Note: None of these are my characters! This is an AU fic, and most of the characters from LOTR are out of character! Enjoy! Elvish speech is in ` '. This fic is supposed to be funny! Takes place a day later.
And Yet Another Kidnapping
Part 7
Legolas sat quietly by the lake, as Aragorn gently washed out the gel in the elf's multi-colored hair. At least the ringlets were out, the human thought, as Legolas sniffled piteously.
The earrings had been removed already, but Legolas was still wearing the stripper outfit, as his other clothes were still missing. And he did not realize how everyone was drooling as they stared at him.
Aragorn scowled when he saw the others watching Legolas, but cringed when he saw the drool. "Ew..." he muttered.
"What is it?" Legolas sniffled.
"You don't want to know," Aragorn said seriously, as he rinsed the elf's hair for a third time. Slowly but surely, the coloring was coming out.
Gimli darted a furtive glance around, before sneaking over to Aragorn and Legolas with brand new bottles of shampoo and conditioner. "Try this, Aragorn," he whispered.
Aragorn took the bottle and looked at it. "Herbal Essence?" he questioned. "What is this, Gimli?"
The dwarf winked, before running off.
Aragorn shrugged and applied some to Legolas's hair. Less than five seconds later, Legolas was moaning in pleasure as Aragorn massaged his scalp.
Gimli snickered as he watched with everyone else. "It happens every time."
Frodo was pouting, along with the other Hobbits. Elrond was scowling at his foster son, as was everyone else as they listened to the soft cries.
"I want some of that!" Frodo shouted finally. "I'm the Ringbearer. Someone should wash my hair."
Sam said grandly, "I'll wash your hair, Mr. Frodo."
Frodo beamed at Sam. "You're the greatest."
A sudden hoarse cry drew their attention back to the two by the lake.
"Yes, yes, yes!" Legolas cried. He turned and saw everyone staring at him.
Their mouths were dropped wide open, as they thought nasty little thoughts in their heads about Aragorn and Legolas.
"What? My hair is finally back to normal." He touched his now normal blond hair.
Aragorn slyly said nothing, as he massaged conditioner in, and rinsed that as well. He washed the elf's face, removing the makeup. He then began to comb Legolas's gleaming hair, pleased that everyone was so jealous of him.
The others were disappointed slightly. They'd wanted to watch the two shag. Well, everyone except for Gandalf.
The wizard was busy inhaling pipeweed. Elrond joined him glumly, his eyes on the attractive young elf, as Aragorn re-braided his hair.
Legolas smiled sweetly at Aragorn, who kissed him hard.
But they wound up grabbing each other out of fear when several Elvish riders thundered over to them out of nowhere. Lady Galadriel was among them, and she rode directly over to Aragorn, who positioned himself in front of Legolas protectively.
`Elessar Telcontar, your fiancé has run off with my Head Guide,' the Elven lady said coldly in Elvish. `How am I supposed to cope alone now that both Celeborn and Haldir have gone West?' She flushed slightly, for she had realized that she had said more than she meant to.
`Tis not my fault that Arwen ran off with Haldir,' Aragorn said reasonably. `I did not even know of her plan to do so.'
Galadriel caught sight of Legolas's face behind Aragorn's shoulder. She reached down and shoved the human aside, drinking in the sight of the scantily-clad elf, not recognizing him as the Prince of Mirkwood. She started at his feet, as her eyes traveled up his thighs to his waist, chest, arms, and face. `Ah...' she breathed. `He's perfect. He'll do.'
Aragorn shoved Legolas behind him again. `Do what? And Legolas is mine!'
Legolas pressed his face against Aragorn's back in fear. He was still traumatized because of what had been done to him by Saruman.
`After what that little hussy did, you should be grateful that I'm not doing worse to you,' Galadriel said angrily. `This elf will join my Harem.'
Legolas gasped in fear, and everyone else ran over.
`You can't have him,' Aragorn snapped.
`He's ours,' Frodo shouted.
Sam nodded vigorously. `Find someone else for your Harem.'
`What's a Harem, Merry?' Pippin questioned.
`A place where elves do things to you for trinkets,' Merry told him.
`I want to go to a Harem,' Pippin announced. Nobody paid attention to him, as usual.
`Do not call my daughter a hussy!' Elrond bellowed.
Gimli said nothing, for he still thought Galadriel was the prettiest female elf he'd ever seen.
Boromir had no reservations about yelling at Galadriel to leave Legolas alone.
The Elven lady finally had enough of it, and changed into the scary banshee-looking Galadriel (from the movie where Frodo offers her the ring).
"It's the creature from the Blue Lagoon!" Sam screamed.
"No, it's a banshee!" Frodo yelled.
"Run!" Merry shouted. The three ran off.
Pippin shrieked as Galadriel looked at him. "I'm too young to die!" the Hobbit sobbed. He ran away as well.
Galadriel easily flung the rest of the Fellowship aside, before she turned to the invigorating elf who backed away, cringing. The Elven lady leashed out with her power and struck Legolas unconscious. Aragorn did not get a chance to catch him, so the one he loved was caught by Galadriel, who smirked at Aragorn in triumph.
`You can have him back in a few thousand years,' she said sweetly. `After I tire of him.' Galadriel then handed Legolas's limb body to one of the male elves, before she returned to her horse. She changed back to normal, looking sweet and helpless once more.
She attempted to mount, and fell over the other side. Galadriel tried to regain her dignity, as she tried again. This time, the saddle slipped off and both went crashing to the ground.
Snickers were heard from the other mounted elves, as Galadriel turned bright red.
She mounted the horse for a third time, and managed to stay on. Everyone politely clapped, as she turned and galloped away.
Aragorn froze. "Why the hell did we just clap? She just kidnapped Legolas!' He buried his face in his hands.
"Strike one for lover boy," Gandalf snickered.
"And that makes eight nicknames," Frodo said.
Aragorn glared at the Hobbit, before he turned and raced towards his foster father's Elvish horse.
"Um... Aragorn," Elrond began nervously. He was too late, as Aragorn vaulted onto its back and rode off. "Damn. How am I supposed to get home now?"
"What do we do now?" Gimli asked.
"I vote we eat," Pippin said.
Everyone turned, looked at the young Hobbit, and then each other.
"Sounds good to me," they all agreed.
So they sat down to eat.
"When are we gonna rescue Legolas?" Frodo questioned.
Elrond was grumbling under his breath in Elvish. `Rotten, no-good thief... He just had to steal my horse, because I was the only one smart enough to actually bring one...'
"After we eat," Gandalf answered. "Otherwise, he will not been in Lothlorien yet, and we will not be able to find him."
Gimli was still fantasying, but the elf in his mind kept switching from Legolas to Galadriel and back again.
Boromir asked, "Since Aragorn ran off, does that mean I get to be the heir of Gondor now?" He sounded hopeful.
Four angry Hobbits shouted, "NO!" in unison.
Boromir was severely depressed after that and moped for a while.
To be continued
And Yet Another Kidnapping
Part 7
Legolas sat quietly by the lake, as Aragorn gently washed out the gel in the elf's multi-colored hair. At least the ringlets were out, the human thought, as Legolas sniffled piteously.
The earrings had been removed already, but Legolas was still wearing the stripper outfit, as his other clothes were still missing. And he did not realize how everyone was drooling as they stared at him.
Aragorn scowled when he saw the others watching Legolas, but cringed when he saw the drool. "Ew..." he muttered.
"What is it?" Legolas sniffled.
"You don't want to know," Aragorn said seriously, as he rinsed the elf's hair for a third time. Slowly but surely, the coloring was coming out.
Gimli darted a furtive glance around, before sneaking over to Aragorn and Legolas with brand new bottles of shampoo and conditioner. "Try this, Aragorn," he whispered.
Aragorn took the bottle and looked at it. "Herbal Essence?" he questioned. "What is this, Gimli?"
The dwarf winked, before running off.
Aragorn shrugged and applied some to Legolas's hair. Less than five seconds later, Legolas was moaning in pleasure as Aragorn massaged his scalp.
Gimli snickered as he watched with everyone else. "It happens every time."
Frodo was pouting, along with the other Hobbits. Elrond was scowling at his foster son, as was everyone else as they listened to the soft cries.
"I want some of that!" Frodo shouted finally. "I'm the Ringbearer. Someone should wash my hair."
Sam said grandly, "I'll wash your hair, Mr. Frodo."
Frodo beamed at Sam. "You're the greatest."
A sudden hoarse cry drew their attention back to the two by the lake.
"Yes, yes, yes!" Legolas cried. He turned and saw everyone staring at him.
Their mouths were dropped wide open, as they thought nasty little thoughts in their heads about Aragorn and Legolas.
"What? My hair is finally back to normal." He touched his now normal blond hair.
Aragorn slyly said nothing, as he massaged conditioner in, and rinsed that as well. He washed the elf's face, removing the makeup. He then began to comb Legolas's gleaming hair, pleased that everyone was so jealous of him.
The others were disappointed slightly. They'd wanted to watch the two shag. Well, everyone except for Gandalf.
The wizard was busy inhaling pipeweed. Elrond joined him glumly, his eyes on the attractive young elf, as Aragorn re-braided his hair.
Legolas smiled sweetly at Aragorn, who kissed him hard.
But they wound up grabbing each other out of fear when several Elvish riders thundered over to them out of nowhere. Lady Galadriel was among them, and she rode directly over to Aragorn, who positioned himself in front of Legolas protectively.
`Elessar Telcontar, your fiancé has run off with my Head Guide,' the Elven lady said coldly in Elvish. `How am I supposed to cope alone now that both Celeborn and Haldir have gone West?' She flushed slightly, for she had realized that she had said more than she meant to.
`Tis not my fault that Arwen ran off with Haldir,' Aragorn said reasonably. `I did not even know of her plan to do so.'
Galadriel caught sight of Legolas's face behind Aragorn's shoulder. She reached down and shoved the human aside, drinking in the sight of the scantily-clad elf, not recognizing him as the Prince of Mirkwood. She started at his feet, as her eyes traveled up his thighs to his waist, chest, arms, and face. `Ah...' she breathed. `He's perfect. He'll do.'
Aragorn shoved Legolas behind him again. `Do what? And Legolas is mine!'
Legolas pressed his face against Aragorn's back in fear. He was still traumatized because of what had been done to him by Saruman.
`After what that little hussy did, you should be grateful that I'm not doing worse to you,' Galadriel said angrily. `This elf will join my Harem.'
Legolas gasped in fear, and everyone else ran over.
`You can't have him,' Aragorn snapped.
`He's ours,' Frodo shouted.
Sam nodded vigorously. `Find someone else for your Harem.'
`What's a Harem, Merry?' Pippin questioned.
`A place where elves do things to you for trinkets,' Merry told him.
`I want to go to a Harem,' Pippin announced. Nobody paid attention to him, as usual.
`Do not call my daughter a hussy!' Elrond bellowed.
Gimli said nothing, for he still thought Galadriel was the prettiest female elf he'd ever seen.
Boromir had no reservations about yelling at Galadriel to leave Legolas alone.
The Elven lady finally had enough of it, and changed into the scary banshee-looking Galadriel (from the movie where Frodo offers her the ring).
"It's the creature from the Blue Lagoon!" Sam screamed.
"No, it's a banshee!" Frodo yelled.
"Run!" Merry shouted. The three ran off.
Pippin shrieked as Galadriel looked at him. "I'm too young to die!" the Hobbit sobbed. He ran away as well.
Galadriel easily flung the rest of the Fellowship aside, before she turned to the invigorating elf who backed away, cringing. The Elven lady leashed out with her power and struck Legolas unconscious. Aragorn did not get a chance to catch him, so the one he loved was caught by Galadriel, who smirked at Aragorn in triumph.
`You can have him back in a few thousand years,' she said sweetly. `After I tire of him.' Galadriel then handed Legolas's limb body to one of the male elves, before she returned to her horse. She changed back to normal, looking sweet and helpless once more.
She attempted to mount, and fell over the other side. Galadriel tried to regain her dignity, as she tried again. This time, the saddle slipped off and both went crashing to the ground.
Snickers were heard from the other mounted elves, as Galadriel turned bright red.
She mounted the horse for a third time, and managed to stay on. Everyone politely clapped, as she turned and galloped away.
Aragorn froze. "Why the hell did we just clap? She just kidnapped Legolas!' He buried his face in his hands.
"Strike one for lover boy," Gandalf snickered.
"And that makes eight nicknames," Frodo said.
Aragorn glared at the Hobbit, before he turned and raced towards his foster father's Elvish horse.
"Um... Aragorn," Elrond began nervously. He was too late, as Aragorn vaulted onto its back and rode off. "Damn. How am I supposed to get home now?"
"What do we do now?" Gimli asked.
"I vote we eat," Pippin said.
Everyone turned, looked at the young Hobbit, and then each other.
"Sounds good to me," they all agreed.
So they sat down to eat.
"When are we gonna rescue Legolas?" Frodo questioned.
Elrond was grumbling under his breath in Elvish. `Rotten, no-good thief... He just had to steal my horse, because I was the only one smart enough to actually bring one...'
"After we eat," Gandalf answered. "Otherwise, he will not been in Lothlorien yet, and we will not be able to find him."
Gimli was still fantasying, but the elf in his mind kept switching from Legolas to Galadriel and back again.
Boromir asked, "Since Aragorn ran off, does that mean I get to be the heir of Gondor now?" He sounded hopeful.
Four angry Hobbits shouted, "NO!" in unison.
Boromir was severely depressed after that and moped for a while.
To be continued