Blame Nighthawk for this thing. He lives at:
Nighthawk's Fanfiction http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/6189/
I live at:
Cobalt's Fanfics http://www.lum.co.uk/cobalt/
C&C can be sent to cobalt@elhazard.net. Flames will be used to heat
homes.
Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own the series depicted within, but
go buy them anyway.
Conventions:
~ ~ are used for thoughts and Telepathic communications.
#######
Uncles!
#######
#########
Chapter 2
#########
It was a fairly ordinary scene for the Hikawa Jinja Shrine. A group
of friends had gathered for a chat, some snacks and to relax. This was
a front put up by the super powered group of heroes known as the Sailor
Senshi.
How better to hide strategy sessions, intelligence briefings and
general gossip mongering as just plain gossip mongering?
There were two things different about this gathering. One was that
two of those usually attending (a pair of intelligent talking alien
cats) were hiding behind the stack of cushions currently being used by a
pair of drooling (but NOT jealous. NONONONONO.) young ladies staring at
the second reason. They had a guest.
Ranma Saotome. Martial Artist extraordinaire, purveyor of chaos,
popular legend of Tokyo (although Nabiki had plans to extend her
operations to cover all of Japan in the near future) and...
Uncle to Hotaru Tomoe.
Said girl had stopped her (rather accurate) Shampoo impersonation
(clinging to him like a barnacle) and had settled for sitting on her
uncle's lap.
It was fairly quiet actually. The Inners were trying to recover from
the unexpected announcement. The Outers were amusedly watching the
others gape, stare, drool and, in Ranma's case, nervously look around.
"So..." Ami started. "When did you two find out you were related?"
"Yesterday." Ranma replied simply.
Rei blinked.
"Don't you find that a little odd?" She asked.
"Not really. My life's worse usually." Ranma shrugged.
"Come off it." Makoto jumped in. "It can't be that bad. Four
girlfriends..."
"That ain't true." Ranma interjected.
"You mentioned that before we came here uncle." Hotaru said. It
still made her a bit giddy. Ranma Saotome was her uncle!
"How could they NOT be your girlfriends?" Minako asked. ~ Does that
mean he's available? ~
"Well Akane and Ukyo are my fiances, Shampoo is by the laws of her
village my wife and Kodachi..." He shuddered. "Let's not go there."
"FIANCES?!? PLURAL?!?" Came the expected shout.
"Well it was more, but we managed to get rid of them." He paused.
"Considering how I got those other fianc,s I probably got more out
there."
"Oh Kay..." Minako decided to NOT ask.
"Uncle?" Hotaru asked timidly.
"Yeah Hotaru-chan?" He smiled. Makoto and Minako fainted. Ami
blushed slightly and the other ladies felt warm all of a sudden.
"Why are you afraid of cats?"
The smile vanished. Ranma's face hardened before he sighed.
"A bad training experience. Idiot Pop tried to teach me this special
technique called the Neko-Ken." Two Moon cats and one time senshi
paled. "It ended up sorta working but gave me a really big fear of
cats. I can't help but freak out when I'm around one and its very
dangerous if I'm stuck around one any length of time." He shuddered.
"You don't want to know."
Hotaru gave her uncle a brief hug.
"You do seem to have problems with animals." Michiru noted.
"Yes, how does Ranko keep a panda?" Ami asked.
"Oh, the panda looks after himself." Ranma smirked. ~ Always
looking out for number one eh Pop? ~
Meanwhile, behind the cushions...
"He knows the Neko-Ken!?!" Artemis hissed quietly. "What sort of
idiot trains his son in a forbidden style?!?"
"I don't know." Luna whispered back. "But we really need to stay
clear until we can cure him."
"That's going to be hard, considering."
Luna sighed.
"I know. We need to talk to Pluto about this."
Makoto and Minako had recovered by this time.
"Um... Ranma-san?" Makoto asked. "Can you show us a few moves?"
"Well, I dunno." Ranma flustered a bit. "I mean, you're a first Dan
in Karate, Haruka's a second Dan and ...um...Mamoru right?" Mamoru
nodded. "Mamoru-san knows some Kendo..." He paused for a bit. "I'd say
you'd be first Dan, it's close. But I usually fight people who'd cream
you in seconds. Heck even Kuno'd take you down in a minute, but that's
only because he's too dumb to give up after you flattened him."
Everyone blinked owlishly.
"Wow..." Makoto breathed. He could tell what rank she was just by
looking?
"You ARE good." Haruka whistled appreciatively.
"Yeah well, I was kinda hoping to get to know my niece here." Ranma
began looking for a way out. He couldn't believe he'd got through this
long around this many strangers (Pretty Ladies, as the Old Pervert
Happosai would say) without SOMEthing crazy happening. Like his curse.
Usagi, showing that she did have some sense and wasn't a dumpling head
like Rei kept saying, figured that Ranma wanted some privacy with
Hotaru. She tossed a look to Haruka and Michiru.
"Well, OK." Haruka sighed. "But she needs to be back home by five."
"No problem." Ranma smirked, hiding his relief at getting out of
there. "Where'd ya want ta go Hotaru-chan?"
"Um..." Hotaru thought for a second. "Ice cream!"
Ranma gave a pained groan.
~ What is it with girls and ice cream? ~
"Fine." He dislodged his niece from his lap to stand up. "It was
nice meetin' you. Comin' O devious niece O mine?" Ranma drawled.
Hotaru giggled.
"Of course, O mighty uncle." She replied before waving goodbye to her
friends and headed out of room with Ranma.
***
Back at the Tendo household things were becoming hectic. No one had
seen Ranma since last night, and that was giving Nabiki fits. Why the
damage costs from rampaging fianc,s alone set her migraine off.
Akane was getting the evil glare from the parents. Over the course of
the day, Ukyo and Shampoo had visited (with the Amazon once again
forgetting to use the door) with their typical "Where is Ranma?"
requests. This had led to the usual confrontation between the visitors
as to who was the better choice for Ranma. The byplay was a little
stilted, as the person in question was not there to be included in the
routine (i.e. He didn't get beaten in the crossfire or malleted by
Akane.), but it still produced a yelling match comparable to any that
actually involved the pig-tailed young man.
What really annoyed Nabiki was that she didn't make any money from it.
~ When I get my hands on you Ranma, you are going to pay. I've still
got those pieces of underwear for you to try on. ~
If Nabiki knew what would happen when she executed her plan of
revenge, she'd run screaming for the hills. Or at least the bank.
***
Hotaru was in heaven. Here she was, eating ice cream with her idol.
That her idol was also her uncle pushed her delight up a bit. Only two
things could improve this, but she was too young and she doubted he'd
ever ridden a motorcycle.
Ranma was not nervous. Nope, not at all. He was merely on constant
lookout for trouble. Yeah, that was it. All the looks and whispers
around the ice cream shop were not getting to him.
No, they were NOT. So there.
"Anything wrong uncle?"
Ranma inwardly winced at Hotaru's innocent question. How was he going
to tell her (a young girl enjoying her ice cream with a family member)
that he (said family member and idol to the young girl) was jumpy for
several reasons? These reasons included his newfound fame, his newfound
family (which were combined in his niece) and the fact he hadn't been
attacked, glomped, malleted, drugged or splashed in the past 24 hours
and therefore had a bad feeling he was due?
The last alone would be trouble enough.
"No, why'd ya think that?" Ranma smiled to try and put off his niece.
"You're playing with your ice cream bowl." Which was true. Even
without using Anything Goes eating techniques he'd finished quickly.
Ranma was saved further questioning when the shopkeeper came up. He
had recognised the pig-tailed young man and had an idea for publicity.
"Do you want anything else?" The shopkeeper asked.
Ranma was about to say no, but his stomach growled.
"I don't have that much cash on me." Ranma replied. ~ Nabiki takes
all the rest. ~ He added silently.
The shopkeeper put on a show of thinking about the problem.
"Well... There is the Super Mt. Fuji Sunday which is free if you can
finish it all by yourself."
Hotaru paused mid-scoop.
"The Mt. Fuji?" She squeaked. "Nobody's finished one without help."
"Hotaru-chan." Ranma said patiently, as if he had to explain this
every day. "Y'know I never back outta a challenge."
"OK then." The shopkeeper smirked. "I'll go prepare one for you."
The whispering increased.
"It is him!"
"He's going to try and conquer the Mt. Fuji!"
"Who's that girl with him?"
"She's so lucky!"
"She's his niece!"
"No way! You're kidding!"
Ranma groaned and Hotaru blushed as the conversations continued.
Finally their torture was ended as the shopkeeper came back with...
...What Ranma thought was the largest ice cream he'd ever seen.
It was set down in front of him with all the finesse of a master
butler serving royalty. Hotaru looked at it in awe. Usagi had tried to
master the Mt. Fuji by herself and only managed half. And no wonder.
Two and a half feet of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry ice cream
topped with strawberry syrup, hot chocolate fudge, nuts, sprinkles,
cherries and sliced bananas. It must weigh several kilos and contained
enough sugar to send some third world nations into diabetic shock.
Ranma gauged his opponent with a critical eye.
"Five minutes, tops."
The shopkeeper began to feel a bit less sure of himself.
Ranma picked up his spoon and was about to start when he paused.
"Y'know, I've always wanted ta say this, and Ryoga would loose it if
he found out..." He smirked evilly.
The whole shop had quieted down to hear Ranma cry out...
"ICE CREAM! PREPARE TO DIE!" He yelled as he started his attack.
Those not stunned by the shout were stunned by speed that Ranma's
hands moved as he ate. By the end of the first minute the top third of
the mountainous confection was gone. By the end of the second minute
the devastation was of cataclysmic proportions as the final quarter of
the Sunday was sundered, and most of those watching had their jaws on
the floor. By the end of the third minute it was all over as Ranma
finished cleaning the bowl.
"Got another?"
"Wh..wh..wha?" The strain was too much, and the shopkeeper passed
out.
"Jeez, I didn't think he'd take it that badly." Ranma commented as he
looked down at the unconscious man.
***
The meeting at the shrine had broken up, mainly because nobody had
anything that could top a visiting legend like Ranma Saotome. However,
this allowed Luna and Artemis to quickly track down Setsuna.
"Pluto, we need to talk." Luna told her.
Setsuna nodded and looked to the other Outer Senshi, who themselves
nodded in understanding. Once they were out of hearing range, Setsuna
sighed and turned to the waiting Moon cats.
"I assume this is about Ranma."
Artemis snorted sarcastically. "Really?"
Luna bopped him on the nose.
"Quiet you." She turned to Setsuna. "Have you any ideas on how to
cure him? I'm quite certain you do not want someone that dangerous so
close to Saturn."
"Technically, Mr. Saotome is extremely dangerous with or without the
Neko-Ken."
"Now Pluto that's just hearsay..." Luna trailed off as Setsuna raised
an eyebrow, as if she was asking the cat to disagree.
"In any case, most if not all the treatments for the Neko-Ken require
the subject to be recently trained in the technique. Ranma is too old
for those, and the remaining two would end in Ranma's death."
Luna slumped.
"OK. That leaves plan B."
"No. No way. Not in a million years. Uh uh." Artemis shook his
head vigorously. "I am not wearing that."
Setsuna slipped away as the two cats argued.
***
Ranma just shook his head as he led his niece away from the ice cream
shop.
~ Does nobody here believe that my life is real? ~ He wondered.
Hotaru was also thinking about her uncle's life.
~ It seems impossible that uncle Ranma's life is as crazy as ours. ~
She mused. ~ Still its so cool how he does this stuff. ~ The young
girl drifted off into full-blown idol worship.
Ranma was rather enjoying something akin to a normal day. Well, as
normal as his life got at any rate.
It was a nice day. Mostly sunny with occasional cloud, a light
breeze, birds were singing in the trees, people were going about their
business as a dark ripple in the air disgorged a creature of
concentrated evil and little kids playing happily in the park.
Wait, go back one.
A creature of concentrated evil...
"A MONSTER!" Someone cried out.
...That looked like a demented cross between a woman and an explosion
in an ice cream factory. It was so silly looking in Ranma's opinion he
burst out laughing.
Hotaru looked at her uncle in shock as he clutched his sides
"BWAHAHAHA!!! That's gotta be the silliest thing I've seen in...in...
I don't know!" Ranma chortled. "What're ya supposed to be? The Snow
Queen? HAHAHAHA!" Tears of laughter began rolling down his face.
The monster saw the laughing pig-tailed young man and growled.
~ How dare he laugh at my beautiful looks! ~ It fumed. One will
notice that monsters have an...unusual... sense of beauty.
It charged Ranma.
Ranma, mindful of the fact he had his niece with him, shot himself
forward to protect her. That didn't mean that he stopped chuckling as
his rocket-like flying kick impacted.
Very hard.
Right in the monster's face.
The crowd gasped in surprise when Ranma back flipped rather lazily
away, positioning himself between the monster and Hotaru. Whispered
conversations sprung up almost immediately.
"That looks like..."
"It can't be him, why would he be here...?"
"Who else could it be?"
"Mommy, Mommy! It's Ranma!"
Oblivious to the discussions around them, the monster got up under
Ranma's watchful gaze.
"So," Ranma asked the ice cream cone from Hell casually. "You gotta
problem? 'Cause I don't think the people here want a killer toothache."
"Die human!" The ice monster lunged. Ranma dodged casually.
"Gee, it almost feels like home. Someone's tryin' to kill me." A
sharp flurry of blows to the head and midsection knocked the thing back
a couple of metres. "Course something as dumb and silly looking as you
hasn't gotta chance. Heck, even the tomboy can do better than you
Tutti-Frutti."
"RRAAAARRGGGHHHH!!!" The monster roared and resumed attacking at a
furious pace.
The vertical split kick sent it flying. Ranma held it for the
monster's three-second flight time.
"Baka monster. Ranma Saotome is no pushover."
The crowd gasped as their whispered speculations were confirmed.
The monster slowly climbed to its feet, wiped away the ooze that came
from its busted lip, and growled.
"Pitiful human. You cannot hope to defeat me. I will steal all your
energy weaklings! HAHAHAHAHA!!" It turned its gaze on Ranma. "And
I'll start with you, annoying insect!"
Ranma raised an eyebrow.
"You want my energy?"
"Yes you foolish human!" The monster snarled as it approached.
"Well, okay." Ranma shrugged. "If ya insist. Mouko Takabisha!"
Now, given Ranma had not been in ANY trouble while fighting the
monster, and that he had a niece (not to mention the other people) to
protect, AND he had plenty of energy available as he hadn't been
attacked today, meant that the chi attack was much larger than usual.
It shot away from Ranma like a cannon shell, ripping up the ground as
it passed before hitting the monster. It barely had time to scream
before it exploded, sending flavoured sprinkles everywhere.
"Bye bye Ms. Whippy." Ranma smirked as he dusted off his hands. "Or
should that be 'whipped'?" He wondered aloud, walking back to his
niece.
Hotaru had watched, slightly out of it, as he'd dealt with the
monster.
"Hey Hotaru-chan? You OK?" Ranma asked.
The purple-eyed girl blinked at him.
Sighing, he picked his niece up.
"Come on, I don't wanna make you late home." He took a few steps and
launched himself into a nearby tree to catapult himself and passenger to
the rooftops.
***
Tokyo TV, 10 minutes later...
"...Although currently strong on the stock market, analysts expect the
companies value to drop after today's announcement..."
"Do you have to watch that?" Haruka asked exasperatedly. There was
racing on another channel and she'd been waiting for weeks to see it all
the way through.
"Yes." Setsuna replied simply, knowing it would drive her fellow
senshi up the wall. And Haruka was very good at driving.
Michiru watched the byplay and shook her head sadly. It was nice that
Setsuna was opening up to them however.
"Come on Setsuna. It's not like you can't watch this later, or even
find out the important points easily. You've got the Time Gate
available."
Setsuna raised an eyebrow.
"You think the Time Gate is to be used for frivolous reasons like
that?" She asked.
"Just because you don't allow yourself to see the future doesn't mean
you can't watch the past." Haruka countered. "Unless, of course,
you're willing to let me watch the race from the gate later?"
Michiru hummed thoughtfully.
"That's not such a bad idea. It would certainly help with history
assignments. I personally wouldn't mind seeing Beethoven composing."
She smiled. "Should be very inspiring."
"It was boring." Setsuna told them. "Just as the sacking of Rome was
nothing like how Shakespeare portrayed it."
"You take all the romance out of things." Haruka complained.
"We interrupt this broadcast for a special news bulletin." The TV
newscaster said, causing the Outers to pay it attention. "Not more than
10 minutes ago, yet another monster attacked in the Juuban district."
Three sets of eyes narrowed.
"Tokyo TV has exclusive footage of the fight." And the scene switched
to a wobbly handheld video recording.
The monster looked fairly standard for the ones they usually fought.
As they watched, something caught its attention and it moved off towards
it. Only to be forced back due to a flying kick.
"Isn't that...?" Michiru asked.
"Looks like it." Haruka agreed.
They watched and listened as the monster was thrown around with ease.
"Not bad." Haruka commented.
"Are we mastering the art of understatement?" Michiru jibed. "Even I
can see that Ranma could, if he so wished, 'wipe the floor with us' I
believe the phrase is. Even when we are transformed."
Whatever else Haruka was about to say in reply was cut off in shock as
the final move played out in front of them. Even an amateur in these
matters would have realised the move was overkill as the monster died.
The cameraperson was obviously in shock and didn't follow the man as he
walked off screen. Whoever it was recovered enough to catch the man
leap into a tree then disappear over the rooftops.
"As you can see-" The TV died as Setsuna turned it off.
"I think Ranma was right that things were different."
"I'll say." Haruka agreed. "What was that?"
"A monster of course." Setsuna smiled.
"What is this, open season on me?" Haruka groaned.
"I wouldn't mind hunting you." Michiru suggested slyly.
The short-hared blond coughed into her fist.
"Maybe later." She turned on the dusky-skinned senshi. "I meant that
attack."
Setsuna paused. "I would assume a chi attack of some sort. We can
ask him."
"Assuming he'll tell us."
The sound of a key in a lock came from the front door.
***
Hotaru just lay in her uncle's arms. What was she supposed to do?
Start roof hopping herself?
~ That fight. Everyone knows Ranma's good, but that good? ~ She
wondered.
"Aha. We passed that on the way to the temple." Ranma muttered.
"We'll have ya home in a bit Hotaru-chan."
Hotaru just responded by snuggling up to her uncle. While she had
done the occasional bout of roof hopping herself with the other Senshi
when necessary, Ranma made it so much more...thrilling.
Ranma bounced across the last rooftops before dropping down to the
street.
~ At least things have been quiet today. ~ Ranma thought, setting
Hotaru down. Remember, this is Ranma. Any day he doesn't have to fight
more than two challengers, deal with some insane plan, or get malleted
into orbit is quiet to him.
Hotaru smiled to herself as she dug out her keys. Having Ranma as an
uncle was fun, no matter how crazy it was around him.
"I'm home!" Hotaru called, only to be swamped by two babbling woman.
Setsuna had hung back, and was fairly successful in hiding her smirk.
"So." She asked Ranma. "Did you have a good time? The monster did
not seem to be too much trouble."
Ranma blinked and responded with a witty retort.
"Eh?"
"It was just on the news." Setsuna filled in.
This information was assimilated and processed by Ranma's mind, and
came to the inevitable conclusion.
"Great." He groaned. "The gang'll find me easy. They'd probably
take the place apart doing it too. I hate my life."
Hotaru grabbed his arm and dragged him to the living room.
"Come on uncle." She said, eager to get away from a pair of
overanxious adopted parents. "You can tell them all about it."
Haruka and Michiru watched in silent amusement, and a little sympathy,
as Hotaru dragged a flustered Ranma into the living room.
"This should be informative." Setsuna muttered, following them in.
"Shall we?" Michiru smiled.
"Lets." Haruka replied, gesturing grandly for her companion to go
first.
***
Minako and Makoto sat on a bench, morose. The perfect man had been
before them...
AND HE WAS TAKEN!
Worse one of their own, the youngest of them, was forever closer to
him then they could ever be.
"How could she be his niece?!?" Minako wailed.
"Why oh why are all the good ones taken?" Makoto asked the stars
above. Then she perked up. "At least he's going to be around often
now."
Minako stopped wailing.
"That's right!"
"And maybe he'll train us too." Visions of lean, well-muscled flesh
rippling as katas were performed danced enticingly in her mind.
"Hum..." Surprisingly, those same visions's were running through the
blonde's mind as well. However, she had other concerns. "Maybe we can
convince him to bring Ranko along too. That girl needs a serious
attitude adjustment. How can someone with that figure be such a
tomboy?" Minako complained. "Even Haruka isn't that bad."
"You're right." Makoto agreed. "We could take her shopping, give her
a make-over and go boy watching."
"Yeah! And she can give us the inside scoop on his love life."
The two of them smiled, feeling better.
They haven't got a clue what they're getting into, do they?
***
"Chi blasts, ten metre jumps and roof hopping?" Setsuna was
impressed. Ranma must be a certified Martial Arts master to do those
sorts of thing.
"Yeah, it ain't as good as some things I've seen but I ain't been
beaten yet."
"Then maybe you can help us out a bit." Michiru smiled. "You see,
Hotaru has some health problems which mean she tires quickly. She also
suffers from bullies."
"You don't say..." The pig-tailed youth looked down at his niece.
"Maybe I can do somethin' about that."
"Really Uncle?" Hotaru asked hopefully.
"'Course Hotaru-chan." Ranma smiled. "I'm the best remember?" He
tickled her for emphasis, causing delighted giggles.
Haruka smirked slightly as she came back in from the kitchen with the
drinks. How many little girls could claim to have a tough guy like
Ranma Saotome wrapped around her little finger. There she was, sitting
on her uncles lap (having sat him down Hotaru had all but glomped him
leaping there to sit) happy as could be. So intent on the tableau
presented, the tall blond didn't notice the coffee table had moved
slightly. The predictable happened.
Haruka tripped and drinks were spilled...
...Right onto Ranma.
The three elder women watched in shock as the pig-tailed young man
changed into an equally recognisable redheaded young woman.
Hotaru noticed her pillow got soft and comfortable all of sudden. She
looked up.
"R..R...Ranko?"
"Hehe... Sorry about this Hotaru-chan."
Wide, expressive, purple eyes blinked back at her.
Ranma sighed. It was explanation time again.
***
"Damn it." The clerk sighed. He hadn't been able to contact anyone
at the house listed by phone, so he'd have to write a letter.
From our vantage point we see the first line of the address.
Hibiki residence...
----------
*Phew*
Finally finished this. Hope you guys are happy.
I ought to thank Nighthawk for C&C/Prereader duties. Since this whole
thing is his fault, maybe I won't. Ah, to heck with it. Thanks.
Nighthawk's Fanfiction http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/6189/
I live at:
Cobalt's Fanfics http://www.lum.co.uk/cobalt/
C&C can be sent to cobalt@elhazard.net. Flames will be used to heat
homes.
Standard disclaimers apply. I don't own the series depicted within, but
go buy them anyway.
Conventions:
~ ~ are used for thoughts and Telepathic communications.
#######
Uncles!
#######
#########
Chapter 2
#########
It was a fairly ordinary scene for the Hikawa Jinja Shrine. A group
of friends had gathered for a chat, some snacks and to relax. This was
a front put up by the super powered group of heroes known as the Sailor
Senshi.
How better to hide strategy sessions, intelligence briefings and
general gossip mongering as just plain gossip mongering?
There were two things different about this gathering. One was that
two of those usually attending (a pair of intelligent talking alien
cats) were hiding behind the stack of cushions currently being used by a
pair of drooling (but NOT jealous. NONONONONO.) young ladies staring at
the second reason. They had a guest.
Ranma Saotome. Martial Artist extraordinaire, purveyor of chaos,
popular legend of Tokyo (although Nabiki had plans to extend her
operations to cover all of Japan in the near future) and...
Uncle to Hotaru Tomoe.
Said girl had stopped her (rather accurate) Shampoo impersonation
(clinging to him like a barnacle) and had settled for sitting on her
uncle's lap.
It was fairly quiet actually. The Inners were trying to recover from
the unexpected announcement. The Outers were amusedly watching the
others gape, stare, drool and, in Ranma's case, nervously look around.
"So..." Ami started. "When did you two find out you were related?"
"Yesterday." Ranma replied simply.
Rei blinked.
"Don't you find that a little odd?" She asked.
"Not really. My life's worse usually." Ranma shrugged.
"Come off it." Makoto jumped in. "It can't be that bad. Four
girlfriends..."
"That ain't true." Ranma interjected.
"You mentioned that before we came here uncle." Hotaru said. It
still made her a bit giddy. Ranma Saotome was her uncle!
"How could they NOT be your girlfriends?" Minako asked. ~ Does that
mean he's available? ~
"Well Akane and Ukyo are my fiances, Shampoo is by the laws of her
village my wife and Kodachi..." He shuddered. "Let's not go there."
"FIANCES?!? PLURAL?!?" Came the expected shout.
"Well it was more, but we managed to get rid of them." He paused.
"Considering how I got those other fianc,s I probably got more out
there."
"Oh Kay..." Minako decided to NOT ask.
"Uncle?" Hotaru asked timidly.
"Yeah Hotaru-chan?" He smiled. Makoto and Minako fainted. Ami
blushed slightly and the other ladies felt warm all of a sudden.
"Why are you afraid of cats?"
The smile vanished. Ranma's face hardened before he sighed.
"A bad training experience. Idiot Pop tried to teach me this special
technique called the Neko-Ken." Two Moon cats and one time senshi
paled. "It ended up sorta working but gave me a really big fear of
cats. I can't help but freak out when I'm around one and its very
dangerous if I'm stuck around one any length of time." He shuddered.
"You don't want to know."
Hotaru gave her uncle a brief hug.
"You do seem to have problems with animals." Michiru noted.
"Yes, how does Ranko keep a panda?" Ami asked.
"Oh, the panda looks after himself." Ranma smirked. ~ Always
looking out for number one eh Pop? ~
Meanwhile, behind the cushions...
"He knows the Neko-Ken!?!" Artemis hissed quietly. "What sort of
idiot trains his son in a forbidden style?!?"
"I don't know." Luna whispered back. "But we really need to stay
clear until we can cure him."
"That's going to be hard, considering."
Luna sighed.
"I know. We need to talk to Pluto about this."
Makoto and Minako had recovered by this time.
"Um... Ranma-san?" Makoto asked. "Can you show us a few moves?"
"Well, I dunno." Ranma flustered a bit. "I mean, you're a first Dan
in Karate, Haruka's a second Dan and ...um...Mamoru right?" Mamoru
nodded. "Mamoru-san knows some Kendo..." He paused for a bit. "I'd say
you'd be first Dan, it's close. But I usually fight people who'd cream
you in seconds. Heck even Kuno'd take you down in a minute, but that's
only because he's too dumb to give up after you flattened him."
Everyone blinked owlishly.
"Wow..." Makoto breathed. He could tell what rank she was just by
looking?
"You ARE good." Haruka whistled appreciatively.
"Yeah well, I was kinda hoping to get to know my niece here." Ranma
began looking for a way out. He couldn't believe he'd got through this
long around this many strangers (Pretty Ladies, as the Old Pervert
Happosai would say) without SOMEthing crazy happening. Like his curse.
Usagi, showing that she did have some sense and wasn't a dumpling head
like Rei kept saying, figured that Ranma wanted some privacy with
Hotaru. She tossed a look to Haruka and Michiru.
"Well, OK." Haruka sighed. "But she needs to be back home by five."
"No problem." Ranma smirked, hiding his relief at getting out of
there. "Where'd ya want ta go Hotaru-chan?"
"Um..." Hotaru thought for a second. "Ice cream!"
Ranma gave a pained groan.
~ What is it with girls and ice cream? ~
"Fine." He dislodged his niece from his lap to stand up. "It was
nice meetin' you. Comin' O devious niece O mine?" Ranma drawled.
Hotaru giggled.
"Of course, O mighty uncle." She replied before waving goodbye to her
friends and headed out of room with Ranma.
***
Back at the Tendo household things were becoming hectic. No one had
seen Ranma since last night, and that was giving Nabiki fits. Why the
damage costs from rampaging fianc,s alone set her migraine off.
Akane was getting the evil glare from the parents. Over the course of
the day, Ukyo and Shampoo had visited (with the Amazon once again
forgetting to use the door) with their typical "Where is Ranma?"
requests. This had led to the usual confrontation between the visitors
as to who was the better choice for Ranma. The byplay was a little
stilted, as the person in question was not there to be included in the
routine (i.e. He didn't get beaten in the crossfire or malleted by
Akane.), but it still produced a yelling match comparable to any that
actually involved the pig-tailed young man.
What really annoyed Nabiki was that she didn't make any money from it.
~ When I get my hands on you Ranma, you are going to pay. I've still
got those pieces of underwear for you to try on. ~
If Nabiki knew what would happen when she executed her plan of
revenge, she'd run screaming for the hills. Or at least the bank.
***
Hotaru was in heaven. Here she was, eating ice cream with her idol.
That her idol was also her uncle pushed her delight up a bit. Only two
things could improve this, but she was too young and she doubted he'd
ever ridden a motorcycle.
Ranma was not nervous. Nope, not at all. He was merely on constant
lookout for trouble. Yeah, that was it. All the looks and whispers
around the ice cream shop were not getting to him.
No, they were NOT. So there.
"Anything wrong uncle?"
Ranma inwardly winced at Hotaru's innocent question. How was he going
to tell her (a young girl enjoying her ice cream with a family member)
that he (said family member and idol to the young girl) was jumpy for
several reasons? These reasons included his newfound fame, his newfound
family (which were combined in his niece) and the fact he hadn't been
attacked, glomped, malleted, drugged or splashed in the past 24 hours
and therefore had a bad feeling he was due?
The last alone would be trouble enough.
"No, why'd ya think that?" Ranma smiled to try and put off his niece.
"You're playing with your ice cream bowl." Which was true. Even
without using Anything Goes eating techniques he'd finished quickly.
Ranma was saved further questioning when the shopkeeper came up. He
had recognised the pig-tailed young man and had an idea for publicity.
"Do you want anything else?" The shopkeeper asked.
Ranma was about to say no, but his stomach growled.
"I don't have that much cash on me." Ranma replied. ~ Nabiki takes
all the rest. ~ He added silently.
The shopkeeper put on a show of thinking about the problem.
"Well... There is the Super Mt. Fuji Sunday which is free if you can
finish it all by yourself."
Hotaru paused mid-scoop.
"The Mt. Fuji?" She squeaked. "Nobody's finished one without help."
"Hotaru-chan." Ranma said patiently, as if he had to explain this
every day. "Y'know I never back outta a challenge."
"OK then." The shopkeeper smirked. "I'll go prepare one for you."
The whispering increased.
"It is him!"
"He's going to try and conquer the Mt. Fuji!"
"Who's that girl with him?"
"She's so lucky!"
"She's his niece!"
"No way! You're kidding!"
Ranma groaned and Hotaru blushed as the conversations continued.
Finally their torture was ended as the shopkeeper came back with...
...What Ranma thought was the largest ice cream he'd ever seen.
It was set down in front of him with all the finesse of a master
butler serving royalty. Hotaru looked at it in awe. Usagi had tried to
master the Mt. Fuji by herself and only managed half. And no wonder.
Two and a half feet of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry ice cream
topped with strawberry syrup, hot chocolate fudge, nuts, sprinkles,
cherries and sliced bananas. It must weigh several kilos and contained
enough sugar to send some third world nations into diabetic shock.
Ranma gauged his opponent with a critical eye.
"Five minutes, tops."
The shopkeeper began to feel a bit less sure of himself.
Ranma picked up his spoon and was about to start when he paused.
"Y'know, I've always wanted ta say this, and Ryoga would loose it if
he found out..." He smirked evilly.
The whole shop had quieted down to hear Ranma cry out...
"ICE CREAM! PREPARE TO DIE!" He yelled as he started his attack.
Those not stunned by the shout were stunned by speed that Ranma's
hands moved as he ate. By the end of the first minute the top third of
the mountainous confection was gone. By the end of the second minute
the devastation was of cataclysmic proportions as the final quarter of
the Sunday was sundered, and most of those watching had their jaws on
the floor. By the end of the third minute it was all over as Ranma
finished cleaning the bowl.
"Got another?"
"Wh..wh..wha?" The strain was too much, and the shopkeeper passed
out.
"Jeez, I didn't think he'd take it that badly." Ranma commented as he
looked down at the unconscious man.
***
The meeting at the shrine had broken up, mainly because nobody had
anything that could top a visiting legend like Ranma Saotome. However,
this allowed Luna and Artemis to quickly track down Setsuna.
"Pluto, we need to talk." Luna told her.
Setsuna nodded and looked to the other Outer Senshi, who themselves
nodded in understanding. Once they were out of hearing range, Setsuna
sighed and turned to the waiting Moon cats.
"I assume this is about Ranma."
Artemis snorted sarcastically. "Really?"
Luna bopped him on the nose.
"Quiet you." She turned to Setsuna. "Have you any ideas on how to
cure him? I'm quite certain you do not want someone that dangerous so
close to Saturn."
"Technically, Mr. Saotome is extremely dangerous with or without the
Neko-Ken."
"Now Pluto that's just hearsay..." Luna trailed off as Setsuna raised
an eyebrow, as if she was asking the cat to disagree.
"In any case, most if not all the treatments for the Neko-Ken require
the subject to be recently trained in the technique. Ranma is too old
for those, and the remaining two would end in Ranma's death."
Luna slumped.
"OK. That leaves plan B."
"No. No way. Not in a million years. Uh uh." Artemis shook his
head vigorously. "I am not wearing that."
Setsuna slipped away as the two cats argued.
***
Ranma just shook his head as he led his niece away from the ice cream
shop.
~ Does nobody here believe that my life is real? ~ He wondered.
Hotaru was also thinking about her uncle's life.
~ It seems impossible that uncle Ranma's life is as crazy as ours. ~
She mused. ~ Still its so cool how he does this stuff. ~ The young
girl drifted off into full-blown idol worship.
Ranma was rather enjoying something akin to a normal day. Well, as
normal as his life got at any rate.
It was a nice day. Mostly sunny with occasional cloud, a light
breeze, birds were singing in the trees, people were going about their
business as a dark ripple in the air disgorged a creature of
concentrated evil and little kids playing happily in the park.
Wait, go back one.
A creature of concentrated evil...
"A MONSTER!" Someone cried out.
...That looked like a demented cross between a woman and an explosion
in an ice cream factory. It was so silly looking in Ranma's opinion he
burst out laughing.
Hotaru looked at her uncle in shock as he clutched his sides
"BWAHAHAHA!!! That's gotta be the silliest thing I've seen in...in...
I don't know!" Ranma chortled. "What're ya supposed to be? The Snow
Queen? HAHAHAHA!" Tears of laughter began rolling down his face.
The monster saw the laughing pig-tailed young man and growled.
~ How dare he laugh at my beautiful looks! ~ It fumed. One will
notice that monsters have an...unusual... sense of beauty.
It charged Ranma.
Ranma, mindful of the fact he had his niece with him, shot himself
forward to protect her. That didn't mean that he stopped chuckling as
his rocket-like flying kick impacted.
Very hard.
Right in the monster's face.
The crowd gasped in surprise when Ranma back flipped rather lazily
away, positioning himself between the monster and Hotaru. Whispered
conversations sprung up almost immediately.
"That looks like..."
"It can't be him, why would he be here...?"
"Who else could it be?"
"Mommy, Mommy! It's Ranma!"
Oblivious to the discussions around them, the monster got up under
Ranma's watchful gaze.
"So," Ranma asked the ice cream cone from Hell casually. "You gotta
problem? 'Cause I don't think the people here want a killer toothache."
"Die human!" The ice monster lunged. Ranma dodged casually.
"Gee, it almost feels like home. Someone's tryin' to kill me." A
sharp flurry of blows to the head and midsection knocked the thing back
a couple of metres. "Course something as dumb and silly looking as you
hasn't gotta chance. Heck, even the tomboy can do better than you
Tutti-Frutti."
"RRAAAARRGGGHHHH!!!" The monster roared and resumed attacking at a
furious pace.
The vertical split kick sent it flying. Ranma held it for the
monster's three-second flight time.
"Baka monster. Ranma Saotome is no pushover."
The crowd gasped as their whispered speculations were confirmed.
The monster slowly climbed to its feet, wiped away the ooze that came
from its busted lip, and growled.
"Pitiful human. You cannot hope to defeat me. I will steal all your
energy weaklings! HAHAHAHAHA!!" It turned its gaze on Ranma. "And
I'll start with you, annoying insect!"
Ranma raised an eyebrow.
"You want my energy?"
"Yes you foolish human!" The monster snarled as it approached.
"Well, okay." Ranma shrugged. "If ya insist. Mouko Takabisha!"
Now, given Ranma had not been in ANY trouble while fighting the
monster, and that he had a niece (not to mention the other people) to
protect, AND he had plenty of energy available as he hadn't been
attacked today, meant that the chi attack was much larger than usual.
It shot away from Ranma like a cannon shell, ripping up the ground as
it passed before hitting the monster. It barely had time to scream
before it exploded, sending flavoured sprinkles everywhere.
"Bye bye Ms. Whippy." Ranma smirked as he dusted off his hands. "Or
should that be 'whipped'?" He wondered aloud, walking back to his
niece.
Hotaru had watched, slightly out of it, as he'd dealt with the
monster.
"Hey Hotaru-chan? You OK?" Ranma asked.
The purple-eyed girl blinked at him.
Sighing, he picked his niece up.
"Come on, I don't wanna make you late home." He took a few steps and
launched himself into a nearby tree to catapult himself and passenger to
the rooftops.
***
Tokyo TV, 10 minutes later...
"...Although currently strong on the stock market, analysts expect the
companies value to drop after today's announcement..."
"Do you have to watch that?" Haruka asked exasperatedly. There was
racing on another channel and she'd been waiting for weeks to see it all
the way through.
"Yes." Setsuna replied simply, knowing it would drive her fellow
senshi up the wall. And Haruka was very good at driving.
Michiru watched the byplay and shook her head sadly. It was nice that
Setsuna was opening up to them however.
"Come on Setsuna. It's not like you can't watch this later, or even
find out the important points easily. You've got the Time Gate
available."
Setsuna raised an eyebrow.
"You think the Time Gate is to be used for frivolous reasons like
that?" She asked.
"Just because you don't allow yourself to see the future doesn't mean
you can't watch the past." Haruka countered. "Unless, of course,
you're willing to let me watch the race from the gate later?"
Michiru hummed thoughtfully.
"That's not such a bad idea. It would certainly help with history
assignments. I personally wouldn't mind seeing Beethoven composing."
She smiled. "Should be very inspiring."
"It was boring." Setsuna told them. "Just as the sacking of Rome was
nothing like how Shakespeare portrayed it."
"You take all the romance out of things." Haruka complained.
"We interrupt this broadcast for a special news bulletin." The TV
newscaster said, causing the Outers to pay it attention. "Not more than
10 minutes ago, yet another monster attacked in the Juuban district."
Three sets of eyes narrowed.
"Tokyo TV has exclusive footage of the fight." And the scene switched
to a wobbly handheld video recording.
The monster looked fairly standard for the ones they usually fought.
As they watched, something caught its attention and it moved off towards
it. Only to be forced back due to a flying kick.
"Isn't that...?" Michiru asked.
"Looks like it." Haruka agreed.
They watched and listened as the monster was thrown around with ease.
"Not bad." Haruka commented.
"Are we mastering the art of understatement?" Michiru jibed. "Even I
can see that Ranma could, if he so wished, 'wipe the floor with us' I
believe the phrase is. Even when we are transformed."
Whatever else Haruka was about to say in reply was cut off in shock as
the final move played out in front of them. Even an amateur in these
matters would have realised the move was overkill as the monster died.
The cameraperson was obviously in shock and didn't follow the man as he
walked off screen. Whoever it was recovered enough to catch the man
leap into a tree then disappear over the rooftops.
"As you can see-" The TV died as Setsuna turned it off.
"I think Ranma was right that things were different."
"I'll say." Haruka agreed. "What was that?"
"A monster of course." Setsuna smiled.
"What is this, open season on me?" Haruka groaned.
"I wouldn't mind hunting you." Michiru suggested slyly.
The short-hared blond coughed into her fist.
"Maybe later." She turned on the dusky-skinned senshi. "I meant that
attack."
Setsuna paused. "I would assume a chi attack of some sort. We can
ask him."
"Assuming he'll tell us."
The sound of a key in a lock came from the front door.
***
Hotaru just lay in her uncle's arms. What was she supposed to do?
Start roof hopping herself?
~ That fight. Everyone knows Ranma's good, but that good? ~ She
wondered.
"Aha. We passed that on the way to the temple." Ranma muttered.
"We'll have ya home in a bit Hotaru-chan."
Hotaru just responded by snuggling up to her uncle. While she had
done the occasional bout of roof hopping herself with the other Senshi
when necessary, Ranma made it so much more...thrilling.
Ranma bounced across the last rooftops before dropping down to the
street.
~ At least things have been quiet today. ~ Ranma thought, setting
Hotaru down. Remember, this is Ranma. Any day he doesn't have to fight
more than two challengers, deal with some insane plan, or get malleted
into orbit is quiet to him.
Hotaru smiled to herself as she dug out her keys. Having Ranma as an
uncle was fun, no matter how crazy it was around him.
"I'm home!" Hotaru called, only to be swamped by two babbling woman.
Setsuna had hung back, and was fairly successful in hiding her smirk.
"So." She asked Ranma. "Did you have a good time? The monster did
not seem to be too much trouble."
Ranma blinked and responded with a witty retort.
"Eh?"
"It was just on the news." Setsuna filled in.
This information was assimilated and processed by Ranma's mind, and
came to the inevitable conclusion.
"Great." He groaned. "The gang'll find me easy. They'd probably
take the place apart doing it too. I hate my life."
Hotaru grabbed his arm and dragged him to the living room.
"Come on uncle." She said, eager to get away from a pair of
overanxious adopted parents. "You can tell them all about it."
Haruka and Michiru watched in silent amusement, and a little sympathy,
as Hotaru dragged a flustered Ranma into the living room.
"This should be informative." Setsuna muttered, following them in.
"Shall we?" Michiru smiled.
"Lets." Haruka replied, gesturing grandly for her companion to go
first.
***
Minako and Makoto sat on a bench, morose. The perfect man had been
before them...
AND HE WAS TAKEN!
Worse one of their own, the youngest of them, was forever closer to
him then they could ever be.
"How could she be his niece?!?" Minako wailed.
"Why oh why are all the good ones taken?" Makoto asked the stars
above. Then she perked up. "At least he's going to be around often
now."
Minako stopped wailing.
"That's right!"
"And maybe he'll train us too." Visions of lean, well-muscled flesh
rippling as katas were performed danced enticingly in her mind.
"Hum..." Surprisingly, those same visions's were running through the
blonde's mind as well. However, she had other concerns. "Maybe we can
convince him to bring Ranko along too. That girl needs a serious
attitude adjustment. How can someone with that figure be such a
tomboy?" Minako complained. "Even Haruka isn't that bad."
"You're right." Makoto agreed. "We could take her shopping, give her
a make-over and go boy watching."
"Yeah! And she can give us the inside scoop on his love life."
The two of them smiled, feeling better.
They haven't got a clue what they're getting into, do they?
***
"Chi blasts, ten metre jumps and roof hopping?" Setsuna was
impressed. Ranma must be a certified Martial Arts master to do those
sorts of thing.
"Yeah, it ain't as good as some things I've seen but I ain't been
beaten yet."
"Then maybe you can help us out a bit." Michiru smiled. "You see,
Hotaru has some health problems which mean she tires quickly. She also
suffers from bullies."
"You don't say..." The pig-tailed youth looked down at his niece.
"Maybe I can do somethin' about that."
"Really Uncle?" Hotaru asked hopefully.
"'Course Hotaru-chan." Ranma smiled. "I'm the best remember?" He
tickled her for emphasis, causing delighted giggles.
Haruka smirked slightly as she came back in from the kitchen with the
drinks. How many little girls could claim to have a tough guy like
Ranma Saotome wrapped around her little finger. There she was, sitting
on her uncles lap (having sat him down Hotaru had all but glomped him
leaping there to sit) happy as could be. So intent on the tableau
presented, the tall blond didn't notice the coffee table had moved
slightly. The predictable happened.
Haruka tripped and drinks were spilled...
...Right onto Ranma.
The three elder women watched in shock as the pig-tailed young man
changed into an equally recognisable redheaded young woman.
Hotaru noticed her pillow got soft and comfortable all of sudden. She
looked up.
"R..R...Ranko?"
"Hehe... Sorry about this Hotaru-chan."
Wide, expressive, purple eyes blinked back at her.
Ranma sighed. It was explanation time again.
***
"Damn it." The clerk sighed. He hadn't been able to contact anyone
at the house listed by phone, so he'd have to write a letter.
From our vantage point we see the first line of the address.
Hibiki residence...
----------
*Phew*
Finally finished this. Hope you guys are happy.
I ought to thank Nighthawk for C&C/Prereader duties. Since this whole
thing is his fault, maybe I won't. Ah, to heck with it. Thanks.