Letting the Bad in with the Good.
Part 8
Fred gently closed the door behind her. Angel's words were echoing in her head. She had to talk to Gunn, explain how she was feeling, and hopefully save what relationship they have left. Gunn had only touched her once. When the force was destroyed, they woke up and found they were holding hands.
Gunn had pulled her up and held her close to him. Fred wanted that so badly to happen again. She walked slowly into the kitchen where Cordelia and Gunn sat silently. Lorne had woken up only a little while before Wesley, who insisted on bringing Lorne back to the Hyperion. Fred got the feeling he didn't want to be near her, which was understandable.
He had lost control again, and tried to hurt her again, but Fred knew that, no matter how much he cared for her, he would never force himself upon her. The thought of that made her think of Gunn. He now knew that she was under the force's influence when they...Fred stopped thinking about that. It hurt too much.
It was Cordelia who looked up when Fred came in. "How is he?" she asked eagerly. Fred smiled. "Awake." He replied weakly. Cordelia was up on her feet and running for the room in no time. Fred watched Gunn for a while. He wasn't looking up at her on purpose, but Angel was right. This was going to kill them if they kept it inside. "Charles," Fred said. He looked up. "We have to talk."
***
"Cordelia." Angel said weakly. It wasn't the best opener, but it was all he was thinking about. Tears made her eyes shimmer and she practically ran over and threw her arms around him. "I'm so sorry." She cried. Her whole body was shaking with her sobs as Angel slowly wrapped his arms around her. This wasn't what he expected at all.
Angel was expecting awkwardness and him having to force Cordelia to talk about what happened. "It's OK. I'm fine." He replied, deciding it safer to assume that she was worried about him waking up. She pulled back slightly and she knew he wasn't buying it. "You know what I mean." She said to him.
He nodded slowly. "I am so sorry. I can't even say that enough." Cordelia said as she grabbed his hand and held it near her heart. "You don't have to-" "Don't pretend that this doesn't bother you, Angel," Cordelia interrupted him. "The things I said and did...I know that I'm disgusted with myself."
"You can't help it if that's the way you feel." Angel replied to her as he pulled his hand away. "Don't push me away Angel, please," Cordelia pleaded. "I may sometimes wish that my life was normal, but I know that it wouldn't be as good as it is now."
"Good?" Angel scoffed. "This is what you consider good? You nearly died." Cordelia looked taken back, but Angel could see she wasn't giving up so easily. "Yeah, but you saved me. That's the reason why it's good Angel." "What are you talking about?" he asked. Cordelia exhaled. She got up and began pacing. "You, stupid! You're why it's good. I never thought you could mean this much to me, but after all we've been through you do!"
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He also couldn't believe what he was going to say. "I can't mean that much to you, just like you can't mean that much to me." "Why did you kiss me then?" Cordelia asked. Angel put his face in his hands, trying to make this moment go away so it would be over.
"I don't know." He replied weakly. "Don't give me that crap," Cordelia screamed. "If you hadn't kissed me Angel, I would have kissed you." Angel wasn't here. He wasn't experiencing something he had thought about for a while now. Then it hit him, the words he had said to Fred. He had to stop this. Stop burying his feelings until they consumed him. Angel was beating around the bush, trying his hardest not to say what he wanted to say to Cordelia.
"Listen, this isn't about the kiss for me. That's not why I'm pushing you away." He confessed. Cordy furrowed her brow and asked, "Why then?" "You were terrified of me when you were under the influence of the force. I don't know if I can be around you when I know that's how you feel deep down."
"OK, you saw like how I felt times a million, Angel. I already told you that I sometimes wish I had a normal life." Cordelia replied. Angel wasn't convinced, and Cordelia saw this. "Don't you understand that I had the chance for a normal life and I gave it all up? I gave it up for you."
"I don't deserve it." Angel told her after a beat. "You deserve so much more than you let yourself think you do." Cordelia said as she sat next to him on the bed. "I was just going to tell you that." Angel said back. "Can't we just put this past us? I honestly don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Angel."
Angel pulled her closer to him and they held each other. It was his way of saying that they could move on from this. That's how they remained for the rest of the day, sitting there, holding each other, and worrying about nothing else but being right where they are.
Part 8
Fred gently closed the door behind her. Angel's words were echoing in her head. She had to talk to Gunn, explain how she was feeling, and hopefully save what relationship they have left. Gunn had only touched her once. When the force was destroyed, they woke up and found they were holding hands.
Gunn had pulled her up and held her close to him. Fred wanted that so badly to happen again. She walked slowly into the kitchen where Cordelia and Gunn sat silently. Lorne had woken up only a little while before Wesley, who insisted on bringing Lorne back to the Hyperion. Fred got the feeling he didn't want to be near her, which was understandable.
He had lost control again, and tried to hurt her again, but Fred knew that, no matter how much he cared for her, he would never force himself upon her. The thought of that made her think of Gunn. He now knew that she was under the force's influence when they...Fred stopped thinking about that. It hurt too much.
It was Cordelia who looked up when Fred came in. "How is he?" she asked eagerly. Fred smiled. "Awake." He replied weakly. Cordelia was up on her feet and running for the room in no time. Fred watched Gunn for a while. He wasn't looking up at her on purpose, but Angel was right. This was going to kill them if they kept it inside. "Charles," Fred said. He looked up. "We have to talk."
***
"Cordelia." Angel said weakly. It wasn't the best opener, but it was all he was thinking about. Tears made her eyes shimmer and she practically ran over and threw her arms around him. "I'm so sorry." She cried. Her whole body was shaking with her sobs as Angel slowly wrapped his arms around her. This wasn't what he expected at all.
Angel was expecting awkwardness and him having to force Cordelia to talk about what happened. "It's OK. I'm fine." He replied, deciding it safer to assume that she was worried about him waking up. She pulled back slightly and she knew he wasn't buying it. "You know what I mean." She said to him.
He nodded slowly. "I am so sorry. I can't even say that enough." Cordelia said as she grabbed his hand and held it near her heart. "You don't have to-" "Don't pretend that this doesn't bother you, Angel," Cordelia interrupted him. "The things I said and did...I know that I'm disgusted with myself."
"You can't help it if that's the way you feel." Angel replied to her as he pulled his hand away. "Don't push me away Angel, please," Cordelia pleaded. "I may sometimes wish that my life was normal, but I know that it wouldn't be as good as it is now."
"Good?" Angel scoffed. "This is what you consider good? You nearly died." Cordelia looked taken back, but Angel could see she wasn't giving up so easily. "Yeah, but you saved me. That's the reason why it's good Angel." "What are you talking about?" he asked. Cordelia exhaled. She got up and began pacing. "You, stupid! You're why it's good. I never thought you could mean this much to me, but after all we've been through you do!"
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He also couldn't believe what he was going to say. "I can't mean that much to you, just like you can't mean that much to me." "Why did you kiss me then?" Cordelia asked. Angel put his face in his hands, trying to make this moment go away so it would be over.
"I don't know." He replied weakly. "Don't give me that crap," Cordelia screamed. "If you hadn't kissed me Angel, I would have kissed you." Angel wasn't here. He wasn't experiencing something he had thought about for a while now. Then it hit him, the words he had said to Fred. He had to stop this. Stop burying his feelings until they consumed him. Angel was beating around the bush, trying his hardest not to say what he wanted to say to Cordelia.
"Listen, this isn't about the kiss for me. That's not why I'm pushing you away." He confessed. Cordy furrowed her brow and asked, "Why then?" "You were terrified of me when you were under the influence of the force. I don't know if I can be around you when I know that's how you feel deep down."
"OK, you saw like how I felt times a million, Angel. I already told you that I sometimes wish I had a normal life." Cordelia replied. Angel wasn't convinced, and Cordelia saw this. "Don't you understand that I had the chance for a normal life and I gave it all up? I gave it up for you."
"I don't deserve it." Angel told her after a beat. "You deserve so much more than you let yourself think you do." Cordelia said as she sat next to him on the bed. "I was just going to tell you that." Angel said back. "Can't we just put this past us? I honestly don't know what I'd do if I lost you, Angel."
Angel pulled her closer to him and they held each other. It was his way of saying that they could move on from this. That's how they remained for the rest of the day, sitting there, holding each other, and worrying about nothing else but being right where they are.