Disclaimer: these aren't my creations. I never made them up. I just put them here so they could live a more funny life then destroying rings. Please feel free to enjoy!
Note: this show is a real show, shown on itv. I know its, very sad to think that people actually watch it.
Britain's brainiest lord of the rings character!
"Welcome back!"
*Slightly over enthusiastic applause*
"Before the break the lord of the rings characters points stood like this:
Frodo: nil,
Sam: nil,
Gandalf: nil- one point!" The boss shrieks after a look from Gandalf.
"Le...Legolas: nil,
Aragorn: one point,
Pippin: one point.
Merry: one point,
Gimli: nil,
Boromir: nil,"
*More polite applause*
"As you remember, our presenters, erm, well they couldn't, err...cope with the contestants."
*Boos and hisses around the audience*
"But now it's time for Round 2!
The rules are as follows:
I'll ask a question and who ever gets it first will then go on into quick fire round, understood?"
Pippin shakes his head.
5 explanations later...
"Okay! First question, who is the dead dwarf, in the Mines of Moria, which causes particular grief to Gimli?"
The audience look baffled as well as the contestants.
Gimli buzzes, but then is to over come with grief to answer, and collapses in a heap on the floor.
Pippin buzzes and cries out excitedly: "This is one of those trick questions isn't it! No one dies in the mines of Moria! Ha! I beat you this time, eh?"
The audience decide to agree and look at the poor boss who was beginning to understand why the other two had run away.
Gimli stutters out just in time "Bal...Balin"
"Well done!" The relived boss cries, " One point to you and an extra point for every question you get right in the quick fire round, your 30 seconds start.... now!
What name is the pub that Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry meet Strider in?"
Gimli gathers his senses and cries "The Drooden Dogberry!"
"Wrong, what shape is a hobbit door?"
"Pass!" Gimli cries excited now,
"What is Gollums real name?"
"Um...um...erm...err...um...err...erm...um...erm...err...um...erm...err...Bilbo?"
"Yes- no! Wrong, times up! You scored no points!" The boss says crisply.
In 2 seconds his head is chopped off with an axe, the blood dripping all over the stage, with papers scattered everywhere (which Pippin is trying to read).
The audience cheer and Gandalf turns the blood into wine.
When everyone is sufficiently drunk, someone from the audience comes up to ask the questions. This someone just happens to be Bob the builder.
"Now * hic * the second * hic * question is * hic *" He stumbles around the stage. Meanwhile everyone follows him with their eyes and are all soon fast asleep.
When they wake up everyone has a headache, so they go to sleep again. The next time they wake up everyone notices that there is the headless body of the boss just lying there, so someone slowly rolls it off stage so that they can continue.
A lady holding a duck umbrella magically appears and slides down the banister.
"Hello, children I'm your new presenter--argh!"
No sooner has she said this then an arrow hits her in the eyes.
"Now children-" another arrow hits her, in her nose this time. "Oh, cool now I don't have to pay for a nose ring!"
One final arrow hits her in the throat and she dies.
Later there was a funeral, but that's another story. Meanwhile Legolas smacks hands with Aragorn and in unison they cheer out: "I've always wanted to do that!" Afterwards Legolas sneaks himself a point, thinking that he deserves one for saving the mutilation of young children's brains.
The crowd ignores the dead Merry Poppins and suddenly realise that it's been a while since any questions had been asked.
"We want questions! Boom boom!
Wadda we want?
QUESTIONS!
When da we wan' `em?
NOW!" The crowd boomed so loudly that Smorg (he's a Hobbit thing dragon) is woken up and comes to ask the questions.
Since he has been conveniently shrunk he fits in nicely and smokes out a question, to the satisfaction of the crowd.
"Who betrays Gandalf?"
Aragorn goes bright red and hits the buzzer.
"I...I'm very sorry Gandalf...but it...it was me." He hangs his head and avoids Gandalfs eyes, which were filled with tears.
"How...how could you Aragorn, after all we've been through?" Gandalf chokes out. Aragorn shakes his head.
"I'm sorry! I just couldn't resist Arwen!"
"Look, can you do this somewhere else!" Pippin bellows. "Only we're TRYING to have a contest here! Some gays!"
"The correct answer was Saruman.
Next question!" Smorg puffs out, "Who is the Lord of the Rings?"
They all look baffled, but after a pause Boromir beeps and says: "ME!"
Frodo gets angry and beeps his buzzer and says: "NO ITS ME! I HAVE THE RING! Mwa hahahahaha!"
All the other contestants think its them as well so they also beep their buzzers and shout out: "ME!"
Frodo is hit with sudden inspiration:
"We are the contestants who say...ME!"(Don't ask, it's a Monty Python thing)
"Oh fag you lot! I'm off!" Smorg puffs,
"The contestants who say...ME! Will not be defeated! Set the killer hamster on him!"
Smorg panics: "No! Not the hamster! Anything but the hamster!" He begs at Frodo's knees, the audience hold their breath with anticipation...
"Well, I'd like a Barbie Lip gloss maker..." Everyone stares at him, disgusted, "Well how else am I going to spend the time? And I'd like a...um...lets see, oh yeah a point! And I've just got to have one of those little chocolate things with the cream on top. Okay? Get them, or the wrath of the hamster will be upon you!"
"Okay, sure thing!" Says Smorg, relieved at being rescued from the Killer Hamster.
Once he's given these things to Frodo he runs out into the night and Lisa Simpson takes his place.
"Well h-e-l-l-o gentlemen, this is the part of the show where I ask a question-"
"NEVER!"
"You don't say!" The sassy people in the audience call out.
"Shut up... arch!!! Not the...it can't be... no not the hamster!!"
Harry the hamster crawls on stage due to Frodo's order and eats Lisa.
There's a big sigh all round, but Matt Groening just draws another to be used, so it's okay.
"Well, seeing as there's nobody left to ask questions, why don't we do dares?"
Everyone agrees and the first dare is decided by the director (yes, all this is directed).
"Boromir you have lick the grimy stuff inside Gandalfs belly button out and eat it!" Everyone looks at Boromir in dismay, hoping that he won't actually go through with this.
However Boromir is desperate for a point so he agrees and gets to work.
People cringe and throw up as Boromir licks goodness knows what out of Gandalfs tummy. But he did the dare so he got the point (and lots of admires for his outstanding courage).
"Next dare," The director begins, once all the clapping has died away, "Sam you have to jump in to a lake...naked!"
Sam looks at Aragorn, wondering how to cover up the fact that he's a robot.
"Um, I'll take the truth option,"
"Okay, would you take the ring if you were offered it?"
There's silence all around the studio.
"Yes." Sam's answered echoes around the room into the dismayed faces of the audience. " Well, duh! What do `ya think I was gonna' say? No? Pah! Don't make me laugh. Now can I have my point, or not?"
"N...not!" The disgusted director cries.
"WHAT? I don't get a point for the only sane answer the whole entire show? Gandalf gets a point for spurting out insane nonsense! Merry gets a point for being a gossip queen! Aragorn gets a point for lamely covering up the obvious fact that I'm a robot! Gimli gets point for knowing his, like, uncle! Legolas gets a point for murdering an innocent baby sitter! Frodo gets a point along with Barbie-lip gloss maker and a poffeé! And Boromir, BOROMIR! HE gets a point for eating something out of Gandalfs belly button! And then I can't get a point for saying that I'd take the ring if I had the chance. Well Smorg was right! Fag you lot, I'm off!"
"Bye!" Legolas calls,
"It's okay Frodo, we'll get another one made." Gandalf comforts Frodo,
"But I loved him! *Sniff* like a brother!"
"Just let him go, Frodo, let him go," And with Sam walked out.
"I can't believe he forgot me!" Pippin says: gob-smacked, "I just can't believe it."
"Well, ahem, this is the end of a very, um, unique show. And it was a draw. But the audience vote that Pippin should win because he was the only one who answered correctly. So Pippin you win a holiday to Tele-tubbie land (another British thing) and a chance of going on `Who wants to be a Millionaire?' Good luck, and good night!"
I hope you enjoyed it. Please r & r. even if it's bad. And say weather you think I should do another fic on `Who wants to be a Millionaire' with Pippin.
Note: this show is a real show, shown on itv. I know its, very sad to think that people actually watch it.
Britain's brainiest lord of the rings character!
"Welcome back!"
*Slightly over enthusiastic applause*
"Before the break the lord of the rings characters points stood like this:
Frodo: nil,
Sam: nil,
Gandalf: nil- one point!" The boss shrieks after a look from Gandalf.
"Le...Legolas: nil,
Aragorn: one point,
Pippin: one point.
Merry: one point,
Gimli: nil,
Boromir: nil,"
*More polite applause*
"As you remember, our presenters, erm, well they couldn't, err...cope with the contestants."
*Boos and hisses around the audience*
"But now it's time for Round 2!
The rules are as follows:
I'll ask a question and who ever gets it first will then go on into quick fire round, understood?"
Pippin shakes his head.
5 explanations later...
"Okay! First question, who is the dead dwarf, in the Mines of Moria, which causes particular grief to Gimli?"
The audience look baffled as well as the contestants.
Gimli buzzes, but then is to over come with grief to answer, and collapses in a heap on the floor.
Pippin buzzes and cries out excitedly: "This is one of those trick questions isn't it! No one dies in the mines of Moria! Ha! I beat you this time, eh?"
The audience decide to agree and look at the poor boss who was beginning to understand why the other two had run away.
Gimli stutters out just in time "Bal...Balin"
"Well done!" The relived boss cries, " One point to you and an extra point for every question you get right in the quick fire round, your 30 seconds start.... now!
What name is the pub that Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry meet Strider in?"
Gimli gathers his senses and cries "The Drooden Dogberry!"
"Wrong, what shape is a hobbit door?"
"Pass!" Gimli cries excited now,
"What is Gollums real name?"
"Um...um...erm...err...um...err...erm...um...erm...err...um...erm...err...Bilbo?"
"Yes- no! Wrong, times up! You scored no points!" The boss says crisply.
In 2 seconds his head is chopped off with an axe, the blood dripping all over the stage, with papers scattered everywhere (which Pippin is trying to read).
The audience cheer and Gandalf turns the blood into wine.
When everyone is sufficiently drunk, someone from the audience comes up to ask the questions. This someone just happens to be Bob the builder.
"Now * hic * the second * hic * question is * hic *" He stumbles around the stage. Meanwhile everyone follows him with their eyes and are all soon fast asleep.
When they wake up everyone has a headache, so they go to sleep again. The next time they wake up everyone notices that there is the headless body of the boss just lying there, so someone slowly rolls it off stage so that they can continue.
A lady holding a duck umbrella magically appears and slides down the banister.
"Hello, children I'm your new presenter--argh!"
No sooner has she said this then an arrow hits her in the eyes.
"Now children-" another arrow hits her, in her nose this time. "Oh, cool now I don't have to pay for a nose ring!"
One final arrow hits her in the throat and she dies.
Later there was a funeral, but that's another story. Meanwhile Legolas smacks hands with Aragorn and in unison they cheer out: "I've always wanted to do that!" Afterwards Legolas sneaks himself a point, thinking that he deserves one for saving the mutilation of young children's brains.
The crowd ignores the dead Merry Poppins and suddenly realise that it's been a while since any questions had been asked.
"We want questions! Boom boom!
Wadda we want?
QUESTIONS!
When da we wan' `em?
NOW!" The crowd boomed so loudly that Smorg (he's a Hobbit thing dragon) is woken up and comes to ask the questions.
Since he has been conveniently shrunk he fits in nicely and smokes out a question, to the satisfaction of the crowd.
"Who betrays Gandalf?"
Aragorn goes bright red and hits the buzzer.
"I...I'm very sorry Gandalf...but it...it was me." He hangs his head and avoids Gandalfs eyes, which were filled with tears.
"How...how could you Aragorn, after all we've been through?" Gandalf chokes out. Aragorn shakes his head.
"I'm sorry! I just couldn't resist Arwen!"
"Look, can you do this somewhere else!" Pippin bellows. "Only we're TRYING to have a contest here! Some gays!"
"The correct answer was Saruman.
Next question!" Smorg puffs out, "Who is the Lord of the Rings?"
They all look baffled, but after a pause Boromir beeps and says: "ME!"
Frodo gets angry and beeps his buzzer and says: "NO ITS ME! I HAVE THE RING! Mwa hahahahaha!"
All the other contestants think its them as well so they also beep their buzzers and shout out: "ME!"
Frodo is hit with sudden inspiration:
"We are the contestants who say...ME!"(Don't ask, it's a Monty Python thing)
"Oh fag you lot! I'm off!" Smorg puffs,
"The contestants who say...ME! Will not be defeated! Set the killer hamster on him!"
Smorg panics: "No! Not the hamster! Anything but the hamster!" He begs at Frodo's knees, the audience hold their breath with anticipation...
"Well, I'd like a Barbie Lip gloss maker..." Everyone stares at him, disgusted, "Well how else am I going to spend the time? And I'd like a...um...lets see, oh yeah a point! And I've just got to have one of those little chocolate things with the cream on top. Okay? Get them, or the wrath of the hamster will be upon you!"
"Okay, sure thing!" Says Smorg, relieved at being rescued from the Killer Hamster.
Once he's given these things to Frodo he runs out into the night and Lisa Simpson takes his place.
"Well h-e-l-l-o gentlemen, this is the part of the show where I ask a question-"
"NEVER!"
"You don't say!" The sassy people in the audience call out.
"Shut up... arch!!! Not the...it can't be... no not the hamster!!"
Harry the hamster crawls on stage due to Frodo's order and eats Lisa.
There's a big sigh all round, but Matt Groening just draws another to be used, so it's okay.
"Well, seeing as there's nobody left to ask questions, why don't we do dares?"
Everyone agrees and the first dare is decided by the director (yes, all this is directed).
"Boromir you have lick the grimy stuff inside Gandalfs belly button out and eat it!" Everyone looks at Boromir in dismay, hoping that he won't actually go through with this.
However Boromir is desperate for a point so he agrees and gets to work.
People cringe and throw up as Boromir licks goodness knows what out of Gandalfs tummy. But he did the dare so he got the point (and lots of admires for his outstanding courage).
"Next dare," The director begins, once all the clapping has died away, "Sam you have to jump in to a lake...naked!"
Sam looks at Aragorn, wondering how to cover up the fact that he's a robot.
"Um, I'll take the truth option,"
"Okay, would you take the ring if you were offered it?"
There's silence all around the studio.
"Yes." Sam's answered echoes around the room into the dismayed faces of the audience. " Well, duh! What do `ya think I was gonna' say? No? Pah! Don't make me laugh. Now can I have my point, or not?"
"N...not!" The disgusted director cries.
"WHAT? I don't get a point for the only sane answer the whole entire show? Gandalf gets a point for spurting out insane nonsense! Merry gets a point for being a gossip queen! Aragorn gets a point for lamely covering up the obvious fact that I'm a robot! Gimli gets point for knowing his, like, uncle! Legolas gets a point for murdering an innocent baby sitter! Frodo gets a point along with Barbie-lip gloss maker and a poffeé! And Boromir, BOROMIR! HE gets a point for eating something out of Gandalfs belly button! And then I can't get a point for saying that I'd take the ring if I had the chance. Well Smorg was right! Fag you lot, I'm off!"
"Bye!" Legolas calls,
"It's okay Frodo, we'll get another one made." Gandalf comforts Frodo,
"But I loved him! *Sniff* like a brother!"
"Just let him go, Frodo, let him go," And with Sam walked out.
"I can't believe he forgot me!" Pippin says: gob-smacked, "I just can't believe it."
"Well, ahem, this is the end of a very, um, unique show. And it was a draw. But the audience vote that Pippin should win because he was the only one who answered correctly. So Pippin you win a holiday to Tele-tubbie land (another British thing) and a chance of going on `Who wants to be a Millionaire?' Good luck, and good night!"
I hope you enjoyed it. Please r & r. even if it's bad. And say weather you think I should do another fic on `Who wants to be a Millionaire' with Pippin.