WARNING: BL. Shouen-ai. Implicit ya()i. Angst.
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.
In other words - please don't sue me, shi NEEDs herr
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!
****************************************************************
A REASON TO LOVE - teaser/prelude
by Kotoshin, aka Shioru Sutherlands
****************************************************************
He didn't understand it. Fuugen was his best friend.
/WAS is definitely the right verb tense./
The person before him was an utter stranger - strange
and he did not know him. Not any more.
He bit back the sudden, bitter taste in his mouth, and
tried to be rational and sensible about the whole thing.
/Shinkouhyou -/
The very idea made him ill. Taikoubou nibbled at his
lower lip, feeling vaguely betrayed.
He shouldn't be feeling this way.
"... Bou-chan?"
Violet eyes peered at him with gentle concern, violet
eyes that held warmth no warmer than affectionate friendship.
He /really/ shouldn't be feeling this way.
"Are you alright? Is there something the matter between
you and Youzen-kun?"
No hint of the flare of pain or angry jealousy that
was always quickly hidden when his best friend spoke the name.
Only -
/Dammit, I am NOT jealous of Shinkouhyou!/
- only a genuine care for his well-being and happiness.
A care that was from a dear friend, a very dear and old friend
who knew him better than himself, and no more.
"No, no no - I'm perfectly happy with Youzen. Nothing's
wrong. It's just that -"
Worried, an arm closed about his shoulders. Not the
almost frantic clinging he had come to dread, but a light hug
which was meant to lend moral support.
"Fuugen - I ... it's just that - "
Violet eyes listened, gazed into his. And he could not
find the intensity of the desperate longing that used to be
there.
"It's just that, I'm worried about you."
Good gods, it was /so/ lame. Even to his own ears. He
improvised, hurriedly.
"I mean, you barely know Shinkouhyou. And that clown -
well, he's too mysterious. And while he has helped some - he's
not on anyone's side. I'm just worried about you putting so much
trust in someone like that - I - well, I -"
He really shouldn't be feeling satisfied, as bits of old
hurt crawled into the violet eyes piece by piece.
"I just don't want to see you hurt!"
"Bou-chan - I appreciate your concern." Fuugen's smile
was strained. "And I know what I am doing."
"Like hell you do!"
"What exactly do you object about Shinkouhyou-san?"
".... he's a clown. And he's untrustworthy."
"Bou-chan -"
"Well, he is!"
"Shinkouhyou-san may not be human. But that doesn't
mean he has no sense of honour."
Taikoubou looked skeptical.
"It might not be the human standard of honour, but
he is a creature of his word. And -"
"And?"
"We promised each other to answer questions truthfully
if we do. But we are not obliged to answer questions if either
of us do not wish to."
/.... 'we'? ... 'us'?!/
It ate at him, this sour feeling in his stomach.
/I thought you and I were 'we', 'us'!/
He did not like this feeling.
/And I am NOT jealous. Am not AM NOT./
"And believe me, Bou-chan, I will not speak of sensitive
Konron affairs to him. And he will not ask. We respect each
other's right to privacy."
".... you trust him that much?"
"It takes giving trust to receive trust, Bou-chan."
He still felt sick. He thought Fuugen loved him. He
thought that Fuugen truly did love him - until he saw Fuugen
with Shinkouhyou.
//What did you think he was going to do, when you
refused him?//
He tried to ignore that little voice.
//What did you expect him to do when you told him that
you loved Youzen?
What did you expect him to do, when you told him that
you never felt the same way he did?
What did you expect him to do, when you told him that
you never will? //
Well - he didn't expect Fuugen to sleep with
Shinkouhyou.
/.... he mustn't have loved me very much at all./
Resentfully, he told the voice with force.
//He would have done anything for you. If you asked
him to roll naked in a nest of scorpions, he would
have. He loved you that much. And you told him that
you didn't want to see him unhappy -//
/But -/
//Did you want him to pine after you forever? You
couldn't stand the way he looked at you, wanting you,
and knowing you as he did, he knew that you couldn't
stand it -//
/But -/
//You didn't want him to treat you as anything other
than a friend. You told him not kiss you or physically
touch you the way he used to any more -//
/But did that mean he had to throw himself at someone
else?/
//Why are you upset that he gave what you refused to
someone else? Why do you even care?//
/Because I'm his friend! And Shinkouhyou - Shinkouhyou
can't possibly love him!/
//And who died and made you the ultimate authority on
character judgement?//
"... Fuugen ... but ..."
"I love him, Bou-chan."
Well, that certainly put an end to the discussion.
================================================================
AFTERWARDS
"Are you really alright with that?"
Sleek and feral, the shadow solidified and embraced him
from behind.
"... I only told him the truth."
"He's a fool." Clawed hand rubbed the tear away roughly.
"He's a fool twice over if he doesn't know what you feel for -"
With a sudden turn and twist, arms flung about shoulders
and a mouth that kissed him with burning ferverence.
"... I know."
Pale hand touched porcelain-smooth cheek, and the cheek
flinched. Not from pain, but from the warmth and the love
that the touch carried. He smiled, acknowledging the answering
warmth in the pit of his stomach. Accepting it.
"I love you ..." He kissed the hand, sharp canines
leaving careful red marks of possession but leaving white skin
unbroken.
/I love you. I won't ever lie to you -/
And the white skin heated, /knowing/ the honesty of the
words. The emotions. He meant every word he said.
/... I know./
"... is it alright with you?"
"Hmmwrr?"
He tried to ask with coherence, feeling the need that
enflamed against him, seeking to pull him to the summit and
plunge with him over the edge.
"Is it alright with you, that I ... cannot yet love you
as much as -"
"I told you." Pulled closer, pinned still. "I do not
love you because of how much you love me."
"Still, I'm afraid I cannot ever love you as much -"
Another kiss to bring back the silence.
"I love you because you are you. All your weakness, all
your strength. The good and the bad, the petty and the generous,
the gentle and the cruel, the tears and the laughter. I love all
of you, as you love all of /me/ ..."
"... it's the only way I can love. Someone. Anyone."
"And that is exactly why I love you."
And he felt hot drops of rain against his skin.
~owari~
================================================================
minor babble:
Shi blames the idea for Shinkouhyou/Fuugen as a couple to the
AIM Houshin Engi Rp.
This fic started out as a PWP in 2000. Since then, shi'd been
thinking ... and taken a more serious approach. So, while the
plot of this fic would be /based/ on what's happened, happening,
and will happen in the rp, it is by no means stuck to it. =D
And this is different from shi's usual from A-Z style of
writing. It's going to be in pieces like this, scattered, in
no particular order or time frame. Completely AU (alternate-
universe) and written according to whatever shi feels like
adding.
A bit giddy, and scary, cuz shi's used to writing in the
framework shi sets out for self, and there's no rules in
this one.
================================================================
Last Modified: May 30, 2001 7:24AM
================================================================
COPYRIGHT DISCLAIMER:
All rights and privileges to Houshin Engi belong to Ryu
Fujisaki, JUMP Comics; Shueisha Inc., and TV Tokyo. Characters
from HE are used without permission for the purpose of
entertainment only. This work of fanfiction is not meant for
commercial use. No infringements of rights are intended.
In other words - please don't sue me, shi NEEDs herr
allowance to buy HE merchandise and make you guys rich!
****************************************************************
A REASON TO LOVE - teaser/prelude
by Kotoshin, aka Shioru Sutherlands
****************************************************************
He didn't understand it. Fuugen was his best friend.
/WAS is definitely the right verb tense./
The person before him was an utter stranger - strange
and he did not know him. Not any more.
He bit back the sudden, bitter taste in his mouth, and
tried to be rational and sensible about the whole thing.
/Shinkouhyou -/
The very idea made him ill. Taikoubou nibbled at his
lower lip, feeling vaguely betrayed.
He shouldn't be feeling this way.
"... Bou-chan?"
Violet eyes peered at him with gentle concern, violet
eyes that held warmth no warmer than affectionate friendship.
He /really/ shouldn't be feeling this way.
"Are you alright? Is there something the matter between
you and Youzen-kun?"
No hint of the flare of pain or angry jealousy that
was always quickly hidden when his best friend spoke the name.
Only -
/Dammit, I am NOT jealous of Shinkouhyou!/
- only a genuine care for his well-being and happiness.
A care that was from a dear friend, a very dear and old friend
who knew him better than himself, and no more.
"No, no no - I'm perfectly happy with Youzen. Nothing's
wrong. It's just that -"
Worried, an arm closed about his shoulders. Not the
almost frantic clinging he had come to dread, but a light hug
which was meant to lend moral support.
"Fuugen - I ... it's just that - "
Violet eyes listened, gazed into his. And he could not
find the intensity of the desperate longing that used to be
there.
"It's just that, I'm worried about you."
Good gods, it was /so/ lame. Even to his own ears. He
improvised, hurriedly.
"I mean, you barely know Shinkouhyou. And that clown -
well, he's too mysterious. And while he has helped some - he's
not on anyone's side. I'm just worried about you putting so much
trust in someone like that - I - well, I -"
He really shouldn't be feeling satisfied, as bits of old
hurt crawled into the violet eyes piece by piece.
"I just don't want to see you hurt!"
"Bou-chan - I appreciate your concern." Fuugen's smile
was strained. "And I know what I am doing."
"Like hell you do!"
"What exactly do you object about Shinkouhyou-san?"
".... he's a clown. And he's untrustworthy."
"Bou-chan -"
"Well, he is!"
"Shinkouhyou-san may not be human. But that doesn't
mean he has no sense of honour."
Taikoubou looked skeptical.
"It might not be the human standard of honour, but
he is a creature of his word. And -"
"And?"
"We promised each other to answer questions truthfully
if we do. But we are not obliged to answer questions if either
of us do not wish to."
/.... 'we'? ... 'us'?!/
It ate at him, this sour feeling in his stomach.
/I thought you and I were 'we', 'us'!/
He did not like this feeling.
/And I am NOT jealous. Am not AM NOT./
"And believe me, Bou-chan, I will not speak of sensitive
Konron affairs to him. And he will not ask. We respect each
other's right to privacy."
".... you trust him that much?"
"It takes giving trust to receive trust, Bou-chan."
He still felt sick. He thought Fuugen loved him. He
thought that Fuugen truly did love him - until he saw Fuugen
with Shinkouhyou.
//What did you think he was going to do, when you
refused him?//
He tried to ignore that little voice.
//What did you expect him to do when you told him that
you loved Youzen?
What did you expect him to do, when you told him that
you never felt the same way he did?
What did you expect him to do, when you told him that
you never will? //
Well - he didn't expect Fuugen to sleep with
Shinkouhyou.
/.... he mustn't have loved me very much at all./
Resentfully, he told the voice with force.
//He would have done anything for you. If you asked
him to roll naked in a nest of scorpions, he would
have. He loved you that much. And you told him that
you didn't want to see him unhappy -//
/But -/
//Did you want him to pine after you forever? You
couldn't stand the way he looked at you, wanting you,
and knowing you as he did, he knew that you couldn't
stand it -//
/But -/
//You didn't want him to treat you as anything other
than a friend. You told him not kiss you or physically
touch you the way he used to any more -//
/But did that mean he had to throw himself at someone
else?/
//Why are you upset that he gave what you refused to
someone else? Why do you even care?//
/Because I'm his friend! And Shinkouhyou - Shinkouhyou
can't possibly love him!/
//And who died and made you the ultimate authority on
character judgement?//
"... Fuugen ... but ..."
"I love him, Bou-chan."
Well, that certainly put an end to the discussion.
================================================================
AFTERWARDS
"Are you really alright with that?"
Sleek and feral, the shadow solidified and embraced him
from behind.
"... I only told him the truth."
"He's a fool." Clawed hand rubbed the tear away roughly.
"He's a fool twice over if he doesn't know what you feel for -"
With a sudden turn and twist, arms flung about shoulders
and a mouth that kissed him with burning ferverence.
"... I know."
Pale hand touched porcelain-smooth cheek, and the cheek
flinched. Not from pain, but from the warmth and the love
that the touch carried. He smiled, acknowledging the answering
warmth in the pit of his stomach. Accepting it.
"I love you ..." He kissed the hand, sharp canines
leaving careful red marks of possession but leaving white skin
unbroken.
/I love you. I won't ever lie to you -/
And the white skin heated, /knowing/ the honesty of the
words. The emotions. He meant every word he said.
/... I know./
"... is it alright with you?"
"Hmmwrr?"
He tried to ask with coherence, feeling the need that
enflamed against him, seeking to pull him to the summit and
plunge with him over the edge.
"Is it alright with you, that I ... cannot yet love you
as much as -"
"I told you." Pulled closer, pinned still. "I do not
love you because of how much you love me."
"Still, I'm afraid I cannot ever love you as much -"
Another kiss to bring back the silence.
"I love you because you are you. All your weakness, all
your strength. The good and the bad, the petty and the generous,
the gentle and the cruel, the tears and the laughter. I love all
of you, as you love all of /me/ ..."
"... it's the only way I can love. Someone. Anyone."
"And that is exactly why I love you."
And he felt hot drops of rain against his skin.
~owari~
================================================================
minor babble:
Shi blames the idea for Shinkouhyou/Fuugen as a couple to the
AIM Houshin Engi Rp.
This fic started out as a PWP in 2000. Since then, shi'd been
thinking ... and taken a more serious approach. So, while the
plot of this fic would be /based/ on what's happened, happening,
and will happen in the rp, it is by no means stuck to it. =D
And this is different from shi's usual from A-Z style of
writing. It's going to be in pieces like this, scattered, in
no particular order or time frame. Completely AU (alternate-
universe) and written according to whatever shi feels like
adding.
A bit giddy, and scary, cuz shi's used to writing in the
framework shi sets out for self, and there's no rules in
this one.
================================================================
Last Modified: May 30, 2001 7:24AM
================================================================