~*~
cough, cough It seems we have been spelling the name of the main character wrong, our greatest thanks to Redclia for pointing this out... We are suitably ashamed. This little mishap is going to take sometime to correct... the Legalos virus is everywhere - there it goes again! Stop that virus!
Chapter 3- Part 1
In the Pursuit of Trivial Things
It was September the 1^st and the scarlet steam engine that plied its trade as the famed Hogwart's Express was ready for business. All the students were aboard and so was the luggage, every one was seated and waiting. The driver gave a toot on his train whistle and the express started to slowly draw out of the station. All was as it should be except for the figure that was standing on the tracks a few meters in front of the train, which was gathering speed fast. The driver slammed on the brakes, metal screeching in protest and students yelping with shock and pain. The train came within inches of the unmoving figure. The figure reached out a hand and touched the train lightly before mumbling under his breath "who paints a train scarlet? Good god I'm going to a school of pansies!" The distinctly humanoid form skirted the outside of the train, stopping at a sliding door before yanking it open calmly and entering the train.
Meanwhile in the last carriage of the steam engine three people had jumped to their feet and wore a distinct look of panic on their young faces. There were two boys and a girl, of roughly the same age and height. One of the boys had a flare of red hair that looked almost radioactive he also had an impressive collection of freckles - no doubt fall-out from his nuclear head of hair. The other boy had sinister looking black hair that stuck out at chaotic angles and a lightning shaped scar that ran down his forehead and gave him a mysterious appearance. The girl had bushy brown hair and brown eyes. All three wore casual clothes even if they were abominations against the name of fashion.
"What was that?" Hermione gasped as she ran to the door opening it cautiously. Hermione screamed and leapt backwards, careering into Ron and knocking them both to the ground. Legolas stepped into the carriage giving the sprawled Ron and Hermione a questioning look.
"What are you doing?" Hermione and Ron quickly rose, looking decidedly embarrassed.
"Wh...Who are you?" Stammered Harry. Legolas turned his head slowly towards Harry.
"I'm Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and soon to be your new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher." Hermione was staring at Legolas, mouth open, eyes wide. Legolas casually flicked his hand at the chairs.
"Please go find a new carriage as I need this one for storage purposes." Harry was about to protest when he noticed Hermione was dribbling on the carpet.
"Can I be part of your luggage?" she asked in a lame attempt of being seductive. Harry and Ron spluttered and Legolas looked horrified.
"NO!" he almost shouted and then executed a quick dance all the while squealing.
"Ewgh! Ewgh! Ewgh!"
Ron, Harry and Hermoine quickly departed and Legolas rubbed his hands together with glee.
"Right, to business what shall I wear?" He opened a large trunk to his left and started to rummage throwing sparkly spandex tights all over the floor. Finally he sat down and burst into tears.
"I have nothing to wear." He wailed. After he had dried his eyes and checked to make sure they weren't puffy he decided on a pair of shiny flared black pants and a ruffled red shirt. He did a couple of twirls in front of his fold out wall mirror and smoothed down his hair. Sliding open the carriage door he went for a stroll down the corridor. When he was about halfway down he heard beautiful music it sounded like....Legolas said an elevish swearword under his breath and flung open the door.
"GET AWAY FROM BONZA!" he yelled
A stunningly handsome boy was pressed against the left wall of the carriage and a giant silver bow took up the rest of the space. The boy was about a head shorter than Legolas but his hair and facial features were remarkably similar. He was frozen with one pale hand plucking at the bows string while the other was in front of his stomach. It looked suspiciously like he was playing the air guitar. The boy suddenly came to his senses and dropped his hands.
"Yeah?" he sneered. "and what if I don't?"
"I'll stick one of my arrows up where the sun don't shine, that's what I'll do." Legolas answered putting on his best bogan voice that surprised even himself.
The boys face suddenly split into a wide grin.
"I like you. I believe I could really mesh with you. Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."
"Sorry?"
"It's my name."
"You're kidding, that's awful I might talk to you but only out of pity. What are your parents' names? No don't tell me I think I might die." Legolas cackled. Draco's eyes brimmed with tears but he quickly blinked them back and smiled with him.
"So," he finally squeaked out, "why do you call your bow Bonza?"
Legolas looked at him scathingly.
"Because it is his name." he shook his head and ushered Malfoy out of the compartment. Suddenly a voice boomed from somewhere overhead.
"We will be reaching Hogwarts in precisely 10 minutes please make sure that you have changed into your robes and" suddenly the voice became deeper and louder "IF THERE IS ANY LITTER, GRAFFITI OR STRANGE SMELLING LIQUIDS IN ANY OF THE CARRIAGES YOU WILL ALL PAY. MWHA, HA, HA, HA!"
Legolas gave Malfoy a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and said:
"Sorry again about your name kid." Before striding down the corridor to pack all his clothes back into his trunks. Legolas recruited some of the quivering first years to clean up his `storage compartment' while he walked up and down the hallway, ice blond hair streaming out behind him.
When the train came to a stop Legolas was the first to disembark. He completely disregarded the steps and jumped down landing elegantly, dust clouds swirling. Hagrid was gathering the agitated first years to him before leading them to his armada of little boats. Meanwhile Legolas stepped into the light of a lamp post where he proceeded to survey his surroundings. Every single set of female eyes in range snapped onto him. Legolas flicked his hair before heading off in the direction of a horse drawn carriage. The carriage was already full of giggling 6^th year Ravenclaw girls. Legolas grinned as their eyes glazed over and hands dropped limply to their sides.
"Do you mind if I sit here? It will be a bit of a squeeze but I'm sure we'll manage!"
"Yes, absolutely, certainly, defiantly yeahh.. eh... I feel dizzy..." Said a slight but pretty girl of Asian persuasion.
"Perhaps we should open a window?"
Harry and Ron had just spent the last 10 minutes leading the dazed Hermione around by the arm. When they had finally managed to drag her into a carriage she had calmed down slightly.
"Who was that... that god?" Hermione was still sweating slightly.
"What? The new defence against the Dark Arts teacher?" Hermione's breathing quickened.
"You mean he teaches... I'll...We'll be seeing him on a permanent basis?" Ron was staring at Hermione with a worried expression on his face.
"I assume so Hermione... Maybe you should have a lie down when we get to the castle." Ron patted Hermione on the shoulder reassuringly.
"Maybe she should go to the infirmary!" Harry mumbled, crossing his arms in annoyance.
The ride to the castle was all too quick for some. But eventually everyone arrived. The Great Hall hasn't changed at all thought Harry as he walked in, hands guiding Hermione. Finally Professor M came in, sorting hat in hand and first years trailing behind. She unrolled a tattered scroll and cleared her throat. Suddenly the doors boomed open to reveal the new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher striding towards her dressed in a diamond dust black suit complete with a shiny metallic garnet shirt and a black satin tie. He also wore a standard issue black robe which he had altered so it resembled a trench coat. His ice blond hair billowed behind him revealing his pointy elfish ears for every one to view. Atop his head he wore the best hat in the world. He walked up to the shocked Professor M and bowed elegantly.
"Sorry madam, please continue." A stray blond lock fell in front of his auburn eyes. Professor M let the sorting hat fall to the floor as she uncontrollably stared after the retreating ice blond god. The hat let out a muffled yelp as it hit the floor snapping Professor M from her temporary stupor.
"Um ah.." She glanced down at the scroll. " Olleh. Rolias Olleh!" Nobody moved. Ron looked at Harry with a confused look on his face. He mouthed something then turned to Harry.
"Harry why'd she just say hello sailor?" Harry stared at Ron then at Professor M then back at Ron. Harry sniggered.
"It's a pick up line Ron... I think Professor M is fantasising about the new teacher!"
Suddenly every Griffindor turned and stared at Harry, then Professor M and finally to Legolas who was at that moment picking a piece of parsley from his teeth. When all the eyes fell on him he closed his mouth with a snap and regarded them all with disdain. By now the Griffindor table was in hysterics imagining Professor M with Legolas. With a wave of his hand Legolas called The D Man to his side. He leaned close and whispered:
"Why are all those children laughing in my direction?"
"They are just having fun. They're a bit excited; after all it is their first night back at school."
"Whoopee." Legolas drawled sarcastically "I take it they don't get out much. Bunch of losers." Standing up suddenly he took a deep breath which was, in retrospect, a very bad idea...
You see Legolas's shirt was already very tight and when he filled his manly chest with air it couldn't take the pressure. It burst open with a loud bang just as he screamed at the assembled children:
"WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?!"
His tie flew away like a helicopter propeller narrowly missing Professor Trewlany's forehead and instead knocking her vulgar hat off her head which was probably a kindness to all involved. The buttons, however, wrecked much more havoc. There were 10 buttons in all and each one sped off like miniature ninja stars. The first casualty in this episode was little, scrawny Colin Creevey who took a button straight in the eye. He fell screaming and soon 9 others followed suit while many students sought cover. The force of Legolas's shirt exploding had caused all the tables and chairs to fly to the sides of the rooms taking the smaller children with them. Several people were concussed and screaming filled the large hall as girls realised that they could see Legolas' bare chest. Legolas was the only one left standing except Wood who was leaning against the wall to the new defence against the dark arts teacher's left. He put his head in his hands and beckoned for Legolas to follow him.
The elf, still bemused by the sight of destruction and mayhem that his simple act had caused, silently followed him out of the hall. Once round the corner Wood took Legolas by the shoulders and clicked his fingers. Crabbe ran from the Hall carrying a chair complete with a bemused 2^nd year under his beefy arm. Crabbe sat the chair down then left, bowing first. Oliver Wood led Legolas to the chair.
"Shoo!" He motioned at the 2^nd year but to no avail. Legolas noticed Oliver's predicament and with his incredible elfish strength he ripped a section out of the stair case banister and handed it to Oliver. Oliver poked the baffled child snooker style off the chair and onto the floor.
"Nice technique" Said Legolas as he straightened the remanets of his collar as well as he could.
"Thanks... Now Legolas I have to commend you on your brilliant entry it was... breath taking - no pun intended!" Legolas smiled knowingly. "I suppose you are wondering why I brought you here."
"To execute the first task I presume?" Oliver nodded obviously impressed.
"Well done. Then I suppose all I have to do is give you these mission briefings," Oliver produced an envelope from his coat pocket and waved it at Legolas "and you will know what to do?"
"Yes" Legolas started to pick at the ravaged seams of his wounded shirt. Oliver grasped Legolas's slim but strong hand.
"It's beyond repair dear... let it go..." Legolas's usually cool features were replaced with a distressed look
"But it was an Armani..." Legolas's lips started to quiver.
~*~
This is part 1 of chapter 3 In the Pursuit of Trivial Things. The next part will be up soon, very soon.
Silence while the Stafia speak! Yeah, yeah rock on yeah!... sounds of shouts "Oi you get away from that micro phone you little vagabond!... Stafia here... we feel silly... not much more to say really though as we are the Stafia and we do grant last requests we'd like to inform you that that little vagabond's last words were ` let them review - DON'T POKE THAT!' let at least one of his dying requests be granted."
P.S The poking happened.
cough, cough It seems we have been spelling the name of the main character wrong, our greatest thanks to Redclia for pointing this out... We are suitably ashamed. This little mishap is going to take sometime to correct... the Legalos virus is everywhere - there it goes again! Stop that virus!
Chapter 3- Part 1
In the Pursuit of Trivial Things
It was September the 1^st and the scarlet steam engine that plied its trade as the famed Hogwart's Express was ready for business. All the students were aboard and so was the luggage, every one was seated and waiting. The driver gave a toot on his train whistle and the express started to slowly draw out of the station. All was as it should be except for the figure that was standing on the tracks a few meters in front of the train, which was gathering speed fast. The driver slammed on the brakes, metal screeching in protest and students yelping with shock and pain. The train came within inches of the unmoving figure. The figure reached out a hand and touched the train lightly before mumbling under his breath "who paints a train scarlet? Good god I'm going to a school of pansies!" The distinctly humanoid form skirted the outside of the train, stopping at a sliding door before yanking it open calmly and entering the train.
Meanwhile in the last carriage of the steam engine three people had jumped to their feet and wore a distinct look of panic on their young faces. There were two boys and a girl, of roughly the same age and height. One of the boys had a flare of red hair that looked almost radioactive he also had an impressive collection of freckles - no doubt fall-out from his nuclear head of hair. The other boy had sinister looking black hair that stuck out at chaotic angles and a lightning shaped scar that ran down his forehead and gave him a mysterious appearance. The girl had bushy brown hair and brown eyes. All three wore casual clothes even if they were abominations against the name of fashion.
"What was that?" Hermione gasped as she ran to the door opening it cautiously. Hermione screamed and leapt backwards, careering into Ron and knocking them both to the ground. Legolas stepped into the carriage giving the sprawled Ron and Hermione a questioning look.
"What are you doing?" Hermione and Ron quickly rose, looking decidedly embarrassed.
"Wh...Who are you?" Stammered Harry. Legolas turned his head slowly towards Harry.
"I'm Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood and soon to be your new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher." Hermione was staring at Legolas, mouth open, eyes wide. Legolas casually flicked his hand at the chairs.
"Please go find a new carriage as I need this one for storage purposes." Harry was about to protest when he noticed Hermione was dribbling on the carpet.
"Can I be part of your luggage?" she asked in a lame attempt of being seductive. Harry and Ron spluttered and Legolas looked horrified.
"NO!" he almost shouted and then executed a quick dance all the while squealing.
"Ewgh! Ewgh! Ewgh!"
Ron, Harry and Hermoine quickly departed and Legolas rubbed his hands together with glee.
"Right, to business what shall I wear?" He opened a large trunk to his left and started to rummage throwing sparkly spandex tights all over the floor. Finally he sat down and burst into tears.
"I have nothing to wear." He wailed. After he had dried his eyes and checked to make sure they weren't puffy he decided on a pair of shiny flared black pants and a ruffled red shirt. He did a couple of twirls in front of his fold out wall mirror and smoothed down his hair. Sliding open the carriage door he went for a stroll down the corridor. When he was about halfway down he heard beautiful music it sounded like....Legolas said an elevish swearword under his breath and flung open the door.
"GET AWAY FROM BONZA!" he yelled
A stunningly handsome boy was pressed against the left wall of the carriage and a giant silver bow took up the rest of the space. The boy was about a head shorter than Legolas but his hair and facial features were remarkably similar. He was frozen with one pale hand plucking at the bows string while the other was in front of his stomach. It looked suspiciously like he was playing the air guitar. The boy suddenly came to his senses and dropped his hands.
"Yeah?" he sneered. "and what if I don't?"
"I'll stick one of my arrows up where the sun don't shine, that's what I'll do." Legolas answered putting on his best bogan voice that surprised even himself.
The boys face suddenly split into a wide grin.
"I like you. I believe I could really mesh with you. Malfoy, Draco Malfoy."
"Sorry?"
"It's my name."
"You're kidding, that's awful I might talk to you but only out of pity. What are your parents' names? No don't tell me I think I might die." Legolas cackled. Draco's eyes brimmed with tears but he quickly blinked them back and smiled with him.
"So," he finally squeaked out, "why do you call your bow Bonza?"
Legolas looked at him scathingly.
"Because it is his name." he shook his head and ushered Malfoy out of the compartment. Suddenly a voice boomed from somewhere overhead.
"We will be reaching Hogwarts in precisely 10 minutes please make sure that you have changed into your robes and" suddenly the voice became deeper and louder "IF THERE IS ANY LITTER, GRAFFITI OR STRANGE SMELLING LIQUIDS IN ANY OF THE CARRIAGES YOU WILL ALL PAY. MWHA, HA, HA, HA!"
Legolas gave Malfoy a sympathetic pat on the shoulder and said:
"Sorry again about your name kid." Before striding down the corridor to pack all his clothes back into his trunks. Legolas recruited some of the quivering first years to clean up his `storage compartment' while he walked up and down the hallway, ice blond hair streaming out behind him.
When the train came to a stop Legolas was the first to disembark. He completely disregarded the steps and jumped down landing elegantly, dust clouds swirling. Hagrid was gathering the agitated first years to him before leading them to his armada of little boats. Meanwhile Legolas stepped into the light of a lamp post where he proceeded to survey his surroundings. Every single set of female eyes in range snapped onto him. Legolas flicked his hair before heading off in the direction of a horse drawn carriage. The carriage was already full of giggling 6^th year Ravenclaw girls. Legolas grinned as their eyes glazed over and hands dropped limply to their sides.
"Do you mind if I sit here? It will be a bit of a squeeze but I'm sure we'll manage!"
"Yes, absolutely, certainly, defiantly yeahh.. eh... I feel dizzy..." Said a slight but pretty girl of Asian persuasion.
"Perhaps we should open a window?"
Harry and Ron had just spent the last 10 minutes leading the dazed Hermione around by the arm. When they had finally managed to drag her into a carriage she had calmed down slightly.
"Who was that... that god?" Hermione was still sweating slightly.
"What? The new defence against the Dark Arts teacher?" Hermione's breathing quickened.
"You mean he teaches... I'll...We'll be seeing him on a permanent basis?" Ron was staring at Hermione with a worried expression on his face.
"I assume so Hermione... Maybe you should have a lie down when we get to the castle." Ron patted Hermione on the shoulder reassuringly.
"Maybe she should go to the infirmary!" Harry mumbled, crossing his arms in annoyance.
The ride to the castle was all too quick for some. But eventually everyone arrived. The Great Hall hasn't changed at all thought Harry as he walked in, hands guiding Hermione. Finally Professor M came in, sorting hat in hand and first years trailing behind. She unrolled a tattered scroll and cleared her throat. Suddenly the doors boomed open to reveal the new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher striding towards her dressed in a diamond dust black suit complete with a shiny metallic garnet shirt and a black satin tie. He also wore a standard issue black robe which he had altered so it resembled a trench coat. His ice blond hair billowed behind him revealing his pointy elfish ears for every one to view. Atop his head he wore the best hat in the world. He walked up to the shocked Professor M and bowed elegantly.
"Sorry madam, please continue." A stray blond lock fell in front of his auburn eyes. Professor M let the sorting hat fall to the floor as she uncontrollably stared after the retreating ice blond god. The hat let out a muffled yelp as it hit the floor snapping Professor M from her temporary stupor.
"Um ah.." She glanced down at the scroll. " Olleh. Rolias Olleh!" Nobody moved. Ron looked at Harry with a confused look on his face. He mouthed something then turned to Harry.
"Harry why'd she just say hello sailor?" Harry stared at Ron then at Professor M then back at Ron. Harry sniggered.
"It's a pick up line Ron... I think Professor M is fantasising about the new teacher!"
Suddenly every Griffindor turned and stared at Harry, then Professor M and finally to Legolas who was at that moment picking a piece of parsley from his teeth. When all the eyes fell on him he closed his mouth with a snap and regarded them all with disdain. By now the Griffindor table was in hysterics imagining Professor M with Legolas. With a wave of his hand Legolas called The D Man to his side. He leaned close and whispered:
"Why are all those children laughing in my direction?"
"They are just having fun. They're a bit excited; after all it is their first night back at school."
"Whoopee." Legolas drawled sarcastically "I take it they don't get out much. Bunch of losers." Standing up suddenly he took a deep breath which was, in retrospect, a very bad idea...
You see Legolas's shirt was already very tight and when he filled his manly chest with air it couldn't take the pressure. It burst open with a loud bang just as he screamed at the assembled children:
"WHAT ARE YOU ALL LOOKING AT?!"
His tie flew away like a helicopter propeller narrowly missing Professor Trewlany's forehead and instead knocking her vulgar hat off her head which was probably a kindness to all involved. The buttons, however, wrecked much more havoc. There were 10 buttons in all and each one sped off like miniature ninja stars. The first casualty in this episode was little, scrawny Colin Creevey who took a button straight in the eye. He fell screaming and soon 9 others followed suit while many students sought cover. The force of Legolas's shirt exploding had caused all the tables and chairs to fly to the sides of the rooms taking the smaller children with them. Several people were concussed and screaming filled the large hall as girls realised that they could see Legolas' bare chest. Legolas was the only one left standing except Wood who was leaning against the wall to the new defence against the dark arts teacher's left. He put his head in his hands and beckoned for Legolas to follow him.
The elf, still bemused by the sight of destruction and mayhem that his simple act had caused, silently followed him out of the hall. Once round the corner Wood took Legolas by the shoulders and clicked his fingers. Crabbe ran from the Hall carrying a chair complete with a bemused 2^nd year under his beefy arm. Crabbe sat the chair down then left, bowing first. Oliver Wood led Legolas to the chair.
"Shoo!" He motioned at the 2^nd year but to no avail. Legolas noticed Oliver's predicament and with his incredible elfish strength he ripped a section out of the stair case banister and handed it to Oliver. Oliver poked the baffled child snooker style off the chair and onto the floor.
"Nice technique" Said Legolas as he straightened the remanets of his collar as well as he could.
"Thanks... Now Legolas I have to commend you on your brilliant entry it was... breath taking - no pun intended!" Legolas smiled knowingly. "I suppose you are wondering why I brought you here."
"To execute the first task I presume?" Oliver nodded obviously impressed.
"Well done. Then I suppose all I have to do is give you these mission briefings," Oliver produced an envelope from his coat pocket and waved it at Legolas "and you will know what to do?"
"Yes" Legolas started to pick at the ravaged seams of his wounded shirt. Oliver grasped Legolas's slim but strong hand.
"It's beyond repair dear... let it go..." Legolas's usually cool features were replaced with a distressed look
"But it was an Armani..." Legolas's lips started to quiver.
~*~
This is part 1 of chapter 3 In the Pursuit of Trivial Things. The next part will be up soon, very soon.
Silence while the Stafia speak! Yeah, yeah rock on yeah!... sounds of shouts "Oi you get away from that micro phone you little vagabond!... Stafia here... we feel silly... not much more to say really though as we are the Stafia and we do grant last requests we'd like to inform you that that little vagabond's last words were ` let them review - DON'T POKE THAT!' let at least one of his dying requests be granted."
P.S The poking happened.