This is a tribute to anything and everything that goes on secretly between Vash and Wolfwood, *coughcough* But.. I thought that it was a pretty funny fic.. soo.. here it is! - - Koh
B.K.M (Brilliant Kinky Merchant): Part One, "Titianiumly Handcuffed"
"This has to be the worst day ever..."
Vash's fingers trembled as his eyes got all watery. He gave a little sniff and continued walking down the dirt street. "Why does all this stuff happen to me? I can handle a 2,000 pound guy trying to kill me... I can handle old technology aliens attacking me... and I can handle 1,000 people shooting at my rear end... but this?!" Vash swished his head to the right.
"Heh... being handcuffed to you without a key.. isn't that bad..." chuckled Nickolas Wolfwood.
Vash's cheeks became red, "You keep drinking my water!! And you smell!" Vash cried a bit. "And now... I... I..."
Wolfwood raised an eyebrow, "You.. what?" He wobbled his free hand in the air as Vash looked up disgusted. "This can't be easy... but... I think I have to go to the bathroom..."
Wolfwood's eyes got wide, "Heh... heh... not today you don't..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Vash and Wolfwood slamed their handcuffed hands onto a wooden desk. A funny, scraggly old man with spectacles observed the cuffs. "Ah hmmm..." He tapped it with his fingers. "There's no way I can cut through that with any materials here... that there is some tough diamond-titanium! This kinda stuff in only used in the east, for all the money vaults.... Say..." The old man looked up and put his finger to his chin, "How in the world did this happen?"
Vash looked to the left a little embarrassed. "Well... heh heh..." Nickolas gulped a bit. "Eh, it... it was basically an accident... See uhh..."
The old mad coughed. "Well...?"
Wolfwood looked to the right.... "Yeah, heh heh... an accident, that's all... nothing to worry an old man like yourself."
The old mad plushed back into a leather chair what was strategicly place behind the desk... "Well, I am afraid that I can't help you then... I was gonna suggest a certain someone.. but... If it really isn't that important to a man like me," The oldie pushed up his glasses, "then, I guess I shouldn't bother..."
Vash stood up, taking Wolfwoods hand with him, "I swear! I was drunk!" Wolfwood cringed a bit, "You block-head... You were PERFECTLY sober, as I recall... Especially when you bought the damn things!!"
Vash cried back, "But... you tricked me into it! And... and.. and then you..." Vash gulped as he thought a bit. "... Aha! yes, Mr. Old Guy, this was a dare..."
The old man looked suddenly scared... "Say... You bought these? From who?"
Vash put a hand over his mouth and shook his head. "Mmph Mmm" Wolfwood did the honors of answering the man.. "Well... uh, there was this merchant guy.. yeah... he was selling-" Vash smacked Nickolas in the mouth. "Nooo!! There was no merchant selling kinky toys!"
The room got silent, the old man gave a frightening look.. and Vash dropped to the floor... "Eh.. heh heh.. whoops.."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Okay.. soo... either the guy was afraid of us... or.. he was afraid of the merchant we mentioned in there..." Wolfwood chuckled. Vash had tears streaming from his eyes... "That wasn't something I wanted the city's chairman to know..."
Nickolas put on his sunglasses with his free hand, "Eh, no biggie, right? Besides... it's just handcuffs..." Vash coughed, "Specially designed handcuffs, I guess... Anyway, I think we need to find that merchant... Maybe he has an extra key, or something..."
Wolfwood started to whistle, and Vash started humming as they walked... and then... a big sign interupted in their path...
Wolfwood tripped over it, as gracfully as possible... "Hey... ow... WHO PUT'S A SIGN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!" Wolfwood pounded on the fallen wooden sign. Vash nudged Wolfwood's arm with his foot, half bent over from Wolfwood's fall. "Umm... maybe you should read it?"
"Oh.. heh.. yeah.. looks like a wanted poster..." Nickolas lifted up the sign... "Eh?"
Vash knelt down and read the dusty board aloud... "B.K.M ... the Kinkiest Criminal Merchant around... Wanted for 30,000 Double Dollars... Hmm..," Vash huffed... "I wonder what B.K.M stands for..." Wolfwood punched Vash's should... "Idiot..." He pointed to the fine print, "Brilliant Kinky Merchant..."
B.K.M (Brilliant Kinky Merchant): Part One, "Titianiumly Handcuffed"
"This has to be the worst day ever..."
Vash's fingers trembled as his eyes got all watery. He gave a little sniff and continued walking down the dirt street. "Why does all this stuff happen to me? I can handle a 2,000 pound guy trying to kill me... I can handle old technology aliens attacking me... and I can handle 1,000 people shooting at my rear end... but this?!" Vash swished his head to the right.
"Heh... being handcuffed to you without a key.. isn't that bad..." chuckled Nickolas Wolfwood.
Vash's cheeks became red, "You keep drinking my water!! And you smell!" Vash cried a bit. "And now... I... I..."
Wolfwood raised an eyebrow, "You.. what?" He wobbled his free hand in the air as Vash looked up disgusted. "This can't be easy... but... I think I have to go to the bathroom..."
Wolfwood's eyes got wide, "Heh... heh... not today you don't..."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Vash and Wolfwood slamed their handcuffed hands onto a wooden desk. A funny, scraggly old man with spectacles observed the cuffs. "Ah hmmm..." He tapped it with his fingers. "There's no way I can cut through that with any materials here... that there is some tough diamond-titanium! This kinda stuff in only used in the east, for all the money vaults.... Say..." The old man looked up and put his finger to his chin, "How in the world did this happen?"
Vash looked to the left a little embarrassed. "Well... heh heh..." Nickolas gulped a bit. "Eh, it... it was basically an accident... See uhh..."
The old mad coughed. "Well...?"
Wolfwood looked to the right.... "Yeah, heh heh... an accident, that's all... nothing to worry an old man like yourself."
The old mad plushed back into a leather chair what was strategicly place behind the desk... "Well, I am afraid that I can't help you then... I was gonna suggest a certain someone.. but... If it really isn't that important to a man like me," The oldie pushed up his glasses, "then, I guess I shouldn't bother..."
Vash stood up, taking Wolfwoods hand with him, "I swear! I was drunk!" Wolfwood cringed a bit, "You block-head... You were PERFECTLY sober, as I recall... Especially when you bought the damn things!!"
Vash cried back, "But... you tricked me into it! And... and.. and then you..." Vash gulped as he thought a bit. "... Aha! yes, Mr. Old Guy, this was a dare..."
The old man looked suddenly scared... "Say... You bought these? From who?"
Vash put a hand over his mouth and shook his head. "Mmph Mmm" Wolfwood did the honors of answering the man.. "Well... uh, there was this merchant guy.. yeah... he was selling-" Vash smacked Nickolas in the mouth. "Nooo!! There was no merchant selling kinky toys!"
The room got silent, the old man gave a frightening look.. and Vash dropped to the floor... "Eh.. heh heh.. whoops.."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Okay.. soo... either the guy was afraid of us... or.. he was afraid of the merchant we mentioned in there..." Wolfwood chuckled. Vash had tears streaming from his eyes... "That wasn't something I wanted the city's chairman to know..."
Nickolas put on his sunglasses with his free hand, "Eh, no biggie, right? Besides... it's just handcuffs..." Vash coughed, "Specially designed handcuffs, I guess... Anyway, I think we need to find that merchant... Maybe he has an extra key, or something..."
Wolfwood started to whistle, and Vash started humming as they walked... and then... a big sign interupted in their path...
Wolfwood tripped over it, as gracfully as possible... "Hey... ow... WHO PUT'S A SIGN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!" Wolfwood pounded on the fallen wooden sign. Vash nudged Wolfwood's arm with his foot, half bent over from Wolfwood's fall. "Umm... maybe you should read it?"
"Oh.. heh.. yeah.. looks like a wanted poster..." Nickolas lifted up the sign... "Eh?"
Vash knelt down and read the dusty board aloud... "B.K.M ... the Kinkiest Criminal Merchant around... Wanted for 30,000 Double Dollars... Hmm..," Vash huffed... "I wonder what B.K.M stands for..." Wolfwood punched Vash's should... "Idiot..." He pointed to the fine print, "Brilliant Kinky Merchant..."