Once again, I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters/ideas that are not mine. Call me melodramatic, but I think that if anyone in the Harry Potter books ever had a mental breakdown, it would be Cho. Warning: This is really extreme. If you can't handle intense (but not violent) themes, don't proceed. Here goes something:
Chapter Three: Cho
I hate this bitter cold. It turns my nose red, numbs my fingers, and does nothing to warm my heart.
The castle looks just like a muggle postcard from some snow-frosted foreign land. It is one picture that I believe I could take, and it would never have to move. The usual trudge from Herbology to lunch makes the castle seem to move though, only farther away with each step. I lift my legs higher and higher, trying in vain not to let the snow drench my robes. The other Ravenclaw girls pass me by, chattering excitedly about something or another. I wish I could still walk beside them. We used to be closer than sisters, but then, last year, we just couldn't communicate. I say it's because my priorities have changed drastically - but they claim that I changed. Well, this is obviously true, but that is no reason to just ignore me. They glance at me surreptitiously, and I often hear them whisper about me in the dorm room. Their whisper's sound like icicles cracking and breaking apart. Sometimes, the noise bothers me so much that I scratch at my ears and hit my head. I don't mean
to, but I can't help it. It hurts to hear them.
Lunch is this dishwater colored stew. I sit by myself at the farthest end of the Ravenclaw table and stir at the stew despondently. It looks about as appetizing as owl droppings, but everyone is eating enthusiastically. Maybe it's just me. I spot Hermione Granger from across the hall. She is storming away from the Gryffindor table and the fuming red head, Ron, who sits there. Harry Potter is looking half worried and half exasperated with Ron and Hermione both. It's a shame Hermione had to leave like that - she usually tries to say hello or something. I don't try to be unsociable, but I don't have much to say to her. Her voice is calming though, and I think she may be genuinely nice. It's hard to tell who is and who isn't.
"Hey, Choke," a nasty, drawling voice calls. I don't answer. Malfoy will eventually give up. Just not right away.
"I'm talking to you, Chang. How come you freaked out last match? Not that I'm crediting Slytherin's glorious triumph to your twisted little brain. I would have caught the snitch anyway," he brags in a disgusting tone. I still don't answer him. His voice reminds me of a ship whose planks are creaking under a gale. The incessant groaning is making me a little sea sick.
"I missed the snitch. Big deal. You've missed it when it was right under your nose. I don't think you're better than me, you just lucked out. No such luck next time, loser." This is the longest sentence I've spoken to anybody in weeks. Malfoy looks surprised, but he quickly recovers.
"No, I think not. I think you're cracking up, Chang. I saw you almost fall off your broom after spotting something in the crowd. What did you see, Cho?" He isn't curious; he sneers at me. I don't like how he uses my first name sometimes. It sounds wrong in his moaning voice.
But I do remember seeing something. I pick up my books and sprint out of the hall, my black robes flapping behind me. They fit too loosely. I don't really like food, and it's starting to show. I can see Harry Potter staring at me out of the corner of my eyes. Several heads turn as I take flight from the Great Hall. It's not everyday I exist so visibly, since I stick to the darker corners of the school these days. The light hurts my eyes.
The dorm room is filled with girls reapplying lipstick at this time of the day. Hermione is probably in the library, and I want to avoid people at the moment. Malfoy started me thinking again, and I tend to be a little absorbed when I think. I want to go to the lake, to my favorite spot, but it's cold. Oh well, I'll risk it.
I trudge across the ground, not even bothering to hike up my robes. As I draw nearer to the lake, I notice a thin layer of ice covering the top. Perfect - now I can't even skip a few stones to quiet my head. I slump against a tree that grows along the edge of the lake. The water is rippling blackly beneath the ice. I remember the day of the second task; the lake was not so foreboding then. I knew that no matter how deep it was, Cedric could get me back. There, I said his name. I shudder with something besides cold as even more snow begins to drift lazily to the ground. I think it would be fitting if I became covered in snow and no one found me until spring. I read a book once about a girl who had suffered so much pain, that her mother's spirit came to her and laid her to sleep in the snow. She slept all winter, and when the snow thawed, she awoke to find her pain lessened and her body changed. Her hair had grown white and her eyes had darkened to black. No one recognized
her, so they didn't bring up her past. Her mother said that all she needed was time, and that was the one gift she could give her. It is a nice idea, but I would freeze to death before morning. Plus, I need a bit more than time. I need Cedric.
I thought I saw him at the match. He sat in the Hufflepuff section, but he always wore blue when I played. He taught me to fly himself, and he was so proud when I got seeker. He cheered the loudest of anyone; I could hear him. So, when I glimpsed that stupid Madeline Finch in the Hufflepuff stands decked in blue as she cheered for her Ravenclaw boyfriend, I swerved severely and then overcompensated. I very nearly fell off, but luckily Madame Hooch steadied me as she called out, "Slytherin Wins!" I hadn't even seen Malfoy get the snitch.
The snow is starting to swirl in little gusts. Cedric always loved the snow. He threw snowballs and made snow angels with as much gusto as a little boy. He said there was no snow where he came from, so he stayed every Christmas to build snowman, and to be with me. I forgot my numb toes as I watched him laugh and dive into a snow bank. He even rigged up a sled once, and he made us both try it. We careened down a steep hill faster and faster until the ground leveled out and we found ourselves on the frozen lake. I was scared out of my mind, especially when the sled turned over and we were spilled out on the ice. Cedric, however, took great delight on leading me away from the thin ice and back to the safety of the shore.
"What would you have done if I had fallen in?" I cried.
"Gone in after you, of course." His answer surprised me. He made it sound like diving into freezing cold lakes after other people was the most natural thing in the world. My face must have betrayed my thoughts, for he stopped beside the very tree I am crouched under now and explained himself.
"People lose things all the time. Money, keys, jewelry, their trains of thought...Things like that are annoying to lose, but you don't leap too far after them. They just aren't worth it. You're different. You're more important than any little trinket I've ever owned, and I'd swim to the very bottom of that lake to get you. Not just physically - you're an interesting and finely wired person, and if you ever need to be rescued, I'm here. Now, let's find a less life-threatening hill, shall we?"
We were just friends then. We laughed at how ironic his words were last year just after the second task. He literally had to swim to the bottom to get me, and he fulfilled his promise. The irony isn't funny now that I need him in another sense. I feel like this castle, this world, the very essence of being, is pressing down on me. Noises hurt my ears, and brightness hurts my eyes. Life is hurting my heart. Cedric was more than just a silly boyfriend. I depended upon his intelligence and character to fish me out of many lakes. Now he's just another casualty of war, and I'm wondering around like a misplaced possession. That's why I'm silent and moody - not because I lost a love, but because I lost the one person who ever understood how lost I could feel. My anchor, my lighthouse.
He made a promise that he would always be there. I wonder if I were truly desperate, perhaps his promise would transcend death. After all, Harry's mother imprinted upon him a love that defied the killing curse. Maybe it works that way with promises made so sincerely, that they are fulfilled many times over. It could work; I'll try it. I rise to my feet and take a few steps towards the lake. The ice won't hold my weight, as thin as I am. It will support me for a few seconds. That should be enough for Cedric. He'll come.
The ice starts to splinter under my feet. I inch out further until I know I'm above water that will cover me completely. I'm raising the stakes a little. My feet are slipping, but I remain standing. The ice starts to crack and it sounds like the whispers. Whole slabs begin to groan under pressure, and it reminds me of Malfoy and his sneering voice. Creaks, groans, sighs, and whispers. It's getting very loud. The noises began to form words and I can hear them quite clearly.
"She's always talking to herself. Have you seen her arms? They have scratches all down them."
"Where did she go last week? We woke up, and her bed was empty. She may have been in the hospital wing for those welts on her neck."
"She used to be so pretty. What happened to her hair? It's gone all limp."
"I think you're cracking up, Chang. I saw you almost fall off your broom after spotting something in the crowd. What did you see, Cho?"
At first, the voices are different, but as more are added, they began to blend.
"Smile, Cho. Cedric liked your smile...people lose things all the time...she really is a little creepy...Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort...you're different...Cho, are you okay? You look pale...what have you done to yourself? What are these markings? Good God, child...remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy...gone in after you of course...remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave...people lose things all the time. Money, keys, jewelry, trains of thought..."
I've lost something, and it just might be my mind. The snow is turning into a blizzard, and its heaviness is pressing me harder into the ice. Cedric still hasn't come, and the voices are becoming deafening. There is a loud crack...and the voices go quiet. Well, all but one. There is one little voice that remains. It's Cedric the very first time he saw a white winter.
"It's not right to be cold without snow and ice! They work together. My whole life, I've suffered from cold like the rest, but the snow makes it seem less of a burden. It's a cold that promises a warm fire later, you know? I love the cold. It makes me feel alive."
I didn't share his passion for winter then, and I don't know. The cold isn't making me feel alive; it's quite the opposite. I feel heavy and tired as I sink lower in the water. I can still see the hole where the ice broke. I think perhaps I was wrong about Cedric's promise. I hate the cold.
Chapter Three: Cho
I hate this bitter cold. It turns my nose red, numbs my fingers, and does nothing to warm my heart.
The castle looks just like a muggle postcard from some snow-frosted foreign land. It is one picture that I believe I could take, and it would never have to move. The usual trudge from Herbology to lunch makes the castle seem to move though, only farther away with each step. I lift my legs higher and higher, trying in vain not to let the snow drench my robes. The other Ravenclaw girls pass me by, chattering excitedly about something or another. I wish I could still walk beside them. We used to be closer than sisters, but then, last year, we just couldn't communicate. I say it's because my priorities have changed drastically - but they claim that I changed. Well, this is obviously true, but that is no reason to just ignore me. They glance at me surreptitiously, and I often hear them whisper about me in the dorm room. Their whisper's sound like icicles cracking and breaking apart. Sometimes, the noise bothers me so much that I scratch at my ears and hit my head. I don't mean
to, but I can't help it. It hurts to hear them.
Lunch is this dishwater colored stew. I sit by myself at the farthest end of the Ravenclaw table and stir at the stew despondently. It looks about as appetizing as owl droppings, but everyone is eating enthusiastically. Maybe it's just me. I spot Hermione Granger from across the hall. She is storming away from the Gryffindor table and the fuming red head, Ron, who sits there. Harry Potter is looking half worried and half exasperated with Ron and Hermione both. It's a shame Hermione had to leave like that - she usually tries to say hello or something. I don't try to be unsociable, but I don't have much to say to her. Her voice is calming though, and I think she may be genuinely nice. It's hard to tell who is and who isn't.
"Hey, Choke," a nasty, drawling voice calls. I don't answer. Malfoy will eventually give up. Just not right away.
"I'm talking to you, Chang. How come you freaked out last match? Not that I'm crediting Slytherin's glorious triumph to your twisted little brain. I would have caught the snitch anyway," he brags in a disgusting tone. I still don't answer him. His voice reminds me of a ship whose planks are creaking under a gale. The incessant groaning is making me a little sea sick.
"I missed the snitch. Big deal. You've missed it when it was right under your nose. I don't think you're better than me, you just lucked out. No such luck next time, loser." This is the longest sentence I've spoken to anybody in weeks. Malfoy looks surprised, but he quickly recovers.
"No, I think not. I think you're cracking up, Chang. I saw you almost fall off your broom after spotting something in the crowd. What did you see, Cho?" He isn't curious; he sneers at me. I don't like how he uses my first name sometimes. It sounds wrong in his moaning voice.
But I do remember seeing something. I pick up my books and sprint out of the hall, my black robes flapping behind me. They fit too loosely. I don't really like food, and it's starting to show. I can see Harry Potter staring at me out of the corner of my eyes. Several heads turn as I take flight from the Great Hall. It's not everyday I exist so visibly, since I stick to the darker corners of the school these days. The light hurts my eyes.
The dorm room is filled with girls reapplying lipstick at this time of the day. Hermione is probably in the library, and I want to avoid people at the moment. Malfoy started me thinking again, and I tend to be a little absorbed when I think. I want to go to the lake, to my favorite spot, but it's cold. Oh well, I'll risk it.
I trudge across the ground, not even bothering to hike up my robes. As I draw nearer to the lake, I notice a thin layer of ice covering the top. Perfect - now I can't even skip a few stones to quiet my head. I slump against a tree that grows along the edge of the lake. The water is rippling blackly beneath the ice. I remember the day of the second task; the lake was not so foreboding then. I knew that no matter how deep it was, Cedric could get me back. There, I said his name. I shudder with something besides cold as even more snow begins to drift lazily to the ground. I think it would be fitting if I became covered in snow and no one found me until spring. I read a book once about a girl who had suffered so much pain, that her mother's spirit came to her and laid her to sleep in the snow. She slept all winter, and when the snow thawed, she awoke to find her pain lessened and her body changed. Her hair had grown white and her eyes had darkened to black. No one recognized
her, so they didn't bring up her past. Her mother said that all she needed was time, and that was the one gift she could give her. It is a nice idea, but I would freeze to death before morning. Plus, I need a bit more than time. I need Cedric.
I thought I saw him at the match. He sat in the Hufflepuff section, but he always wore blue when I played. He taught me to fly himself, and he was so proud when I got seeker. He cheered the loudest of anyone; I could hear him. So, when I glimpsed that stupid Madeline Finch in the Hufflepuff stands decked in blue as she cheered for her Ravenclaw boyfriend, I swerved severely and then overcompensated. I very nearly fell off, but luckily Madame Hooch steadied me as she called out, "Slytherin Wins!" I hadn't even seen Malfoy get the snitch.
The snow is starting to swirl in little gusts. Cedric always loved the snow. He threw snowballs and made snow angels with as much gusto as a little boy. He said there was no snow where he came from, so he stayed every Christmas to build snowman, and to be with me. I forgot my numb toes as I watched him laugh and dive into a snow bank. He even rigged up a sled once, and he made us both try it. We careened down a steep hill faster and faster until the ground leveled out and we found ourselves on the frozen lake. I was scared out of my mind, especially when the sled turned over and we were spilled out on the ice. Cedric, however, took great delight on leading me away from the thin ice and back to the safety of the shore.
"What would you have done if I had fallen in?" I cried.
"Gone in after you, of course." His answer surprised me. He made it sound like diving into freezing cold lakes after other people was the most natural thing in the world. My face must have betrayed my thoughts, for he stopped beside the very tree I am crouched under now and explained himself.
"People lose things all the time. Money, keys, jewelry, their trains of thought...Things like that are annoying to lose, but you don't leap too far after them. They just aren't worth it. You're different. You're more important than any little trinket I've ever owned, and I'd swim to the very bottom of that lake to get you. Not just physically - you're an interesting and finely wired person, and if you ever need to be rescued, I'm here. Now, let's find a less life-threatening hill, shall we?"
We were just friends then. We laughed at how ironic his words were last year just after the second task. He literally had to swim to the bottom to get me, and he fulfilled his promise. The irony isn't funny now that I need him in another sense. I feel like this castle, this world, the very essence of being, is pressing down on me. Noises hurt my ears, and brightness hurts my eyes. Life is hurting my heart. Cedric was more than just a silly boyfriend. I depended upon his intelligence and character to fish me out of many lakes. Now he's just another casualty of war, and I'm wondering around like a misplaced possession. That's why I'm silent and moody - not because I lost a love, but because I lost the one person who ever understood how lost I could feel. My anchor, my lighthouse.
He made a promise that he would always be there. I wonder if I were truly desperate, perhaps his promise would transcend death. After all, Harry's mother imprinted upon him a love that defied the killing curse. Maybe it works that way with promises made so sincerely, that they are fulfilled many times over. It could work; I'll try it. I rise to my feet and take a few steps towards the lake. The ice won't hold my weight, as thin as I am. It will support me for a few seconds. That should be enough for Cedric. He'll come.
The ice starts to splinter under my feet. I inch out further until I know I'm above water that will cover me completely. I'm raising the stakes a little. My feet are slipping, but I remain standing. The ice starts to crack and it sounds like the whispers. Whole slabs begin to groan under pressure, and it reminds me of Malfoy and his sneering voice. Creaks, groans, sighs, and whispers. It's getting very loud. The noises began to form words and I can hear them quite clearly.
"She's always talking to herself. Have you seen her arms? They have scratches all down them."
"Where did she go last week? We woke up, and her bed was empty. She may have been in the hospital wing for those welts on her neck."
"She used to be so pretty. What happened to her hair? It's gone all limp."
"I think you're cracking up, Chang. I saw you almost fall off your broom after spotting something in the crowd. What did you see, Cho?"
At first, the voices are different, but as more are added, they began to blend.
"Smile, Cho. Cedric liked your smile...people lose things all the time...she really is a little creepy...Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort...you're different...Cho, are you okay? You look pale...what have you done to yourself? What are these markings? Good God, child...remember, if the time should come when you have to make a choice between what is right and what is easy...gone in after you of course...remember what happened to a boy who was good, and kind, and brave...people lose things all the time. Money, keys, jewelry, trains of thought..."
I've lost something, and it just might be my mind. The snow is turning into a blizzard, and its heaviness is pressing me harder into the ice. Cedric still hasn't come, and the voices are becoming deafening. There is a loud crack...and the voices go quiet. Well, all but one. There is one little voice that remains. It's Cedric the very first time he saw a white winter.
"It's not right to be cold without snow and ice! They work together. My whole life, I've suffered from cold like the rest, but the snow makes it seem less of a burden. It's a cold that promises a warm fire later, you know? I love the cold. It makes me feel alive."
I didn't share his passion for winter then, and I don't know. The cold isn't making me feel alive; it's quite the opposite. I feel heavy and tired as I sink lower in the water. I can still see the hole where the ice broke. I think perhaps I was wrong about Cedric's promise. I hate the cold.