Sex, drugs, Pippin. What doesn't belong?
"Was it good for you?"
"Oh yeah, that was a good sex, love," Merry drew from his pipe. Nothing like a smoke after a bit of the in out with the loosest hobbit in the Shire.
"So, how much do I owe you, Mer," Estella Bulger (note: Merry's future wife, not an OC!) asked casually pushing her long dark hair out of her face. Merry exhaled, filling the room with the intoxicating smell of sweet Shire grass.
"Consider it on the house, my lady." Both smiled, and Estella took the pipe From Merry.
"MERRY! MEEEEEEERRY!" The peaceful moment was soon interrupted by the wailing of young Pippin, running up the road. "MERRY! WHERE ARE YOU? THIS IS IMPORTANT!"
"Probably wants to ask me where babies come from again," Merry sighed rolling over.
"Why would he ask something like that?
"'Cause he's a moron who thinks hobbits come from potatoes!" Merry leapt naked from the bed. "Where are my pants?"
"I don't know," Estella replied seductively, "maybe you left them in the bed."
"I would come and check, but right now I don't have the time. Pip is likely to hurt himself with a blunt object and or a small woodland creature in the time it'd take us to, well," Merry eyed the naked Estella, "you know."
"No, I don't.
"Sex. Sex, sex, sex. Hey, one more time, SEX! Happy?"
"Actions speak louder than words my dear Merry,"
"Shut up and help me find my pants."
"MERRY! Oi, Mer! Where are you?" Pip was close to tears. His friend Merry was no where to be found, and by now Frodo and Sam were surely munching down on those poor helpless babies.
"MER? MER?" No response. He was all alone. Pippin fell to the ground sobbing. What a horrible night!
"Pip, what's wrong?" Pippin looked up, his vision blurred with tears. It was Merry, wearing nothing but a pair of pants and his suspenders hanging to the side. No shirt or vest, just his naked chest. "This had better be good." Merry drew from the pipe in his hand. Pippin used a sleeve to dry his eyes, and then extended a hand.
"I want a smoke."
Pippin smoked and smoked, the smoked some more. He was feeling better now that he had found Merry.
"So, what has gotten you in such a state?" Merry asked, a hint of concern in his voice.
"Frodo and Sam, they're eating babies!" There was a silence, a long silence as Merry tried to understand what Pippin had said. The brunette did have a knack for getting things confused, seeing as how he was Pippin, but Merry could not think of what he confused for being "eating babies." But most likely, Frodo and Sam were doing no such thing.
"Where were they doing this now?"
"At Bag End. I went to talk with them, about babies, and then they were eating babies, and booty calling!"
"You don't know what a booty call is!"
"I do now!" Merry rolled his eyes.
As fast as they could, the two friends made their way down to Frodo's home, hoping to clear up this crazy situation.
"They're in the kitchen Mer, in a pot! Unless they've eaten them!"
"Calm down now," Merry was trying his hardest to keep poor Pippin for having a spaz attack. He lifted his hand to knock on the door, but was quickly stopped by a squeak behind him. "What?"
"We can't do that," Pippin whispered, "they're evil! They might still be hungry and eat us!"
"The only one you should be worried about eating us is Sam, and I could drop his buttery bum and day of the week! And we've known Frodo all our lives. He hasn't eaten us before, why would he start now?"
"Please Merry, let's just peep in the window!" Merry sighed, then motioned for his friend to follow him around the side of the house.
What they saw, well, was just a repeat if earlier.
"I'm coming!"
"Frodo, yes, more, I NEED MORE DAMMIT!"
"Sam, panting Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" And so on. Many strange noises were coming from behind the couch. Merry just stared, jaw dropped, Pippin was just sniffing around for food.
"What the hell? Pip, they aren't eating babies!"
"What are they eating?"
"Shut up Pip! No time for more questions!"
"Tell me! I'm hungry!"
"Not for that buddy." Merry, at this point, decided to cover Pippin's eyes. He could see the multitudes of questions swarming in the hobbits little mind. Questions he didn't want to answer.
"Merry? What they're doing, is THAT a booty call?"
THERE IS MORE! Sorry this chapter kinda sucked, but I other things I have to do okay, you people don't control my life!
"Was it good for you?"
"Oh yeah, that was a good sex, love," Merry drew from his pipe. Nothing like a smoke after a bit of the in out with the loosest hobbit in the Shire.
"So, how much do I owe you, Mer," Estella Bulger (note: Merry's future wife, not an OC!) asked casually pushing her long dark hair out of her face. Merry exhaled, filling the room with the intoxicating smell of sweet Shire grass.
"Consider it on the house, my lady." Both smiled, and Estella took the pipe From Merry.
"MERRY! MEEEEEEERRY!" The peaceful moment was soon interrupted by the wailing of young Pippin, running up the road. "MERRY! WHERE ARE YOU? THIS IS IMPORTANT!"
"Probably wants to ask me where babies come from again," Merry sighed rolling over.
"Why would he ask something like that?
"'Cause he's a moron who thinks hobbits come from potatoes!" Merry leapt naked from the bed. "Where are my pants?"
"I don't know," Estella replied seductively, "maybe you left them in the bed."
"I would come and check, but right now I don't have the time. Pip is likely to hurt himself with a blunt object and or a small woodland creature in the time it'd take us to, well," Merry eyed the naked Estella, "you know."
"No, I don't.
"Sex. Sex, sex, sex. Hey, one more time, SEX! Happy?"
"Actions speak louder than words my dear Merry,"
"Shut up and help me find my pants."
"MERRY! Oi, Mer! Where are you?" Pip was close to tears. His friend Merry was no where to be found, and by now Frodo and Sam were surely munching down on those poor helpless babies.
"MER? MER?" No response. He was all alone. Pippin fell to the ground sobbing. What a horrible night!
"Pip, what's wrong?" Pippin looked up, his vision blurred with tears. It was Merry, wearing nothing but a pair of pants and his suspenders hanging to the side. No shirt or vest, just his naked chest. "This had better be good." Merry drew from the pipe in his hand. Pippin used a sleeve to dry his eyes, and then extended a hand.
"I want a smoke."
Pippin smoked and smoked, the smoked some more. He was feeling better now that he had found Merry.
"So, what has gotten you in such a state?" Merry asked, a hint of concern in his voice.
"Frodo and Sam, they're eating babies!" There was a silence, a long silence as Merry tried to understand what Pippin had said. The brunette did have a knack for getting things confused, seeing as how he was Pippin, but Merry could not think of what he confused for being "eating babies." But most likely, Frodo and Sam were doing no such thing.
"Where were they doing this now?"
"At Bag End. I went to talk with them, about babies, and then they were eating babies, and booty calling!"
"You don't know what a booty call is!"
"I do now!" Merry rolled his eyes.
As fast as they could, the two friends made their way down to Frodo's home, hoping to clear up this crazy situation.
"They're in the kitchen Mer, in a pot! Unless they've eaten them!"
"Calm down now," Merry was trying his hardest to keep poor Pippin for having a spaz attack. He lifted his hand to knock on the door, but was quickly stopped by a squeak behind him. "What?"
"We can't do that," Pippin whispered, "they're evil! They might still be hungry and eat us!"
"The only one you should be worried about eating us is Sam, and I could drop his buttery bum and day of the week! And we've known Frodo all our lives. He hasn't eaten us before, why would he start now?"
"Please Merry, let's just peep in the window!" Merry sighed, then motioned for his friend to follow him around the side of the house.
What they saw, well, was just a repeat if earlier.
"I'm coming!"
"Frodo, yes, more, I NEED MORE DAMMIT!"
"Sam, panting Oh YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" And so on. Many strange noises were coming from behind the couch. Merry just stared, jaw dropped, Pippin was just sniffing around for food.
"What the hell? Pip, they aren't eating babies!"
"What are they eating?"
"Shut up Pip! No time for more questions!"
"Tell me! I'm hungry!"
"Not for that buddy." Merry, at this point, decided to cover Pippin's eyes. He could see the multitudes of questions swarming in the hobbits little mind. Questions he didn't want to answer.
"Merry? What they're doing, is THAT a booty call?"
THERE IS MORE! Sorry this chapter kinda sucked, but I other things I have to do okay, you people don't control my life!