When he saw the elevator close and begin to drop to the main level Zack set his piercing glare on Kat. "What was that?"
"She needed to get out," she said sweetly turning back to her room. When he could not see her face she cursed her luck, she had just lost her chance to leave.
"You know what I mean. Why did you tell her that?"
"Tell her what?" She began to casually walk away.
He spoke to her back making no effort to stop her, "Don't pull this with me Kat. I was at the door, I heard everything."
His words slowed her steps, she hadn't meant for him to hear. It was her last ditch effort to get out and back to Manticore but she hadn't meant for it to get around to Zack. The last thing she wanted was to be on bad terms with him. He was, though she hated to admit it, the closest thing she had come to a true friend. Sure she had the friends she made the ten years they had been free but with him she was always safe. With him she did not fear that she would make a slip and reveal her true self, for he already knew. Now that this bond was threatened and her situation so extreme she felt no other course of action better then break all ties.
"You had no right to tell her that."
"Are you trying to protect her again? Being the bigger man and bowing out without letting her know your feelings."
"You know nothing about me Kat, don't pretend to." He made no effort to hide the rage in his voice.
"I know enough."
"If that is what you think you know about me you're mistaken."
"So you're denying it now?"
"Emotions are a weakness. Why would I leave an opening for my enemies?"
"'Cause you can't help yourself." Her words were so confident.
"Max is nothing to me."
Kat laughed, "If she means nothing then why are we having this conversation? Who's pretending now?"
Silence filled the room, only to be broken by a much calmer Zack. "If you hate me for leaving you then take it up with me. But I will not have you making up stories and spreading lies behind my back."
Having been braced for a furious lash of words, Kat's defenses were shattered by this unexpectedly quiet Zack. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Then why would you tell her those things?"
Kat hesitated. Maybe she could make Zack understand that returning to Manticore was the only course of action to take. If she could just convince him, she would be free to go and they would not come after her. "Max wouldn't let me leave."
"Why would you leave? This is a secure lodging. We should lay low while Lydecker is in town."
"I...I have to bring Cole back to Manticore."
If he had been shocked he did not show it, his voice still smooth and calm, "Kat, you don't have to go."
"I explained this to Max already," she couldn't hold back her tears of desperation any longer, "Lydecker promised me he would help Cole, that he would make him normal."
"Kat." He reached for her arm but she twitched away, "Kat, you know what Lydecker will do. He will make our son normal on Manticore terms. You understand that right?"
She nodded.
"They will experiment on him before they heal him." He stepped closer, but she stepped back and nodded her response again.
"They will give him humanity just to take it away again. You would let them do that to our son?" His voice was still calm and composed and he advanced toward her again. A counter stopped her retreat and she cast her eyes down at the floor, not able to handle his sapphire gaze.
"He will be alive and I will give him his humanity back. Zack, you cannot stop me. I am going back there."
"If you know what you are getting into then I can't stop you, I can't watch you every minute to make sure you stay put. It is your choice to make and you have made it before. But know this before you go…" He lifted her chin so she would look him in the eyes, "How will you defend Cole's humanity when they strip you of your own?"
No other words were spoken. She understood well enough and Zack thought he saw a flicker of fear in her eyes. His best efforts were for not as the maternal pull to keep her son alive had been too strong and she turned toward the door. Cole's dark, innocent eyes were the last things he saw and the image burned itself into his memory. Who knows how long it would be before he saw them again? Who knows under what circumstances this father will meet his son next.
*****
On any other night the ninja's power coursing below her would calm her nerves and the wind whipping her hair wildly about her would sooth her mind. But not this night. Too much had been laid on her, and her mind was racing from thought to thought faster then she raced through the broken streets of Seattle. Even now Logan's sweet voice betrayed her playing over and over again in her mind, 'He cares for you, you know, and not just like a sister.'
How could she have been so naïve? Logan even saw it before her. For all her life she had thought of them as her brothers and sisters, created from each other working as a team. But living at Manticore, where all emotions were repressed… who knows what love was. Maybe she did love Zack. Maybe that was what she had felt all these years. Then what did she have with Logan? No, she loved Logan. He made her feel safe. But Zack made her feel safe, too. Then again when Zack was around she felt safe because of her confidence that they could get out of anything together. Like the time Lydecker imprisoned them when they tried to save Brin. She had no doubts they would survive. With Logan it was a more volatile safety. Max felt secure in the fact that maybe Logan couldn't save her the same way Zack could, but the world would fall away and he could save her from her hectic life. With Logan she was normal in the sense that she was human. But Zack cared for her and even sacrificed himself for her safety. With Zack she was normal in the sense that she was superhuman.
Her brain was hurting from this effort. She could calculate the most complex equations in the blink of an eye, memorize pages and pages of operation files only reading them once, recall the tiniest facts that no one would bother to notice in the first place. All these things her mind could handle but thinking about Logan and Zack was an endless cycle that made her dizzy. She had to clear her mind, and she needed a familiar place to do it, home.
It only took her a few minutes to get home and she quietly wheeled her ninja in. It was only about four in the morning and she could feel the sun threatening to break the horizon soon. The sudden feeling of déjà vu sent shivers up her spine and goose bumps to her skin. It was the same situation weeks earlier when Zack came to her window. She closed her eyes to try and clear the confusing memory out of her head, but it only served to clarify it.
After a few calming breaths she decided to relax, she needed something to get her mind off things. Kendra. Kendra was always there to talk. Max had woken her up for late night talks before and Kendra always obliged. She was such a good friend, a shoulder to lean on.
Max focused her ears toward Kendra's room to hear if Kendra was even there that night. There she heard Kendra's breathing, steady and slow, but that was not the only sound she heard. There was someone, some guy no doubt, in there with her, gladly not a threat as his breath gave away that he too was sleeping. Finally something pushed Logan and Zack out of her head. Curiosity. She crept toward Kendra's room to see this elusive Mr. Multiples for herself. She slowly pulled back the curtain that separated Kendra's room from the rest of her abode.
"No," she gasped, this was not what she needed right now. Kat had just forced her to consider things that had torn the world she knew asunder. Now, the one man who haunted her thoughts and dreams had invaded her home. Lydecker, lay there with Kendra in his arms.
Max shook her head not wanting to believe. Nothing looked the same to her anymore, and she couldn't take it. She went to the bathroom to get her tryptophan and downed a couple pills when she felt her hand begin to shake. Whether her hand shook from her seizures or from her life collapsing around her she did not know. But the familiar feel of the pills down her throat was the only real thing she could hold onto right now. But soon that would not be enough. Max quietly backed her ninja out of the apartment. The cool night breeze ran its fingers through her hair as she blazed down the streets to Logan's apartment, to the last sanctuary she knew of, into the arms of the one man who made who she knew would make her feel safe.
"She needed to get out," she said sweetly turning back to her room. When he could not see her face she cursed her luck, she had just lost her chance to leave.
"You know what I mean. Why did you tell her that?"
"Tell her what?" She began to casually walk away.
He spoke to her back making no effort to stop her, "Don't pull this with me Kat. I was at the door, I heard everything."
His words slowed her steps, she hadn't meant for him to hear. It was her last ditch effort to get out and back to Manticore but she hadn't meant for it to get around to Zack. The last thing she wanted was to be on bad terms with him. He was, though she hated to admit it, the closest thing she had come to a true friend. Sure she had the friends she made the ten years they had been free but with him she was always safe. With him she did not fear that she would make a slip and reveal her true self, for he already knew. Now that this bond was threatened and her situation so extreme she felt no other course of action better then break all ties.
"You had no right to tell her that."
"Are you trying to protect her again? Being the bigger man and bowing out without letting her know your feelings."
"You know nothing about me Kat, don't pretend to." He made no effort to hide the rage in his voice.
"I know enough."
"If that is what you think you know about me you're mistaken."
"So you're denying it now?"
"Emotions are a weakness. Why would I leave an opening for my enemies?"
"'Cause you can't help yourself." Her words were so confident.
"Max is nothing to me."
Kat laughed, "If she means nothing then why are we having this conversation? Who's pretending now?"
Silence filled the room, only to be broken by a much calmer Zack. "If you hate me for leaving you then take it up with me. But I will not have you making up stories and spreading lies behind my back."
Having been braced for a furious lash of words, Kat's defenses were shattered by this unexpectedly quiet Zack. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Then why would you tell her those things?"
Kat hesitated. Maybe she could make Zack understand that returning to Manticore was the only course of action to take. If she could just convince him, she would be free to go and they would not come after her. "Max wouldn't let me leave."
"Why would you leave? This is a secure lodging. We should lay low while Lydecker is in town."
"I...I have to bring Cole back to Manticore."
If he had been shocked he did not show it, his voice still smooth and calm, "Kat, you don't have to go."
"I explained this to Max already," she couldn't hold back her tears of desperation any longer, "Lydecker promised me he would help Cole, that he would make him normal."
"Kat." He reached for her arm but she twitched away, "Kat, you know what Lydecker will do. He will make our son normal on Manticore terms. You understand that right?"
She nodded.
"They will experiment on him before they heal him." He stepped closer, but she stepped back and nodded her response again.
"They will give him humanity just to take it away again. You would let them do that to our son?" His voice was still calm and composed and he advanced toward her again. A counter stopped her retreat and she cast her eyes down at the floor, not able to handle his sapphire gaze.
"He will be alive and I will give him his humanity back. Zack, you cannot stop me. I am going back there."
"If you know what you are getting into then I can't stop you, I can't watch you every minute to make sure you stay put. It is your choice to make and you have made it before. But know this before you go…" He lifted her chin so she would look him in the eyes, "How will you defend Cole's humanity when they strip you of your own?"
No other words were spoken. She understood well enough and Zack thought he saw a flicker of fear in her eyes. His best efforts were for not as the maternal pull to keep her son alive had been too strong and she turned toward the door. Cole's dark, innocent eyes were the last things he saw and the image burned itself into his memory. Who knows how long it would be before he saw them again? Who knows under what circumstances this father will meet his son next.
*****
On any other night the ninja's power coursing below her would calm her nerves and the wind whipping her hair wildly about her would sooth her mind. But not this night. Too much had been laid on her, and her mind was racing from thought to thought faster then she raced through the broken streets of Seattle. Even now Logan's sweet voice betrayed her playing over and over again in her mind, 'He cares for you, you know, and not just like a sister.'
How could she have been so naïve? Logan even saw it before her. For all her life she had thought of them as her brothers and sisters, created from each other working as a team. But living at Manticore, where all emotions were repressed… who knows what love was. Maybe she did love Zack. Maybe that was what she had felt all these years. Then what did she have with Logan? No, she loved Logan. He made her feel safe. But Zack made her feel safe, too. Then again when Zack was around she felt safe because of her confidence that they could get out of anything together. Like the time Lydecker imprisoned them when they tried to save Brin. She had no doubts they would survive. With Logan it was a more volatile safety. Max felt secure in the fact that maybe Logan couldn't save her the same way Zack could, but the world would fall away and he could save her from her hectic life. With Logan she was normal in the sense that she was human. But Zack cared for her and even sacrificed himself for her safety. With Zack she was normal in the sense that she was superhuman.
Her brain was hurting from this effort. She could calculate the most complex equations in the blink of an eye, memorize pages and pages of operation files only reading them once, recall the tiniest facts that no one would bother to notice in the first place. All these things her mind could handle but thinking about Logan and Zack was an endless cycle that made her dizzy. She had to clear her mind, and she needed a familiar place to do it, home.
It only took her a few minutes to get home and she quietly wheeled her ninja in. It was only about four in the morning and she could feel the sun threatening to break the horizon soon. The sudden feeling of déjà vu sent shivers up her spine and goose bumps to her skin. It was the same situation weeks earlier when Zack came to her window. She closed her eyes to try and clear the confusing memory out of her head, but it only served to clarify it.
After a few calming breaths she decided to relax, she needed something to get her mind off things. Kendra. Kendra was always there to talk. Max had woken her up for late night talks before and Kendra always obliged. She was such a good friend, a shoulder to lean on.
Max focused her ears toward Kendra's room to hear if Kendra was even there that night. There she heard Kendra's breathing, steady and slow, but that was not the only sound she heard. There was someone, some guy no doubt, in there with her, gladly not a threat as his breath gave away that he too was sleeping. Finally something pushed Logan and Zack out of her head. Curiosity. She crept toward Kendra's room to see this elusive Mr. Multiples for herself. She slowly pulled back the curtain that separated Kendra's room from the rest of her abode.
"No," she gasped, this was not what she needed right now. Kat had just forced her to consider things that had torn the world she knew asunder. Now, the one man who haunted her thoughts and dreams had invaded her home. Lydecker, lay there with Kendra in his arms.
Max shook her head not wanting to believe. Nothing looked the same to her anymore, and she couldn't take it. She went to the bathroom to get her tryptophan and downed a couple pills when she felt her hand begin to shake. Whether her hand shook from her seizures or from her life collapsing around her she did not know. But the familiar feel of the pills down her throat was the only real thing she could hold onto right now. But soon that would not be enough. Max quietly backed her ninja out of the apartment. The cool night breeze ran its fingers through her hair as she blazed down the streets to Logan's apartment, to the last sanctuary she knew of, into the arms of the one man who made who she knew would make her feel safe.