Chapter ten:

Death isn't what I thought it would be

"Matt? Matt, please. Wake up. This isn't supposed to be this way. You have to move, you have to wake up."

But it's so nice. Just this blankness, like that little spot between waking and dreaming. Comfortable, warm. Like floating in a warm pool.

"Ishida Yamato, he needs you. You need to wake up. This won't last. It will fade away when the demon has won. You only have a short time left. For both your sakes, you need to get up."

For both of us? I had the oddest dream. And yet, if it was a dream, why can't I feel my body? I can't feel my hands, and I can't open my eyes. All I see and feel is darkness and air. There doesn't seem to be an up or a down. He needs me. But who?

A light seems to be forming somewhere behind me. I can feel my shadow growing in front of me, as if that light is coming nearer. But who would be in this darkness, this pool of warmth formed by my own mind? Unless it's not my creation. He needs me.

Ken.

The name is like a mantra, bringing with it thoughts of violet and blue. Violet eyes, blue hair. Kindness and a whip. Ken. Kaizer. Friend.

Lover?

"Matt, please get up." That voice is familiar. He was helping me. Not guiding me, that was someone else. He's important, and he was helping me. Why is he shaking me? How the hell can a ghost touch me?

My eyes fly open, or at least I think they're my eyes. Sam is looking down at me, his eyes worried, clouded over and making them a deep purple. "Ken?" He seems to wilt, and his lips curl slightly.

"He's okay, but we have to move. It's coming, and it's not happy that you've come this far. We have to move, we have to find Ken before it finds us." That makes sense. I move to stand up, but I'm already upright. At my feet lies a familiar lean body, lying face down in a pool of blood. "We don't have much time. We have to find him before your body dies."

"Where do we look?" He shrugs, and his voice is worried. He seems more substantial than he did last time I saw him.

"I don't know." He's looking around, his body trembling.

"Sam." He looks at me, and I smile slightly. "You're a genius. Think of something." I want to clasp his shoulder, or shake some sense into him, but I can't feel my body to move it. Maybe I'm not even a ghost. If my body isn't dead yet, then I'm nothing more than a formless spirit. I don't even get to be a ghost.

"Well, if the demon is coming from that way, then it's safe to assume that Ken is that way, too. He'll have been guarding his prize." I nod, mentally, and try to turn around. The world spins, and I'm facing the other way, with Sam behind me. "Okay. Now can you move forward?"

Move? Of course I can. I'm Ishida, I can do anything. I try to move my feet, but nothing happens. What did I do to turn around?

I thought about facing that way. I close my eyes, and picture myself travelling forward. "That's good. You're catching on quick, Matt. Too bad that the plan is to restore you to your body as soon as we find Ken."

"Is that all that's left? Finding Ken?" That almost seems too easy.

"We still have to face the demon. And get you back into your body. And find our way out of here. And keep your body alive once your back inside. I don't think my brother would appreciate it if you died."

Why would he care? I'm simply saving his life. It doesn't mean that he loves me, it doesn't mean that he has to be with me for the rest of my life. For some odd reason, that thought doesn't hurt.

"What are you thinking?" He stop in mid-movement, trying to find the reason behind the fear in his voice. "You have to trust in what you feel, Matt. If you start doubting what you're doing now, then you may as well go back to your body and watch it die."

The tunnel is dark again. That doesn't seem right, because just a minute ago, it was as bright as day. And when did it get so cold?

Matt.

That voice. I know it. Sam is saying something ,but his voice is more of a background noise. Another person is calling my name, and the sound of him speaking is sending shivers through my body.

But why is it so cold?

Matt, my love.

Ken, I'm coming. With a great deal of effort, I start moving again. There's a little bit of light that seems to follow me, but it doesn't extend that far in front of me. Sam isn't behind me anymore, but I can still feel him calling to me. It doesn't matter, though, because I can see Ken.

He's waiting for me up ahead, his eyes glowing with the reflection of the light behind me, and he's smiling.

Hello, Matt. Thank you for coming for me, love. I've been waiting. I knew you'd come for me.

I want to smile as I near him. He's standing there in the half light, so beautiful. His hair is shining, and a slight breeze seems to be blowing it back from his face. 'It's coming, and it's not happy that you've come this far. We have to move, we have to find Ken before it finds us.'

What was Sam saying? Before I saw Ken, he was trying to tell me something. And why isn't he here?

My love, give me your hand. Come with me. I know the way out. It's behind me, but we have to hurry.

"No." He's reaching his hand toward me, but pauses when my response is ripped from my body. I think of moving backwards, and see the walls move as the distance between us increases. "You're not Ken."

He's not. He's smiling, with his lips, and he's watching me with his eyes, and he speaks with his voice, but it's not Ken. Ken wouldn't be waiting for me, he wouldn't be sitting still and waiting to be rescued. He'd be searching for his own way out, and he'd be thinking of a plan to fight the demon, not run in circles from it.

"Matt, come on!" Sam's voice.

"You're not Ken."

Am I?

I force myself to turn, and see a boy wearing spandex, his cape blowing out behind him, his hair spiked and his eyes hidden by glasses.

"Kaizer."

Am I? Am I the person that you were looking for? Pathetic loser, trying to find his lost love. Did you really think that you'd find the one you were looking for?

This doesn't feel right either. Ken isn't the Kaizer, but he isn't the quiet, timid person he was when he first returned to the world. The poem is done, it's gone, and yet a riddle still remains. The poems were only the beginning. What new challenge is coming?

"What do you want?" The Kaizer grins, the feral grin from my memory. He tilts his head back and laugh, a sound that sends a chill through my mind.

I want a new toy. I'm tired of being Ichijouji Ken. He's so boring. He stopped being fun when he decided to be a wimp, and fight for the good guys. It takes a stronger person to fight for the wrong side, and win. That way, you know that you can defeat any obstacle that comes your way.

Only until a new enemy comes along. "You can't win. The Kaizer never won."

But I didn't lose, did I? I just changed form, and hid with my enemies. You were all so pathetic. A little hesitant, but believing when I helped you save the world. You wouldn't know the truth if it hit you in the head.

Assuming you know me.

That, too, is Ken's voice. But it brings a sense of warmth, of truth. So, the Kaiser isn't Ken, and neither is the patient boy behind me. What is the truth.

What is my name?

Ken. Not Kaizer. Ken, not Ichijouji.

Thinking you own me.

I know this one. It's the lyrics to one of my songs. But it's a verse I never finished. There was never a last line.

Who am I?

"Matt, you have to hurry. It's almost too late. You have to decide!" I'm trying, Sam. Really I am. This is so confusing. What is the point of this?

Why my words? I look at the Kaizer, and see Ken materialize behind him, the Ken from before, not my Ken. He's wearing the gray Tamachi uniform. I can't believe that I didn't realize that before. The genius and the Kaizer, the two best known features of Ken. The things that seemed to classify him.

Assuming you know me.

What do I know of Ken? He's beautiful. He's kind.

What is my name?

But there's more to him than that. He likes to play practical jokes, but he never takes them too far. He likes to kid Davis, but he doesn't do it meanly. He enjoys helping people, but he doesn't do it to the point that he puts his own needs in dead last.

Thinking you own me.

He's not sweet, and innocent. But he's not evil, either. He's not Ichijouji, the genius, and he's not the Kaizer. And yet, he was. It's not as if he was a different person. The Kaizer still exists inside of him. It's a part of him, just as all the things he's gone through are a part of him.

"I won't play this game."

They both glare at me, and then I'm falling. The wind rushes up to greet me, pulling my shirt up, making the hem of my pants cut into the back of my legs in a whipping motion. I'm falling in darkness, and there is nothing there to catch me. I'm not going to wake up, this time.

"Matt, I'm so sorry. I thought we had more time. I'm so sorry."

I'm sorry, too, Sam. I'm so sorry that I couldn't save your brother and myself.

I love you, Ken, and everything that you are.