***WARNING*** This fic contains two trouble-making Hobbits being thrashed
by an angry farmer! If this upsets you or you are not old enough to read
about this; don't!
A/N- This fanfic is based on the Pippin and Merry from the movie, for in the books they aren't nearly as funny. However, the events are based on the book. This is a pre-FOTR fic, though you could probably figure that out after the first paragraph. All is well in the land, except when a Took and a Brandybuck start causing all sorts of trouble.
Disclaimer- So as much as I would like to own the characters, I don't. They belong to whoever inherited them when JRR died. I, unfortunatly, don't own the actors who played them either… =P Billy and Dom belong to Billy and Dom respectivly… ;) Dangit!
"So, what's we gonna do tonight?" Peregrin Took asked of his cousin. Meriadoc Brandybuck looked at him and shrugged. It was just about half past seven in the evening and neither Hobbit could think of something to pass the time. Here they were, 19 and 27 respectively, and had no one to spend their evenings with, save each other.
"Well, we could go and try to find some women whose mother's haven't heard of us yet," suggested Pippin. Merry looked at him doubtfully. Suddenly an idea came to Pippin. "We haven't been by Farmer Maggot's in a while, have we?" A smile showed on Merry's face.
"No, we haven't… let's go!" He said and they grabbed their dark cloaks before heading towards the door. When they got near it, they tried to open it quietly, but to no avail.
"Where might you two be going, hmm? Off to the pub again? Or more likely going out to steal some mushrooms from an unsuspecting farmer, perhaps?" The voice of Pippin's father came floating, threateningly, towards them from the other room. Merry raised an eyebrow silently, while Pippin grimaced.
"Uhm, no where, Da! Merry an' I decided that we'd go back to his place, so that's where we're goin'. Kay? Right, bye!" Pip answered quickly before heading out the door, pulling Merry with him. Once outside and walking away Merry began to wonder out load.
"So, uh, what if yer Da finds out we're not going over to my hole? He'll be mighty upset, won't he be?" Merry sounded rather downtrodden about lying to the Thain, but Pip brushed it off. "I've lied to him hundreds of times without being caught, what's to say we'll be caught this time?" And with that Pippin hurried ahead towards Maggot's fields. Merry shook his head to himself, but followed anyway.
After a while's walk they came upon the exact fields they'd been looking for. The sight was magnificent! Thousands of mushrooms all waiting to be eaten! Of course the dear old farmer wouldn't miss a few. Both hobbits' eyes were wide in amazement. "Such a good crop this year, eh, Pip?" Merry asked.
"Definitely, Merry, beautiful crop," Pippin replied.
"I think a storm is gonna blow up tomorrow…"
"All the poor mushrooms will be destroyed!"
"Not if we can help it!"
"We'd better make use of them and save them all."
"How's we gonna do that?"
"Well, the only way I can think to carry them is in my stomach…"
"Same with me…"
"Might as well get to work then!"
"Right! Time to save the mushrooms!"
Starting at the corner they entered by, they wolfed down mushroom after gorgeous mushroom. So involved with the mushrooms they were that they didn't even hear Maggot coming up behind them until he had grabbed them both by an ear.
"Come back to eat my mushrooms again have you, lads?" He whispered menacingly into their ears. Both were so surprised that they couldn't say a thing, even if their mouths hadn't been filled with mushrooms. They gulped what was left in their mouths down and were pulled rather sharply into the farmer's hole, yelping with pain. He led them into a back room and commanded them to stay there while he would be right back. The boys looked to each other with worried glances. There was a rumour that Maggot would beat all young Hobbits who stole food from his land, but that couldn't be true, could it?
Their fates seemed sealed when Maggot arrived back with a long, thick leather strap that looked as though it had seen some use. Now Pippin was paralyzed with fear, while Merry gulped audibly. Maggot pulled out a wooden chair from the corner and set it in the middle of the room and sat upon it. He looked up at the trembling Hobbits before him and spoke.
"For forty years have Hobbits your age been stealing food from my lands, and never have they learned until I make them. I thought about whipping you lot for years before I actually started a few years back, and you two get to be lucky numbers 45 and 46. Now who will be first?" He looked at Merry, and then at Pippin. Each pointed to the other. Maggot closed his eyes and pulled the one he touched first towards him, which happened to be Merry. Maggot then stood up from the chair and pulled Merry around behind it.
"Now take off your trousers, lad, and bend over the back of the chair. Oh don't be modest; I've seen it all before. That's right, over you go. Now, tell me your name."
Merry was a little shocked at what was happening to him, but managed to spit out his name. "Meriadoc Br… Brandyb… buck, sssir." Maggot nodded and opened a book that was on a table on the far side of the room. Taking a quill and dipping it in ink he scratched out the name in the book, and wrote two other things by it. From where Pippin was standing he could see Merry's name, the number 8, and the abbreviated words, "mush. theft". Maggot returned to Merry's round behind and spoke again. "You will be given eight swats for thievery of my mushrooms. Understand, lad?" Merry nodded a silent yes. "Good. Let us begin."
Swish! Thwack! "One"
Swish! Thwack! "Two." Merry's bottom was already looking rather red, and he was starting to sniffle.
Swish! Thwack! "Three"
Swish! Thwack! "Four!" Merry braced himself. It was half over.
Swish! Thwack! "Five." And Merry burst into tears. Pippin was hardly able to control himself. He wanted to stop this! It had been his idea… why punish Merry?
Swish! Thwack! "Six"
Swish! Thwack! "Seven!" Merry's bottom was a deep shade of red, and he was starting to moan.
Swish! Thwack! "Eight. Right, off you go into the corner. And I better not see you rubbing!" Merry picked himself up off the chair, and went to stand in the corner as was told. Maggot turned to Pippin and positioned him with the back of the chair. "You know the drill. Off with them."
Slowly Pippin unbuttoned his trousers and pulled his braces off his shoulders. No doubt he was trying to delay the beating as long as he could… but Maggot became even more disgusted. "If you don't hurry it up, lad, I'll pull them all the way off you. Now, tell me your name."
Pippin sighed and pulled down the trousers, and leaned over the chair. He replied "Peregrin Took, sir," in a very downtrodden tone. The farmer looked at him with something of a grin. "Another Took, eh? I daresay you're definitely not the first. All right. Let's begin with you."
Pippin braced himself for the first blow. Swish! Thawack! "One"
Swish! Thawack!! "Two" It was as if the farmer was taking out the bias against his name on his backside. Pippin was whimpering and trying to hold back tears.
Swish! Thawack!!!! "Three" The tears were flowing now, there was nothing he could do to stop them.
Swish! THWACK!! "Four" The hardest one yet landed square in the middle. Pippin's entire backside was enflamed.
Swish! THWACK!! "Five," Another just below the fourth one, perfectly on target. Pip was starting to dance about of the back of the chair a bit.
Swish! THAWACK!!! "Six" A low "Owwwwwww" escaped the poor Hobbit's lips. He was hanging on for dear life.
Swish! THAWACK!! "Seven, and if you don't hold still, lad, I'll take your total up to ten." A sobbing Pippin replied with a "Yessss, sssir! Ssssorry!"
Swish! THAWACK!!!!! "Eight" The hardest yet, by far, left Pippin wishing he had never suggested coming here. He was allowed to stand and both boys were allowed to put their trousers back on. He then led them out of the room and took them outside where they helped him attach a pony to a wagon. Then they were made to sit in the back on the hard wooden floor of the cart, while the old farmer drove them home.
When they got close to Merry's hole, Pip was reminded of the lie he told. He tried to get out of the back of the cart as well, but he felt a hand grab hold of his braces and couldn't get any further away. "Oh no you don't, lad. I know where you live, and it ain't here. Perhaps a visit with your father would help sort out the problem with his children," the farmer snarled, plainly enjoying the look of terror upon Pippin's tear-streaked face. Merry waved a good bye and mouthed good luck as the cart with Pippin in it drove away from his home.
Pippin started crying again with the realization that he was going to be getting another whipping in one night. The farmer whistled merrily to himself, and in no time they were at the doorstep of the Took household. Pippin's father was waiting outside with his arms crossed, as if expecting this to happen. As the cart drew nearer, the farmer called out. "Ho, there Thain Paladin. I caught a wayward item of yours, and thrashed him good and proper. Perhaps you'll do a better service of looking after your children next time. This is the third of yours I've thrashed in as many weeks. If I find another rooting through my fields I swear I'll take him out and beat him with this here pony whip. Good night, Master Took," and with that he threw Pippin out of his cart and trotted off.
"You'll do no such thing, Maggot. Not if I get my hands on the boy first," Pippin heard his father say under his breath before coming over to Pip and dragging him inside off the road. Roughly Pippin was tossed half way over the back of the sofa, and with the cane Paladin had in his hands, gave his son ten strokes to match the hour. Pippin then was hauled by his ear to his bedroom and placed in bed where a poor and properly thrashed young Took was confined for the next day.
A/N- This fanfic is based on the Pippin and Merry from the movie, for in the books they aren't nearly as funny. However, the events are based on the book. This is a pre-FOTR fic, though you could probably figure that out after the first paragraph. All is well in the land, except when a Took and a Brandybuck start causing all sorts of trouble.
Disclaimer- So as much as I would like to own the characters, I don't. They belong to whoever inherited them when JRR died. I, unfortunatly, don't own the actors who played them either… =P Billy and Dom belong to Billy and Dom respectivly… ;) Dangit!
"So, what's we gonna do tonight?" Peregrin Took asked of his cousin. Meriadoc Brandybuck looked at him and shrugged. It was just about half past seven in the evening and neither Hobbit could think of something to pass the time. Here they were, 19 and 27 respectively, and had no one to spend their evenings with, save each other.
"Well, we could go and try to find some women whose mother's haven't heard of us yet," suggested Pippin. Merry looked at him doubtfully. Suddenly an idea came to Pippin. "We haven't been by Farmer Maggot's in a while, have we?" A smile showed on Merry's face.
"No, we haven't… let's go!" He said and they grabbed their dark cloaks before heading towards the door. When they got near it, they tried to open it quietly, but to no avail.
"Where might you two be going, hmm? Off to the pub again? Or more likely going out to steal some mushrooms from an unsuspecting farmer, perhaps?" The voice of Pippin's father came floating, threateningly, towards them from the other room. Merry raised an eyebrow silently, while Pippin grimaced.
"Uhm, no where, Da! Merry an' I decided that we'd go back to his place, so that's where we're goin'. Kay? Right, bye!" Pip answered quickly before heading out the door, pulling Merry with him. Once outside and walking away Merry began to wonder out load.
"So, uh, what if yer Da finds out we're not going over to my hole? He'll be mighty upset, won't he be?" Merry sounded rather downtrodden about lying to the Thain, but Pip brushed it off. "I've lied to him hundreds of times without being caught, what's to say we'll be caught this time?" And with that Pippin hurried ahead towards Maggot's fields. Merry shook his head to himself, but followed anyway.
After a while's walk they came upon the exact fields they'd been looking for. The sight was magnificent! Thousands of mushrooms all waiting to be eaten! Of course the dear old farmer wouldn't miss a few. Both hobbits' eyes were wide in amazement. "Such a good crop this year, eh, Pip?" Merry asked.
"Definitely, Merry, beautiful crop," Pippin replied.
"I think a storm is gonna blow up tomorrow…"
"All the poor mushrooms will be destroyed!"
"Not if we can help it!"
"We'd better make use of them and save them all."
"How's we gonna do that?"
"Well, the only way I can think to carry them is in my stomach…"
"Same with me…"
"Might as well get to work then!"
"Right! Time to save the mushrooms!"
Starting at the corner they entered by, they wolfed down mushroom after gorgeous mushroom. So involved with the mushrooms they were that they didn't even hear Maggot coming up behind them until he had grabbed them both by an ear.
"Come back to eat my mushrooms again have you, lads?" He whispered menacingly into their ears. Both were so surprised that they couldn't say a thing, even if their mouths hadn't been filled with mushrooms. They gulped what was left in their mouths down and were pulled rather sharply into the farmer's hole, yelping with pain. He led them into a back room and commanded them to stay there while he would be right back. The boys looked to each other with worried glances. There was a rumour that Maggot would beat all young Hobbits who stole food from his land, but that couldn't be true, could it?
Their fates seemed sealed when Maggot arrived back with a long, thick leather strap that looked as though it had seen some use. Now Pippin was paralyzed with fear, while Merry gulped audibly. Maggot pulled out a wooden chair from the corner and set it in the middle of the room and sat upon it. He looked up at the trembling Hobbits before him and spoke.
"For forty years have Hobbits your age been stealing food from my lands, and never have they learned until I make them. I thought about whipping you lot for years before I actually started a few years back, and you two get to be lucky numbers 45 and 46. Now who will be first?" He looked at Merry, and then at Pippin. Each pointed to the other. Maggot closed his eyes and pulled the one he touched first towards him, which happened to be Merry. Maggot then stood up from the chair and pulled Merry around behind it.
"Now take off your trousers, lad, and bend over the back of the chair. Oh don't be modest; I've seen it all before. That's right, over you go. Now, tell me your name."
Merry was a little shocked at what was happening to him, but managed to spit out his name. "Meriadoc Br… Brandyb… buck, sssir." Maggot nodded and opened a book that was on a table on the far side of the room. Taking a quill and dipping it in ink he scratched out the name in the book, and wrote two other things by it. From where Pippin was standing he could see Merry's name, the number 8, and the abbreviated words, "mush. theft". Maggot returned to Merry's round behind and spoke again. "You will be given eight swats for thievery of my mushrooms. Understand, lad?" Merry nodded a silent yes. "Good. Let us begin."
Swish! Thwack! "One"
Swish! Thwack! "Two." Merry's bottom was already looking rather red, and he was starting to sniffle.
Swish! Thwack! "Three"
Swish! Thwack! "Four!" Merry braced himself. It was half over.
Swish! Thwack! "Five." And Merry burst into tears. Pippin was hardly able to control himself. He wanted to stop this! It had been his idea… why punish Merry?
Swish! Thwack! "Six"
Swish! Thwack! "Seven!" Merry's bottom was a deep shade of red, and he was starting to moan.
Swish! Thwack! "Eight. Right, off you go into the corner. And I better not see you rubbing!" Merry picked himself up off the chair, and went to stand in the corner as was told. Maggot turned to Pippin and positioned him with the back of the chair. "You know the drill. Off with them."
Slowly Pippin unbuttoned his trousers and pulled his braces off his shoulders. No doubt he was trying to delay the beating as long as he could… but Maggot became even more disgusted. "If you don't hurry it up, lad, I'll pull them all the way off you. Now, tell me your name."
Pippin sighed and pulled down the trousers, and leaned over the chair. He replied "Peregrin Took, sir," in a very downtrodden tone. The farmer looked at him with something of a grin. "Another Took, eh? I daresay you're definitely not the first. All right. Let's begin with you."
Pippin braced himself for the first blow. Swish! Thawack! "One"
Swish! Thawack!! "Two" It was as if the farmer was taking out the bias against his name on his backside. Pippin was whimpering and trying to hold back tears.
Swish! Thawack!!!! "Three" The tears were flowing now, there was nothing he could do to stop them.
Swish! THWACK!! "Four" The hardest one yet landed square in the middle. Pippin's entire backside was enflamed.
Swish! THWACK!! "Five," Another just below the fourth one, perfectly on target. Pip was starting to dance about of the back of the chair a bit.
Swish! THAWACK!!! "Six" A low "Owwwwwww" escaped the poor Hobbit's lips. He was hanging on for dear life.
Swish! THAWACK!! "Seven, and if you don't hold still, lad, I'll take your total up to ten." A sobbing Pippin replied with a "Yessss, sssir! Ssssorry!"
Swish! THAWACK!!!!! "Eight" The hardest yet, by far, left Pippin wishing he had never suggested coming here. He was allowed to stand and both boys were allowed to put their trousers back on. He then led them out of the room and took them outside where they helped him attach a pony to a wagon. Then they were made to sit in the back on the hard wooden floor of the cart, while the old farmer drove them home.
When they got close to Merry's hole, Pip was reminded of the lie he told. He tried to get out of the back of the cart as well, but he felt a hand grab hold of his braces and couldn't get any further away. "Oh no you don't, lad. I know where you live, and it ain't here. Perhaps a visit with your father would help sort out the problem with his children," the farmer snarled, plainly enjoying the look of terror upon Pippin's tear-streaked face. Merry waved a good bye and mouthed good luck as the cart with Pippin in it drove away from his home.
Pippin started crying again with the realization that he was going to be getting another whipping in one night. The farmer whistled merrily to himself, and in no time they were at the doorstep of the Took household. Pippin's father was waiting outside with his arms crossed, as if expecting this to happen. As the cart drew nearer, the farmer called out. "Ho, there Thain Paladin. I caught a wayward item of yours, and thrashed him good and proper. Perhaps you'll do a better service of looking after your children next time. This is the third of yours I've thrashed in as many weeks. If I find another rooting through my fields I swear I'll take him out and beat him with this here pony whip. Good night, Master Took," and with that he threw Pippin out of his cart and trotted off.
"You'll do no such thing, Maggot. Not if I get my hands on the boy first," Pippin heard his father say under his breath before coming over to Pip and dragging him inside off the road. Roughly Pippin was tossed half way over the back of the sofa, and with the cane Paladin had in his hands, gave his son ten strokes to match the hour. Pippin then was hauled by his ear to his bedroom and placed in bed where a poor and properly thrashed young Took was confined for the next day.