Title: Past, Present, Future
Author: kyrdwyn
Rating: R (language, mostly)
Category: Mixed - Romance, UST, angst etc. Mainly involves Sara, Warrick, and Grissom.
Spoilers: Some of the first season, but nothing specific.
Summary: Sara's past comes back to affect her present and her future.
Archived: Will be at my website at some point, also on Fanfiction.net. Other places, please ask first.
Disclaimer: If they appear on CSI, they belong to those companies, CBS, and the actors who make them come alive. The other characters, as well as the plot lines, are mine (or I'm theirs, never quite sure which). Done purely for enjoyment and not for profit.
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Grissom stood in the hallway outside Sara's apartment, waiting for her to open the door. She'd called him and asked him to stop by, saying that she needed to talk to him, outside of work. He wondered if she was finally going to tell him.
She opened the door, Ginny standing behind her, her arm around her mother's leg. Her blue eyes looked up at Grissom curiously.
"Hey, Grissom, thanks for coming."
"No problem," he replied as he entered her apartment. Ginny followed him, and after she had shut and locked the door, Sara found the two in the living room, Ginny proudly showing Gil something in her toy microscope that he had given her for her birthday. Grissom smiled at Ginny, and Sara's heart flipped. It was more than the smile he gave for someone who had found a key piece of evidence or had surprised him in some pleasant way. It was a warm, almost paternal smile. Sara wondered if he knew, if he suspected. It was always possible. Grissom, despite his social flaws, wasn't stupid.
Ginny was chattering to Grissom, and he was still smiling at her. He looked up and his eyes met Sara's. In that instant, Sara knew that he did know. In a way, that made it easier for her. But it also made it so much harder.
Ginny had lost interest in the microscope and Grissom and scampered off her to room to find another toy. Grissom stood up and faced Sara, his hands in his pockets.
"Ginny's your daughter." It was the only way she could say it.
Grissom nodded. "I suspected that."
"You never said anything."
He looked at her with those blue eyes. "I figured you had your reasons for not telling me."
"I was scared. I didn't know Ginny wasn't Michael's until he brought her here. And then I was trying to get used to her, and I admit I was selfish about not wanting to share her."
"You shared her with Warrick." His words were soft, but full of pain. Sara realized that not telling him about Ginny hadn't bothered him, but letting Warrick into Ginny's life had. She didn't know what to say or how to apologize to him.
"Sara, I want to be a part of Ginny's life."
She nodded. "I want Ginny to know who her father is. I want her to be able to spend time with you. But you and I --"
Grissom cut her off. "Sara, you and I could never be, even for Ginny's sake. I just…I'm too set in my ways, too old to change. And, I know that you're in love with Warrick."
Sara stared at Grissom, astounded. She and Warrick had tried to be discreet, not giving away their feelings while at work.
Grissom saw the shock and smiled. "I'm may be a 'social misfit' in some things, Sara, but I have noticed the way the two of you act. I can't help it - you're the mother of my child. Probably the only child I will ever have. If there is going to be another man acting as her father, I'd like to know. Though I can't think of anyone else I'd rather see Ginny look up to other than Warrick. He's a good man."
Sara smiled. "He is. Ginny adores him. She calls him 'Uncle Wick'."
Grissom felt a pang in his heart. Ginny called him "Mr. Gwissy." He wasn't close enough to his own daughter to be called "uncle", and especially not "daddy".
"I guess the next step is telling Ginny," Sara said softly.
"Will she understand?" Grissom asked. "She's only three."
"I don't know," Sara said truthfully.
Grissom sighed. It felt like someone was tearing his heart out, but he had to ask this next question. "Are planning on marrying Warrick?"
Sara looked up, and he saw the answer in her eyes before she spoke. "He asked me, but I couldn't answer him until I told you the truth."
"And now?"
She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the floor. "I never thought I could feel safe again after what Michael did to me. Never thought I could trust anyone but myself, and you. You're a great friend, a great mentor, and you gave me Ginny. I didn't mean to trust Warrick, and didn't mean to let him into my heart," Sara looked up at Grissom, "but now I don't want to let him go."
Grissom saw the love for Warrick in Sara's eyes. He'd seen that love in another woman's eyes so long ago, and knew what it was like to have someone else stand in the way. He'd lost her to another man. He had closed his heart afterward, not wanting to be hurt again. He couldn't do that to Sara, or to Warrick. They both were too special to him, for different reasons.
"If you marry Warrick, Ginny will start to call him 'Daddy'. Maybe it would be better if she didn't know about me being her real father."
"Grissom…" Sara's voice was strangled with shock. He shook his head.
"Ginny doesn't need to be confused like that, Sara. It will be a lot easier for her if she thinks of me as a friend, maybe an uncle." It wouldn't be easier for him, but he was the odd man out in this relationship. Sara and Warrick and Ginny were already a family unit. He couldn't tear that apart just to be closer to his daughter.
Sara knew why Grissom was doing this, and she almost starting crying at what she saw in his eyes. His glasses couldn't hide the pain he felt at giving up his daughter. She stepped closer, putting her hand on his arm. "I don't want you to do this, Grissom. Ginny deserves you as her father."
He didn't look at her. "Ginny deserves the best, Sara. Not to be confused by having a real father and a step-father."
"What happens when Ginny finds out, Grissom? She's going to find out at some point. She'll know Warrick isn't her real father, and Michael already had her birth certificate changed."
"Then I'll explain it to her, Sara. I'm not saying I won't be around for her, just…not as her father."
Sara saw that Grissom's mind was made up. She smiled at him, then reached up to lightly kiss him on the cheek, startling him. "Thank you," she said softly.
Grissom smiled sadly, wishing life could have turned out differently for him and Sara and Ginny. But it hadn't. "Be happy, Sara," he said, kissing her forehead. He turned to leave her apartment, but Ginny stopped him, demanding that he see something in her room. Sara followed, her throat hurting with unshed tears. Grissom was such a natural around Ginny. Before Grissom left, Sara whispered something in Ginny's ear. The girl looked at her with Grissom's eyes before turning to tug on Grissom's slacks. He looked down at her.
"I wanna kiss, Uncle Gwissy."
Grissom looked at Sara, his eyes unreadable. She smiled slightly, knowing that if he wouldn't let himself be Ginny's father, she was going to make sure he was still in Ginny's life.
Grissom leaned down and picked Ginny up, planting a kiss on her cheek. She giggled, kissing him back. He smiled at Ginny, and only Sara saw the sadness in his eyes.
After Grissom left, Sara picked up Ginny and hugged her tight. She wished that things could have been different for all of them. That she and Warrick could be together, and Ginny could know Grissom as her father.
A knock on the door made her turn, and she set Ginny down to open it. Warrick stood there, a toy in one hand and a rose in the other. He looked at Sara and entered the apartment, handing Ginny the toy and pulling Sara into his arms. Sara leaned against his solid warmth, her arms wrapping around his waist.
"Yes," was all she said. Warrick looked down at her, into her eyes and saw the pain left over from the conversation with Grissom. He'd seen the man's face when he'd left. But he also saw the love in Sara's eyes; a love he knew was reflected in his own. He leaned down and kissed her in a promise to always understand that her past would be present in their future.
Author: kyrdwyn
Rating: R (language, mostly)
Category: Mixed - Romance, UST, angst etc. Mainly involves Sara, Warrick, and Grissom.
Spoilers: Some of the first season, but nothing specific.
Summary: Sara's past comes back to affect her present and her future.
Archived: Will be at my website at some point, also on Fanfiction.net. Other places, please ask first.
Disclaimer: If they appear on CSI, they belong to those companies, CBS, and the actors who make them come alive. The other characters, as well as the plot lines, are mine (or I'm theirs, never quite sure which). Done purely for enjoyment and not for profit.
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Grissom stood in the hallway outside Sara's apartment, waiting for her to open the door. She'd called him and asked him to stop by, saying that she needed to talk to him, outside of work. He wondered if she was finally going to tell him.
She opened the door, Ginny standing behind her, her arm around her mother's leg. Her blue eyes looked up at Grissom curiously.
"Hey, Grissom, thanks for coming."
"No problem," he replied as he entered her apartment. Ginny followed him, and after she had shut and locked the door, Sara found the two in the living room, Ginny proudly showing Gil something in her toy microscope that he had given her for her birthday. Grissom smiled at Ginny, and Sara's heart flipped. It was more than the smile he gave for someone who had found a key piece of evidence or had surprised him in some pleasant way. It was a warm, almost paternal smile. Sara wondered if he knew, if he suspected. It was always possible. Grissom, despite his social flaws, wasn't stupid.
Ginny was chattering to Grissom, and he was still smiling at her. He looked up and his eyes met Sara's. In that instant, Sara knew that he did know. In a way, that made it easier for her. But it also made it so much harder.
Ginny had lost interest in the microscope and Grissom and scampered off her to room to find another toy. Grissom stood up and faced Sara, his hands in his pockets.
"Ginny's your daughter." It was the only way she could say it.
Grissom nodded. "I suspected that."
"You never said anything."
He looked at her with those blue eyes. "I figured you had your reasons for not telling me."
"I was scared. I didn't know Ginny wasn't Michael's until he brought her here. And then I was trying to get used to her, and I admit I was selfish about not wanting to share her."
"You shared her with Warrick." His words were soft, but full of pain. Sara realized that not telling him about Ginny hadn't bothered him, but letting Warrick into Ginny's life had. She didn't know what to say or how to apologize to him.
"Sara, I want to be a part of Ginny's life."
She nodded. "I want Ginny to know who her father is. I want her to be able to spend time with you. But you and I --"
Grissom cut her off. "Sara, you and I could never be, even for Ginny's sake. I just…I'm too set in my ways, too old to change. And, I know that you're in love with Warrick."
Sara stared at Grissom, astounded. She and Warrick had tried to be discreet, not giving away their feelings while at work.
Grissom saw the shock and smiled. "I'm may be a 'social misfit' in some things, Sara, but I have noticed the way the two of you act. I can't help it - you're the mother of my child. Probably the only child I will ever have. If there is going to be another man acting as her father, I'd like to know. Though I can't think of anyone else I'd rather see Ginny look up to other than Warrick. He's a good man."
Sara smiled. "He is. Ginny adores him. She calls him 'Uncle Wick'."
Grissom felt a pang in his heart. Ginny called him "Mr. Gwissy." He wasn't close enough to his own daughter to be called "uncle", and especially not "daddy".
"I guess the next step is telling Ginny," Sara said softly.
"Will she understand?" Grissom asked. "She's only three."
"I don't know," Sara said truthfully.
Grissom sighed. It felt like someone was tearing his heart out, but he had to ask this next question. "Are planning on marrying Warrick?"
Sara looked up, and he saw the answer in her eyes before she spoke. "He asked me, but I couldn't answer him until I told you the truth."
"And now?"
She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the floor. "I never thought I could feel safe again after what Michael did to me. Never thought I could trust anyone but myself, and you. You're a great friend, a great mentor, and you gave me Ginny. I didn't mean to trust Warrick, and didn't mean to let him into my heart," Sara looked up at Grissom, "but now I don't want to let him go."
Grissom saw the love for Warrick in Sara's eyes. He'd seen that love in another woman's eyes so long ago, and knew what it was like to have someone else stand in the way. He'd lost her to another man. He had closed his heart afterward, not wanting to be hurt again. He couldn't do that to Sara, or to Warrick. They both were too special to him, for different reasons.
"If you marry Warrick, Ginny will start to call him 'Daddy'. Maybe it would be better if she didn't know about me being her real father."
"Grissom…" Sara's voice was strangled with shock. He shook his head.
"Ginny doesn't need to be confused like that, Sara. It will be a lot easier for her if she thinks of me as a friend, maybe an uncle." It wouldn't be easier for him, but he was the odd man out in this relationship. Sara and Warrick and Ginny were already a family unit. He couldn't tear that apart just to be closer to his daughter.
Sara knew why Grissom was doing this, and she almost starting crying at what she saw in his eyes. His glasses couldn't hide the pain he felt at giving up his daughter. She stepped closer, putting her hand on his arm. "I don't want you to do this, Grissom. Ginny deserves you as her father."
He didn't look at her. "Ginny deserves the best, Sara. Not to be confused by having a real father and a step-father."
"What happens when Ginny finds out, Grissom? She's going to find out at some point. She'll know Warrick isn't her real father, and Michael already had her birth certificate changed."
"Then I'll explain it to her, Sara. I'm not saying I won't be around for her, just…not as her father."
Sara saw that Grissom's mind was made up. She smiled at him, then reached up to lightly kiss him on the cheek, startling him. "Thank you," she said softly.
Grissom smiled sadly, wishing life could have turned out differently for him and Sara and Ginny. But it hadn't. "Be happy, Sara," he said, kissing her forehead. He turned to leave her apartment, but Ginny stopped him, demanding that he see something in her room. Sara followed, her throat hurting with unshed tears. Grissom was such a natural around Ginny. Before Grissom left, Sara whispered something in Ginny's ear. The girl looked at her with Grissom's eyes before turning to tug on Grissom's slacks. He looked down at her.
"I wanna kiss, Uncle Gwissy."
Grissom looked at Sara, his eyes unreadable. She smiled slightly, knowing that if he wouldn't let himself be Ginny's father, she was going to make sure he was still in Ginny's life.
Grissom leaned down and picked Ginny up, planting a kiss on her cheek. She giggled, kissing him back. He smiled at Ginny, and only Sara saw the sadness in his eyes.
After Grissom left, Sara picked up Ginny and hugged her tight. She wished that things could have been different for all of them. That she and Warrick could be together, and Ginny could know Grissom as her father.
A knock on the door made her turn, and she set Ginny down to open it. Warrick stood there, a toy in one hand and a rose in the other. He looked at Sara and entered the apartment, handing Ginny the toy and pulling Sara into his arms. Sara leaned against his solid warmth, her arms wrapping around his waist.
"Yes," was all she said. Warrick looked down at her, into her eyes and saw the pain left over from the conversation with Grissom. He'd seen the man's face when he'd left. But he also saw the love in Sara's eyes; a love he knew was reflected in his own. He leaned down and kissed her in a promise to always understand that her past would be present in their future.