Chapter 3: confusing
I couldn't eat at the start of term feast. I could barely blink. I looked over at the gryffindor table. Ron and hermione were feeding each other food and harry was staring at them looking rather morose and sad. He looked so alone in the world. I wanted to comfort him. Then, as though still under the imperius curse, I stood up and made my way over to his table. I knew exactly what I was doing. I walked up to him, kneeled next to the bench, and whispered, "hey harry."
He replied with a soft, "Hi."
"I'm done eating, would you like to go for a walk by the lake with me?" I whispered. Most people were too busy greeting the new first years and telling them stories about trolls and poltergeists to notice that the slyherin and gryffindor quidditch captains were having a civil conversation. Harry stood up and walked outside with me after he nodded as a reply.
We reached the lake and he turned to me and said, "thanks for saving me in there."
"you looked so sad." I replied. "I had to do something."
"this whole year is going to be like that. Me, a third wheel." He sat down and threw a stone into the lake after he spoke.
I sat down next to him and took his hand. "more time for us to spend together then." I moved closer to his face. He brought his closer to mine. We were about to touch when ron, the king of impeccable timing came.
"harry! What are you doing with malfoy?!"
The way he said my last name cut into me like a thousand daggers. There was so much hatred in his voice that it killed me inside. Harry stood up to face his best friend.
"he's changed ron. We've made up."
"made out is more like it." ron spat at me. "bullshit he's changed. he's probably just pretending so he can hand you over to you-know-who."
I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and screamed, "fuck you weasley! Why don't you just let him do what he wants! He's 17 years old let him make his own damn decisions!" We glared at each other for a second until he stormed off. "sorry about that." I said to harry as I turned to look at him. I put my arms around his neck and hugged him. never in my life have I been so close to someone.
*****
I sat in potions class the following day. I sat in my usual front row seat and took notes. Potions seemed so tedious to me now. I pretended to stretch and looked over at harry. His eyes followed the words as he wrote them down on his parchment. He made me so curious. What went on in his head? It doesn't make sense. He was so accepting of me, but why?
"mr. Malfoy!" a voice yelled.
I turned to where the voice was coming from. Standing in front of my desk, like a statue looking down at me was my potions professor and the head of my house and, professor snape. His cold gaze penetrated my brain. His greasy black hair fell next to his equally dark eyes. His voice, though I'm sure I was used to it before, seemed to take the life out of me.
"mr. Malfoy, it is nice to know that you are so talented in the art of potion making that you feel you need not pay attention."
Snape was usually nice to me; he and my father were good friends. I think he blames me for his death.
"sorry professor." I replied and quickly went back to my notes.
"mr. Malfoy." He said, and I looked up. His voice was no longer harsh in tone, but it was still full of hate. "I suggest you buckle down this year." He moved closer and his voice grew softer. "after all," he continued. "daddy's not here to buy your way out of things." Then he moved to sit at his desk. I leaned back in my chair. He was right. my dad was dead. He can't buy my grades for me anymore. Then it hit me; if I was such a good student under the curse, what would happen now? It was my last year, I couldn't mess up.
I sat and pondered these questions until the bell rang. I gathered my things and left for defense against the dark arts. This class had a new meaning to me now. I took my seat in the back, professor lupin came into the class and walked to the front. I rose my hand and asked, "professor, may I move up to the front?"
"certainly, nr. Malfoy." He looked at the front row. "there is a seat next to mr. Potter."
I almost choked on my cotton candy bertie botts every flavor bean. I was going to be sitting next to harry the whole year! I grabbed my bag and slowly moved to the front. I felt crabbe and goyle's eyes burning into the back of my head as a walked. Harry looked at me and smiled slightly. I smiled back and sat down.
"hey." He mouthed.
"Hi." I mouthed back.
Professor lupin started to lecture on werewolves and harry chuckled a little bit. I looked down when I felt a tap on my leg. Harry was holding a ripped and folded piece of parchment in his hand that was under the desk. I looked up at him. his eyes were still focused on the lecture as though he were actually listening. I took the note and opened it under my desk. It read:
Astronomy tower, midnight. Don't be late.
I refolded the letter and put it in my pocket. I had no idea what to feel. My heart was skipping beats with excitement, but my head was pounding with confusion. Why was he being so nice to me if I was such an asshole to him? mocking his family and friends. Giving information about him to rite skeeter in out fourth year. Why was he doing this? There was only one way to find out.
I couldn't eat at the start of term feast. I could barely blink. I looked over at the gryffindor table. Ron and hermione were feeding each other food and harry was staring at them looking rather morose and sad. He looked so alone in the world. I wanted to comfort him. Then, as though still under the imperius curse, I stood up and made my way over to his table. I knew exactly what I was doing. I walked up to him, kneeled next to the bench, and whispered, "hey harry."
He replied with a soft, "Hi."
"I'm done eating, would you like to go for a walk by the lake with me?" I whispered. Most people were too busy greeting the new first years and telling them stories about trolls and poltergeists to notice that the slyherin and gryffindor quidditch captains were having a civil conversation. Harry stood up and walked outside with me after he nodded as a reply.
We reached the lake and he turned to me and said, "thanks for saving me in there."
"you looked so sad." I replied. "I had to do something."
"this whole year is going to be like that. Me, a third wheel." He sat down and threw a stone into the lake after he spoke.
I sat down next to him and took his hand. "more time for us to spend together then." I moved closer to his face. He brought his closer to mine. We were about to touch when ron, the king of impeccable timing came.
"harry! What are you doing with malfoy?!"
The way he said my last name cut into me like a thousand daggers. There was so much hatred in his voice that it killed me inside. Harry stood up to face his best friend.
"he's changed ron. We've made up."
"made out is more like it." ron spat at me. "bullshit he's changed. he's probably just pretending so he can hand you over to you-know-who."
I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and screamed, "fuck you weasley! Why don't you just let him do what he wants! He's 17 years old let him make his own damn decisions!" We glared at each other for a second until he stormed off. "sorry about that." I said to harry as I turned to look at him. I put my arms around his neck and hugged him. never in my life have I been so close to someone.
*****
I sat in potions class the following day. I sat in my usual front row seat and took notes. Potions seemed so tedious to me now. I pretended to stretch and looked over at harry. His eyes followed the words as he wrote them down on his parchment. He made me so curious. What went on in his head? It doesn't make sense. He was so accepting of me, but why?
"mr. Malfoy!" a voice yelled.
I turned to where the voice was coming from. Standing in front of my desk, like a statue looking down at me was my potions professor and the head of my house and, professor snape. His cold gaze penetrated my brain. His greasy black hair fell next to his equally dark eyes. His voice, though I'm sure I was used to it before, seemed to take the life out of me.
"mr. Malfoy, it is nice to know that you are so talented in the art of potion making that you feel you need not pay attention."
Snape was usually nice to me; he and my father were good friends. I think he blames me for his death.
"sorry professor." I replied and quickly went back to my notes.
"mr. Malfoy." He said, and I looked up. His voice was no longer harsh in tone, but it was still full of hate. "I suggest you buckle down this year." He moved closer and his voice grew softer. "after all," he continued. "daddy's not here to buy your way out of things." Then he moved to sit at his desk. I leaned back in my chair. He was right. my dad was dead. He can't buy my grades for me anymore. Then it hit me; if I was such a good student under the curse, what would happen now? It was my last year, I couldn't mess up.
I sat and pondered these questions until the bell rang. I gathered my things and left for defense against the dark arts. This class had a new meaning to me now. I took my seat in the back, professor lupin came into the class and walked to the front. I rose my hand and asked, "professor, may I move up to the front?"
"certainly, nr. Malfoy." He looked at the front row. "there is a seat next to mr. Potter."
I almost choked on my cotton candy bertie botts every flavor bean. I was going to be sitting next to harry the whole year! I grabbed my bag and slowly moved to the front. I felt crabbe and goyle's eyes burning into the back of my head as a walked. Harry looked at me and smiled slightly. I smiled back and sat down.
"hey." He mouthed.
"Hi." I mouthed back.
Professor lupin started to lecture on werewolves and harry chuckled a little bit. I looked down when I felt a tap on my leg. Harry was holding a ripped and folded piece of parchment in his hand that was under the desk. I looked up at him. his eyes were still focused on the lecture as though he were actually listening. I took the note and opened it under my desk. It read:
Astronomy tower, midnight. Don't be late.
I refolded the letter and put it in my pocket. I had no idea what to feel. My heart was skipping beats with excitement, but my head was pounding with confusion. Why was he being so nice to me if I was such an asshole to him? mocking his family and friends. Giving information about him to rite skeeter in out fourth year. Why was he doing this? There was only one way to find out.