CHAPTER 8 - ENIGMA
« Poor Emily. » Dennis' mom, Greta, laughed bitterly. « She didn't fare too well in the family department as i can see.I guess you ARE meant to let her die at ever chance you get. » she proudly smiled under Cordelia's icy stare.
« Shut up! » Cordy gritted through her teeth.
Cordelia leaned on Angel's shoulder and he helped her up into a seating position. She could feel the rage welling up inside of him by the second. She had to grab his forearm to stop him from throwing himself at the demon and killing her right there. For some reason she did not feel like that was the greatest plan at the moment. There were some things fishy still about this entire situation.
« And what will you do to me if I don't? » she wickedly smiled.
Angel and Cordelia got up and stiid in front of the translucent image of Dennis' mom. Protectively, Angel stood slightly in front of Cordy, placing a gentle hand on her arm.
« Stay back. » he said protectively.
« Awww. » The demon-ghost gushed. « How chivalrous of you, but I'll have you know that that bitch here is not exactly a lady in distress. »
Cordelia glared at the woman in front of her with a stare that could kill on demand. Angel remained expressionless as he stared in front of him, his hand still holding Cordy's behind his back.
"You can't escape me..and you sure cannot escape her greatest fear." she then pointed out to an unusually quiet Angel. "You can't escape anything. It's a rule I pleasantly made up myself." she then grinned widely.
"Shut up." Angel finally spoke in a stunningly calm tone. "I don't know what you did to Wesley and Emily, but I will make you pay. You haven't won anything."
Dennis' mother simply smiled in reply.
"I have to admit that I did not expect that, you, Big Guy here, would jump right in to save her."
"Well, then you obviously don't know him." Cordy rolled her eyes.
"Things have indeed changed in the last three years." she mused. "But I guess you knew the risks you were taking.I would be foolish not to play on it." She admitted with strange amusement, addressing Angel once again.
Angel felt the anger gravitate inside of him, his fists tightening dramatically. The only thing that held him back was the slight pull of Cordelia's hand. She seemed to be silently trying to calm him down, and oddly enough, it worked. To a certain degree that is.
"You're afraid." Greta, the evil mother from hell, whispered with inner pleasure.
Cordelia and Angel simply stared at her. Seeing the satisfaction in her eyes agitated Angel once again, but this time Cordelia grabbed his hand firmly and held him back, trying to calm him down.
"Angel don't." she whispered to him, reminding him of what happened the last time he tried to hurt her.
"Very wise decision." Dennis' mother pointed out and then broke into a huge grin. "Fortunately, I am wiser." She then claimed. "And I know how scared you are." She then added, addressing a stoned-face Cordy.
"I'm not afraid of you." Cordelia muttered, holding back her anger.
"I didn't say you were afraid of me."
There was a long silence that followed these words. Angel and Cordy looked at one another before going back to staring at her.
As she spoke the words, Angel and Cordelia's hands clasped together, as if they took comfort in the simple knowledge that someone else was standing beside them.
The ghost waved her hand in a swift movement and a secret door appeared behind her. She moved, glared wickedly towards Cordy and Angel and then laughed out loud.
"This is what you truly are afraid of, and for once, I had nothing to do with it." She snickered. "How ironic that the one thing that could destroy you both has been in here all along." she grinned. "Consider this my Christmas Eve present to you.may it scare you both."
Unable to contain himself one more second, Angel put his vamp face on and launched towards her, but fell right through when she disappeared into thin air. Angel landed on the ground with force.
"Angel!" cordy exclaimed, rushing to his side.
She helped him up and stared at him for a little while. He had not realized he still wore his game face until Cordy reached up and touched the rigles on his forehead with two fingers. With the feel of her touch, he quickly turned back to his human face, his facial traits softening up tremendously.
"What was that all about?" he then asked when she retrieved her fingers.
"I don't know. Who cares.let's just find a way out of here. The quicker the better." She replied with a sigh.
Neither of them truly understood why Dennis' mother had not taken Cordy hostage when she had the chance. It had seemed to be her only goal since the beginning, but oddly enough, she had just let them both go.
They Got up and looked aaround themselves. After further inspection, they realized that their only way out was now the door that had just appeared in front of them.
"Is it really Christmas Eve? We've been in here for 24 hours?" Cordelia raised her eyebrows.
"I guess we have." Angel replied as they both walked in front of the door, carefully.
Angel turned to face Cordy and placed his hands on her shivering shoulders for an instant.
"Are you sure you want to go in there?"
"We don't have much choice." Cordy answered. "Besides, what could be in there that is so traumatizing compared to everything else in here.?" she raised an eyebrow, and Angel nodded silently.
With that said, Angel proceeded in opening the door. He was the first to walk in, followed by an unusually quiet Cordelia.
Everything around them bathed in profound darkness, and neither could see anything. Cordy nearly jumped out of her skin at the unexpected sound of the door slamming behind them. Angel felt her grab his shoulder as he finally reached the switch and turned on the light.
Both of them stood, in awe of what they were seeing, for a while.
There, in the middle of the room, they stood still, gazing at the walls around them with slightly opened mouths and wide eyes. Angel was speechless, while Cordelia appeared uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"Oh Crap!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air.
Angel turned and looked at her questioningly, and she took a deep breath, pointing at the walls.
"It's official!" she raised her eyebrows with emphasis. "I'm a closet brooder!"
--
Gunn and Fred both found themselves standing in front of a large bridge that hung from the ceiling. A gate stood at the end of the bridge and blocked their way to the other side. They both stared at one another with questioning eyes, still reeling from the events of the last 24 hours. Then, Gunn turned to face the huge rock that stood in front of them and read what had been carved into itin big capital letters.
[I][b]Clue #1: "It's weird. I'm actually getting used to being freaked out and comforted at the same time."[/I][/b]
"What does that mean?" Fred asked, uncertain.
"I'm not sure.It looks like a quote to me." Gunn said, as clueless as she was about the whole thing.
They both looked over at the bridge and noticed the dozens of medium squares on the ground. Each one contained a letter. Some were left blank, and that's when it dawned upon them. In order to cross the bridge, they had to find the right password. By it on the floor, the access to the gate at the other end of the bridge would be granted, and they would be able to get to the other side. Gunn faced Fred and took a deep breath.
"So what's this password? How do we find it? And call me paranoid, but somethin' tells me somethin' bad's comin' our way if we get it wrong."
"I'm guessing you're right." Fred replied. "I'm also guessing that this clue is the key to finding the right password." She added with a worried tone. "All we know is this, and that it has to do with Cordelia's subconscious."
The two of them spent an awful amount of time trying to figure out the password but they always came up empty handed. After a while, Gunn noticed something else written on the wall behind Fred.
[I][b]Clue #2: "He's like a bear. The cuddly kind. A care bear with fangs."[/I][/b]
They both looked back and forth between the two clues and Fred seemed to pay a bit more attention to the first one.
"Did she ever say that to you?" Gunn asked her, and Fred shook her head no. "Who would she say that to?"
"Angel." Fred answered after a moment of reflexion.
"What?" Gunn questioned.
"Angel. She would say that to Angel." Fred claimed, turning back to face Gunn. "What would scare her, yet comfort her more than Angel himself?" she asked and Gunn simply shrugged in response.
"So you think that's it?" He then asked.
"How many cuddly bear with fangs do you think Cordelia knows?" Fred said with emphasis.
With that, Gunn led Fred to the entrance of the bridge and took her hand into his. They looked around at the squares on the ground and began to form a strategy to spell out the right password. Slowly, the rock moved out of the way and Gunn stepped onto the first square on which the letter "A" was carved. Fred followed, and so on and so forth until the name "ANGEL" had been spelled on the ground.
Once that was done, nothing seemed to happen. The gate at the end of the bridge was still closed and nothing had moved out of their way. Fred turned around, looked at Gunn with a questioning expression on her face. Gunn suggested that maybe they had to make their way to the gate, using the blank squares now that they had spelled out the password. Therefore, Fred stepped off of her square and onto a blank one beside her.
As soon as her left foot left the "L" square, a giant earthquake hit them and the cave walls around them began shaking like leaves in the wind.
"Fred!!" Gunn yelled at the top of his lungs when he saw large and sharp swords come out of the ceiling.
Fred barely had time to look upward before the swords had begun falling down on her. She tried to move out of the way and shield herself from them but to no avail. Gunn threw himself towards her, trying to shove her out of the way but he was too late. As if the world was now turning in slow motion, he saw the giant swords fall on her and pierce through her shoulder blades. Fred fell down onto the floor painfully, not hearing Gunn's shouting or the sound of the earth moving around them.
Not hearing a thing.
The next thing she felt was Gunn's hand on her shoulders as he removed the sword in one swift movement, prompting a loud scream of pain from the young brunette.
"Fred.Oh God.Fred.look at me.Fred!" Gunn shakily whispered as he turned her over on her back and took her numb and bleeding body in his arms. "Stay with me." he begged of her but he could see she was already too far gone to be brought back.
Her eyes locked with his as a tear rolled down her face. Gunn barely noticed the blood around them, for, in that instant, the simple look on her face occupied all his thoughts. Fred opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
Not one sound.
And with that pleading look in her eyes, she exhaled her last breath.
"No..Fred!" he begged of her, but it was too late.
Gunn craddled her body in his arms and closed his eyes. He held her close for what seemed like eternity, holding his breath for fear of letting go of too many emotions he wasn't ready to face yet.
--
A small light lit the four walls around Cordy and Angel, making them suddenly aware of their surroundings. Cordelia stared at the walls around her with a stunned expression on her face. So many things she had forgotten.
So many things she wished she did not remember.
Angel walked beside her and stared around the room with an equally impressed expression on his face. Each wall was covered with hundred and hundred of pictures from Cordelia's life.
"Are you alright?" Angel asked with a loving voice.
Cordelia nodded softly, still inspecting the pictures plastered around the room. Angel felt like a fly on the wall of Cordelia's memories, invading a privacy he felt he shouldn't be invading in the first place. His eyes roamed the walls with a fine attention to details. Some of these memories he had witnessed first hand. Others, he had simply heard about..and others he knew Cordelia had never mentioned before, and never would have in other circumstances.
He turned and looked at the other wall beside him and saw something that tugged at his heart.
He was forced to read the words twice before he could turn to look at Cordelia. "Cordelia. Words are coming out of your mouth. This is never good." Was written over the pictures. He noticed her staring at the same part of the wall and swallowed difficultly.
"O.K.I'm not much of a dweller.let's get out of here." Cordy hurried Angel towards the door.
"Cordy." Angel's voice came out soft and compassionate. "Is this really how you see your life?"
He stopped her before she could walk passed him and stared into her fearful eyes. She didn't answer him. She didn't necessarily have to. He could read her better than anyone else ever could and she knew it. Buffy, Xander, Willow and all the rest of the Scoobies never saw beyond her tough attitude and sharp-tongue. Angel could.
"It was my life Angel." She acknowledged without regret.
"It wasn't all of it." He countered but she never flinched and kept her unapologetic face on.
"It was, Angel." She reenforced. "And I'm not ashamed of it. I don't regret the stupid things I said because as stupid as they were, they were honest. I don't regret the insults I threw at Buffy either because at the time, I meant them." She said in a very quiet voice. "It was my life. It was different from now, but that's perfectly fine." She nonchalantly added. "This is pointless so let's just go."
"Cordy." Angel insisted, looking above her head.
She was standing with her back to the door. Her eyes seemed to be begging for him to let it go, but he didn't. He then looked above her shoulder and something caught his eye
Two small picture hanging solemnly above the door, with very little space in between. The faces on t he pictures were what really struck him and he found himself frozen for a few seconds, finally realizing what this entire room was about, what Cordy's fear was.
Cordelia turned around and saw what he had been looking at over her shoulder. She lowered her eyes, biting her lower lip, and she paused for a moment. A picture of herself with Buffy, and one of Angel and Buffy in each other's arms.
"Can't we just get out of here??" she said suddenly.
Cordelia then moved towards the door and attempted to open it. Her efforts were in vain though because the door seemed to be stuck, or locked, whichever it was, she and Angel were stuck in that room for the time being.
"Cordy." he emotionally spoke as she kept on trying to open the door. "Is that what you're worried about? Afraid of?" he asked as she slowly turned around and let go of the door. "It's Buffy.?"
Cordelia took a deep breath and lifted his eyes up to his.
"Not the way you think." she finally replied.
An intense silence invaded the room, wrapping its timeless arms around their beings. Angel lowered his eyes as he walked closer to her.
"You never said anything." he whispered.
"It's not important."
"It is to me."
Cordelia paused and pondered her words, taking a deep breath before looking into Angel's eyes.
"I'm not her Angel." she whispered in all honesty. "I'm not Buffy.I never will be."
A long silence followed these words as Angel porcessed what Cordelia had just confessed out loud.
"Is that what you think? That I expect you to be Buffy in some way?" He asked, his voice almost pained.
"I used to." She admitted. "I used to think that whoever came into your life would be a pale comparison of Mighty Buffy." She breathed out in a soft voice. "I don't anymore."
"Then what is it? You think I'm still in love with Buffy? Or that I'm replacing her with you?" he asked, confused now.
"That's not it." she quickly reassured him.
"Because I'm not. I'm not replacing her with you." he insisted in a caring tone.
"Angel.that's not it." She hesitated for a second or two before continuing. "I used to think you'd always need a Buffy-like person in your life. That that's what you needed AND wanted.I don't anymore. I know that's not what you're trying to do.It's just."
"What?" Angel asked her kindly.
Cordelia paused birefly, pushing a few strands of still wet hair behind her ears. She took a few steps closer to Angel, glancing up into his eyes with a softness that caressed his unbeating heart. Still, a few small hidden tears took shelter behind her big hazel eyes.
"The last 6 years of my life has been somewhat related to Buffy. I mean, just look up there." She said pointing at the walls filled with mementos. "Up until recently, it's always been about Buffy. For Willow, for Giles, Xander.for you." she whispered, seeing how Angel lowered his eyes at the mere mention of Buffy's name. "Buffy's always been the be all and end all. And you know what? I actually got used to it. I bitched about it wholeheartedly, but I got used to it." She admitted, searching his figure for a glimpse of understanding on his part. What she found was a man completely attentive to everything she was saying. "To a point where I didn't even mind.Xander would always be infatuated with her.Willow would always be her dutiful sidekick.And you.you'd always be Buffy's Angel." She paused and took a deep breath. "And in a really weird way, it kind of became the only consistant thing in my mind. Whatever happened.whenever the fate of the world was at stake, I could always count on everyone around me to worry about Buffy. Including you." She softly spoke. "And I'm not trying to sound whiny or be pitied. It was just a fact of life in Sunnydale." Cordelia spoke in a remarkable honesty. "She was always the center of everything you did. And somehow, somewhere along the way, I became the ultimate believer in the fact that it would never change. It almost became comforting." She then paused again, looked into his face, and breathed in every ounce of his quietness. "And then, one night..under pouring rain.you kissed me. And all of a sudden, I wasn't the disposable supporting player anymore.It wasn't about Buffy.And that scared me." She finished, staring into his eyes.
"Why?" Angel asked in a moved, caring tone.
They both stood still in silence and Angel searched her face for a sign of regret but he found none.
"It scared me because I liked it." She whispered and then paused momentarily. "It scared me because it had never been NOT about Buffy before. It caught me off guard." She admitted. "It scared me because of all of this!" she then said, pointing at the numerous pictures on the wall.
Angel watched her take a few steps towards the wall and sensed her heart skip a beat. She stared at the pictures for a few seconds, holding her breath and then lowered her eyes and leaned her back against the murale behind her.
"I liked it." she repeated in a voice so soft that a normal human may not have heard her. "And it scared me.Do I go back to being the person on these walls if it all gets reversed?"
Cordelia sat down on the floor, her back against the wall and curled her legs up, wrapping her arms around them. She leaned her head backwards and stared at the wall, where other pictures were plastered. Angel stepped forward and sat beside her, slowly. He sat in a similar position and swallowed back the lump in his throat.
"You're not the teenager in those pictures anymore.You're not the girl who trailed behind Buffy and her friends. I don't think you ever truly were." Angel whispered to her in a comforting voice. "Anyone who speaks to you for five minutes knows that. And the last thing I want is for you to feel like a runner-up..for you to feel second." he immediately added with emotion-filled eyes.
"I don't." Cordy interrupted him quickly. "I don't." she repeated gently. "That's what I'm trying to tell you.I know how much you loved Buffy, but when I'm with you, I don't feel second. When you look at me, I KNOW I'm not second."
"You're not." Angel reinforced.
"I know." she whispered with a soft smile. "And I guess that's what scared methe most.I didn't know what it meant."
Thoughts of her parents invaded her head. She thought of all the times she wished they had put her first, but always fell second to something or someone else. She thought back to her High School years, to the Scoobies, to her childhood..to her whole life. For the first time in her life, when Angel had kissed her, she had truly felt like she was at the right place at the right time. She didn't feel second. Something she wasn't quite used to. Something she never thought could last. Something that slightly frightened her.
She had always believed that Angel would be in love with Buffy Summers for as long as he'd walk this earth, and she had held on to that belief. Somehow, Angel had done the same thing as well. Now, the feelings between he and Cordelia tempered with those beliefs, which scared them a little.
Angel slowly reached for her hand and took it into his.
"Then we can both be scared together." he whispered as their fingers intertwined in a melodious sight.
Cordelia looked up into his loving face and they both stared at one another for a while. She then smiled brightly, and sighed. Angel couldn't help but return her contagious smile, watching her as she shook her head.
"Not exactly how I had planned to spend Christmas Eve." she sighed. "If I could wish for something, I'd wish for all of u s to just get out of here before this becomes a very bad trip down memory lane." she smiled. "I'd want Wesley and Emily back." she then whispered, her voice nearly breaking under her words.
Angel raised an eyebrow when he saw her stop there. His facial expression pushed to be slightly more honest.
"Okay, okay, and I'd wish for those new shoes we saw two weeks ago.happy now??" she laughed, and then paused momentarily. "All seems meaningless now, does it?" she asked softly.
"Not really." he replied with the same amount of tenderness.
"Oh, and that curse of yours.I'd do something with that too." she quickly replied with an amused frown, that made Angel smile to himself.
He simply looked at her, and even though he knew she was trying to lighten up the mood from their previous conversational topic, he could see she meant well. They had a simple yet silent understanding that seemed to ease the fear of the uncertainties a little. They had each other.
"What would you wish for?" she asked him, taking him out of his reveries.
Angel didn't need time to find an answer. He already knew what he not only WOULD wish for, but what he had ALREADY wished for. He still took his time to answer, looking down at their joined hands.
"I already have what I'd wish for." he whispered, looking up into her eyes as he did so.
Their eyes met under the millions of faces on the walls, and Cordy let out a long breath, smiling. Angel slowly lowered his face to hers and gently pressed his lips against hers. As their lips met, the small picture of Angel and Buffy on the wall began ungluing itself and soon fell down to the floor, floowed by the rest of the entire murales. One by one, the pictures seemed to fall face down onto the floor.
Their lips moved in a slow dance before finally coming to a halt and taking a bow. Angel rested his forehead against hers, and when they opened their eyes, they were amazed by the sight that graced them. As if called on by the heavens - or by Cordelia's subconscious in this case - millions of tiny snow flakes fell all around the room. Cordy and Angel both looked up in silence, admiring the tiny hopeful miracle that had been thrown at them.
Soon after, Angel placed his jacket over Cordelia's shivering shoulders.
Still holding hands, Cordy rested her head on Angel's shoulder. Angel took a deep unecessary breath and concentrated on the sound beating of her heart against him.
They just sat there, holding hands, leaning against the wall and watching as pictures and snow fell and covered the ground at their feet.
SNEAK PREVIEW: Gunn learns that monsters come in all shapes, sizes.and numbers, while Cordy and Angel take a leap of fate.
« Poor Emily. » Dennis' mom, Greta, laughed bitterly. « She didn't fare too well in the family department as i can see.I guess you ARE meant to let her die at ever chance you get. » she proudly smiled under Cordelia's icy stare.
« Shut up! » Cordy gritted through her teeth.
Cordelia leaned on Angel's shoulder and he helped her up into a seating position. She could feel the rage welling up inside of him by the second. She had to grab his forearm to stop him from throwing himself at the demon and killing her right there. For some reason she did not feel like that was the greatest plan at the moment. There were some things fishy still about this entire situation.
« And what will you do to me if I don't? » she wickedly smiled.
Angel and Cordelia got up and stiid in front of the translucent image of Dennis' mom. Protectively, Angel stood slightly in front of Cordy, placing a gentle hand on her arm.
« Stay back. » he said protectively.
« Awww. » The demon-ghost gushed. « How chivalrous of you, but I'll have you know that that bitch here is not exactly a lady in distress. »
Cordelia glared at the woman in front of her with a stare that could kill on demand. Angel remained expressionless as he stared in front of him, his hand still holding Cordy's behind his back.
"You can't escape me..and you sure cannot escape her greatest fear." she then pointed out to an unusually quiet Angel. "You can't escape anything. It's a rule I pleasantly made up myself." she then grinned widely.
"Shut up." Angel finally spoke in a stunningly calm tone. "I don't know what you did to Wesley and Emily, but I will make you pay. You haven't won anything."
Dennis' mother simply smiled in reply.
"I have to admit that I did not expect that, you, Big Guy here, would jump right in to save her."
"Well, then you obviously don't know him." Cordy rolled her eyes.
"Things have indeed changed in the last three years." she mused. "But I guess you knew the risks you were taking.I would be foolish not to play on it." She admitted with strange amusement, addressing Angel once again.
Angel felt the anger gravitate inside of him, his fists tightening dramatically. The only thing that held him back was the slight pull of Cordelia's hand. She seemed to be silently trying to calm him down, and oddly enough, it worked. To a certain degree that is.
"You're afraid." Greta, the evil mother from hell, whispered with inner pleasure.
Cordelia and Angel simply stared at her. Seeing the satisfaction in her eyes agitated Angel once again, but this time Cordelia grabbed his hand firmly and held him back, trying to calm him down.
"Angel don't." she whispered to him, reminding him of what happened the last time he tried to hurt her.
"Very wise decision." Dennis' mother pointed out and then broke into a huge grin. "Fortunately, I am wiser." She then claimed. "And I know how scared you are." She then added, addressing a stoned-face Cordy.
"I'm not afraid of you." Cordelia muttered, holding back her anger.
"I didn't say you were afraid of me."
There was a long silence that followed these words. Angel and Cordy looked at one another before going back to staring at her.
As she spoke the words, Angel and Cordelia's hands clasped together, as if they took comfort in the simple knowledge that someone else was standing beside them.
The ghost waved her hand in a swift movement and a secret door appeared behind her. She moved, glared wickedly towards Cordy and Angel and then laughed out loud.
"This is what you truly are afraid of, and for once, I had nothing to do with it." She snickered. "How ironic that the one thing that could destroy you both has been in here all along." she grinned. "Consider this my Christmas Eve present to you.may it scare you both."
Unable to contain himself one more second, Angel put his vamp face on and launched towards her, but fell right through when she disappeared into thin air. Angel landed on the ground with force.
"Angel!" cordy exclaimed, rushing to his side.
She helped him up and stared at him for a little while. He had not realized he still wore his game face until Cordy reached up and touched the rigles on his forehead with two fingers. With the feel of her touch, he quickly turned back to his human face, his facial traits softening up tremendously.
"What was that all about?" he then asked when she retrieved her fingers.
"I don't know. Who cares.let's just find a way out of here. The quicker the better." She replied with a sigh.
Neither of them truly understood why Dennis' mother had not taken Cordy hostage when she had the chance. It had seemed to be her only goal since the beginning, but oddly enough, she had just let them both go.
They Got up and looked aaround themselves. After further inspection, they realized that their only way out was now the door that had just appeared in front of them.
"Is it really Christmas Eve? We've been in here for 24 hours?" Cordelia raised her eyebrows.
"I guess we have." Angel replied as they both walked in front of the door, carefully.
Angel turned to face Cordy and placed his hands on her shivering shoulders for an instant.
"Are you sure you want to go in there?"
"We don't have much choice." Cordy answered. "Besides, what could be in there that is so traumatizing compared to everything else in here.?" she raised an eyebrow, and Angel nodded silently.
With that said, Angel proceeded in opening the door. He was the first to walk in, followed by an unusually quiet Cordelia.
Everything around them bathed in profound darkness, and neither could see anything. Cordy nearly jumped out of her skin at the unexpected sound of the door slamming behind them. Angel felt her grab his shoulder as he finally reached the switch and turned on the light.
Both of them stood, in awe of what they were seeing, for a while.
There, in the middle of the room, they stood still, gazing at the walls around them with slightly opened mouths and wide eyes. Angel was speechless, while Cordelia appeared uncomfortable all of a sudden.
"Oh Crap!" She exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air.
Angel turned and looked at her questioningly, and she took a deep breath, pointing at the walls.
"It's official!" she raised her eyebrows with emphasis. "I'm a closet brooder!"
--
Gunn and Fred both found themselves standing in front of a large bridge that hung from the ceiling. A gate stood at the end of the bridge and blocked their way to the other side. They both stared at one another with questioning eyes, still reeling from the events of the last 24 hours. Then, Gunn turned to face the huge rock that stood in front of them and read what had been carved into itin big capital letters.
[I][b]Clue #1: "It's weird. I'm actually getting used to being freaked out and comforted at the same time."[/I][/b]
"What does that mean?" Fred asked, uncertain.
"I'm not sure.It looks like a quote to me." Gunn said, as clueless as she was about the whole thing.
They both looked over at the bridge and noticed the dozens of medium squares on the ground. Each one contained a letter. Some were left blank, and that's when it dawned upon them. In order to cross the bridge, they had to find the right password. By it on the floor, the access to the gate at the other end of the bridge would be granted, and they would be able to get to the other side. Gunn faced Fred and took a deep breath.
"So what's this password? How do we find it? And call me paranoid, but somethin' tells me somethin' bad's comin' our way if we get it wrong."
"I'm guessing you're right." Fred replied. "I'm also guessing that this clue is the key to finding the right password." She added with a worried tone. "All we know is this, and that it has to do with Cordelia's subconscious."
The two of them spent an awful amount of time trying to figure out the password but they always came up empty handed. After a while, Gunn noticed something else written on the wall behind Fred.
[I][b]Clue #2: "He's like a bear. The cuddly kind. A care bear with fangs."[/I][/b]
They both looked back and forth between the two clues and Fred seemed to pay a bit more attention to the first one.
"Did she ever say that to you?" Gunn asked her, and Fred shook her head no. "Who would she say that to?"
"Angel." Fred answered after a moment of reflexion.
"What?" Gunn questioned.
"Angel. She would say that to Angel." Fred claimed, turning back to face Gunn. "What would scare her, yet comfort her more than Angel himself?" she asked and Gunn simply shrugged in response.
"So you think that's it?" He then asked.
"How many cuddly bear with fangs do you think Cordelia knows?" Fred said with emphasis.
With that, Gunn led Fred to the entrance of the bridge and took her hand into his. They looked around at the squares on the ground and began to form a strategy to spell out the right password. Slowly, the rock moved out of the way and Gunn stepped onto the first square on which the letter "A" was carved. Fred followed, and so on and so forth until the name "ANGEL" had been spelled on the ground.
Once that was done, nothing seemed to happen. The gate at the end of the bridge was still closed and nothing had moved out of their way. Fred turned around, looked at Gunn with a questioning expression on her face. Gunn suggested that maybe they had to make their way to the gate, using the blank squares now that they had spelled out the password. Therefore, Fred stepped off of her square and onto a blank one beside her.
As soon as her left foot left the "L" square, a giant earthquake hit them and the cave walls around them began shaking like leaves in the wind.
"Fred!!" Gunn yelled at the top of his lungs when he saw large and sharp swords come out of the ceiling.
Fred barely had time to look upward before the swords had begun falling down on her. She tried to move out of the way and shield herself from them but to no avail. Gunn threw himself towards her, trying to shove her out of the way but he was too late. As if the world was now turning in slow motion, he saw the giant swords fall on her and pierce through her shoulder blades. Fred fell down onto the floor painfully, not hearing Gunn's shouting or the sound of the earth moving around them.
Not hearing a thing.
The next thing she felt was Gunn's hand on her shoulders as he removed the sword in one swift movement, prompting a loud scream of pain from the young brunette.
"Fred.Oh God.Fred.look at me.Fred!" Gunn shakily whispered as he turned her over on her back and took her numb and bleeding body in his arms. "Stay with me." he begged of her but he could see she was already too far gone to be brought back.
Her eyes locked with his as a tear rolled down her face. Gunn barely noticed the blood around them, for, in that instant, the simple look on her face occupied all his thoughts. Fred opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
Not one sound.
And with that pleading look in her eyes, she exhaled her last breath.
"No..Fred!" he begged of her, but it was too late.
Gunn craddled her body in his arms and closed his eyes. He held her close for what seemed like eternity, holding his breath for fear of letting go of too many emotions he wasn't ready to face yet.
--
A small light lit the four walls around Cordy and Angel, making them suddenly aware of their surroundings. Cordelia stared at the walls around her with a stunned expression on her face. So many things she had forgotten.
So many things she wished she did not remember.
Angel walked beside her and stared around the room with an equally impressed expression on his face. Each wall was covered with hundred and hundred of pictures from Cordelia's life.
"Are you alright?" Angel asked with a loving voice.
Cordelia nodded softly, still inspecting the pictures plastered around the room. Angel felt like a fly on the wall of Cordelia's memories, invading a privacy he felt he shouldn't be invading in the first place. His eyes roamed the walls with a fine attention to details. Some of these memories he had witnessed first hand. Others, he had simply heard about..and others he knew Cordelia had never mentioned before, and never would have in other circumstances.
He turned and looked at the other wall beside him and saw something that tugged at his heart.
He was forced to read the words twice before he could turn to look at Cordelia. "Cordelia. Words are coming out of your mouth. This is never good." Was written over the pictures. He noticed her staring at the same part of the wall and swallowed difficultly.
"O.K.I'm not much of a dweller.let's get out of here." Cordy hurried Angel towards the door.
"Cordy." Angel's voice came out soft and compassionate. "Is this really how you see your life?"
He stopped her before she could walk passed him and stared into her fearful eyes. She didn't answer him. She didn't necessarily have to. He could read her better than anyone else ever could and she knew it. Buffy, Xander, Willow and all the rest of the Scoobies never saw beyond her tough attitude and sharp-tongue. Angel could.
"It was my life Angel." She acknowledged without regret.
"It wasn't all of it." He countered but she never flinched and kept her unapologetic face on.
"It was, Angel." She reenforced. "And I'm not ashamed of it. I don't regret the stupid things I said because as stupid as they were, they were honest. I don't regret the insults I threw at Buffy either because at the time, I meant them." She said in a very quiet voice. "It was my life. It was different from now, but that's perfectly fine." She nonchalantly added. "This is pointless so let's just go."
"Cordy." Angel insisted, looking above her head.
She was standing with her back to the door. Her eyes seemed to be begging for him to let it go, but he didn't. He then looked above her shoulder and something caught his eye
Two small picture hanging solemnly above the door, with very little space in between. The faces on t he pictures were what really struck him and he found himself frozen for a few seconds, finally realizing what this entire room was about, what Cordy's fear was.
Cordelia turned around and saw what he had been looking at over her shoulder. She lowered her eyes, biting her lower lip, and she paused for a moment. A picture of herself with Buffy, and one of Angel and Buffy in each other's arms.
"Can't we just get out of here??" she said suddenly.
Cordelia then moved towards the door and attempted to open it. Her efforts were in vain though because the door seemed to be stuck, or locked, whichever it was, she and Angel were stuck in that room for the time being.
"Cordy." he emotionally spoke as she kept on trying to open the door. "Is that what you're worried about? Afraid of?" he asked as she slowly turned around and let go of the door. "It's Buffy.?"
Cordelia took a deep breath and lifted his eyes up to his.
"Not the way you think." she finally replied.
An intense silence invaded the room, wrapping its timeless arms around their beings. Angel lowered his eyes as he walked closer to her.
"You never said anything." he whispered.
"It's not important."
"It is to me."
Cordelia paused and pondered her words, taking a deep breath before looking into Angel's eyes.
"I'm not her Angel." she whispered in all honesty. "I'm not Buffy.I never will be."
A long silence followed these words as Angel porcessed what Cordelia had just confessed out loud.
"Is that what you think? That I expect you to be Buffy in some way?" He asked, his voice almost pained.
"I used to." She admitted. "I used to think that whoever came into your life would be a pale comparison of Mighty Buffy." She breathed out in a soft voice. "I don't anymore."
"Then what is it? You think I'm still in love with Buffy? Or that I'm replacing her with you?" he asked, confused now.
"That's not it." she quickly reassured him.
"Because I'm not. I'm not replacing her with you." he insisted in a caring tone.
"Angel.that's not it." She hesitated for a second or two before continuing. "I used to think you'd always need a Buffy-like person in your life. That that's what you needed AND wanted.I don't anymore. I know that's not what you're trying to do.It's just."
"What?" Angel asked her kindly.
Cordelia paused birefly, pushing a few strands of still wet hair behind her ears. She took a few steps closer to Angel, glancing up into his eyes with a softness that caressed his unbeating heart. Still, a few small hidden tears took shelter behind her big hazel eyes.
"The last 6 years of my life has been somewhat related to Buffy. I mean, just look up there." She said pointing at the walls filled with mementos. "Up until recently, it's always been about Buffy. For Willow, for Giles, Xander.for you." she whispered, seeing how Angel lowered his eyes at the mere mention of Buffy's name. "Buffy's always been the be all and end all. And you know what? I actually got used to it. I bitched about it wholeheartedly, but I got used to it." She admitted, searching his figure for a glimpse of understanding on his part. What she found was a man completely attentive to everything she was saying. "To a point where I didn't even mind.Xander would always be infatuated with her.Willow would always be her dutiful sidekick.And you.you'd always be Buffy's Angel." She paused and took a deep breath. "And in a really weird way, it kind of became the only consistant thing in my mind. Whatever happened.whenever the fate of the world was at stake, I could always count on everyone around me to worry about Buffy. Including you." She softly spoke. "And I'm not trying to sound whiny or be pitied. It was just a fact of life in Sunnydale." Cordelia spoke in a remarkable honesty. "She was always the center of everything you did. And somehow, somewhere along the way, I became the ultimate believer in the fact that it would never change. It almost became comforting." She then paused again, looked into his face, and breathed in every ounce of his quietness. "And then, one night..under pouring rain.you kissed me. And all of a sudden, I wasn't the disposable supporting player anymore.It wasn't about Buffy.And that scared me." She finished, staring into his eyes.
"Why?" Angel asked in a moved, caring tone.
They both stood still in silence and Angel searched her face for a sign of regret but he found none.
"It scared me because I liked it." She whispered and then paused momentarily. "It scared me because it had never been NOT about Buffy before. It caught me off guard." She admitted. "It scared me because of all of this!" she then said, pointing at the numerous pictures on the wall.
Angel watched her take a few steps towards the wall and sensed her heart skip a beat. She stared at the pictures for a few seconds, holding her breath and then lowered her eyes and leaned her back against the murale behind her.
"I liked it." she repeated in a voice so soft that a normal human may not have heard her. "And it scared me.Do I go back to being the person on these walls if it all gets reversed?"
Cordelia sat down on the floor, her back against the wall and curled her legs up, wrapping her arms around them. She leaned her head backwards and stared at the wall, where other pictures were plastered. Angel stepped forward and sat beside her, slowly. He sat in a similar position and swallowed back the lump in his throat.
"You're not the teenager in those pictures anymore.You're not the girl who trailed behind Buffy and her friends. I don't think you ever truly were." Angel whispered to her in a comforting voice. "Anyone who speaks to you for five minutes knows that. And the last thing I want is for you to feel like a runner-up..for you to feel second." he immediately added with emotion-filled eyes.
"I don't." Cordy interrupted him quickly. "I don't." she repeated gently. "That's what I'm trying to tell you.I know how much you loved Buffy, but when I'm with you, I don't feel second. When you look at me, I KNOW I'm not second."
"You're not." Angel reinforced.
"I know." she whispered with a soft smile. "And I guess that's what scared methe most.I didn't know what it meant."
Thoughts of her parents invaded her head. She thought of all the times she wished they had put her first, but always fell second to something or someone else. She thought back to her High School years, to the Scoobies, to her childhood..to her whole life. For the first time in her life, when Angel had kissed her, she had truly felt like she was at the right place at the right time. She didn't feel second. Something she wasn't quite used to. Something she never thought could last. Something that slightly frightened her.
She had always believed that Angel would be in love with Buffy Summers for as long as he'd walk this earth, and she had held on to that belief. Somehow, Angel had done the same thing as well. Now, the feelings between he and Cordelia tempered with those beliefs, which scared them a little.
Angel slowly reached for her hand and took it into his.
"Then we can both be scared together." he whispered as their fingers intertwined in a melodious sight.
Cordelia looked up into his loving face and they both stared at one another for a while. She then smiled brightly, and sighed. Angel couldn't help but return her contagious smile, watching her as she shook her head.
"Not exactly how I had planned to spend Christmas Eve." she sighed. "If I could wish for something, I'd wish for all of u s to just get out of here before this becomes a very bad trip down memory lane." she smiled. "I'd want Wesley and Emily back." she then whispered, her voice nearly breaking under her words.
Angel raised an eyebrow when he saw her stop there. His facial expression pushed to be slightly more honest.
"Okay, okay, and I'd wish for those new shoes we saw two weeks ago.happy now??" she laughed, and then paused momentarily. "All seems meaningless now, does it?" she asked softly.
"Not really." he replied with the same amount of tenderness.
"Oh, and that curse of yours.I'd do something with that too." she quickly replied with an amused frown, that made Angel smile to himself.
He simply looked at her, and even though he knew she was trying to lighten up the mood from their previous conversational topic, he could see she meant well. They had a simple yet silent understanding that seemed to ease the fear of the uncertainties a little. They had each other.
"What would you wish for?" she asked him, taking him out of his reveries.
Angel didn't need time to find an answer. He already knew what he not only WOULD wish for, but what he had ALREADY wished for. He still took his time to answer, looking down at their joined hands.
"I already have what I'd wish for." he whispered, looking up into her eyes as he did so.
Their eyes met under the millions of faces on the walls, and Cordy let out a long breath, smiling. Angel slowly lowered his face to hers and gently pressed his lips against hers. As their lips met, the small picture of Angel and Buffy on the wall began ungluing itself and soon fell down to the floor, floowed by the rest of the entire murales. One by one, the pictures seemed to fall face down onto the floor.
Their lips moved in a slow dance before finally coming to a halt and taking a bow. Angel rested his forehead against hers, and when they opened their eyes, they were amazed by the sight that graced them. As if called on by the heavens - or by Cordelia's subconscious in this case - millions of tiny snow flakes fell all around the room. Cordy and Angel both looked up in silence, admiring the tiny hopeful miracle that had been thrown at them.
Soon after, Angel placed his jacket over Cordelia's shivering shoulders.
Still holding hands, Cordy rested her head on Angel's shoulder. Angel took a deep unecessary breath and concentrated on the sound beating of her heart against him.
They just sat there, holding hands, leaning against the wall and watching as pictures and snow fell and covered the ground at their feet.
SNEAK PREVIEW: Gunn learns that monsters come in all shapes, sizes.and numbers, while Cordy and Angel take a leap of fate.