Title: Little Boy Lost
Author: Nataku
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, horror, gore
Pairing: None
Warning: Okay ladies and gents, this story has a lot of gore. Nothing really yet on the vocab level,
but man does it have gore. Those with queasy stomachs should think twice before reading.
Disclaimer: Once again, this character is my own. It's Marourin.
Summary: Why is the Black Jackal as cruel as he is? No one starts out evil right? Listen to him as
he weaves the story of his past, showing the pain laced path that he had to walk.
Author's Note: *looks over writing* Damn, I can't believe I wrote this! I made myself nauseous
writing it. Such a spoiler for his past. Anyway, please enjoy and please don't judge him too harshly.
Remember, he's a little boy now. Just for no reason at all, my inspiration for this story was the song
"I Apologize" by Splendor.
Frozen dreams have shattered me
Ice has covered all I see
Warm my heart and set me free
Freeze my soul and shackle me...
Little Boy Lost
Chapter 2: Save Me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's so cold...
Kaa-san, please come...
Help me please....
Kaa-san....
It's so...cold...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello kaa-san. It's me again. I alone survived the bloody massacre in our home and I alone walked
away from it. Yes, I the shivering, wretched mass of human flesh being drenched in the rain.
Perhaps I should of died with you.
Perhaps the rain should of washed me away.
However that stubborn little spark in my soul was too greedy and hungry for life. But I felt
something new now. For the first time, I was truly cold. Both physically and mentally.
Physically I was used to, but this new frost residing in my mind was just about unbearable. No
matter how hard I tried, I could now ward off this chill. Could you come and help warm up my
weary and frozen bones? My shivering body and soul.
~~~~~~~~~
I need you kaa-san, where are you? I feel numb inside...
~~~~~~~~~~
Day by day, I feel less and less warmth. Like the heat, the fire has been slowly leeched from my
body. Every day, every hour I spend alone in these black forests I loose more and more of myself.
More and more of my sanity.
I don't know how much longer I can last like this. The solitude is killing me as surely as the cold. I
scream and cry until my throat hurts too much to even whisper just to make sure that I still exist. I
never knew that isolation was so horrible. The only person around is me and I wander all over these
forests hoping. Everyday I search for some other people. Everyday my hope dies a little more as I
see none.
Now the only way I survive is by hunting and killing. Fires are so difficult to make for the frost is
settling this time of year. The tinder is too damp to light and I have to resort to eating the flesh raw.
What horrifies me the most is that I'm starting to like it. I'm starting to accept and even enjoy the
primal taste of raw meat and blood.
~~~~~~
Help me kaa-san. This hunger frightens me!
~~~~~~~
The knife I took from the desecrated corpse of my father has rusted away into a dull, useless piece of
metal and I can no longer use it to help me hunt.
As for my home, I have left it far behind. My traveling has carried me far, far away from the only
thing I ever knew. My home, my life, my warmth. Already I have no hope of finding my way back.
Even a delusional boy as myself knows I'm lost.
However, I don't think that I am just a boy anymore. I hear this cold, icy voice in my mind. I know
things I shouldn't know. I can feel his frozen presence inside of me, slowly, day by day, merging
with my soul. The hunger to survive is almost overwhelming now. More and more I become like the
jackal and this man. He forces me to kill and eat. He forces me to walk more and more, pushing my
body to it's limits. Already my senses have exceeded that of any human's. Instinct and traits of the
jackal are slipping through and 'improving me' as he thinks if it.
Maybe I should be grateful of this ruthless man inside of me. He makes me stronger and teaches me
things that father probably never knew.
Like how to kill a full grown buck with your bare hands.
Or how to snap the neck of a bear like a twig.
He forces my body to break off long poles of bamboo and shape them to form spears and knives.
He keeps me alive.
I should be grateful. I should have been amazed. But I hated him. I hated this monster for he kept me
from seeing you kaa-san. If it wasn't for him the forest would have devoured me long ago. Curse
you Jackal, why won't you let me die!?!
~~~~~~~~
I don't want it anymore kaa-san. Take this spark away from me...
~~~~~~~~~
Perhaps I really am insane kaa-san. I keep on thinking of him as a separate person. He really
isn't...or so I think. More of a subconscious instinct. I hear his voice whispering in my mind...or is it
just echos of my screaming?
But does instinct come with all of this skill? Or maybe it does. Like the jackal knows how to kill.
Maybe this voice is really me telling myself to live. To hunt and kill so I can survive.
But with all of 'his' skill, I'm still cold.
~~~~~~~~
Why won't he let me come to you, kaa-san?
~~~~~~~~~
How many days has it been now? I lost count. For the first few weeks I kept bones with tally marks
on them, but I started getting confused and lazy. Just living has become a dreadful chore. I don't
know how much longer I can do this and still keep my mind.
I think I really was driven insane by my isolation. Maybe that's why I hear his voice in my ears.
Like he is standing next to me and wrapping me in his larger and stronger arms.
No. I will not...I must keep my rationality. If I die, which I pray is soon, I shall die waiting for you
to come and take me in your white angel wings, kaa-san. To take me away from his dark embrace
that keeps me here. I refuse to die a savage.
You cannot possibly have a idea about how much harder this has gotten of the late.
At times, I can barely remember who I am. That I am still human and that I am me.
~~~~~~~~
Help me kaa-san...
~~~~~~~~
Through my wanderings, I suddenly drudged up a thought. I haven't used names in so long. Now
what was my name again? I sit down and think. Then my eyes snapped open as it struck me. I don't
remember.
My name?! Oh by the gods! What is my name?! I don't...I don't remember it!!! I know who I
am...but what am I called? My name, my identity!!!
I shudder and am unable to help from collapsing. You cannot know the horror of not having a title. I
never knew that a simple name meant so much.
Wait....just maybe....perhaps...
I look up quite suddenly and I know that my eyes are glazed with thought.
There was something that father always called me. I remembered being trained with a sword...and
what was the name he gave me?
Frantically I started shifting through my memories, desperate to snag that fleeting image. I even
clawed at my head trying to remember. I must remember it. For the sake of my sanity I must.
......I remember it...Marourin... Marourin! Now I know. It means 'the demon swordsman'. I smile
broadly, proud of myself. Aren't you happy for me kaa-san? I have a name! I have a title!
Marourin. That name sounded like the most beautiful music ever to grace my ears. Finally
something of my home that I could cling to. And I know that I would, with all of my might I will.
That is my name, kaa-san. And it'll be his name too. Never before have I felt happier since that day
at home. I had something to call myself, and to call him.
One of these days, if I ever get back into the realm of human beings with my mind still intact, I
might just make a new life for myself. I'll use this name, Marourin, for it. Ah, a new life. Such a
impossible dream it seems now, but it is one of the few motivations I have to keep me going. And
now, when I have reached a point where all seems futile, the dreams are the most important. Without
them, I would just sink into the darkness and never find my back.
~~~~~~
Dreams, they're all I have left kaa-san...
~~~~~~
It's getting colder and colder now. Winter has settled and with it came the frost and snow. The
mountains are a inhospitable place this time of the year. The ice and frozen streams brings
unbearable cold with them. It rains ice like needles stabbing the night as I walk. My shoes have
worn away and I now wear animal skins. How cold it gets, but the fur I wrap myself in seems to
repel water quite efficiently. As I continue through these uninhabited mazes of myriad trees, the rain
trickles down my entire body like so many tears. Replacements for the ones that I didn't shed. I find
it harder to cry now. The ice in my body is too cold and frozen to permit that. Like I have been
numbed to emotion and feeling.
At moments I notice myself talking less and less. Soon I know that the only conversations will be in
my head. Just me and him talking voicelessly. The forests are so silent. So empty, yet there is life. A
different type from civilization, in fact the very opposite. And for a boy that has come from a culture
that has 6,000 years of civilization, it is a little hard to compensate this drastic change.
It's hard to carry a conversation with a panda or a rabbit. I can't help but wonder how I am going to
die. Such morbid moods I have now! I wonder if a wolf will tear me limb from limb, or one day I
fall off the edge of a cliff. Or maybe, just maybe, the cold will end my suffering.
And then I wonder what would happen if I did find my way to civilization and managed to get help.
What would my life be like? Would I ever be the same after all that has happened? Would there
even be enough of me left to make a human being?
~~~~~~~~
Kaa-san, watch over me please...
~~~~~~~~~
I think that I will never be completely human again. However, the jackal hasn't taken over. Not yet.
Not since that day so long ago, far, far away. I can feel him resting within, hibernating. He is part of
me, part of my soul now. He won't stay dormant forever I know. One day, the beast inside me will
rip free once more, bringing with him that awful hunger and rage. When those crimson eyes open
again, I will loose myself to the animalistic fury and be immersed in a sea of blood.
I don't want my hands to be dripping with blood again. I don't want to feel the alluring warmth of
flesh inside of me. The cold is awful but I can only hope and pray that he stays asleep forever. Please
pray with me kaa-san. For the sake of my humanity, pray with me.
Marourin
Unknown
The End?
To Be Continued?
Help me
Save me
Free me
Kill me
Frozen dreams have shattered me
Ice has covered all I see
Warm my heart and set me free
Freeze my soul and shackle me...
Author's Note: Thank you very much for reading this poor excuse of a story. I know this one was
dull, but that's what I wrote. Being in a mountain cabin in the middle of no where makes you write
things like that. Thank you again and please, constructive criticism is appreciated. Flames shall be
used for....er...roasting peaches.
Author: Nataku
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, horror, gore
Pairing: None
Warning: Okay ladies and gents, this story has a lot of gore. Nothing really yet on the vocab level,
but man does it have gore. Those with queasy stomachs should think twice before reading.
Disclaimer: Once again, this character is my own. It's Marourin.
Summary: Why is the Black Jackal as cruel as he is? No one starts out evil right? Listen to him as
he weaves the story of his past, showing the pain laced path that he had to walk.
Author's Note: *looks over writing* Damn, I can't believe I wrote this! I made myself nauseous
writing it. Such a spoiler for his past. Anyway, please enjoy and please don't judge him too harshly.
Remember, he's a little boy now. Just for no reason at all, my inspiration for this story was the song
"I Apologize" by Splendor.
Frozen dreams have shattered me
Ice has covered all I see
Warm my heart and set me free
Freeze my soul and shackle me...
Little Boy Lost
Chapter 2: Save Me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's so cold...
Kaa-san, please come...
Help me please....
Kaa-san....
It's so...cold...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello kaa-san. It's me again. I alone survived the bloody massacre in our home and I alone walked
away from it. Yes, I the shivering, wretched mass of human flesh being drenched in the rain.
Perhaps I should of died with you.
Perhaps the rain should of washed me away.
However that stubborn little spark in my soul was too greedy and hungry for life. But I felt
something new now. For the first time, I was truly cold. Both physically and mentally.
Physically I was used to, but this new frost residing in my mind was just about unbearable. No
matter how hard I tried, I could now ward off this chill. Could you come and help warm up my
weary and frozen bones? My shivering body and soul.
~~~~~~~~~
I need you kaa-san, where are you? I feel numb inside...
~~~~~~~~~~
Day by day, I feel less and less warmth. Like the heat, the fire has been slowly leeched from my
body. Every day, every hour I spend alone in these black forests I loose more and more of myself.
More and more of my sanity.
I don't know how much longer I can last like this. The solitude is killing me as surely as the cold. I
scream and cry until my throat hurts too much to even whisper just to make sure that I still exist. I
never knew that isolation was so horrible. The only person around is me and I wander all over these
forests hoping. Everyday I search for some other people. Everyday my hope dies a little more as I
see none.
Now the only way I survive is by hunting and killing. Fires are so difficult to make for the frost is
settling this time of year. The tinder is too damp to light and I have to resort to eating the flesh raw.
What horrifies me the most is that I'm starting to like it. I'm starting to accept and even enjoy the
primal taste of raw meat and blood.
~~~~~~
Help me kaa-san. This hunger frightens me!
~~~~~~~
The knife I took from the desecrated corpse of my father has rusted away into a dull, useless piece of
metal and I can no longer use it to help me hunt.
As for my home, I have left it far behind. My traveling has carried me far, far away from the only
thing I ever knew. My home, my life, my warmth. Already I have no hope of finding my way back.
Even a delusional boy as myself knows I'm lost.
However, I don't think that I am just a boy anymore. I hear this cold, icy voice in my mind. I know
things I shouldn't know. I can feel his frozen presence inside of me, slowly, day by day, merging
with my soul. The hunger to survive is almost overwhelming now. More and more I become like the
jackal and this man. He forces me to kill and eat. He forces me to walk more and more, pushing my
body to it's limits. Already my senses have exceeded that of any human's. Instinct and traits of the
jackal are slipping through and 'improving me' as he thinks if it.
Maybe I should be grateful of this ruthless man inside of me. He makes me stronger and teaches me
things that father probably never knew.
Like how to kill a full grown buck with your bare hands.
Or how to snap the neck of a bear like a twig.
He forces my body to break off long poles of bamboo and shape them to form spears and knives.
He keeps me alive.
I should be grateful. I should have been amazed. But I hated him. I hated this monster for he kept me
from seeing you kaa-san. If it wasn't for him the forest would have devoured me long ago. Curse
you Jackal, why won't you let me die!?!
~~~~~~~~
I don't want it anymore kaa-san. Take this spark away from me...
~~~~~~~~~
Perhaps I really am insane kaa-san. I keep on thinking of him as a separate person. He really
isn't...or so I think. More of a subconscious instinct. I hear his voice whispering in my mind...or is it
just echos of my screaming?
But does instinct come with all of this skill? Or maybe it does. Like the jackal knows how to kill.
Maybe this voice is really me telling myself to live. To hunt and kill so I can survive.
But with all of 'his' skill, I'm still cold.
~~~~~~~~
Why won't he let me come to you, kaa-san?
~~~~~~~~~
How many days has it been now? I lost count. For the first few weeks I kept bones with tally marks
on them, but I started getting confused and lazy. Just living has become a dreadful chore. I don't
know how much longer I can do this and still keep my mind.
I think I really was driven insane by my isolation. Maybe that's why I hear his voice in my ears.
Like he is standing next to me and wrapping me in his larger and stronger arms.
No. I will not...I must keep my rationality. If I die, which I pray is soon, I shall die waiting for you
to come and take me in your white angel wings, kaa-san. To take me away from his dark embrace
that keeps me here. I refuse to die a savage.
You cannot possibly have a idea about how much harder this has gotten of the late.
At times, I can barely remember who I am. That I am still human and that I am me.
~~~~~~~~
Help me kaa-san...
~~~~~~~~
Through my wanderings, I suddenly drudged up a thought. I haven't used names in so long. Now
what was my name again? I sit down and think. Then my eyes snapped open as it struck me. I don't
remember.
My name?! Oh by the gods! What is my name?! I don't...I don't remember it!!! I know who I
am...but what am I called? My name, my identity!!!
I shudder and am unable to help from collapsing. You cannot know the horror of not having a title. I
never knew that a simple name meant so much.
Wait....just maybe....perhaps...
I look up quite suddenly and I know that my eyes are glazed with thought.
There was something that father always called me. I remembered being trained with a sword...and
what was the name he gave me?
Frantically I started shifting through my memories, desperate to snag that fleeting image. I even
clawed at my head trying to remember. I must remember it. For the sake of my sanity I must.
......I remember it...Marourin... Marourin! Now I know. It means 'the demon swordsman'. I smile
broadly, proud of myself. Aren't you happy for me kaa-san? I have a name! I have a title!
Marourin. That name sounded like the most beautiful music ever to grace my ears. Finally
something of my home that I could cling to. And I know that I would, with all of my might I will.
That is my name, kaa-san. And it'll be his name too. Never before have I felt happier since that day
at home. I had something to call myself, and to call him.
One of these days, if I ever get back into the realm of human beings with my mind still intact, I
might just make a new life for myself. I'll use this name, Marourin, for it. Ah, a new life. Such a
impossible dream it seems now, but it is one of the few motivations I have to keep me going. And
now, when I have reached a point where all seems futile, the dreams are the most important. Without
them, I would just sink into the darkness and never find my back.
~~~~~~
Dreams, they're all I have left kaa-san...
~~~~~~
It's getting colder and colder now. Winter has settled and with it came the frost and snow. The
mountains are a inhospitable place this time of the year. The ice and frozen streams brings
unbearable cold with them. It rains ice like needles stabbing the night as I walk. My shoes have
worn away and I now wear animal skins. How cold it gets, but the fur I wrap myself in seems to
repel water quite efficiently. As I continue through these uninhabited mazes of myriad trees, the rain
trickles down my entire body like so many tears. Replacements for the ones that I didn't shed. I find
it harder to cry now. The ice in my body is too cold and frozen to permit that. Like I have been
numbed to emotion and feeling.
At moments I notice myself talking less and less. Soon I know that the only conversations will be in
my head. Just me and him talking voicelessly. The forests are so silent. So empty, yet there is life. A
different type from civilization, in fact the very opposite. And for a boy that has come from a culture
that has 6,000 years of civilization, it is a little hard to compensate this drastic change.
It's hard to carry a conversation with a panda or a rabbit. I can't help but wonder how I am going to
die. Such morbid moods I have now! I wonder if a wolf will tear me limb from limb, or one day I
fall off the edge of a cliff. Or maybe, just maybe, the cold will end my suffering.
And then I wonder what would happen if I did find my way to civilization and managed to get help.
What would my life be like? Would I ever be the same after all that has happened? Would there
even be enough of me left to make a human being?
~~~~~~~~
Kaa-san, watch over me please...
~~~~~~~~~
I think that I will never be completely human again. However, the jackal hasn't taken over. Not yet.
Not since that day so long ago, far, far away. I can feel him resting within, hibernating. He is part of
me, part of my soul now. He won't stay dormant forever I know. One day, the beast inside me will
rip free once more, bringing with him that awful hunger and rage. When those crimson eyes open
again, I will loose myself to the animalistic fury and be immersed in a sea of blood.
I don't want my hands to be dripping with blood again. I don't want to feel the alluring warmth of
flesh inside of me. The cold is awful but I can only hope and pray that he stays asleep forever. Please
pray with me kaa-san. For the sake of my humanity, pray with me.
Marourin
Unknown
The End?
To Be Continued?
Help me
Save me
Free me
Kill me
Frozen dreams have shattered me
Ice has covered all I see
Warm my heart and set me free
Freeze my soul and shackle me...
Author's Note: Thank you very much for reading this poor excuse of a story. I know this one was
dull, but that's what I wrote. Being in a mountain cabin in the middle of no where makes you write
things like that. Thank you again and please, constructive criticism is appreciated. Flames shall be
used for....er...roasting peaches.