Author's Note: For the lack of anything better, I'm using symbols like \\
this // to indicate flashbacks.
On This Day
part 2/5
Leo rolled over, bleary eyes attempting to discern the numbers on the clock.
4:47.
He sighed, sitting up and pushing back the covers, abandoning the hope of sleep. He was having a lot of trouble with that, these days. He shivered at the sudden cold, stumbling into the bathroom and turning on the water for a shower. Waiting for it to warm, he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked old. Old and tired. Worn out. Which he was.
And he hadn't had a decent night's sleep since...well, since the campaign, really, but the last month had been hell. There had been certain times, along the way, when they had all been sleep-deprived, over-worked, emotionally distraught, stretched beyond all normal limits and still expected to perform – and perform well. The worst of those stuck out in his mind. After Rosslyn. After the announcement. Now. They had been forged in battle, tempered by tragedy, strengthened by devotion, love, and faith. Individually, they were remarkable. Together...
But they would never be together, again. Not in the same way as before. They had been fundamentally changed, irrevocably altered. And Leo couldn't sleep anymore. He worried, all the time he worried. His mind had always been fully occupied before, but now...now he struggled to hold them all together, when he knew full well that the rest of them – himself occasionally included – wanted to think that things would get easier with a dismissal and a quick goodbye party. He knew they wouldn't, though, knew that that would not solve their problems, might even make them worse. Time. Maybe Josh was right. Maybe the President was right. Maybe, as improbable as it sounded, Margaret was right. He felt like Toby...what had he said that time? Something about agreeing with everyone and that making him crazy. Perhaps he was just going crazy. That option was seeming more and more likely, though Josh had said –
*Stop*, he told himself. *The last thing you should be doing right now is relying upon Josh for advice.*
Stepping from the shower, Leo felt slightly more awake, if not rested. Still too early to go in to work, though. Margaret had recently become adamant that he not be allowed to show up before six – barring a national or international emergency, of course – and had enlisted as many employees as possible as spies who reported any and all infractions on this or her other policies. He settled into a chair and leaned back, resting his eyes. Fragments of yesterday wandered through his head.
\\ "You wanted to see me, Leo?"
"Yeah, Sam. Read this and tell me what you think."
He had watched Sam closely, gauging his reaction as his eyes quickly skimmed the page. When he had finished, he had stared a Leo for a moment, a look akin to surprise upon his face.
When Sam finally spoke, voice quiet and cautious, Leo was graced with the barest hint of a smile. "This sounds...this sounds like a classic Lyman strategy."
"Yes, yes it does." And then Leo had come around his desk, placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Do a job."
Sam made no reply, but beamed. Then he left, and Leo sat back down, putting his head in his hands for a minute before thinking to himself: it might just work out after all. //
Leo sighed. Sam had needed that, but Leo was willing to admit just how much he had needed that as well. Things with the President, however...remained complicated.
\\ "...but Leo, he doesn't fit right now."
"I know that, Mr. President, we all know that. But who would? I don't see what we can do to fix this, sir."
The President sighed, stood, paced for a minute, and sat back down. "He serves at the pleasure of the President, Leo."
"As do we all."
"He isn't bringing me any pleasure."
"No, sir."
"No one else seems pleased, either."
"They're not, sir."
"Then why is he still around? Surely he notices, surely he can tell?"
"Yes, he can. He's not an idiot, Mr. President. But what do you expect, for him to quit because the other kids at school don't like him?"
"We aren't children. And he's not playing well with us, either. In fact, he's been –"
"He's the Deputy Chief of Staff of –"
"I know who he is, Leo."
"Yeah."
"It would look bad for us to get rid of him right now."
"Yeah."
"And for him it looks good to stay."
"He's intelligent, sir...politically speaking. Of course, recently he hasn't exactly been displaying his value..."
The President sighed. "Joshua Lyman is one of the biggest reasons I'm sitting here today. This is not the man that won me the Presidency."
"No, sir, he's not. Maybe it's time to consider other options anyway, political ramifications be damned."
"We should wait and see how he adjusts."
"They don't talk to him, sir. They aren't acting at all like themselves, and I don't know how much longer we can go on like this...personally or professionally. Everything for the last month has been botched. We knew there would be problems, but it is beginning to get in the way of real issues."
"This is a real issue, but that's beside the point. Sam and CJ and Toby...they need to work it out, they need to work through it. We all do. I'm just not sure how, and my options suck."
"If I can't rely on my Deputy to get the job done, what good is it?"
"It's been almost a month, Leo."
"I know, sir."
"Only a month. You're taking this hard, we all are. Hell, I've been awful to him, and he didn't even really deserve it, not at first. Just because he isn't who we want him to be...he's still a good kid. Not the best kid, not the person we're used to, but maybe we just need to talk to him."
"You really think that will work, sir?"
"Tell him what he's doing wrong, tell him how he needs to play the game. And if all else fails –"
"I'll tell him that I'll fire his ass."
"We need trust, Leo, trust and respect."
"Yeah."
"You get that, and it will all fall into place." //
They were talking in circles. They had been for a while. One of them would take the side that things were getting too difficult with him and he needed to leave, and the other would talk him down from it. Somewhere in the conversation they would switch, and that person would be talked down as well. It never got anywhere. Like the President said, their options sucked. And neither of them knew quite what to do.
As Chief of Staff, though, he needed to do something soon – before he didn't recognize any of them. They had lost their continuity, their connectedness. It used to be that they could judge each other's moods, pick up on each other's thoughts. He had never worked with a staff as in tune as this one, or as dedicated. He loved them all, and it hurt him to see them struggle like this. Josh was right in what he said about the staff.
\\ "...Toby is silent and brooding, and when he's not he yells – followed almost immediately by apologies and more brooding; CJ looks like she doesn't sleep, she walks around like she is paranoid that it is all going to fall apart, to disintegrate before her eyes; Sam...God, Leo, I barely recognize Sam...he's lost his enthusiasm, his passion, he's quiet, withdrawn and anxious..." //
Of course, to hear Josh tell it, Leo wasn't in much better shape. He was starting to wonder, though, if Josh didn't have a point. Not that he should be listening to Josh. Not that Josh should be giving him advice in the first place.
The alarm began to buzz insistently in the bedroom. Leo stood and went to turn it off. He could go to work now.
On This Day
part 2/5
Leo rolled over, bleary eyes attempting to discern the numbers on the clock.
4:47.
He sighed, sitting up and pushing back the covers, abandoning the hope of sleep. He was having a lot of trouble with that, these days. He shivered at the sudden cold, stumbling into the bathroom and turning on the water for a shower. Waiting for it to warm, he stared at himself in the mirror. He looked old. Old and tired. Worn out. Which he was.
And he hadn't had a decent night's sleep since...well, since the campaign, really, but the last month had been hell. There had been certain times, along the way, when they had all been sleep-deprived, over-worked, emotionally distraught, stretched beyond all normal limits and still expected to perform – and perform well. The worst of those stuck out in his mind. After Rosslyn. After the announcement. Now. They had been forged in battle, tempered by tragedy, strengthened by devotion, love, and faith. Individually, they were remarkable. Together...
But they would never be together, again. Not in the same way as before. They had been fundamentally changed, irrevocably altered. And Leo couldn't sleep anymore. He worried, all the time he worried. His mind had always been fully occupied before, but now...now he struggled to hold them all together, when he knew full well that the rest of them – himself occasionally included – wanted to think that things would get easier with a dismissal and a quick goodbye party. He knew they wouldn't, though, knew that that would not solve their problems, might even make them worse. Time. Maybe Josh was right. Maybe the President was right. Maybe, as improbable as it sounded, Margaret was right. He felt like Toby...what had he said that time? Something about agreeing with everyone and that making him crazy. Perhaps he was just going crazy. That option was seeming more and more likely, though Josh had said –
*Stop*, he told himself. *The last thing you should be doing right now is relying upon Josh for advice.*
Stepping from the shower, Leo felt slightly more awake, if not rested. Still too early to go in to work, though. Margaret had recently become adamant that he not be allowed to show up before six – barring a national or international emergency, of course – and had enlisted as many employees as possible as spies who reported any and all infractions on this or her other policies. He settled into a chair and leaned back, resting his eyes. Fragments of yesterday wandered through his head.
\\ "You wanted to see me, Leo?"
"Yeah, Sam. Read this and tell me what you think."
He had watched Sam closely, gauging his reaction as his eyes quickly skimmed the page. When he had finished, he had stared a Leo for a moment, a look akin to surprise upon his face.
When Sam finally spoke, voice quiet and cautious, Leo was graced with the barest hint of a smile. "This sounds...this sounds like a classic Lyman strategy."
"Yes, yes it does." And then Leo had come around his desk, placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Do a job."
Sam made no reply, but beamed. Then he left, and Leo sat back down, putting his head in his hands for a minute before thinking to himself: it might just work out after all. //
Leo sighed. Sam had needed that, but Leo was willing to admit just how much he had needed that as well. Things with the President, however...remained complicated.
\\ "...but Leo, he doesn't fit right now."
"I know that, Mr. President, we all know that. But who would? I don't see what we can do to fix this, sir."
The President sighed, stood, paced for a minute, and sat back down. "He serves at the pleasure of the President, Leo."
"As do we all."
"He isn't bringing me any pleasure."
"No, sir."
"No one else seems pleased, either."
"They're not, sir."
"Then why is he still around? Surely he notices, surely he can tell?"
"Yes, he can. He's not an idiot, Mr. President. But what do you expect, for him to quit because the other kids at school don't like him?"
"We aren't children. And he's not playing well with us, either. In fact, he's been –"
"He's the Deputy Chief of Staff of –"
"I know who he is, Leo."
"Yeah."
"It would look bad for us to get rid of him right now."
"Yeah."
"And for him it looks good to stay."
"He's intelligent, sir...politically speaking. Of course, recently he hasn't exactly been displaying his value..."
The President sighed. "Joshua Lyman is one of the biggest reasons I'm sitting here today. This is not the man that won me the Presidency."
"No, sir, he's not. Maybe it's time to consider other options anyway, political ramifications be damned."
"We should wait and see how he adjusts."
"They don't talk to him, sir. They aren't acting at all like themselves, and I don't know how much longer we can go on like this...personally or professionally. Everything for the last month has been botched. We knew there would be problems, but it is beginning to get in the way of real issues."
"This is a real issue, but that's beside the point. Sam and CJ and Toby...they need to work it out, they need to work through it. We all do. I'm just not sure how, and my options suck."
"If I can't rely on my Deputy to get the job done, what good is it?"
"It's been almost a month, Leo."
"I know, sir."
"Only a month. You're taking this hard, we all are. Hell, I've been awful to him, and he didn't even really deserve it, not at first. Just because he isn't who we want him to be...he's still a good kid. Not the best kid, not the person we're used to, but maybe we just need to talk to him."
"You really think that will work, sir?"
"Tell him what he's doing wrong, tell him how he needs to play the game. And if all else fails –"
"I'll tell him that I'll fire his ass."
"We need trust, Leo, trust and respect."
"Yeah."
"You get that, and it will all fall into place." //
They were talking in circles. They had been for a while. One of them would take the side that things were getting too difficult with him and he needed to leave, and the other would talk him down from it. Somewhere in the conversation they would switch, and that person would be talked down as well. It never got anywhere. Like the President said, their options sucked. And neither of them knew quite what to do.
As Chief of Staff, though, he needed to do something soon – before he didn't recognize any of them. They had lost their continuity, their connectedness. It used to be that they could judge each other's moods, pick up on each other's thoughts. He had never worked with a staff as in tune as this one, or as dedicated. He loved them all, and it hurt him to see them struggle like this. Josh was right in what he said about the staff.
\\ "...Toby is silent and brooding, and when he's not he yells – followed almost immediately by apologies and more brooding; CJ looks like she doesn't sleep, she walks around like she is paranoid that it is all going to fall apart, to disintegrate before her eyes; Sam...God, Leo, I barely recognize Sam...he's lost his enthusiasm, his passion, he's quiet, withdrawn and anxious..." //
Of course, to hear Josh tell it, Leo wasn't in much better shape. He was starting to wonder, though, if Josh didn't have a point. Not that he should be listening to Josh. Not that Josh should be giving him advice in the first place.
The alarm began to buzz insistently in the bedroom. Leo stood and went to turn it off. He could go to work now.