A/N - Sorry it's been so long since I updated. I'll try and update some other things as well. As you know, things have been pretty hectic with FF net lately, and school has me bogged down with homework. So, take time to read my pathetic attempts at humor, laugh, cry, or just come after me with a pitchfork. Also, please don'' forget to give comments and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. I don't like flamers. They are jerks, and they are not welcome to piss and moan at my stuff. But if you come in peace, enjoy. BTW, I changed my name, hopefully for the last time, because I don't want a name that is so heavily affiliated with one category as I hope to expand my horizons soon.... -Dragonsong
Turk's News at Nine
"Where we will waste your time."
Reno: Welcome to Turk's News at Nine, the only show where we get paid to waste your time.
(He pauses and looks off stage. He seems to wilt and turns back to the audience)
Reno: (With a really fake, and really bad French accent) Welcome to Turk's News at Nine, where we will waste your time. With the unfortunate and recent death of our director, Jacques Strappe, we were afraid no one would step and we'd lose our job. However, we'd like everyone to give a huge round of applause to our new director for stepping in at the last moment. Everyone, this is Hugh Jeaz, our new director.
(There is scattered clapping, but mostly confused looks as a large red chocobo, wearing thick glasses and a barrette)
Miscellaneous Moron from Audience: Is this some kind of joke?
Hugh (the chocobo, in case you're confused): (in a French accent) Of course not. I am real, am I not?
MMFA: Um...
Hugh: Enough of this! (cracks a whip over Reno's head) Back to work pigs!
Reno: Prick...well, let's go to the sports. I don't think we've ever managed to get there before....
Tseng: (trying to put a French accent over his Wutaiian one. It's not working. Just imagine someone from Japan trying to sound French...) I can be your hero....
Reno: What the f-?
Tseng: Would you dance, if I asked you to dance? (I like the song, but can't remember anything more than that and the chorus...so just bear with me here)
Reno: Perhaps we'd like to go to the weather?
(Elena is transfixed by Tseng singing)
Elena: My god...he's singing to me....
Reno: What about the weather?
Elena: He...is...singing...to...me...
Reno: What about the weather?
Elena: THE WEATHER CAN GO BLOW ITSELF!!!
Reno: Uh, that's go- (Suddenly stops as Tseng plops into Reno's lap)
Tseng: I can be your hero, baby,
I can kiss away the pain,
I will stand by you forever,
You can take my breath away...
Reno: Tseng, I hate to tell you this, but I don't swing in that direction...
Elena: Tseng! How can you love that piece of crap? And, and can you be gay?
Tseng: It's easy. See? (makes a grab for Reno's face. Reno shoves Tseng onto the floor)
Reno: Don't touch me!
(Tseng grins evilly and pulls out a master Manipulate Materia)
Reno: You wouldn't!
(Tseng casts Manipulate. Fortunately, the messed up ring on Reno's finger reflects it off into the crowd, where it bounces off a wall and hits Tseng)
Reno: Now go fuck Cloud for all I care.
(Tseng jumps into the crowd. Cloud sees him coming and pulls out the Ultima blade)
Cloud: I swear Reno, once I'm done with him, I'm gonna come up there and rip you a new asshole!
Reno: I already got one and it works fine. Wanna see?
Elena: No thanks, you Tseng-stealing bastard!
Reno: It's not my fault Tseng is gay! Is it Rude?
Rude: ...
Reno: See! He agrees with me!
(Further argument is interrupted my Cloud screaming in terror. The Ultima sword is gone and Tseng is chasing him around, in nothing but a pair of boxers...which are perched on his head. Cloud screams again, but this time happily as Cait Sith bounds through the door into the room. But he starts puking as Cait bends over and Tseng...well; the rest is ancient history...)
Reno: I think we need a commercial break....
Rude: ...
A/N again - Okay...that completely didn't turn out the way I wanted. That was...disturbing. Yes, very disturbing. But Tseng-fans don't kill me. He's not really gay, just having problems which should be revealed if I ever get my ass to write the next chapter. And I know this chapter deserves a lot of flames, but please try to be nice. If you aren't, I'll find you and flame you ass to holy hell. Smile! I do want to put the commercial in there, so if you have any suggestions, please tell. If you find anything in this chapter that might be from something you wrote, email me and I will give you full credit. Finally, I will try and get something for Some secrets up soon. Ciao!
-Dragonsong
Turk's News at Nine
"Where we will waste your time."
Reno: Welcome to Turk's News at Nine, the only show where we get paid to waste your time.
(He pauses and looks off stage. He seems to wilt and turns back to the audience)
Reno: (With a really fake, and really bad French accent) Welcome to Turk's News at Nine, where we will waste your time. With the unfortunate and recent death of our director, Jacques Strappe, we were afraid no one would step and we'd lose our job. However, we'd like everyone to give a huge round of applause to our new director for stepping in at the last moment. Everyone, this is Hugh Jeaz, our new director.
(There is scattered clapping, but mostly confused looks as a large red chocobo, wearing thick glasses and a barrette)
Miscellaneous Moron from Audience: Is this some kind of joke?
Hugh (the chocobo, in case you're confused): (in a French accent) Of course not. I am real, am I not?
MMFA: Um...
Hugh: Enough of this! (cracks a whip over Reno's head) Back to work pigs!
Reno: Prick...well, let's go to the sports. I don't think we've ever managed to get there before....
Tseng: (trying to put a French accent over his Wutaiian one. It's not working. Just imagine someone from Japan trying to sound French...) I can be your hero....
Reno: What the f-?
Tseng: Would you dance, if I asked you to dance? (I like the song, but can't remember anything more than that and the chorus...so just bear with me here)
Reno: Perhaps we'd like to go to the weather?
(Elena is transfixed by Tseng singing)
Elena: My god...he's singing to me....
Reno: What about the weather?
Elena: He...is...singing...to...me...
Reno: What about the weather?
Elena: THE WEATHER CAN GO BLOW ITSELF!!!
Reno: Uh, that's go- (Suddenly stops as Tseng plops into Reno's lap)
Tseng: I can be your hero, baby,
I can kiss away the pain,
I will stand by you forever,
You can take my breath away...
Reno: Tseng, I hate to tell you this, but I don't swing in that direction...
Elena: Tseng! How can you love that piece of crap? And, and can you be gay?
Tseng: It's easy. See? (makes a grab for Reno's face. Reno shoves Tseng onto the floor)
Reno: Don't touch me!
(Tseng grins evilly and pulls out a master Manipulate Materia)
Reno: You wouldn't!
(Tseng casts Manipulate. Fortunately, the messed up ring on Reno's finger reflects it off into the crowd, where it bounces off a wall and hits Tseng)
Reno: Now go fuck Cloud for all I care.
(Tseng jumps into the crowd. Cloud sees him coming and pulls out the Ultima blade)
Cloud: I swear Reno, once I'm done with him, I'm gonna come up there and rip you a new asshole!
Reno: I already got one and it works fine. Wanna see?
Elena: No thanks, you Tseng-stealing bastard!
Reno: It's not my fault Tseng is gay! Is it Rude?
Rude: ...
Reno: See! He agrees with me!
(Further argument is interrupted my Cloud screaming in terror. The Ultima sword is gone and Tseng is chasing him around, in nothing but a pair of boxers...which are perched on his head. Cloud screams again, but this time happily as Cait Sith bounds through the door into the room. But he starts puking as Cait bends over and Tseng...well; the rest is ancient history...)
Reno: I think we need a commercial break....
Rude: ...
A/N again - Okay...that completely didn't turn out the way I wanted. That was...disturbing. Yes, very disturbing. But Tseng-fans don't kill me. He's not really gay, just having problems which should be revealed if I ever get my ass to write the next chapter. And I know this chapter deserves a lot of flames, but please try to be nice. If you aren't, I'll find you and flame you ass to holy hell. Smile! I do want to put the commercial in there, so if you have any suggestions, please tell. If you find anything in this chapter that might be from something you wrote, email me and I will give you full credit. Finally, I will try and get something for Some secrets up soon. Ciao!
-Dragonsong