Note: None of these are my characters! This is an AU fic, and most of the characters from LOTR are out of character! Enjoy! Elvish speech is in ` '. This fic is supposed to be funny!
Passwords And Rescues
Part 6
The dark-haired elf known as Lord Elrond had not, in fact, returned to Rivendell. He was currently tracking the Fellowship as they reached Isenguard. The Elven lord's thoughts were his own.
Aragorn was leading the way, and they found the doorway up into Isenguard.
"Say the password," a voice hissed.
"Agghh!" Frodo shrieked. "A disembodied voice!" He clung to Sam fearfully.
"No, stupid. I am the guardian of the door," the voice said. A tiny figure (resembling Gollum in looks but not in color) made his way down the stairs and looked at them."
"How dare you call Mr. Frodo stupid!" Sam shouted.
"Let us in!" Aragorn said arrogantly.
The figure shook his head. "Not until you say the password."
The fellowship looked at each other, and then at the doorkeeper.
"Do we get a clue or anything?" Pippin questioned.
Merry nodded. "A little hint, perhaps?"
"Nope," the creature announced, before looking around carefully. "Did you know that my master has a new toy? It talks this time!"
Aragorn was baffled. "What kind of new toy?"
"Got pointy ears and blond hair. And for some reason, it keeps calling my master its mother," the doorkeeper snickered.
"Legolas!" Aragorn cried. "Damn! He must have hit his head again." The human sincerely hoped that the elf had not sustained permanent damage.
Frodo tugged on Aragorn's shirt. "Aragorn, why would Legolas think that a man was his mother?" the Hobbit whispered.
Aragorn frowned and thought about that for a few minutes. "Good question, Frodo. But we must save our elf!"
Gimli grumbled, "How's this for a password, doorkeeper? Let us pass or I'll cut your head off!"
"Sorry, that would be the password from last week," the doorkeeper announced brightly.
Aragorn had to be physically restrained by Gandalf and Boromir, as he tried to strangle their only means to enter the tower.
"I'll give you my password!" Aragorn growled, as he struggled to get his hands on the creature.
"The password?" Pippin questioned. "That's a tough one," he complained.
"You've got it, young Hobbit!" the doorkeeper exclaimed.
Everyone turned and stared at Pippin and the doorkeeper.
"What was the password?" Boromir asked.
"I told you to say the password, and he did!" The creature beamed and pointed at Pippin.
"Well done," Merry praised.
Pippin smiled smugly, and pranced up to the tower. "Open it!" he cried, before promptly tripping over his own two feet.
"Fool of a Took," Gandalf snickered.
The doorkeeper did so, and all of the Fellowship walked up the stairs, unprepared for the sight that they saw when they reached Saruman's room.
"How cruel..." Frodo moaned.
Sam's face was pale. "I'm calling the department against the inhumane treatment of elves!"
Merry gasped, "How could he..."
"Not even an elf deserves this!" Gimli growled.
Boromir was speechless.
Gandalf whispered, "Oh the inhumanity!" He suddenly caught sight of something that drew his attention. "Is that my staff?"
Pippin moaned, "Now we don't get to play doctor anymore..."
Aragorn scowled at Pippin, before turning his gaze on where Legolas stood before them.
The blond elf was wearing the same stripper's outfit, except that he now had makeup on his face and multi-colored styling gel in his normally blond hair, which now had little colored ringlets in it instead of the straight locks. Earrings were in the tips of his pointed ears as he looked at the Fellowship. `Have you seen my mommy?' he asked piteously. Golden chains were around his wrists, as Legolas looked at them mournfully.
"Snap out of it, Legolas!" Aragorn cried. He ran over to the one he loved, who looked at him like a lost child. "Gimli, break these chains!"
Gimli nodded, and struck the chains with his axe. The golden chains shattered, and
Legolas looked at Aragorn. `Where's my mommy?'
`Saruman is not your mother,' Aragorn told the elf. `He's male, after all.'
Legolas gazed at Aragorn in confused innocence. `But he said he was...'
Aragorn groaned, and picked the elf up in his arms. `We're getting out of here!'
Legolas began to scream.
"Blast it, Legolas, stop that screaming!" Boromir yelled.
"What are you all doing here!" a voice bellowed from behind them. Saruman stood there next to Sauron, who scowled at the elf in Aragorn's arms.
"I already paid for you, Legolas. Now get back here!" Sauron yelled.
Legolas whimpered in fear as he got a good look at Sauron, and suddenly decided that maybe being kidnapped by unknown people wasn't such a bad idea. He looked into Aragorn's eyes. `Don't let him take me,' he pleaded. He also stopped screaming, which made their ears stop ringing. `And don't let him ruin my hair anymore, either.'
`I won't,' Aragorn reassured the child-like elf.
Legolas relaxed and snuggled into Aragorn's arms, liking this very much. A handsome stranger had come to his rescue! He clung to Aragorn as if he were a saviour.
Aragorn saw the look of worship in Legolas's green eyes, as they met his grey ones. Now how was he going to get Legolas back to normal, Aragorn thought. Although it was kind of nice to have Legolas in his arms, he mused at the same time.
A blast struck them, knocking the elf and human back against the wall. Legolas struck his head against Aragorn's jaw and passed out. The human held the limp elf in his arms and was relieved to see that he was breathing.
Elrond suddenly fired an arrow into Saruman's behind, who shrieked and disappeared, along with Sauron. He grinned mischievously, as he looked at the Fellowship. `Good thing I followed you, hmm?'
Legolas awoke and looked up at Aragorn. `Are you an angel?' he asked.
`No, Legolas. You are alive,' Aragorn said. Though you seriously need to change clothes, because this outfit is just too tempting, the human thought to himself.
`Aragorn!' Legolas cried, and he hugged the human, before catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror behind Aragorn. He screamed. `What happened to my hair! My face! My ears!' He began to bawl, sobbing very loud.
Aragorn took the weeping elf in his arms and held him closely, while everyone else watched with jealousy in their eyes.
To be continued
Passwords And Rescues
Part 6
The dark-haired elf known as Lord Elrond had not, in fact, returned to Rivendell. He was currently tracking the Fellowship as they reached Isenguard. The Elven lord's thoughts were his own.
Aragorn was leading the way, and they found the doorway up into Isenguard.
"Say the password," a voice hissed.
"Agghh!" Frodo shrieked. "A disembodied voice!" He clung to Sam fearfully.
"No, stupid. I am the guardian of the door," the voice said. A tiny figure (resembling Gollum in looks but not in color) made his way down the stairs and looked at them."
"How dare you call Mr. Frodo stupid!" Sam shouted.
"Let us in!" Aragorn said arrogantly.
The figure shook his head. "Not until you say the password."
The fellowship looked at each other, and then at the doorkeeper.
"Do we get a clue or anything?" Pippin questioned.
Merry nodded. "A little hint, perhaps?"
"Nope," the creature announced, before looking around carefully. "Did you know that my master has a new toy? It talks this time!"
Aragorn was baffled. "What kind of new toy?"
"Got pointy ears and blond hair. And for some reason, it keeps calling my master its mother," the doorkeeper snickered.
"Legolas!" Aragorn cried. "Damn! He must have hit his head again." The human sincerely hoped that the elf had not sustained permanent damage.
Frodo tugged on Aragorn's shirt. "Aragorn, why would Legolas think that a man was his mother?" the Hobbit whispered.
Aragorn frowned and thought about that for a few minutes. "Good question, Frodo. But we must save our elf!"
Gimli grumbled, "How's this for a password, doorkeeper? Let us pass or I'll cut your head off!"
"Sorry, that would be the password from last week," the doorkeeper announced brightly.
Aragorn had to be physically restrained by Gandalf and Boromir, as he tried to strangle their only means to enter the tower.
"I'll give you my password!" Aragorn growled, as he struggled to get his hands on the creature.
"The password?" Pippin questioned. "That's a tough one," he complained.
"You've got it, young Hobbit!" the doorkeeper exclaimed.
Everyone turned and stared at Pippin and the doorkeeper.
"What was the password?" Boromir asked.
"I told you to say the password, and he did!" The creature beamed and pointed at Pippin.
"Well done," Merry praised.
Pippin smiled smugly, and pranced up to the tower. "Open it!" he cried, before promptly tripping over his own two feet.
"Fool of a Took," Gandalf snickered.
The doorkeeper did so, and all of the Fellowship walked up the stairs, unprepared for the sight that they saw when they reached Saruman's room.
"How cruel..." Frodo moaned.
Sam's face was pale. "I'm calling the department against the inhumane treatment of elves!"
Merry gasped, "How could he..."
"Not even an elf deserves this!" Gimli growled.
Boromir was speechless.
Gandalf whispered, "Oh the inhumanity!" He suddenly caught sight of something that drew his attention. "Is that my staff?"
Pippin moaned, "Now we don't get to play doctor anymore..."
Aragorn scowled at Pippin, before turning his gaze on where Legolas stood before them.
The blond elf was wearing the same stripper's outfit, except that he now had makeup on his face and multi-colored styling gel in his normally blond hair, which now had little colored ringlets in it instead of the straight locks. Earrings were in the tips of his pointed ears as he looked at the Fellowship. `Have you seen my mommy?' he asked piteously. Golden chains were around his wrists, as Legolas looked at them mournfully.
"Snap out of it, Legolas!" Aragorn cried. He ran over to the one he loved, who looked at him like a lost child. "Gimli, break these chains!"
Gimli nodded, and struck the chains with his axe. The golden chains shattered, and
Legolas looked at Aragorn. `Where's my mommy?'
`Saruman is not your mother,' Aragorn told the elf. `He's male, after all.'
Legolas gazed at Aragorn in confused innocence. `But he said he was...'
Aragorn groaned, and picked the elf up in his arms. `We're getting out of here!'
Legolas began to scream.
"Blast it, Legolas, stop that screaming!" Boromir yelled.
"What are you all doing here!" a voice bellowed from behind them. Saruman stood there next to Sauron, who scowled at the elf in Aragorn's arms.
"I already paid for you, Legolas. Now get back here!" Sauron yelled.
Legolas whimpered in fear as he got a good look at Sauron, and suddenly decided that maybe being kidnapped by unknown people wasn't such a bad idea. He looked into Aragorn's eyes. `Don't let him take me,' he pleaded. He also stopped screaming, which made their ears stop ringing. `And don't let him ruin my hair anymore, either.'
`I won't,' Aragorn reassured the child-like elf.
Legolas relaxed and snuggled into Aragorn's arms, liking this very much. A handsome stranger had come to his rescue! He clung to Aragorn as if he were a saviour.
Aragorn saw the look of worship in Legolas's green eyes, as they met his grey ones. Now how was he going to get Legolas back to normal, Aragorn thought. Although it was kind of nice to have Legolas in his arms, he mused at the same time.
A blast struck them, knocking the elf and human back against the wall. Legolas struck his head against Aragorn's jaw and passed out. The human held the limp elf in his arms and was relieved to see that he was breathing.
Elrond suddenly fired an arrow into Saruman's behind, who shrieked and disappeared, along with Sauron. He grinned mischievously, as he looked at the Fellowship. `Good thing I followed you, hmm?'
Legolas awoke and looked up at Aragorn. `Are you an angel?' he asked.
`No, Legolas. You are alive,' Aragorn said. Though you seriously need to change clothes, because this outfit is just too tempting, the human thought to himself.
`Aragorn!' Legolas cried, and he hugged the human, before catching a glimpse of himself in the mirror behind Aragorn. He screamed. `What happened to my hair! My face! My ears!' He began to bawl, sobbing very loud.
Aragorn took the weeping elf in his arms and held him closely, while everyone else watched with jealousy in their eyes.
To be continued