A Dream Worth Keeping: Part 2
by Minako
Well, I most definitely do not own Digimon, though I'm quite
the fangirl, so I don't own Taichi or anyone. (damn, too bad)
The song a Dream Worth Keeping is performed by Sheena Easton in
the movie Ferngully, pretty scene too ^_^
I gave up on sticking with one name, Japanese or English, so
deal with it ^_^ This is a buncha different pairings all at once,
Taito mainly - we'll stick with Taito as the theme ^_^
*******
And every time you see a rainbow paint the sky behind the rain
You'll be here again
*******
"Do... do you remember how my band replaced its drummer awhile
ago?" Matt asks.
I blink, it seems completely irrelevant to me, but I guess Matt
can tell his story however he wants to.
"Yeah, we remember." Izzy says, speaking for all of us.
Matt nods, then stares up at the ceiling, as if reminiscing. "I
told him... what I'm about to tell you guys, because while we were on
the road... he was my closest friend." Matt shakes his head. "He quit
the band the same night, because of this... that's why I didn't want to
tell you guys about it, I was worried you'd leave too." He takes a
shaky breath. "Do you guys know how many girlfriends I've had since
this band started?" He asks, once again, a question that doesn't seem
important to the situation, but I guess it'll all add up when he's
finished.
The others are silent, so I speak up. "Three, including Sora."
Matt looks over at me, somewhat surprised, and I shrug. He
doesn't need to know the agony I went through every second of each of
those relationships, including the one with Sora.
"Yeah... that's right. Three in the past three years. You can
add to that the time in between, you know, getting over it."
I nod. "So?"
Matt gives my impatience a knowing smile. He knows that waiting
for people to get to the point kills me. I think this is his payback
for me hitting him. "I've never stayed in a relationship for over a
year." I shrug, I still can't figure out what this has to do with Matt
running down that hall crying after breaking up with Sora, unless he's
trying to make a trend. He shakes his head again. "It took me a long
time while on tour to figure out why that is. It was bothering me." He
glances over at Sora. "It had almost been a year after all, and it
occurred to me that I'd never celebrated a one-year anniversary with
either of my other two girlfriends. It took a long time for me to
realize why." He takes another shaky breath.
"Take your time Matt... don't rush it if it hurts."
Matt forces a smile. "Thanks Izzy, but I'm ok." The smile
disappears much quicker than it showed up. "I don't like girls... at
all. I mean, I have friends who are girls, and I like them, but I don't
*like* girls, you know what I mean?" I nod. I know all about this,
better than he will ever know. "I think... I think I'm gay."
I nod again, and silence follows.
Oh, he's done. I start to laugh, I can't help it. After a
moment, Izzy joins in. Matt spends a shocked moment staring at us, then
stands up and drags me to my feet by my shirt collar, holding me up
high enough that I have to stand on my tiptoes to stand at all. I hate
being short.
"What do you think you're laughing at, huh Tai?"
I force my breathing to go back to normal, only because Matt
doesn't know why Izzy and I find this amusing. "Matt... don't worry
about it!"
His eyes widen, and he puts me down, releasing my shirt. "What?"
I shake my head. "It's no big deal, there's no way in hell we'd
hate you for it. I mean, c'mon, look at Izzy!"
Matt turns to look at Izzy, who's now turned beet red. "Izzy?"
Matt asks. "I had no idea."
"TAI!! Who gave you permission to tell my personal secrets!?"
I laugh nervously, and take a step back. "C'mon Izzy... we're
supposed to be making Matt feel better... it's not-"
"TAI!!! That-" Izzy's cut off by Sora, who's broken out into
sobs again.
"Sora... are you ok?" I ask her, I can see Matt cringing out of
the corner of my eye.
"What is it with the digidestined guys being gay!? All three of
you! This is TWICE this kind of thing has happened to me! TWICE!!" She
wails.
I wince.
"Twice?" Matt asks hesitantly.
"Yes, you AND Tai have done this to me now." She moans
"TAI!?" Matt asks, more than a little bit surprised.
"SORA!"
She grins at me through her tears, and sticks out her tongue.
"That's for telling secrets about Izzy."
I narrow my eyes. "Why you..." I shake my fist at her, but I'm
glad she's smiling, even if Matt now knows my secret, besides, it could
be worse, he could know how I feel about him in particular.
"But *I* wanted revenge on Tai." Izzy whines from behind me.
"GUYS!" I yell, turning so I can see all three of them at once.
Sora grins. "Then take your revenge on Tai, he won't mind, will
you Tai?"
Izzy grins evilly.
"For some reason I don't see this ending happily for me." I say
sadly, though I know there's nothing I can do to keep Izzy from
talking. I have this sinking feeling that things are about to get
significantly worse...
*******
I believe we've found a dream that's worth keeping
For more than just a day
And even though the winds of change may come sweeping
It's still a dream worth keeping
So don't let it fade away
*******
"Well... let's see... what to tell to who..." He looks over at
Matt with a mischievous look on his face.
I freeze. "Don't you DARE, Izzy."
He feigns innocence. "Don't I dare what? Tell Matt just who you
have in mind?"
I can feel myself turning red. Izzy wouldn't do that to me...
he couldn't do that to me... yet he can, and he might, and that's why
I'm afraid.
"Who?" Matt asks, completely confused. I moan.
"Izzy... that is kind of mean."
Izzy frowns. "Is it?"
I nod in agreement. "Sora's right, it is a bit much... I mean,
if I was to march out there and have a long talk with Joe, then I could
understand it but..." Whoops.
"Joe?" Matt asks. "Hey, I didn't know you had a thing for Joe,
Izzy, but isn't he dating Mimi still?"
Izzy turns to me, glowering. "Oh, it's not that bad." He says
still looking at me, a sadistic smile on his face. When you get down to
it, I think Izzy may be the most frightening person I know. "I mean, I
could be Tai." I shake my head at him. He doesn't look away, he just
keeps smiling at me. "I mean, Tai's been in love with the same person
for, what is it now, Tai?"
I sigh. "Five or six years, give or take... and I was in denial
for a lot of that."
Matt smiles at me. "That's sweet."
I shake my head. "No, it's torture." I can't help but inform
him. "My advice for you is not to fall for any straight people."
Matt nodds. "Yeah, that would suck... oh, you mean... sorry
Tai."
I shake my head. "It could be worse, he could still have a
girlfriend." I point out.
"I don't think he means anything cruel by that, Sora." Izzy
tells her.
"Oh, I know he doesn't." Sora says, trying not to cry.
"Why would that be mean to Sora?" Matt asks, obviously confused
again. I look back to Izzy.
"I'm not going to actually tell him... now, if you'd actually
talked to Joe on the other hand..."
I smile, relief evident on my face.
"C'mon, who is it? We're friends, aren't we, and if Sora and
Izzy already know..."
I glare at Izzy, who smiles back at me. He knows how hard it is
for me not to do something for Matt if he asks. Izzy had been there
when I'd helped Matt with his assignment all night. I'd gone to school
with all my homework unfinished the next day. I'd had to stand in the
hall.
"I HATE you Izzy."
Izzy shakes his head. "No you don't."
I sigh.
"C'mon Tai, just tell me, it's not that big a deal."
I can feel my face turning even redder. I didn't think that was
possible anymore, but apparently it is.
*******
Someday you might be thinking
That life has passed you by
*******
I pause for a moment and really think about it. What do I have
to lose? My best friend? I'd still have Izzy and Sora, and he's gone
touring so much anyway, he isn't around most of the time. My childhood
crush? I'm probably better off without it. I guess it's time I faced
the music. I swallow my fear and turn to Matt.
Man, he's gorgeous. My words are lost in my throat for a long
moment. Then I find them again.
"Fine... I'll tell you Matt."
Matt smiles. "See, it's not that bad."
"That's easy for you to say." Sora points out. "It's your turn
next." She informs him with a grin.
Matt turns red, but a far lighter shade than I am. More of a
pink, really. "What makes you think I have someone in mind?"
Sora puts on her best 'well, now I'm crushed' look. "You
mean... you just dumped me on a FEELING... not because you felt I was
in the way of your true love?" She sniffles.
"NO! It's not like that!"
She smiles again. "So you DO have someone in mind then?"
Matt returns to looking uncomfortable. "Ummm... we don't want
to talk about that, especially not in present company."
Sora raises an eyebrow. I'm getting the idea she knows
something I don't.
"Sora, leave Matt alone, I think the suspense is killing Tai."
It was then that I realized I'd been holding my breath all that
time. I let it out and started breathing again.
"Right, go on ahead, Tai." Sora says to me, giving me an
encouraging smile.
Courage... courage... I grip the crest around my neck and close
my eyes, this is one time where I can't bear to look at Matt, even
given the opportunity.
"I... I..." I swallow again. This is harder than I'd ever
dreamed it would be... 'C'mon Tai, you have a chance in hell now, so
take it before someone else does.' I look up at Matt, then quickly look
down. That one look almost shattered my courage. Courage, my crest...
this should be ok - it'll be ok.
"I... I..." I take a shaky breath. "I... I love you...Matt."
There I said it, now all I want is a corner to go die in.
*******
Your spirits might be sinking
With hope in short supply
*******
The silence seems to last forever - it's killing me. I wish he
would say something, anything. All I can see in my head is Matt going
'Me? Oh gods Tai, that's so... weird... you're my best friend, I could
never go out with you, but now it'll be too uncomfortable... I guess
the best route for us is to never see each other again, bye!' and
whatever he actually has to say has got to be better than that.
"... me?"
I nod. I know that if I speak I'll cry, and I'm too afraid to
actually look up at him. I don't want to see his face, yet at the same
time, I desperately do. I stare at his shoes, wishing his feet would
give me some signal on the way he's feeling right now.
I almost jump as a hand touches my chin, and tries to make me
look up. I fight it. I don't want to look at Matt yet, I'm not ready!
Generally, between Matt and I, I'm the stronger. As I've heard Kari put
it before, I play a lot of soccer. Matt's more the stay indoors and
read a book type. Matt's just bigger than me. Unfortunately, that's
generally, and my chin is not stronger than Matt's arm. He forces my
face up to look at his. I close my eyes.
"Tai..."
I can't tell if he's happy or pitying me. I keep my eyes
closed. I don't want to see pity in his eyes. I want... I want...
"Open your eyes Tai."
I shake my head.
"Do it Tai." Izzy sounds... surprised, I guess.
Slowly I do. I'll kill Izzy if I regret this.
Matt has gorgeous eyes. They're a deep shade of blue, not the
kind that you hear about it books, where you can 'see yourself in their
deep pools.' Just beautiful dark blue that seems to go on forever.
Usually, Matt's eyes give him away. But this time, I don't know. I
can't tell if what I'm seeing is really there, or if my mind's just
making things up.
And we stand there, staring at each other. I find myself
wondering just what Matt's looking for. He closes his eyes after a long
moment, and then opens them again, and he smiles at me. I don't even
have time to get over that smile before he's kissing me. Hesitantly at
first, then less so. His arm drops from my chin to wrap around me. I
can't think.
I've never kissed anyone before, well, except for my parents
and my sister, but they don't count. That's a different kind of kiss. I
honestly don't know what to do. Slowly, so he won't move away, I hug
him back, and I hope that whatever I'm doing, I'm doing it right.
After a long moment, Matt pulls back, and leans his forehead
against mine. We're both breathless.
Sora coughs, ruining our moment. "Ummm... I think it's Matt's
turn to tell us all who he likes." She says. I glance at her, and she's
smiling sadly. Izzy just looks surprised, standing just beside her,
with a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I love you too, Tai." Matt says. I've heard him say it to me
so many times in my dreams, but that was so much different. In my
dreams it was almost casual, like it was something he said to me all
the time. But now... now it had more meaning in it than anything I'd
ever heard before.
I take a step back, and smile at him. Matt looks confused, and
hurt; he hasn't reached the same conclusion I just did.
"You know, given the circumstances, Matt, I think we should
probably respect the fact that you just broke Sora's heart."
Guilt washes over his face. "Sora... I..."
Sora shakes her head and smiles at us. "Go on." She says,
sighing.
"Really?" Matt asks, obviously still worried.
She nods. "Yes, I've tormented Tai enough, and I've known how
he feels about you for longer than we'd been dating. I think he
deserves some payback."
I smile. "Thanks, Sora." Then I fling myself back at Matt. I
can hear Izzy talking to Sora just beside us.
"This is going to take awhile... isn't it?"
*******
And that's the reason why...
That's the reason why...
*******
Finally, after what was probably a short eternity for Sora, but
only a brief moment for me, Izzy speaks up.
"A the tone, the time will be exactly 1:30." His laptop makes a
tone noise, and I pull back from Matt.
"1:30!?!? I am SO dead."
Izzy nods. "When was it you told your mother you'd be home?"
I laugh nervously. "That's... not important."
Izzy shakes his head. "This is why I didn't give my mother a time."
I nod, and Matt takes my hand. "I guess we'd best head out. The
others are probably wondering if Tai and I have killed each other yet."
We all laugh, and I drape an arm around Izzy's shoulders, and Matt
drapes his around Sora before heading down the hall.
"So, what are you guys going to tell them?"
I shrug. "I think we should just let them figure it out on
their own."
Matt laughs. "TK'll figure it out, probably within ten seconds
of our arriving."
I nod. "Same thing with Kari."
Matt shrugs. "I think we should just tell them."
I lean my head on Matt's shoulder. "Ok." I smile. *This* is the
life. We head out the door to a lot of angry and tired Digidestined.
Ok, so maybe it's not the life.
*******
Two months later...
Telling everyone actually went better than I had expected it
to. Kari and TK were the most happy for us, Joe seemed more than a
little bit surprised, but then again, Joe spends a lot of his time
being oblivious. Mimi and Yolei think it's cute, and Iori doesn't
understand it, but seems pretty much neutral. Daisuke and Ken just said
they were glad we'd ended up together, in their own ways (Ken said it
nice and polite, Daisuke jumped me and yelled "Nice going Tai!")
I haven't told my parents yet. I think they'll flip. Dad's the
one who's always asking me about girlfriends, and Mum's always saying
things like "Whatever happened to that nice Sora girl?" I'll get up the
courage to tell them eventually, but right now, they don't need to
know.
Matt told his dad, and he was happy for us. he ended up telling
us a story about his boyfriend in college. Turns out he was in love
with a guy, and then, one day, his boyfriend had told him that it had
been a phase, and he wasn't interested anymore. So Matt's dad had tried
to get on with his life, by getting married, which obviously didn't
work out quite as planned. I feel bad for him... I really hope Matt
never decides I'm a phase for him. I know that what I feel for Matt is
more than just some phase.
I saw him off at the airport on Friday night, he's going on
tour again. I hadn't wanted to go originally, but Matt had conned me
into it. He wore this gorgeous black shirt, with the first few buttons
undone, and took me out on a date before we went to the airport. We
went out to see a movie first, a really good monster movie that just
came out, and then he took me out for dinner (it turns out he does like
stir-fry). Then we went to the airport.
I just hope that our multiple goodbye kisses didn't freak out
too many of his fans...
So now he's gone again, and I just have to wait for him to come
back to me. And I know he will.
*******
I know this dream's worth keeping
As long as it will stay
Even when you've seen the darkness completely
A dream worth keeping
Will never fade away...
*******
Four months later...
Matt came out with his new CD, finally, I got it in the mail
one day. I've really missed him since he went away on tour, and was
glad to receive anything from him, even if it was just the CD and no
letter.
This time, instead of a brief message indicating that I was his
best friend, I got a message that was bit longer. "This is for Kamiya
Taichi... the best friend I've ever had, and so much more. Thank you
for having the courage to tell me what you felt when I needed to know
more than anything. I'll love you forever." I smiled when I read that,
and I'm looking forward to his visit at Christmas. Touring sucks, I
miss him so much.
His newest single came out before the CD, but I still hear it
on the radio a lot. I couldn't believe it when I first heard it. "The
Courage to Change Friendship." When he comes back, I'll have to ask him
how he meant that, if it was having the courage to change your
relationship with someone, or courage that changed friendship,
referring to our crests. Either way, it's personal.
Me? I've really gotten into writing, though I'm not sure if
it's really what Mom meant when she said I should find something other
than soccer... That doesn't matter. Izzy's still pining over Joe, and
Joe's as oblivious as ever, still dating Mimi. Kari was moping awhile
ago because apparently TK, Ken, and Davis all decided that it would be
best for the three of them to be together. All the eligible guys she
knew, gone in one fell swoop. Her and Yolei hang out a lot and mope
about it together, so she's getting over it. Sora... Sora's trying to
move on with her life. Me, her, and Izzy are really close. She still
hasn't found anyone else, even though it's been six months since
everything happened between her and Matt. She still can't get over it.
Poor girl, I know how she feels though, and I try not to talk about our
relationship around her...
Matt and I are still close, we write letters, and waste a lot
of money on long distance phone calls, but it's still hard having him
so far away. He should be coming back in about a month, for a brief
visit. He says that if they won't let him come back, he's going to
purposely break his leg so he can come home and I can take care of him.
So, everything seems to have turned out perfectly for me... I'm
just afraid that one day I'll wake up from the perfect dream I'm
living, and things will be back to the way they used to be. So don't
pinch me, because I never want to wake up.
*******
*sigh* cheesy ending. ^_^ I loved writing this... Izzy's my new hero.
^_^ He's such a jerk... good for him ^_^ Daisuke/TK/Ken!! ^_^ yay!!
Slash slash!! Maybe I'll write a fic about those three next ^_^ ...
well, actually, maybe I should do some school work first... failing
would be a bad idea. Ehe, yeah. I hate writing in the present tense
though, that almost killed me.. kya... the number of lines I had to go
back and change...
C&C are welcome - kind crits are ok, but flames make me cry.
Revised Nov 3, 02 - I learned proper grammar
by Minako
Well, I most definitely do not own Digimon, though I'm quite
the fangirl, so I don't own Taichi or anyone. (damn, too bad)
The song a Dream Worth Keeping is performed by Sheena Easton in
the movie Ferngully, pretty scene too ^_^
I gave up on sticking with one name, Japanese or English, so
deal with it ^_^ This is a buncha different pairings all at once,
Taito mainly - we'll stick with Taito as the theme ^_^
*******
And every time you see a rainbow paint the sky behind the rain
You'll be here again
*******
"Do... do you remember how my band replaced its drummer awhile
ago?" Matt asks.
I blink, it seems completely irrelevant to me, but I guess Matt
can tell his story however he wants to.
"Yeah, we remember." Izzy says, speaking for all of us.
Matt nods, then stares up at the ceiling, as if reminiscing. "I
told him... what I'm about to tell you guys, because while we were on
the road... he was my closest friend." Matt shakes his head. "He quit
the band the same night, because of this... that's why I didn't want to
tell you guys about it, I was worried you'd leave too." He takes a
shaky breath. "Do you guys know how many girlfriends I've had since
this band started?" He asks, once again, a question that doesn't seem
important to the situation, but I guess it'll all add up when he's
finished.
The others are silent, so I speak up. "Three, including Sora."
Matt looks over at me, somewhat surprised, and I shrug. He
doesn't need to know the agony I went through every second of each of
those relationships, including the one with Sora.
"Yeah... that's right. Three in the past three years. You can
add to that the time in between, you know, getting over it."
I nod. "So?"
Matt gives my impatience a knowing smile. He knows that waiting
for people to get to the point kills me. I think this is his payback
for me hitting him. "I've never stayed in a relationship for over a
year." I shrug, I still can't figure out what this has to do with Matt
running down that hall crying after breaking up with Sora, unless he's
trying to make a trend. He shakes his head again. "It took me a long
time while on tour to figure out why that is. It was bothering me." He
glances over at Sora. "It had almost been a year after all, and it
occurred to me that I'd never celebrated a one-year anniversary with
either of my other two girlfriends. It took a long time for me to
realize why." He takes another shaky breath.
"Take your time Matt... don't rush it if it hurts."
Matt forces a smile. "Thanks Izzy, but I'm ok." The smile
disappears much quicker than it showed up. "I don't like girls... at
all. I mean, I have friends who are girls, and I like them, but I don't
*like* girls, you know what I mean?" I nod. I know all about this,
better than he will ever know. "I think... I think I'm gay."
I nod again, and silence follows.
Oh, he's done. I start to laugh, I can't help it. After a
moment, Izzy joins in. Matt spends a shocked moment staring at us, then
stands up and drags me to my feet by my shirt collar, holding me up
high enough that I have to stand on my tiptoes to stand at all. I hate
being short.
"What do you think you're laughing at, huh Tai?"
I force my breathing to go back to normal, only because Matt
doesn't know why Izzy and I find this amusing. "Matt... don't worry
about it!"
His eyes widen, and he puts me down, releasing my shirt. "What?"
I shake my head. "It's no big deal, there's no way in hell we'd
hate you for it. I mean, c'mon, look at Izzy!"
Matt turns to look at Izzy, who's now turned beet red. "Izzy?"
Matt asks. "I had no idea."
"TAI!! Who gave you permission to tell my personal secrets!?"
I laugh nervously, and take a step back. "C'mon Izzy... we're
supposed to be making Matt feel better... it's not-"
"TAI!!! That-" Izzy's cut off by Sora, who's broken out into
sobs again.
"Sora... are you ok?" I ask her, I can see Matt cringing out of
the corner of my eye.
"What is it with the digidestined guys being gay!? All three of
you! This is TWICE this kind of thing has happened to me! TWICE!!" She
wails.
I wince.
"Twice?" Matt asks hesitantly.
"Yes, you AND Tai have done this to me now." She moans
"TAI!?" Matt asks, more than a little bit surprised.
"SORA!"
She grins at me through her tears, and sticks out her tongue.
"That's for telling secrets about Izzy."
I narrow my eyes. "Why you..." I shake my fist at her, but I'm
glad she's smiling, even if Matt now knows my secret, besides, it could
be worse, he could know how I feel about him in particular.
"But *I* wanted revenge on Tai." Izzy whines from behind me.
"GUYS!" I yell, turning so I can see all three of them at once.
Sora grins. "Then take your revenge on Tai, he won't mind, will
you Tai?"
Izzy grins evilly.
"For some reason I don't see this ending happily for me." I say
sadly, though I know there's nothing I can do to keep Izzy from
talking. I have this sinking feeling that things are about to get
significantly worse...
*******
I believe we've found a dream that's worth keeping
For more than just a day
And even though the winds of change may come sweeping
It's still a dream worth keeping
So don't let it fade away
*******
"Well... let's see... what to tell to who..." He looks over at
Matt with a mischievous look on his face.
I freeze. "Don't you DARE, Izzy."
He feigns innocence. "Don't I dare what? Tell Matt just who you
have in mind?"
I can feel myself turning red. Izzy wouldn't do that to me...
he couldn't do that to me... yet he can, and he might, and that's why
I'm afraid.
"Who?" Matt asks, completely confused. I moan.
"Izzy... that is kind of mean."
Izzy frowns. "Is it?"
I nod in agreement. "Sora's right, it is a bit much... I mean,
if I was to march out there and have a long talk with Joe, then I could
understand it but..." Whoops.
"Joe?" Matt asks. "Hey, I didn't know you had a thing for Joe,
Izzy, but isn't he dating Mimi still?"
Izzy turns to me, glowering. "Oh, it's not that bad." He says
still looking at me, a sadistic smile on his face. When you get down to
it, I think Izzy may be the most frightening person I know. "I mean, I
could be Tai." I shake my head at him. He doesn't look away, he just
keeps smiling at me. "I mean, Tai's been in love with the same person
for, what is it now, Tai?"
I sigh. "Five or six years, give or take... and I was in denial
for a lot of that."
Matt smiles at me. "That's sweet."
I shake my head. "No, it's torture." I can't help but inform
him. "My advice for you is not to fall for any straight people."
Matt nodds. "Yeah, that would suck... oh, you mean... sorry
Tai."
I shake my head. "It could be worse, he could still have a
girlfriend." I point out.
"I don't think he means anything cruel by that, Sora." Izzy
tells her.
"Oh, I know he doesn't." Sora says, trying not to cry.
"Why would that be mean to Sora?" Matt asks, obviously confused
again. I look back to Izzy.
"I'm not going to actually tell him... now, if you'd actually
talked to Joe on the other hand..."
I smile, relief evident on my face.
"C'mon, who is it? We're friends, aren't we, and if Sora and
Izzy already know..."
I glare at Izzy, who smiles back at me. He knows how hard it is
for me not to do something for Matt if he asks. Izzy had been there
when I'd helped Matt with his assignment all night. I'd gone to school
with all my homework unfinished the next day. I'd had to stand in the
hall.
"I HATE you Izzy."
Izzy shakes his head. "No you don't."
I sigh.
"C'mon Tai, just tell me, it's not that big a deal."
I can feel my face turning even redder. I didn't think that was
possible anymore, but apparently it is.
*******
Someday you might be thinking
That life has passed you by
*******
I pause for a moment and really think about it. What do I have
to lose? My best friend? I'd still have Izzy and Sora, and he's gone
touring so much anyway, he isn't around most of the time. My childhood
crush? I'm probably better off without it. I guess it's time I faced
the music. I swallow my fear and turn to Matt.
Man, he's gorgeous. My words are lost in my throat for a long
moment. Then I find them again.
"Fine... I'll tell you Matt."
Matt smiles. "See, it's not that bad."
"That's easy for you to say." Sora points out. "It's your turn
next." She informs him with a grin.
Matt turns red, but a far lighter shade than I am. More of a
pink, really. "What makes you think I have someone in mind?"
Sora puts on her best 'well, now I'm crushed' look. "You
mean... you just dumped me on a FEELING... not because you felt I was
in the way of your true love?" She sniffles.
"NO! It's not like that!"
She smiles again. "So you DO have someone in mind then?"
Matt returns to looking uncomfortable. "Ummm... we don't want
to talk about that, especially not in present company."
Sora raises an eyebrow. I'm getting the idea she knows
something I don't.
"Sora, leave Matt alone, I think the suspense is killing Tai."
It was then that I realized I'd been holding my breath all that
time. I let it out and started breathing again.
"Right, go on ahead, Tai." Sora says to me, giving me an
encouraging smile.
Courage... courage... I grip the crest around my neck and close
my eyes, this is one time where I can't bear to look at Matt, even
given the opportunity.
"I... I..." I swallow again. This is harder than I'd ever
dreamed it would be... 'C'mon Tai, you have a chance in hell now, so
take it before someone else does.' I look up at Matt, then quickly look
down. That one look almost shattered my courage. Courage, my crest...
this should be ok - it'll be ok.
"I... I..." I take a shaky breath. "I... I love you...Matt."
There I said it, now all I want is a corner to go die in.
*******
Your spirits might be sinking
With hope in short supply
*******
The silence seems to last forever - it's killing me. I wish he
would say something, anything. All I can see in my head is Matt going
'Me? Oh gods Tai, that's so... weird... you're my best friend, I could
never go out with you, but now it'll be too uncomfortable... I guess
the best route for us is to never see each other again, bye!' and
whatever he actually has to say has got to be better than that.
"... me?"
I nod. I know that if I speak I'll cry, and I'm too afraid to
actually look up at him. I don't want to see his face, yet at the same
time, I desperately do. I stare at his shoes, wishing his feet would
give me some signal on the way he's feeling right now.
I almost jump as a hand touches my chin, and tries to make me
look up. I fight it. I don't want to look at Matt yet, I'm not ready!
Generally, between Matt and I, I'm the stronger. As I've heard Kari put
it before, I play a lot of soccer. Matt's more the stay indoors and
read a book type. Matt's just bigger than me. Unfortunately, that's
generally, and my chin is not stronger than Matt's arm. He forces my
face up to look at his. I close my eyes.
"Tai..."
I can't tell if he's happy or pitying me. I keep my eyes
closed. I don't want to see pity in his eyes. I want... I want...
"Open your eyes Tai."
I shake my head.
"Do it Tai." Izzy sounds... surprised, I guess.
Slowly I do. I'll kill Izzy if I regret this.
Matt has gorgeous eyes. They're a deep shade of blue, not the
kind that you hear about it books, where you can 'see yourself in their
deep pools.' Just beautiful dark blue that seems to go on forever.
Usually, Matt's eyes give him away. But this time, I don't know. I
can't tell if what I'm seeing is really there, or if my mind's just
making things up.
And we stand there, staring at each other. I find myself
wondering just what Matt's looking for. He closes his eyes after a long
moment, and then opens them again, and he smiles at me. I don't even
have time to get over that smile before he's kissing me. Hesitantly at
first, then less so. His arm drops from my chin to wrap around me. I
can't think.
I've never kissed anyone before, well, except for my parents
and my sister, but they don't count. That's a different kind of kiss. I
honestly don't know what to do. Slowly, so he won't move away, I hug
him back, and I hope that whatever I'm doing, I'm doing it right.
After a long moment, Matt pulls back, and leans his forehead
against mine. We're both breathless.
Sora coughs, ruining our moment. "Ummm... I think it's Matt's
turn to tell us all who he likes." She says. I glance at her, and she's
smiling sadly. Izzy just looks surprised, standing just beside her,
with a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I love you too, Tai." Matt says. I've heard him say it to me
so many times in my dreams, but that was so much different. In my
dreams it was almost casual, like it was something he said to me all
the time. But now... now it had more meaning in it than anything I'd
ever heard before.
I take a step back, and smile at him. Matt looks confused, and
hurt; he hasn't reached the same conclusion I just did.
"You know, given the circumstances, Matt, I think we should
probably respect the fact that you just broke Sora's heart."
Guilt washes over his face. "Sora... I..."
Sora shakes her head and smiles at us. "Go on." She says,
sighing.
"Really?" Matt asks, obviously still worried.
She nods. "Yes, I've tormented Tai enough, and I've known how
he feels about you for longer than we'd been dating. I think he
deserves some payback."
I smile. "Thanks, Sora." Then I fling myself back at Matt. I
can hear Izzy talking to Sora just beside us.
"This is going to take awhile... isn't it?"
*******
And that's the reason why...
That's the reason why...
*******
Finally, after what was probably a short eternity for Sora, but
only a brief moment for me, Izzy speaks up.
"A the tone, the time will be exactly 1:30." His laptop makes a
tone noise, and I pull back from Matt.
"1:30!?!? I am SO dead."
Izzy nods. "When was it you told your mother you'd be home?"
I laugh nervously. "That's... not important."
Izzy shakes his head. "This is why I didn't give my mother a time."
I nod, and Matt takes my hand. "I guess we'd best head out. The
others are probably wondering if Tai and I have killed each other yet."
We all laugh, and I drape an arm around Izzy's shoulders, and Matt
drapes his around Sora before heading down the hall.
"So, what are you guys going to tell them?"
I shrug. "I think we should just let them figure it out on
their own."
Matt laughs. "TK'll figure it out, probably within ten seconds
of our arriving."
I nod. "Same thing with Kari."
Matt shrugs. "I think we should just tell them."
I lean my head on Matt's shoulder. "Ok." I smile. *This* is the
life. We head out the door to a lot of angry and tired Digidestined.
Ok, so maybe it's not the life.
*******
Two months later...
Telling everyone actually went better than I had expected it
to. Kari and TK were the most happy for us, Joe seemed more than a
little bit surprised, but then again, Joe spends a lot of his time
being oblivious. Mimi and Yolei think it's cute, and Iori doesn't
understand it, but seems pretty much neutral. Daisuke and Ken just said
they were glad we'd ended up together, in their own ways (Ken said it
nice and polite, Daisuke jumped me and yelled "Nice going Tai!")
I haven't told my parents yet. I think they'll flip. Dad's the
one who's always asking me about girlfriends, and Mum's always saying
things like "Whatever happened to that nice Sora girl?" I'll get up the
courage to tell them eventually, but right now, they don't need to
know.
Matt told his dad, and he was happy for us. he ended up telling
us a story about his boyfriend in college. Turns out he was in love
with a guy, and then, one day, his boyfriend had told him that it had
been a phase, and he wasn't interested anymore. So Matt's dad had tried
to get on with his life, by getting married, which obviously didn't
work out quite as planned. I feel bad for him... I really hope Matt
never decides I'm a phase for him. I know that what I feel for Matt is
more than just some phase.
I saw him off at the airport on Friday night, he's going on
tour again. I hadn't wanted to go originally, but Matt had conned me
into it. He wore this gorgeous black shirt, with the first few buttons
undone, and took me out on a date before we went to the airport. We
went out to see a movie first, a really good monster movie that just
came out, and then he took me out for dinner (it turns out he does like
stir-fry). Then we went to the airport.
I just hope that our multiple goodbye kisses didn't freak out
too many of his fans...
So now he's gone again, and I just have to wait for him to come
back to me. And I know he will.
*******
I know this dream's worth keeping
As long as it will stay
Even when you've seen the darkness completely
A dream worth keeping
Will never fade away...
*******
Four months later...
Matt came out with his new CD, finally, I got it in the mail
one day. I've really missed him since he went away on tour, and was
glad to receive anything from him, even if it was just the CD and no
letter.
This time, instead of a brief message indicating that I was his
best friend, I got a message that was bit longer. "This is for Kamiya
Taichi... the best friend I've ever had, and so much more. Thank you
for having the courage to tell me what you felt when I needed to know
more than anything. I'll love you forever." I smiled when I read that,
and I'm looking forward to his visit at Christmas. Touring sucks, I
miss him so much.
His newest single came out before the CD, but I still hear it
on the radio a lot. I couldn't believe it when I first heard it. "The
Courage to Change Friendship." When he comes back, I'll have to ask him
how he meant that, if it was having the courage to change your
relationship with someone, or courage that changed friendship,
referring to our crests. Either way, it's personal.
Me? I've really gotten into writing, though I'm not sure if
it's really what Mom meant when she said I should find something other
than soccer... That doesn't matter. Izzy's still pining over Joe, and
Joe's as oblivious as ever, still dating Mimi. Kari was moping awhile
ago because apparently TK, Ken, and Davis all decided that it would be
best for the three of them to be together. All the eligible guys she
knew, gone in one fell swoop. Her and Yolei hang out a lot and mope
about it together, so she's getting over it. Sora... Sora's trying to
move on with her life. Me, her, and Izzy are really close. She still
hasn't found anyone else, even though it's been six months since
everything happened between her and Matt. She still can't get over it.
Poor girl, I know how she feels though, and I try not to talk about our
relationship around her...
Matt and I are still close, we write letters, and waste a lot
of money on long distance phone calls, but it's still hard having him
so far away. He should be coming back in about a month, for a brief
visit. He says that if they won't let him come back, he's going to
purposely break his leg so he can come home and I can take care of him.
So, everything seems to have turned out perfectly for me... I'm
just afraid that one day I'll wake up from the perfect dream I'm
living, and things will be back to the way they used to be. So don't
pinch me, because I never want to wake up.
*******
*sigh* cheesy ending. ^_^ I loved writing this... Izzy's my new hero.
^_^ He's such a jerk... good for him ^_^ Daisuke/TK/Ken!! ^_^ yay!!
Slash slash!! Maybe I'll write a fic about those three next ^_^ ...
well, actually, maybe I should do some school work first... failing
would be a bad idea. Ehe, yeah. I hate writing in the present tense
though, that almost killed me.. kya... the number of lines I had to go
back and change...
C&C are welcome - kind crits are ok, but flames make me cry.
Revised Nov 3, 02 - I learned proper grammar