They gots the munchies for a California cheese burger!
Pippin knocked three times on the big round front door at Bag End, and waited for a response.
"Who is it?" Frodo's voice called from within.
"It's me cousin! It's me, Pippin!" The door opened, but instead of Frodo, it was Sam.
"Thank goodness you're here too Sam! I need to talk with the both of you."
"Is something wrong?" Frodo asked, coming up from behind Sam.
"No, I just need to ask you two some questions, all right?" Both the hobbits behinds the door nodded, and ushered Pip in and placed him by the fire. There's always a fire in a hobbit's house, always.
"So," Frodo said sitting down beside his cousin, "what seems to be bothering you, must be something big."
"Why do you say that?"
"Usually when you have a problem you talk to that mean old friend of your Merry." Sam called from the kitchen.
"Something smells good, what are you two having?"
"Nothing special, now tell me what is wrong." Pip quickly explained his situation of not understanding where babies came from, and that somehow in trying to learn more he pissed off his friend Merry.
"That Merry, he's a mean one!"
"You only say that cause he says your fat." Pippin laughed. Yes, Sam was a fat one! Merry was quite observant.
"Well, would you like us to explain to you how babies are made?" Frodo asked. Pippin nodded. "All right! Sam, may I see you in the bedroom?"
"Now, don't you be touching our dinner." Sam wagged a finger in front of Pip's nose, then followed his lover into the bedroom.
"Wonder what they're up to?"
Pippin waited, and waited, and waited. He waited until the sun set itself in the western fields of the Shire, and the sound of workers coming home could be heard from an open window. Pippin just sat there, waiting, singing to himself.
Well she glides around the globe, and she'll flim-flam every nation
She's a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery
Her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
(To Howlin: Camp picked this one out. Come on, it's funny!)
"Hello!" The bedroom door swung open, revealing two very excited looking hobbits, both with their hands behind their backs.
"Oh goody! A surprise!" Pippin clapped his hands together.
"All right, Sam and I decided the best way to explain this whole sort of thing to you. So, for your entertainment Mr. Peregrin Took, may we present our…" Frodo and Sam dived behind their couch. Moments later, two sock disguised as their puppeteers popped out from behind, "Puppet Sex Theater!" Pippin smiled, a look a child-like delight was clear on his face. The look became even more obvious when a small Pip like puppet sock jumped up.
"That's me!" Pippin pointed and laughed.
"Hello Frodo," said the Pip puppet, "tell me, where do babies come from?"
"I'll tell you!" The Sam puppet shouted.
"Oh yes, do tell!" The real Pippin called to the stage. He was excited to see where all the drama was going. Would Puppet Pip ever know the truth?
"You see, when two hobbits are in love, they come together, to have sex."
"Yes, yes I know!"
"Sometimes, when having sex," the Frodo puppet took over, "something very special happens to the man. When he gets arouse he,"
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" All the puppets froze as a new one took the scene. It had two blue button eyes and a lump of curly blond hair.
"It's Mer!" Pippin clapped for his miniature friend.
"Sam, what are you doing?" Frodo whispered from behind the couch. All the puppets fell limp. "You said you wouldn't do this!"
"I'm sorry love, but I hate that bastard so much!"
"Why because he calls you fat?"
"No, he won't even do that! It's always some cruel taunt like butterball, butter cheeks, tons o fun!"
"He's Pips friend! Besides, you being bigger means there's just more to love!" Pippin was watching this whole scene with the utmost intent of learning what was to happen next. Everyone seemed to have died, or fallen asleep. Yes, they were sleep talking!
"My, my," Pippin whispered to himself, "this is quite a play!"
"You like that, don't you, you filthy whore!"
"Oh yes, higher, higher, that's it! Oh Frodo!"
"I got more where that came from." The Merry puppet fell over, and the others began to make strange sounds, especially those Sam and Frodo ones. Strange, strange panting noises. Pippin felt as if he were to cry.
"No one said it was a tragedy." His eyes rested upon the fallen Merry. "I can't take anymore!" Pippin lifted himself from his seat and headed behind the couch with the intent of asking the two to stop the horrible tragedy. How was he supposed to know so many people he knew died in the process of birth? As the saddened hobbit turned the corner, what he saw, strangely enough, cleared up most of the things Merry could not explain to him.
"Oh," he whispered, not wanting to disturb the naked Sam and Frodo, "that's a booty call!"
The moaning and love making continued, and Pip made himself comfortable in the kitchen. The two were to busy booty calling, so he decided to help himself to dinner. Lifting up the top of a pot on the stove, Pippin found the first thing that night that would actually shock him, believe it or not.
"P-potatoes!" The poor boy stuttered. A big pot of boiling potatoes was sitting right under his nose. It was all coming together now. The potatoes, the puppets, the booty call, babies, and the butter! All of these thoughts were spinning around madly inside Pips head as he sprinted for the door. Frodo and Sam could have babies, but not for loving, no, they wanted to eat them! And booty call the night away!
"I have to find Merry," Pippin cried, running down the unoccupied dirt road, "I just have to find Merry!"
Pippin knocked three times on the big round front door at Bag End, and waited for a response.
"Who is it?" Frodo's voice called from within.
"It's me cousin! It's me, Pippin!" The door opened, but instead of Frodo, it was Sam.
"Thank goodness you're here too Sam! I need to talk with the both of you."
"Is something wrong?" Frodo asked, coming up from behind Sam.
"No, I just need to ask you two some questions, all right?" Both the hobbits behinds the door nodded, and ushered Pip in and placed him by the fire. There's always a fire in a hobbit's house, always.
"So," Frodo said sitting down beside his cousin, "what seems to be bothering you, must be something big."
"Why do you say that?"
"Usually when you have a problem you talk to that mean old friend of your Merry." Sam called from the kitchen.
"Something smells good, what are you two having?"
"Nothing special, now tell me what is wrong." Pip quickly explained his situation of not understanding where babies came from, and that somehow in trying to learn more he pissed off his friend Merry.
"That Merry, he's a mean one!"
"You only say that cause he says your fat." Pippin laughed. Yes, Sam was a fat one! Merry was quite observant.
"Well, would you like us to explain to you how babies are made?" Frodo asked. Pippin nodded. "All right! Sam, may I see you in the bedroom?"
"Now, don't you be touching our dinner." Sam wagged a finger in front of Pip's nose, then followed his lover into the bedroom.
"Wonder what they're up to?"
Pippin waited, and waited, and waited. He waited until the sun set itself in the western fields of the Shire, and the sound of workers coming home could be heard from an open window. Pippin just sat there, waiting, singing to himself.
Well she glides around the globe, and she'll flim-flam every nation
She's a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery
Her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations
Tell me, where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?
(To Howlin: Camp picked this one out. Come on, it's funny!)
"Hello!" The bedroom door swung open, revealing two very excited looking hobbits, both with their hands behind their backs.
"Oh goody! A surprise!" Pippin clapped his hands together.
"All right, Sam and I decided the best way to explain this whole sort of thing to you. So, for your entertainment Mr. Peregrin Took, may we present our…" Frodo and Sam dived behind their couch. Moments later, two sock disguised as their puppeteers popped out from behind, "Puppet Sex Theater!" Pippin smiled, a look a child-like delight was clear on his face. The look became even more obvious when a small Pip like puppet sock jumped up.
"That's me!" Pippin pointed and laughed.
"Hello Frodo," said the Pip puppet, "tell me, where do babies come from?"
"I'll tell you!" The Sam puppet shouted.
"Oh yes, do tell!" The real Pippin called to the stage. He was excited to see where all the drama was going. Would Puppet Pip ever know the truth?
"You see, when two hobbits are in love, they come together, to have sex."
"Yes, yes I know!"
"Sometimes, when having sex," the Frodo puppet took over, "something very special happens to the man. When he gets arouse he,"
"STOP RIGHT THERE!" All the puppets froze as a new one took the scene. It had two blue button eyes and a lump of curly blond hair.
"It's Mer!" Pippin clapped for his miniature friend.
"Sam, what are you doing?" Frodo whispered from behind the couch. All the puppets fell limp. "You said you wouldn't do this!"
"I'm sorry love, but I hate that bastard so much!"
"Why because he calls you fat?"
"No, he won't even do that! It's always some cruel taunt like butterball, butter cheeks, tons o fun!"
"He's Pips friend! Besides, you being bigger means there's just more to love!" Pippin was watching this whole scene with the utmost intent of learning what was to happen next. Everyone seemed to have died, or fallen asleep. Yes, they were sleep talking!
"My, my," Pippin whispered to himself, "this is quite a play!"
"You like that, don't you, you filthy whore!"
"Oh yes, higher, higher, that's it! Oh Frodo!"
"I got more where that came from." The Merry puppet fell over, and the others began to make strange sounds, especially those Sam and Frodo ones. Strange, strange panting noises. Pippin felt as if he were to cry.
"No one said it was a tragedy." His eyes rested upon the fallen Merry. "I can't take anymore!" Pippin lifted himself from his seat and headed behind the couch with the intent of asking the two to stop the horrible tragedy. How was he supposed to know so many people he knew died in the process of birth? As the saddened hobbit turned the corner, what he saw, strangely enough, cleared up most of the things Merry could not explain to him.
"Oh," he whispered, not wanting to disturb the naked Sam and Frodo, "that's a booty call!"
The moaning and love making continued, and Pip made himself comfortable in the kitchen. The two were to busy booty calling, so he decided to help himself to dinner. Lifting up the top of a pot on the stove, Pippin found the first thing that night that would actually shock him, believe it or not.
"P-potatoes!" The poor boy stuttered. A big pot of boiling potatoes was sitting right under his nose. It was all coming together now. The potatoes, the puppets, the booty call, babies, and the butter! All of these thoughts were spinning around madly inside Pips head as he sprinted for the door. Frodo and Sam could have babies, but not for loving, no, they wanted to eat them! And booty call the night away!
"I have to find Merry," Pippin cried, running down the unoccupied dirt road, "I just have to find Merry!"