Notes:
To CrashStorms: Exactly. This /is/ called fanfiction, where I can come to unleash my imagination and make fun of the great goddess that is Usagi. *rolls eyes* It's exactly like you say, too. No body is holding a gun to your head saying read this or die. This is not meant to be insulting. Just factual.
To Comet Moon: Usagi isn't the hero, really, and this has /nothing/ to do with the show. This has to do with authors who turn Usagi into something she isn't. Also noted in my bio, yes the show is called "Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon", but it is not called "Sailor Moon and Those Other Girls Who Are Just Sorta Kinda There". GEEEEZZZZZ.
To Dark Angle: I'm making them that way because I want to.
Chapter Two: We're not in Kansas Anymore, Luna
Narrator/Me: *reading off new script* And so, as Setsuna predicted, Usagi found herself in the dimension of the Colonies. This time she appeared unconscious next to Quatre's very large but very nondescript mansion *a piece of paper floats down* ... all right, so she's an assassin trained by Dr. J *another paper* ... no, she's trained by Setsuna and is Quatre's sister. (Side note: this actually I find plausible, and I'm not making fun of it, because I think they'd do well together as brother and sister). Right, so Usagi is Setsuna's, henceforth known as Madam P, protégé, and is Quatre's long lost sister.
"Your mission is to do everything possible to one-up the actual Gundam pilots," Setsuna ... er ... Madam P, said gravely. "To do this you will have to cut off your hair, make sure to be emotionless, wear some sort of Armani or Abercrombie & Fitch get-up, and be able to use every kind of weapon imaginable. Do you accept?"
Narrator/Me: Usagi nodded once, no emotion showing in her beautiful prussian *paper comes down* ... cerulian *another paper* ... You know what, they're blue! Blue, damn it! *clears throat* No emotions showed in her beautiful /blue/ "orbs". *mutters* oh, honestly. They're eyes, leave it at that.
"Good," said Madam P, trying to hold in her laughter as she always did during these fics. "Here is a folder of everything you need to know to complete your mission, including every last bit of background information I could find on the pilots. This includes things that even they don't know, such as their entire history, their real names, and their parents. Well, Quatre knew his father, and I'm sure WuFei did too ... but it applies for the rest."
Narrator/Me: Once again, Usagi nodded emotionlessly and magically produced a pair of scissors to cut her hair. As always in these sort of fics, she had already ingested the information in the folder through osmosis, and the folder disappeared, never to actually be opened. Snip, snip, went the scissors, and down fell the hair that Usagi had cut off. This was done without even once thinking of looking into a mirror, but naturally her hair looked like it had been done by a professional hair-stylist.
"Right then, you're ready," said Madam P. "This is the key to your house. You live right next to Quatre's house, and very coincidentally, all five Gundam pilots are living there. Soon you will be joined by an Outer Senshi of your choice, if you want one, who will help you with your mission of being better than the pilots. As always you have a Gundam called White Moon -"
Narrator/Me: *gets paper from author* It's called Moon Revenge this time, Pluto.
"Oh, thank you," Madam P said. "So it's called Moon Revenge and it is faster than Deathscythe, packs more ammunition than Wing Zero, including the Zero system, and has the best stealth system in the universe."
Narrator/Me: And so, Usagi left, bidding an emotionless farewell to her trainer of only two months. But hey, this is Usagi the goddess, and she knew everything like she had been born to do it. By some freak chance of nature, the random building that Usagi and Madam P had been standing in was actually the Gundam Hangar, which held all six gundams in it, and was right next to Usagi's new house. She did not stop to wonder how it was hidden from the prying eyes of OZ, because it was also located right next to the Relena Peacecraft Peace School (known to those who have actually watched the show as St. Gabriel's), but trusted it to Fate and Luck.
"Heya baaaaabe!" called an overly cheerful voice.
"Hn," Usagi snorted.
"Whoa, like dude! She's like, Heero's long lost twin, maaaan!" said the boy, "But like, what a hottie!"
"Maxwell! I insist that you cease and desist this horrid rambling of yours!" said another boy, magically appearing from no where.
Narrator/Me: Usagi, of course, recognized them immediately. These were the Gundam pilots that she had been sent to show off for. As per usual, she had appeared in front of her new home without even having had to walk anywhere to get to it. Of course, the annoying one couldn't be anyone but Duo Maxwell, because as we all know, though his specialty is stealth and he's probably one of the smartest people in the world, he's really just an air head with a lot of hair. *growls* And the other one just had to be Chang WuFei, because he and Duo were having a bout of name-calling.
"Don't be so mean to me, Wu-Wu."
"That's WuFei, Maxwell!"
"And I'm, like, Duo, Wu-man."
Narrator/Me: *trying desperately not to kill something* And so, even without trying, Usagi was able to learn the names of two of the very people she was supposed to be better than. Of course all this was taking place outside, seeing as the author constantly skips from one thing to another without being aware of the surroundings of the characters in the fiction, and so Quatre, Trowa, and Heero were able to come out side to see what was going on.
" ... " said Trowa.
"I agree," said Quatre, nodding, "I do believe that she is the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on."
"Hn," said Heero.
"Oh, come off it," the blond scoffed. "She can't be my sister."
"Like, dude, she can. You've got like, three hundred!" Duo grinned stupidly.
"Hn," said Heero.
" ... " said Trowa.
Narrator/Me: *rolling eyes* Usagi just stood there while they all fought over her beauty and grace, even though they hadn't known her for more than two minutes. While all this was going on, Haruka appeared out of nowhere with Madam P.
"Of course she's your sister, Quatre," said Madam P, "So is Haruka. - "
Narrator/Me: *getting paper from author* Not this time, Pluto. It's just Usagi.
"Oh, fine," said Madam P stiffly. "So only /Usagi/ is your sister this time, Quatre. Can't you tell? The blond hair and blue eyes and her hidden personality that I have forced her to repress because otherwise she'd never be a better pilot than you?"
Narrator/Me: Quatre looked long and hard at the clone of Heero just staring at a wall, and suddenly realized that she was indeed his thirty-seventh sister, who had been lost at birth. This was, of course, despite the fact that his mother had died after his own birth and she was supposedly younger than he was.
"How could I not have realized?" he cried, "Now I shall have to gouge my eyes out because I thought my sister was beautiful! I will never love again!"
"Don't be stupid, Winner," said WuFei. "Women are weak. We don't need them."
Narrator/Me: And he quickly found himself flat on his back, staring up into the emotionless blue eyes that were Usagi's. She was just too fast for him to have been able to defend himself, and so he tried to commit seppuku, knowing that his honor had been destroyed by a woman.
*Narrator flees post to stop said Chinese boy from committing seppuku*
"No! WuFei, stop it! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! I forbid it!" *wrestles him away from his katana* "Good boy ... Quatre, you know what to do, right?"
*Quatre already making sure there are no sharp or pointy objects in the entire fic* "One step ahead of you!"
*Narrator sighs in relief and resumes post*
Narrator/Me: *shuffling paper* Right. So anyway, Usagi had proven herself to be better than WuFei. One down, four to go.
"Women. Are. Not. Weak." Said Usagi, in a monotone that sounded remarkably like Heero's.
"Right, right," WuFei sighed, already becoming acutely aware that he, like Quatre and Duo, was being taken over by this new girl's ... er ... "charms".
Narrator/Me: Haruka, who glared at the other boys as if daring them to try anything, helped Usagi to her feet. The newest assassin didn't need the help, obviously, but it was a matter of principle for the Senshi.
"Thank you, Haruka-chan," said Usagi, (once again in monotone) because the author has not bothered to research any Japanese at all and obviously does not know that by all rights Usagi is being very disrespectful of the older girl.
Narrator/Me: And so Haruka, with the help of Madam P, kept in check the anger she was feeling while Heero and Trowa tried to control their own emotions. This meant, of course, that both were trying to tell themselves that to fall in love with Usagi, as they were prone to do, was stupid and useless. In the end these pep-talks turned out to be useless because the author who is all-powerful forced them to fall in love with her anyway.
" ... ... ... " said Trowa.
"Hnph," said Heero.
Narrator/Me: Quatre then gasped in horror.
"What is it now, Winner?" asked WuFei, who apparently has never learned his companions first names, even though he uses them in the actual show.
"They're going to fight over Usagi's affections!" Quatre cried.
Narrator/Me: *wincing at Quatre's new girlish attitude* Indeed it seemed that both Heero and Trowa were ready to fight each other for the love of Usagi. Usagi who couldn't love anyone anyway because she followed Heero's own code, but would wind up choosing one anyway because that was her true destiny. Aren't ego boosters great? *flaming stick comes back with a vengeance* ACK! *runs and hides*
"Oh dear, this won't do," said Madam P.
Narrator/Me: Damn right it won't! *gets another paper from the author* Oh! What do you know? She's in the WRONG DIMENSION! *attacks a random henchman* She's supposed to be in the She's supposed to be in the Yoroiden Samurai Troopers dimension!
"Damn," said Madam P, pulling out her time staff. "Well, here we go again."
Narrator/Me: And as before, a bright light surrounded Usagi and she disappeared, leaving the Gundam pilots very confused and very half blind.
~and that's it for chapter 2~
Well, now she's going to see the boys of Yoroiden Samurai Troopers. More stupidity and random silliness to come ... I can hear the groans of horror now =^-^=.
To CrashStorms: Exactly. This /is/ called fanfiction, where I can come to unleash my imagination and make fun of the great goddess that is Usagi. *rolls eyes* It's exactly like you say, too. No body is holding a gun to your head saying read this or die. This is not meant to be insulting. Just factual.
To Comet Moon: Usagi isn't the hero, really, and this has /nothing/ to do with the show. This has to do with authors who turn Usagi into something she isn't. Also noted in my bio, yes the show is called "Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon", but it is not called "Sailor Moon and Those Other Girls Who Are Just Sorta Kinda There". GEEEEZZZZZ.
To Dark Angle: I'm making them that way because I want to.
Chapter Two: We're not in Kansas Anymore, Luna
Narrator/Me: *reading off new script* And so, as Setsuna predicted, Usagi found herself in the dimension of the Colonies. This time she appeared unconscious next to Quatre's very large but very nondescript mansion *a piece of paper floats down* ... all right, so she's an assassin trained by Dr. J *another paper* ... no, she's trained by Setsuna and is Quatre's sister. (Side note: this actually I find plausible, and I'm not making fun of it, because I think they'd do well together as brother and sister). Right, so Usagi is Setsuna's, henceforth known as Madam P, protégé, and is Quatre's long lost sister.
"Your mission is to do everything possible to one-up the actual Gundam pilots," Setsuna ... er ... Madam P, said gravely. "To do this you will have to cut off your hair, make sure to be emotionless, wear some sort of Armani or Abercrombie & Fitch get-up, and be able to use every kind of weapon imaginable. Do you accept?"
Narrator/Me: Usagi nodded once, no emotion showing in her beautiful prussian *paper comes down* ... cerulian *another paper* ... You know what, they're blue! Blue, damn it! *clears throat* No emotions showed in her beautiful /blue/ "orbs". *mutters* oh, honestly. They're eyes, leave it at that.
"Good," said Madam P, trying to hold in her laughter as she always did during these fics. "Here is a folder of everything you need to know to complete your mission, including every last bit of background information I could find on the pilots. This includes things that even they don't know, such as their entire history, their real names, and their parents. Well, Quatre knew his father, and I'm sure WuFei did too ... but it applies for the rest."
Narrator/Me: Once again, Usagi nodded emotionlessly and magically produced a pair of scissors to cut her hair. As always in these sort of fics, she had already ingested the information in the folder through osmosis, and the folder disappeared, never to actually be opened. Snip, snip, went the scissors, and down fell the hair that Usagi had cut off. This was done without even once thinking of looking into a mirror, but naturally her hair looked like it had been done by a professional hair-stylist.
"Right then, you're ready," said Madam P. "This is the key to your house. You live right next to Quatre's house, and very coincidentally, all five Gundam pilots are living there. Soon you will be joined by an Outer Senshi of your choice, if you want one, who will help you with your mission of being better than the pilots. As always you have a Gundam called White Moon -"
Narrator/Me: *gets paper from author* It's called Moon Revenge this time, Pluto.
"Oh, thank you," Madam P said. "So it's called Moon Revenge and it is faster than Deathscythe, packs more ammunition than Wing Zero, including the Zero system, and has the best stealth system in the universe."
Narrator/Me: And so, Usagi left, bidding an emotionless farewell to her trainer of only two months. But hey, this is Usagi the goddess, and she knew everything like she had been born to do it. By some freak chance of nature, the random building that Usagi and Madam P had been standing in was actually the Gundam Hangar, which held all six gundams in it, and was right next to Usagi's new house. She did not stop to wonder how it was hidden from the prying eyes of OZ, because it was also located right next to the Relena Peacecraft Peace School (known to those who have actually watched the show as St. Gabriel's), but trusted it to Fate and Luck.
"Heya baaaaabe!" called an overly cheerful voice.
"Hn," Usagi snorted.
"Whoa, like dude! She's like, Heero's long lost twin, maaaan!" said the boy, "But like, what a hottie!"
"Maxwell! I insist that you cease and desist this horrid rambling of yours!" said another boy, magically appearing from no where.
Narrator/Me: Usagi, of course, recognized them immediately. These were the Gundam pilots that she had been sent to show off for. As per usual, she had appeared in front of her new home without even having had to walk anywhere to get to it. Of course, the annoying one couldn't be anyone but Duo Maxwell, because as we all know, though his specialty is stealth and he's probably one of the smartest people in the world, he's really just an air head with a lot of hair. *growls* And the other one just had to be Chang WuFei, because he and Duo were having a bout of name-calling.
"Don't be so mean to me, Wu-Wu."
"That's WuFei, Maxwell!"
"And I'm, like, Duo, Wu-man."
Narrator/Me: *trying desperately not to kill something* And so, even without trying, Usagi was able to learn the names of two of the very people she was supposed to be better than. Of course all this was taking place outside, seeing as the author constantly skips from one thing to another without being aware of the surroundings of the characters in the fiction, and so Quatre, Trowa, and Heero were able to come out side to see what was going on.
" ... " said Trowa.
"I agree," said Quatre, nodding, "I do believe that she is the most beautiful creature I have ever laid eyes on."
"Hn," said Heero.
"Oh, come off it," the blond scoffed. "She can't be my sister."
"Like, dude, she can. You've got like, three hundred!" Duo grinned stupidly.
"Hn," said Heero.
" ... " said Trowa.
Narrator/Me: *rolling eyes* Usagi just stood there while they all fought over her beauty and grace, even though they hadn't known her for more than two minutes. While all this was going on, Haruka appeared out of nowhere with Madam P.
"Of course she's your sister, Quatre," said Madam P, "So is Haruka. - "
Narrator/Me: *getting paper from author* Not this time, Pluto. It's just Usagi.
"Oh, fine," said Madam P stiffly. "So only /Usagi/ is your sister this time, Quatre. Can't you tell? The blond hair and blue eyes and her hidden personality that I have forced her to repress because otherwise she'd never be a better pilot than you?"
Narrator/Me: Quatre looked long and hard at the clone of Heero just staring at a wall, and suddenly realized that she was indeed his thirty-seventh sister, who had been lost at birth. This was, of course, despite the fact that his mother had died after his own birth and she was supposedly younger than he was.
"How could I not have realized?" he cried, "Now I shall have to gouge my eyes out because I thought my sister was beautiful! I will never love again!"
"Don't be stupid, Winner," said WuFei. "Women are weak. We don't need them."
Narrator/Me: And he quickly found himself flat on his back, staring up into the emotionless blue eyes that were Usagi's. She was just too fast for him to have been able to defend himself, and so he tried to commit seppuku, knowing that his honor had been destroyed by a woman.
*Narrator flees post to stop said Chinese boy from committing seppuku*
"No! WuFei, stop it! Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! I forbid it!" *wrestles him away from his katana* "Good boy ... Quatre, you know what to do, right?"
*Quatre already making sure there are no sharp or pointy objects in the entire fic* "One step ahead of you!"
*Narrator sighs in relief and resumes post*
Narrator/Me: *shuffling paper* Right. So anyway, Usagi had proven herself to be better than WuFei. One down, four to go.
"Women. Are. Not. Weak." Said Usagi, in a monotone that sounded remarkably like Heero's.
"Right, right," WuFei sighed, already becoming acutely aware that he, like Quatre and Duo, was being taken over by this new girl's ... er ... "charms".
Narrator/Me: Haruka, who glared at the other boys as if daring them to try anything, helped Usagi to her feet. The newest assassin didn't need the help, obviously, but it was a matter of principle for the Senshi.
"Thank you, Haruka-chan," said Usagi, (once again in monotone) because the author has not bothered to research any Japanese at all and obviously does not know that by all rights Usagi is being very disrespectful of the older girl.
Narrator/Me: And so Haruka, with the help of Madam P, kept in check the anger she was feeling while Heero and Trowa tried to control their own emotions. This meant, of course, that both were trying to tell themselves that to fall in love with Usagi, as they were prone to do, was stupid and useless. In the end these pep-talks turned out to be useless because the author who is all-powerful forced them to fall in love with her anyway.
" ... ... ... " said Trowa.
"Hnph," said Heero.
Narrator/Me: Quatre then gasped in horror.
"What is it now, Winner?" asked WuFei, who apparently has never learned his companions first names, even though he uses them in the actual show.
"They're going to fight over Usagi's affections!" Quatre cried.
Narrator/Me: *wincing at Quatre's new girlish attitude* Indeed it seemed that both Heero and Trowa were ready to fight each other for the love of Usagi. Usagi who couldn't love anyone anyway because she followed Heero's own code, but would wind up choosing one anyway because that was her true destiny. Aren't ego boosters great? *flaming stick comes back with a vengeance* ACK! *runs and hides*
"Oh dear, this won't do," said Madam P.
Narrator/Me: Damn right it won't! *gets another paper from the author* Oh! What do you know? She's in the WRONG DIMENSION! *attacks a random henchman* She's supposed to be in the She's supposed to be in the Yoroiden Samurai Troopers dimension!
"Damn," said Madam P, pulling out her time staff. "Well, here we go again."
Narrator/Me: And as before, a bright light surrounded Usagi and she disappeared, leaving the Gundam pilots very confused and very half blind.
~and that's it for chapter 2~
Well, now she's going to see the boys of Yoroiden Samurai Troopers. More stupidity and random silliness to come ... I can hear the groans of horror now =^-^=.