From Here To Eternity: The Road to Redemption, The Second Step
Part 8
All disclaimers can be found in Part 0
***
Miraculously Daniel's digital recorder had survived the attack. It had been found and delivered to Hammond who had listened to it before having the dialogue transcribed. What he had heard chilled him and he wondered if they would have the necessary wherewithall to do anything about it. Jacob Castro was a very powerful man, a very rich man with connections that Hammond didn't even want to consider right now. He had already informed the President and the Joint Chiefs what he knew and they had told him that they would consider the problem and how, if at all possible, to solve it.
He looked at his door when he heard Lt. Simmons knock. "Yes Lieutenant," he said.
"Dr. Fraiser just called down from the infirmary. They're ready for you, sir," Simmons announced.
"Thank you, Lieutenant."
Simmons turned and left. Hammond smiled at the young man's retreating back. Taking him out of the Gate Room and making him the equivalent to an administrative assistant had increased the boy's confidence. It had also been a good choice. Lt. Simmons was a highly responsible, highly motivated Air Force officer. Hammond felt that he would go far. He stood up and left his office, heading for the infirmary and the waiting SG-1 team.
***
"It's amazing what 24 hours will do to one's pain level," O'Neill was saying as Hammond entered the infirmary.
"Colonel, I did ask you if you wanted anything for the pain now that more than 24 hours has passed since your LOC and you specifically said no," reminded Fraiser to her recalcitrant patient.
"That was before the little guy in my hand decided to start his tap dance across my nerves," explained O'Neill.
Fraiser shook her head and took the syringe a nurse had handed her. She inserted it into his IV line and pushed the fluid. "All right, this should help turn the tap dance into a soft shoe."
O'Neill sighed. "Thank you, doctor. I apologize for all those things I said about you and your torture devices."
"I appreciate that Colonel," said Fraiser smiling and moving away so that Hammond could take her place at O'Neill's bedside.
"General," said O'Neill brightly, the pain medication already starting to work it's miracles.
"Colonel," said Hammond smiling. "You seem much better than the last time I saw you."
"Well, sir. I do appreciate your concern ... we all do," said O'Neill sweeping the room with his good hand to include the rest of his team.
"I've just gotten off the phone with the President and the Joint Chiefs and they also would like to express thier wishes for a speedy recovery."
The four members of SG-1 exchanged glances. O'Neill was the one that spoke. "Does this mean we get a medal?"
"No Colonel, no medal," answered Hammond.
"I mean we realize that we probably don't deserve an Air Medal or something like that but at least a Purple Heart?"
Hammond ignored him. "Dr. Fraiser any word on Colonel Makepeace?"
Fraiser stepped to the foot of O'Neill's bed. "Yes, sir. He's resting comfortably at the Academy hospital. He's been conscious ever since he stabilized and we transferred him early this morning. Dr. Freemantle is quite confident that he can repair the damage done to Colonel Makepeace's arm and that there should be little or no loss of function. Uhm ..."
"Yes, Doctor?"
Fraiser glanced quickly at O'Neill. "He's asking to see Colonel O'Neill once he's able to make the trip."
"And when will that be?" asked Hammond.
"I'm ready to clear Colonel O'Neill and Daniel once these IVs are finished. Major Carter and Teal'c will need to stay here a bit longer."
"Good," said Hammond. Pointedly looking at O'Neill he added, "Colonel are you up to meeting with Colonel Makepeace again?"
"Yes, sir," O'Neill answered. Looking at Fraiser, he added, "There's something I have to ask him."
Hammond watched the unspoken interplay between O'Neill and Fraiser. "And that would be?"
O'Neill turned his head and met Hammond's gaze. "Personal, sir."
"I see," said Hammond. "Well when Dr. Fraiser clears you to travel, I'll have a driver put at your disposal."
"Thank you, sir."
When Hammond left the room a few moments later, Daniel who was in the bed across the aisle from O'Neill said, "Jack?"
O'Neill lay back in his bed and closed his eyes. "Not now Daniel. It's something I have to think about and get some answers to before I can talk about it."
Daniel almost protested, but Fraiser put up a warning hand and shook her head and Daniel kept silent. He looked at Fraiser, but she walked over to one of the counters and began rummaging through a drawer. He then looked at Carter and Teal'c, in turn, and their eyes also held curiosity and concern, however, no one spoke. All three laid their heads back on their pillows seeming to know that O'Neill would explain when he felt like it and not before.
***
It had been another 24 hours before O'Neill had felt strong enough to leave the SGC and go home. He had spent the entire time, when not sleeping debriefing General Hammond, with the rest of his team, on the events that had happened at the safe house. When it was his turn and he had gotten to the part about Makepeace saving his life, no one made any comment knowing that that was what O'Neill needed to talk to Makepeace about in order to reconcile his feelings that the person who 'had' saved his life was someone he had written off as a traitor ... someone not worth the space he was taking up on the planet.
O'Neill undressed for bed, still thinking about how he was going to approach Makepeace in the morning. In some ways, thinking that he really didn't need to know why Makepeace had put himself in harm's way to save O'Neill's life when he didn't have to do so. With that thought in his head, he got into bed went to sleep.
***
It was dark, the darkness that comes from your eyes being closed and there was pain ... a dull throbbing pain in both his head and his hand. Struggling to understand where he was and why he was in pain, he began to open his eyes. Maybe once he saw where he was, he'd know what was causing the pain. As his eyes slit open, he realized he was sitting down leaning up against something, what he didn't know.
"Bad day, Colonel?" he heard and he remembered. He had been calling Hammond to tell him that they were under attack. He must have been hit because he remembered nothing after that. His eyes tracked to where the voice had come from and he saw a man standing there aiming a handgun at him. He recognized it as a Baretta and wondered where his own pistol had gone.
"You know you've been a thorn in my employer's side for a number of years. He's really going to love it when I tell him that it's been plucked."
Bastard, O'Neill thought. He tried to imagine where his .45 had gotten to knowing that if he didn't get to it, defend himself, he was going to die. Everything was still fuzzy and his body wasn't exactly obeying the commands he kept trying to send to it. Every passing second frustrated him ... made him angry ... made him afraid.
"Too bad. It's no fun lording it over someone when they can't really understand what you're saying. I guess I'll just have to get it over with."
O'Neill could only watch as flames erupted from the barrel of the Baretta. He felt each bullet as they entered his chest, tearing into flesh, muscle, and bone. The initial pain was over in seconds as numbness set in but even with that there was feeling ... the feeling of his blood rushing out of his body to pool around him, the feeling of his soul slowly slipping away. With that feeling, his mind cleared completely and he knew he was dying, but he also knew he didn't want to die. He began to fight, aware that he might be fighting a losing battle, but not willing to give up ... not willing to give in to the voice he now heard calling him, telling him that he could now rest. The voice told him that he would never have to make another decision that might mean the death or life of someone else. The voice told him that he'd be free ... free to do all the things that he had so often wanted to do in the past but never could because of 'duty'. He would never again have to put 'duty' ahead of his family ... his son.
As the voice continued, O'Neill felt himself slip further and further away ... felt the hypnotic call of the voice slowly begin to break down his will to survive. He felt himself start to give into it when he heard another voice ... a familiar voice ... one that he had loved with all his heart and soul. Charlie.
"Dad. You won't find the answers here. You'll only find them when you're ready to forgive."
"No," O'Neill muttered. "It's my fault your dead."
"No Dad ... you already forgave yourself ... and me ... for that. You already know that. You know that deep in your heart."
"Forgive you? There was nothing to forgive you for."
"Yes there was. I knew what I was doing and you know I did. You told me enough times that guns weren't toys ... that they weren't for playing around with. You didn't say it to anyone, but you said it to yourself and I don't blame you for it. You said that if I had only listened to you, if I had only obeyed you I wouldn't have gone to your room and gotten your gun. I wouldn't have shot it. I would still be alive. Part of you, a small part, blamed me and you hated yourself for it ... for a long time. You also knew that you had to forgive me and you knew that you couldn't forgive me until you forgave yourself. You began on the day you decided you still wanted to live. You were halfway there on the day when that alien took my form and touched your heart. You finished on the day you gave that other little boy my name. The answers you want now won't come until you talk to Colonel Makepeace ... until you forgive him."
"What answers?"
"The question you've been asking yourself ever since you realized that Colonel Makepeace saved your life. What is your life worth if someone you dispise, someone whose life you don't feel is worth anything gave you yours?"
***
O'Neill woke up, sweat running down his face falling off of his chin to leave dark spots on his sheet. His head was throbbing again and as remnants of his dream faded into memory, he got up to prepare himself for his meeting with Makepeace.
***
continued in part 9
Part 8
All disclaimers can be found in Part 0
***
Miraculously Daniel's digital recorder had survived the attack. It had been found and delivered to Hammond who had listened to it before having the dialogue transcribed. What he had heard chilled him and he wondered if they would have the necessary wherewithall to do anything about it. Jacob Castro was a very powerful man, a very rich man with connections that Hammond didn't even want to consider right now. He had already informed the President and the Joint Chiefs what he knew and they had told him that they would consider the problem and how, if at all possible, to solve it.
He looked at his door when he heard Lt. Simmons knock. "Yes Lieutenant," he said.
"Dr. Fraiser just called down from the infirmary. They're ready for you, sir," Simmons announced.
"Thank you, Lieutenant."
Simmons turned and left. Hammond smiled at the young man's retreating back. Taking him out of the Gate Room and making him the equivalent to an administrative assistant had increased the boy's confidence. It had also been a good choice. Lt. Simmons was a highly responsible, highly motivated Air Force officer. Hammond felt that he would go far. He stood up and left his office, heading for the infirmary and the waiting SG-1 team.
***
"It's amazing what 24 hours will do to one's pain level," O'Neill was saying as Hammond entered the infirmary.
"Colonel, I did ask you if you wanted anything for the pain now that more than 24 hours has passed since your LOC and you specifically said no," reminded Fraiser to her recalcitrant patient.
"That was before the little guy in my hand decided to start his tap dance across my nerves," explained O'Neill.
Fraiser shook her head and took the syringe a nurse had handed her. She inserted it into his IV line and pushed the fluid. "All right, this should help turn the tap dance into a soft shoe."
O'Neill sighed. "Thank you, doctor. I apologize for all those things I said about you and your torture devices."
"I appreciate that Colonel," said Fraiser smiling and moving away so that Hammond could take her place at O'Neill's bedside.
"General," said O'Neill brightly, the pain medication already starting to work it's miracles.
"Colonel," said Hammond smiling. "You seem much better than the last time I saw you."
"Well, sir. I do appreciate your concern ... we all do," said O'Neill sweeping the room with his good hand to include the rest of his team.
"I've just gotten off the phone with the President and the Joint Chiefs and they also would like to express thier wishes for a speedy recovery."
The four members of SG-1 exchanged glances. O'Neill was the one that spoke. "Does this mean we get a medal?"
"No Colonel, no medal," answered Hammond.
"I mean we realize that we probably don't deserve an Air Medal or something like that but at least a Purple Heart?"
Hammond ignored him. "Dr. Fraiser any word on Colonel Makepeace?"
Fraiser stepped to the foot of O'Neill's bed. "Yes, sir. He's resting comfortably at the Academy hospital. He's been conscious ever since he stabilized and we transferred him early this morning. Dr. Freemantle is quite confident that he can repair the damage done to Colonel Makepeace's arm and that there should be little or no loss of function. Uhm ..."
"Yes, Doctor?"
Fraiser glanced quickly at O'Neill. "He's asking to see Colonel O'Neill once he's able to make the trip."
"And when will that be?" asked Hammond.
"I'm ready to clear Colonel O'Neill and Daniel once these IVs are finished. Major Carter and Teal'c will need to stay here a bit longer."
"Good," said Hammond. Pointedly looking at O'Neill he added, "Colonel are you up to meeting with Colonel Makepeace again?"
"Yes, sir," O'Neill answered. Looking at Fraiser, he added, "There's something I have to ask him."
Hammond watched the unspoken interplay between O'Neill and Fraiser. "And that would be?"
O'Neill turned his head and met Hammond's gaze. "Personal, sir."
"I see," said Hammond. "Well when Dr. Fraiser clears you to travel, I'll have a driver put at your disposal."
"Thank you, sir."
When Hammond left the room a few moments later, Daniel who was in the bed across the aisle from O'Neill said, "Jack?"
O'Neill lay back in his bed and closed his eyes. "Not now Daniel. It's something I have to think about and get some answers to before I can talk about it."
Daniel almost protested, but Fraiser put up a warning hand and shook her head and Daniel kept silent. He looked at Fraiser, but she walked over to one of the counters and began rummaging through a drawer. He then looked at Carter and Teal'c, in turn, and their eyes also held curiosity and concern, however, no one spoke. All three laid their heads back on their pillows seeming to know that O'Neill would explain when he felt like it and not before.
***
It had been another 24 hours before O'Neill had felt strong enough to leave the SGC and go home. He had spent the entire time, when not sleeping debriefing General Hammond, with the rest of his team, on the events that had happened at the safe house. When it was his turn and he had gotten to the part about Makepeace saving his life, no one made any comment knowing that that was what O'Neill needed to talk to Makepeace about in order to reconcile his feelings that the person who 'had' saved his life was someone he had written off as a traitor ... someone not worth the space he was taking up on the planet.
O'Neill undressed for bed, still thinking about how he was going to approach Makepeace in the morning. In some ways, thinking that he really didn't need to know why Makepeace had put himself in harm's way to save O'Neill's life when he didn't have to do so. With that thought in his head, he got into bed went to sleep.
***
It was dark, the darkness that comes from your eyes being closed and there was pain ... a dull throbbing pain in both his head and his hand. Struggling to understand where he was and why he was in pain, he began to open his eyes. Maybe once he saw where he was, he'd know what was causing the pain. As his eyes slit open, he realized he was sitting down leaning up against something, what he didn't know.
"Bad day, Colonel?" he heard and he remembered. He had been calling Hammond to tell him that they were under attack. He must have been hit because he remembered nothing after that. His eyes tracked to where the voice had come from and he saw a man standing there aiming a handgun at him. He recognized it as a Baretta and wondered where his own pistol had gone.
"You know you've been a thorn in my employer's side for a number of years. He's really going to love it when I tell him that it's been plucked."
Bastard, O'Neill thought. He tried to imagine where his .45 had gotten to knowing that if he didn't get to it, defend himself, he was going to die. Everything was still fuzzy and his body wasn't exactly obeying the commands he kept trying to send to it. Every passing second frustrated him ... made him angry ... made him afraid.
"Too bad. It's no fun lording it over someone when they can't really understand what you're saying. I guess I'll just have to get it over with."
O'Neill could only watch as flames erupted from the barrel of the Baretta. He felt each bullet as they entered his chest, tearing into flesh, muscle, and bone. The initial pain was over in seconds as numbness set in but even with that there was feeling ... the feeling of his blood rushing out of his body to pool around him, the feeling of his soul slowly slipping away. With that feeling, his mind cleared completely and he knew he was dying, but he also knew he didn't want to die. He began to fight, aware that he might be fighting a losing battle, but not willing to give up ... not willing to give in to the voice he now heard calling him, telling him that he could now rest. The voice told him that he would never have to make another decision that might mean the death or life of someone else. The voice told him that he'd be free ... free to do all the things that he had so often wanted to do in the past but never could because of 'duty'. He would never again have to put 'duty' ahead of his family ... his son.
As the voice continued, O'Neill felt himself slip further and further away ... felt the hypnotic call of the voice slowly begin to break down his will to survive. He felt himself start to give into it when he heard another voice ... a familiar voice ... one that he had loved with all his heart and soul. Charlie.
"Dad. You won't find the answers here. You'll only find them when you're ready to forgive."
"No," O'Neill muttered. "It's my fault your dead."
"No Dad ... you already forgave yourself ... and me ... for that. You already know that. You know that deep in your heart."
"Forgive you? There was nothing to forgive you for."
"Yes there was. I knew what I was doing and you know I did. You told me enough times that guns weren't toys ... that they weren't for playing around with. You didn't say it to anyone, but you said it to yourself and I don't blame you for it. You said that if I had only listened to you, if I had only obeyed you I wouldn't have gone to your room and gotten your gun. I wouldn't have shot it. I would still be alive. Part of you, a small part, blamed me and you hated yourself for it ... for a long time. You also knew that you had to forgive me and you knew that you couldn't forgive me until you forgave yourself. You began on the day you decided you still wanted to live. You were halfway there on the day when that alien took my form and touched your heart. You finished on the day you gave that other little boy my name. The answers you want now won't come until you talk to Colonel Makepeace ... until you forgive him."
"What answers?"
"The question you've been asking yourself ever since you realized that Colonel Makepeace saved your life. What is your life worth if someone you dispise, someone whose life you don't feel is worth anything gave you yours?"
***
O'Neill woke up, sweat running down his face falling off of his chin to leave dark spots on his sheet. His head was throbbing again and as remnants of his dream faded into memory, he got up to prepare himself for his meeting with Makepeace.
***
continued in part 9