All the Gundam pilots are sitting in the lobby. Wufei is pumping up with his squeaky thingy. Trowa is thumbing through an entertainment magazine backwards. Hiiro is trying to talk to Relena over static on the cell phone, and Duo is hitting the T.V. Quatre is sitting at the table with his chin resting on his palms, daydreaming.

Duo- "Piece of shit!! WORK!!"

He gives the T.V. one final SMACK. It smokes and completely dies.

Duo- "Damn..."

Hiiro- "WHAT?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU? THERE'S A WHAT IN YOUR WHAT??!"

Everyone covers their ears.

Wufei- "For the love of Nataku, Hiiro, just call her back!"

Hiiro ignores his comment. They all hear an annoying voice over the static.

Hiiro- "There's a pea under your matress?! Well, who put it there?!"

Duo giggles as he passes Trowa. Impulse seizes him, and he grabs the magazine from Trowa's unsuspecting hands.

Duo- "Ooooh!! What 'dis?"

Trowa- "Maxwell, give it back."

Duo runs around the room keeping it away from Trowa.

Duo- "'Britney Spears considers enlargement'! Why are you reading about that?!"

Hiiro- "Well, why didn't you call the authoroties?! WHAT?!"

Duo laughs so hard that Trowa catches him. He then thrusts the magazine into Duo's face.

Trowa- "I was reading THIS, you dope!"

Duo- "'Fear of Clowns Can Lead to Other Things'. Whoops, sorry."

Trowa gives him a good slap on the back of Duo's head before going back to reading interesting things about his one true love.

Wufei- "Oh, I'm getting my entertainment today..."

Hiiro- "WHAT!? The spider went where?!"

Quatre heaves a long, dreamy sigh. Duo pops up and waves his fingers in front of his face.

Duo- "Hello? Earth to Q. Where's your Gundam right now, Quatre?"

Quatre- "With her..."

Duo- "Whoa! Quatre's in love...but I thought you and..."

He glances over at Trowa who gives an ominous glare.

Quatre- "I don't know what to say to her, Duo! She's so smart and pretty...I'll just make a fool of myself..."

Duo- "Weeell, I could help you out, y'know, but first you've gotta tell your bro, Duo, who it is!"

Quatre- "NO! You'll laugh at me!"

Duo- "Me? Laugh?! Never!"

Hiiro- "It's sat beside you?!! WHAT?! It frightened you away?!!"

Quatre- "Her name is Grace, and she's amazing!"

Duo- "Really? Where do you know her from?"

Quatre- "Our company was having roach problems...so we had to call pest control."

Duo- "I'm asking how you met Grace! You're wandering, Quatre."

Quatre turns red.

Duo- "You mean she's a...!"

Quatre- "She kicks some roach ass like nothing I've never seen before!"

Duo bursts out laughing.

Hiiro- "HELLO! WHAT? YOU BROUGHT THE LAMB WHERE?! TO SCHOOL! HELLO?!"

Quatre- "What should I do, Duo?"

Duo was still laughing.

Duo- "Why don't you call her up and tell her you're a roach! HA HA HA!"

Quatre- "Don't mock! Hers is a noble profession!"

Hiiro- "OH MY GOD!!"

He slams the phone down and runs out the door.

Wufei- "What is it?!!"

Hiiro- "London bridge is collapsing!!"

Duo- "Whatever! Listen, Quatre, this is how you pick her up. Go up to her and say, 'Hey, babe, I think I have bed bugs. How 'bout checking it out?'"

Wufei- "Pulease!"

Quatre- "And that really works?"

Duo (supressing laughter)- "Oh, yeah, every time. You wouldn't believe all the exterminators I've picked up with that line."

Wufei- "Bull."

Quatre- "I've gotta try!"

He runs out the room.

Later that day, Duo comes back to the lobby with spare parts to the T.V.

Duo- "Still reading about clowns, Trowa?"

Trowa- "Uh, yeah..."

Duo fixes the T.V. and flicks it on. It lands on the news channel.

Reporter- "I'm here at London Bridge right now where, apparently, Wing Zero is still blocking traffic. The suit landed there earlier today claiming that there was an immediate danger and that all citizens should clear the area. Five hours have passed full of various searches throughout the premises and no such threats have been found. Authorities are trying to reach the pilot now, but are meeting with difficulties." (Camera switches to the scene.)

Cop- "Get off our bridge, you son of a bitch!!"

Hiiro's voice over the speakers- "Up yours!"

Cop- "You're getting five tickets for that!"

Wing Zero pulls out its beam saber and slices through the cop's car.

Cop- "Make that six, you BASTARD!"

Reporter- "We'll keep viewer's updated." (She is handed papers.) "This just in! President of the Winner Coorporation, Quatre Rebarba Winner, was found unconscious in his room...apparently, someone had entered and sprayed him with pesticides until he stopped twitching! Doctors predict that nothing beyond brain damage will occur."

Duo- "Oh, shit..."

Wufei- "Nice job."

Reporter- "We now bring you to the hospital where he is in intensive care."

Camera switches to new reporter.

New Reporter- "Mr. Rasheed, what is your opinion and the opinion of your forty comrades?"

The Maguanacs are all crowded into the lobby sobbing uncontrollably. The camera shifts over to Rasheed, but Duo and the others hardly recognize him because he has shaved his hair and beard in mourning.

Rasheed- *sniffle* "Whoever did...this...to Master Quatre *sob*, I will shave their hair off so they can see what it's like!!"

Duo unconsciously clutches his braid.

Duo- "Oh, crap!"

Wufei- "HA HA HA!"

Reporter- "We've now just received word that Mr. Winner has regained consciousness! We are now going to hear his words on the incident."

The camera bounces into the hospital room. Quatre is lying in a white bed with an IV hooked up to his arm. His eyes are closed, but they pop open when the reporter speaks.

Reporter- "Mr. Winner, would you mind a few words with the press?"

Quatre (a little too energetically)- "Of CoUrse NOT!!"

Duo- "Well, he seems okay..."

Reporter- "What happened to you earlier this morning?"

Quatre- "I had bed bugs!" *giggle*

Reporter- "Analysis says that you were sprayed with pesticides! Why was that?"

Quatre's eyes are wandering about the room and land on the camera. He grins and grabs it from the man.

Camera man- "Hey! That's my birthday present you freak!"

Quatre ignores him. He sticks his face up to the camera taking up the whole screen.

Quatre (yelling)- "Hi, Duo! Are you out there!? Just wAnTed to leT you know that iT WorkEd! ShE TotalLy dug me! Then hEr boyfriEnd shOwed up. He didn'T even HarDly leT me Put mY robe on before he PESTICIDed ME! He called me baD names, toO! What's a mo fo, Duo?!"

The reporter snatches the camea back. There is a struggle, but she puts her high heel on his face and shoves him back into the bed. Quatre laughs and mutters something about "seeing France". The reporter is frazzled and tries to fix her hair as she speaks.

Reporter- "Apparently, the damage done here will be unrepaid until the culprit is found."

Duo- *Gulp*

Rasheed (in the camera)- "And we WILL find you!"

Wufei- "That doesn't sound comforting, eh Duo? Duo?"

Duo- "I've gotta go, bye! Tell Hiiro hi for me. Gimme that-" (snatches Trowa's magazine) "See ya later!"

Trowa- "Britney..."

The End