Note: None of these are my characters! This is an AU fic, and most of the characters from LOTR are OOC (out of character)! Enjoy! Elvish speech is in ` '. The song `Please Release Me' is not mine!

The Torture Begins

Part 5

Elrond turned to Aragorn. `So you chose Legolas over my daughter?' he asked in a severe voice.

Aragorn winced a little. `Damn! I forgot about Arwen.' The human cursed himself for a few moments.

`Read the letter she wrote to you,' Elrond said.

Aragorn opened the message bag, and took out the letter. It read:

*****************************************************************

Dear Estel,

I know we were, like, gonna get married when you became the King of Men, but I have a

confession to make. I've eloped with Haldir to the West, so you can be with Legolas. I

know that you've been in love with him for a while now, so from the way I see it,

everything has worked out. But you'd better, like, rescue him pretty quick, because

Saruman is very cruel to elves. By the way, I'd appreciate if you didn't tell Galadriel that

I ran off with her Head Guide.

Love,

Arwen

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Aragorn burst into tears, and Elrond patted him on the shoulder.

`Want a hanky?' the Elven lord asked. He held out a white handkerchief.

Aragorn took it, and bawled into it. The rest of the Fellowship took the letter and read it.

"Why are you crying?" Frodo demanded. "You're in love with Legolas, not Arwen."

Aragorn brightened suddenly. "Oh yeah! I need to rescue him!"

"Brilliant deduction, Einstein," Gandalf said.

Pippin whispered, "Who's Einstein?" to Merry.

Merry shrugged. "I guess it's another one of Aragorn's many names. How many has he got so far?"

Everyone paused and began to think.

"Lessee," Sam said. "There's Strider.

"And Aragorn," Pippin said.

Frodo added, "Estel."

"Elessar," Elrond said.

"Heir of Isildur," Gimli grumbled.

Boromir said, "Son of Arathorn."

"Dunadan," Gandalf murmured. "Dang, boy. You've got over five different names."

Aragorn turned red. Come to think of it, he really did have a lot of names. He briefly wondered which one Legolas would like to call him.

"Hey, stupid! Did you forget about us?" the Orcs snapped.

"Make that seven," Merry whispered.

Aragorn drew Anduril and rushed towards the Orcs. Elrond and the rest of the Company charged forward.

Less than five minutes later, the Orcs lay dead, and Elrond looked at the Fellowship.

`I must return to Rivendell. If you see Legolas, tell him he is welcome there any time,' Elrond murmured in a seductive tone of voice.

Aragorn scowled at the Elven lord. `Legolas is mine!'

Elrond shook his head, and smirked at his foster son. `We shall see, Aragorn,' he murmured. The Elven lord then mounted his Elvish horse. He rode off as quickly as he had come.

"I am going to Isenguard to rescue Legolas," Aragorn announced. "The rest of you can either wait here, go on without me, or come with me."

"We'll go!" Frodo and Sam exclaimed.

"Yeah, we never got to finish playing doctor with Legolas," Pippin said enthusiastically.

Merry elbowed Pippin hard. "We can't leave the poor, helpless elf in Saruman's clutches," he said, sniffing. Pippin was sniffing too, but for a different reason.

"My axe and I shall come," Gimli grandly announced. "Maybe once he is rescued, Legolas will give me the respect that I deserve."

Boromir rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to be the one who breaks up the Fellowship. I'm in."

All eyes turned to Gandalf when the wizard did not speak.

Gandalf cleared his throat nervously. He really did not want to go back to where he had been tortured. "I think that I shall remain here, Aragorn."

"You're just afraid to go," Pippin taunted. "Gandalf is scared!"

Gandalf glared at the Hobbit. "I am not! To prove, I shall go with you!" The wizard then realized what he had said. "Oh no..." he groaned. He'd let his pride best him again.

"Let's go!" Aragorn cried. He charged forward with Anduril held high, and tripped over a stone. The heir of Isildur fell flat on his face and lay there for a few moments, humiliated. He then stood, his face flushed. "Let's try that again! Charge!" he yelled, and ran forward.

The rest of the Fellowship charged after him, yelling different battle cries.

"Go go power rangers!" Frodo yelled. The others turned and stared at him.

"What's a power ranger?" Sam asked.

Gimli shrugged, as did everyone else.

Boromir shouted, "Onward Christian Soldiers!"

Pippin questioned, "But what if we're not Christians?"

Boromir scowled at the Hobbit.

All in all, it was a very eventful trip to Isenguard.

**************************************************************

***************

Isenguard

***************

Legolas had had enough. "I am not singing `I'm a Barbie Girl!" he shouted. "I'm not even a girl!" It was bad enough that Saruman had forced Legolas to wear a stripper outfit, but this was too much. The elf shook his head repeatedly.

Saruman brandished his staff threateningly. "Then sing something else!"

Legolas smirked, as he began singing, "Please Release Me! Let Me Go!" His voice was rich and pure, as he gave a splendid performance.

Saruman shrieked in anger. A jolt of power accidentally flew out and struck the elf, who slammed into the wall and cracked his head again. "My precious..." Saruman said in fear. He ran over to check on the elf.

"Mommy? Is that you?" Legolas whimpered. He gazed around in confusion, not understanding anything.

Saruman smiled evilly, as he gently patted Legolas on the head. "Yes, Legolas, I am your mother."

Legolas turned trusting green eyes on the human, who knelt down and patted his head. "What happened, Mommy? My head hurts."

To be continued