearing out of her arms. "I'll always remember.." she whispered tearfully, looking up to the gods.
There is no question we found the missing pieces
Our picture is complete
It's fallen into place
(it's fallen into place)
This is our moment, you and I are looking up
Someone is watching over us
Keeping me close
Closer to you everyday
The song was finally over, with memories plaguing Alison's thoughts of the emotional goodbye that took place between Rafe and herself on Christmas Eve. With tears streaming down her cheeks, her eyes were distracted away from the road.. quickly realizing how careless she had been with her driving, she pulled over onto the side of the road.
"Damn it, Ali!" she scolded herself, "You love Jamal.. not Rafe," she reminded herself. "then why can't I stop thinking about him?" she wondered. Then, the more she thought about it, the more she came to realize what everyone else has known for so long. "Maybe," she began slowly. "could I be falling.. in--" she suddenly stopped herself from saying the words. "No, no.. no!"
Suddenly, there was a pounding on the glass window on the passengers side of the car, which literally caused Alison to jump out of her skin. "Alison!" the other person yelled, drastically trying to get her attention.
Clasping her hand to her chest, thinking she's going to have an heart-attack, Alison breathed in slowly before rolling down the window on the passengers side. "Rafe?" she questioned, confusion taking over the tone in her voice. "Since when has goodbye meant hello?" she questioned, the tone in her voice revealing nothing but sarcasm. She quickly brushed off that question with another, "What are you doing here?"
"I could ask you the same, but I'm getting the feeling that asking that of you isn't for the best at this point." he babbled. Rafe continued after looking both ways, then opening the door and hopping into the front seat. "From the look of things, it seems that you have the same intentions as myself.."
"Come again?" she questioned sarcastically.
"Your leaving town, am I right?"
"Yeah, but under different circumstances.. you see, I'm leaving Port Charles to be with my boyfriend, who feels responsible for his exes death, while you.. your leaving town because you have nothing keeping you here."
"Right!" he replied unphased, not even realizing what Alison had said about Jamal feeling responsible for Valerie's death. "Um, wait a minute.. let's back up a few steps here. What was that about a 'death'? Who died?"
"Valerie." Alison stated, looking away.
"What? How?"
"I don't know."
"Well, what do you know?"
"Nothing!" she growled.
"Okay. Really though, there's no need to take your grief out on me, Ali." he stated, the hurt taking over the tone in his voice. "So, I take all you know is that Valerie is dead, and Jamal feels responsible.. right?"
"Exactly," she began. "And, if you don't mind. I'd really like to be on my way now."
"Actually, I do mind." he stated clearly.
"What?" she questioned, clearly confused.
"I'm not going anywhere, Alison.. your clearly in an emotional state of mind right now, and taking this trip, to wherever, by yourself, is really the last thing you need."
"Fine!" she yelled, feeling beaten. "If your staying, then would you mind shutting that damn door so we can leave?!"
"My pleasure." he grabbed the handle on the car door, and slammed it shut.. soon thereafter, Alison hit the gas and they sped off.
"Woah there, do you even realize how fast your driving right now?" Rafe questioned, grabbing for anything within his reach.
"I don't care!" she replied in a stubborn tone.
"Well, I do. And I actually care about the time I have left on earth, so if you don't mind-" he reached for the steering-wheel, only to have Alison shove him away. "What the hell is going on with you?!" he demanded.
She turned towards him, with pre-tears in her eyes. "Do you really need to ask?"
"Yeah, I do.. because right now, I don't even feel like I know you. Your a completely different person."
"I don't even know why I continue to try and make things right with everyone. I mean, I'm damned if I do.. and I'm damned if I don't, right? You know me, Rafe, I always put everyone else before myself. God, I hate that! First, when Valerie came to town, I watched on knowingly, while Jamal pushed me away and put Valerie and his daughter before everything else. Then, I got involved with you and nearly ruined my relationship with Jamal, thus refusing to give up either of you at first. Then, to satisfy Jamal, I give my friendship with you up!"
"Your a good person, Alison, there's nothing wrong with that. Nothing at all."
"Your wrong, Rafe! So terribly wrong.. you see, before I met you.. before I even met Jamal, I didn't have a care in the world. Anything and everything I ever did was care-free. That's the luxuries of being a Barrington.. never having to give a damn about anyone, or anything. Even if it meant being a cold, heartless bitch, and living alone without love.. at least heartbreak was never an issue for me back then. And now, everywhere I turn, all I give and recieve is heartbreak, no matter how good my intentions!"
Rafe couldn't bare to look into her tear-bound eyes, it was just too painful for him. He turned away from her, his eyes shifting back onto the road. Suddenly, his eyes grew wide in shock and his face turned 'ghost' white. "Alison.." he whispered, trying desperately to choke the words out.
"What?!" she growled in a frustrated tone.
"ALISON! WATCH OUT!!!" he yelled frantically.