Goodbye to all you wanted
-------------------------
By: Buffy Ann Summers
Summary: She wasn't in charge of her life. She was judged without knowing.
She fell in love. And lost. She's been given a new life and now she's said
goodbye to all she wanted ..or has she. B/S!! PLS. R/R!!!
A/n: I was in a writer's block situtation and kinda wrote w/out thinking.
This is the outcome .. I just thought I'd like to go and share it with you.
If you want me to continue please review and tell me so!! um.. some of the
lyrics are from Michelle Branch her 2 songs all you wanted and goodbye to
you.
Acknowledgement: thanks to Jackie for everything! Joanna! and to (my spike)
Franklin, I'm not avoiding you!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(piano and drum intro)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her eyes casted shadows on her face. This was her. This was now.
This was the package she bore her entire life. Destiny, as they all call it.
But to her, it was still a job. A job -a curse that prevented her from ever
having a normal life. What is in a normal life? was it coming frome a loving
family? is it in the movies up on the screens? was it ever printed in a
book about a house with the white picket fence? -because if it did then she
wasn't seeing the big picture of the puzzle.
Life had ways of surprising you. One day your a normal fourteen year
old worrying about how big the pimple on your forhead is and then in a flash
of a second your worrying about apocalysps. Some wanted this life -give
anything to have it. But she didn't. It came to her. It searched the ends of
the world for her. What less could have it been if she searched for anymore
meaning in her life. Was she doomed to continue the endless cycle? She was
the girl the world never knew, and at the same the girl the world couldn't
live without. Some life she led.
But there are forces. Higher forces. Forces that led her here.
Forces that gave her this destiny, this life, these friends, This-this body.
It controlled the changes. It made the changes. It gave the dreams, it gave
the nightmares. It gave the life, and it could as well take the like life.
It altered, it changed, it moved. Cutting, dropping, pasting. Ancient forces.
Unseen. Unheard. The air, the water, the earth were the judges. They watched.
They listened. They too, controlled. And if they find you not worthy. A
little peeve about you -You were gone, erased, and given a new life.
So, What if you were judged -and you had never known it? What would
you do? Would you sit down in the farthest corner of a room and stay
quiet? or would you do anything to get it back? ....
The clouds circled and danced. Twirled in the black heavens only
millions, and million and miles above her. It looked pretty enough she could
just reach up and grab it. The stars sang their songs and it was a bit
windier than uusual. She twisted and turned in her little sancuary called her
room. Memories upon distant memories piled up in her head driving her mad.
Tears ran from her shut eyes and fell onto the colored cream sheets. They
watched the torment. Pleading in silence. A silent prayer to stop. He
watched.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look into my eyes
You will see, what you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
When you find me, then you'll search no more
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Light thumps were heard from his boots as he walked across the room
to her. In torment shape, frustrated with pictures that confused her head.
He wallowed in pity. His hardened mask of cruelty and predatory faded like
ice on fire. What was wrong with him. The fully dressed in black figure sat
down next to her. A person who's life was stained by her blood -her kind
could yet minimized his hatred to a zero. A person who's history was not of
the innocent but preyed on them was able to smile at this person and let her
live. Why?
It was because of feelings. Feelings let her live. Something of the
subconsiouse within him he had never felt in an infinity of years. Awaking,
and opening. The hidden youth that had been robbed of a freedom took it's
first breath. He shook his head and the youth disappeared. It hid, while
she suffered.
"Buffy.." he called out to her in a calm voice as he stroked her
hair in a slow motion. Instantly she opened her eyes and gasped.
"oh my god..." she breathed heavily and ran into him arms "oh my
god..." she said again. Too many images.
"ssh... it's okay" he assured.
She stopped and looked at him. His face didn't showed any
likenesses of the spike she knew. The arrogant, rude, bastard-like,
asshole one. This wasn't. His eyes were calm and his fingers (from the
way he was stroking her hair) was shaking.
"Why are you here.." she demanded, her eyes had now turned into icy
glares.
"I didn't see you .. I had to make sure your okay.." he replied,
Buffy sighed.
"If I wasn't up for patrolling that means I went to bed early" she
scoffed "sorry, next time I'll call you"
They were in the air she breathed. Listening, and watching. Around
and everywhere was where they hid. Counting the minutes, counting the moves.
"Sorry, pet" he chuckled "you sleeping was last on my list"
The air thickened and stirred. Wispering and talking amoungst each
other. Who was he?.. how did he relate to her?......
"hm.. tired .. you know fighting the rrrr.. the nasties" she fell
flat on her back "so .. tired.." she closed her eyes for a moment, then
opened one eyelid at him "boo.."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't tell me, it's not worth trying for
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for
You know it's true everything I do I do it for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He gave the closes thing to a smile she could ever get him. His
smile uttered unruly gothic matters that which he could never speak of.
Thoughts, feelings, hidden behind his vampiric soul.
"How tired, love?"
It was the eyes of cold heartedness that vanished before any
unrelated or uneeded features did. Nevertheless, his front was now
human.
"ooo..Very tired" Buffy added "what?.."
He sighed "Why aren't you afraid of this face?"
Features of what death looked liked reign an unfamliar note. She had
seen those eyes before, the face. The face of enemies, her kind had fought so
hard to rid the earth of. Their screams were heard every night. Screams of
torture and pain. They whisper in her ear at night. Guesome details of death
and blood that lingers in the air long after their bodies have decomposed.
They've died, inevitably. And the person she was looking in the eye had
already killed two. How awful. She was crossing enemy lines, again.
Consequenses was a familiar friend. She knew them well. From one
word to the other. End to end -she choose not to listen. Love didn't contain
any certain boundaries, barriers, nor steps. Screw them all. It, was sooner
ment to happen. These creatures of the night that stalked, these predators,
murderers, -these killers, she could relate to them. In their twisted souls
that echo and bounce off the walls of their darken cages inside them. They
were tortured, they were brutated -mutilated, hanged, whipped, call them as
you like. They were abused and their invisible wounds and scars were
reminders of their hollowed souls. Like empty jars annulled from their life
giving essence, that deep inside it reeks of the scent of a grieving heart.
It moans for woes after woes. Needing, wanting to live and work -it does not
function. Therefor, there is no use. No love lay here. Only, death.
"Should I?" she questioned "I mean if there is a good reson.. should
I be afraid of your face? It's just you."
He smiled. Doors that have been sealed shut for centuries creaked on
it's hinges welcoming the world in. It had been long. So long. So long to
feel the wind blow against his face. To have this feeling. A forgotten foe
to take over him and win the lonely battle. The battle unyet decided. The
battle not yet won. The battlefield that called to him at dusk, and did not
settle till the sky turned into colors of organge. Matters of the heart were
his battles of the soul.
She touched his face with a light stroke and all a sudden for a
moment she chased the pain away. With her fingertips and child-like hands
she played with his. Tangled, entwined, and twisted lay their hands for a
moment. They conversed again. The air seemed to stiffen. It worried and it
detested. Seemingly useless, was their thought of their feelings. Seemingly
useless.
"Your quite right pet..." he stroked her hair once again "your right"
Bitter life. Bitter damned life that didn't accept him. Damned the
society that refused to believe that their relationship of their kind could
ever develope. Damn the thought of fire and ice. Damn the watcher, damn to
the scoobies. Damn to everyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look into your heart, you will find
There is nothing there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I would give it all, I would sacrifice
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It cackled like the flame of a candle. Dancing and dancing in
bewilderment. They rose this girl to the ut most perfection. Only now did
they realize how perfection was hard to come by. Their perfected slayer was
now in the hands of the enemy. Her life now hanged on a thin line of thread.
She was falling and she wasn't even aware of it.
Buffy closed her eyes once more. Trying to picture the dream all
over again. Too many pictures, she remembered had vague discriptions and
blurred photographs. Recollecting them was the hard part. It stabbed and
punctured her brain till the insides hurt and she was left screaming.
But pain was a companion. It stood by her. To blood till death. It
stood with it's head hung over it's body and it's arm all limp all over. It
constantly smirked or laughed. It only wisphered. Silent wispheres. Mind
boggling wispheres that flooded her mind every hour of every day. Haunting
and haunting with it's riddiculous riddles that inevitably had no answers.
It was surreal and at the same time undeniable, that it made an actual kind
of sense. But pain never carried a converstation with her. It often followed
death around -like a tag along, it barely couldn't say anything. It wasn't
allowed to.
"Spike.." she called in an audible voice "Would you stay with me
-til I fall asleep?"
She looked like a frightened child. Nevertheless, this fightened
child was his slayer. She looked strong but, he sensed deep down she was
lost. Had she taken the road less traveled by others? Had civilization
drove her to the brink of a dead end? She was shaking.
Electricity cackled in the air outside. The judges have given their
final verdict. Death walked away, this time hoping to be called back.
Punishment took it's stand on the platfrom. It's long black hair touched the
bright floor emmiting with power. Death was never coming back.
The girl in her bed, closed her eyes and drifted into abyss. The
dark abyss of tortured dreams and souls of no return. On the platform awaited
punishment, and her long golden staff. Her face spoke of no news not touched
by the ears of men.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
You know it's true, everything I do I do it for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her dream of an utopian world where harsh reality was like the sun
and dreams came like the moon, vanish in an instant. Punishement was not
here to bring forth good news. And she knew that.
"Hello little one.." she greeted, much less she was waiting for
Buffy.
She did a mild nod as the world she left behind in her tiny bed
drifted away. Piece by piece. Person by person. So doth did the love she
left behind -fell way.
"disappointment are the forces of you" punishment continued, her long
staff glinted and twinkled as thought it contained the stars of the heavens
in the crystal ball it held "What thou does make of it? does ye have anything
say?"
"Excuse me?"
"What does thee say to the cause of thou's masters appertaining
rage?" the expression on her face did not change, calm was written all over
it's face "is thou unaware of the consequences thou must face if the judges
are not pleased?"
"judges? consequences?" Buffy question "and can we cut the whole
accent deal it's really freaky.."
"Thou should not be rude under the presence, therfore thou must show
respect" Punishment answered sternly "Thou must answer thy questions"
"What if 'thou' doesn't want to" she answered stubbornly "who are
you?"
Punishment nodded and smiled "I am punishment"
"What am I doing here?" came her second question
"Thou is questioned by I, to continue to a next life. Thou must
answer truthfully if thou does not want a harsh life.."
"Want? -huh? last time I checked I have a life. I'm the slayer-"
"What thou is, isn't thou no longer"
"I SAID I am the slayer. I have a watcher, and friends"
"What thou mentions, thou doesn't have"
"are you speaking english?!"
Footsteps were heard and punishment diverted it's gazed from Buffy.
"quit yelling there, kid" came a voice "you really don't want to
aggitate her.."
"what does thou come?" she called "what does whistler want of I?"
"nothing much, sweetie" he replied "I want her -the slayer"
"she isn't of the slayer you speak ..."
Whistler smirked "leave it to me ... I'll fill her in"
Punishement bowed "As you wish.." and disappeared
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So,kid" he sighed "how you holding?"
"holding?" she scoffed "I getting a new life what do you mean how am
I holding?! -I ..ugh. What did I do?"
Whistler sighed. He treid stalling. But it seemed it wouldn't work.
He didn't know how to do it -how to break her heart.
"well, kid" he paused "um.. the forces that made you slayer are kinda
pissed. You did something quite crazy back there kid"
"What did I do? -I was sleeping!"
"No.." he shook his head, "it isn't that, slayer. You fell in love
with a vampire w-with Spike"
"wha- huh?.. how did you?"
Whistler leaned over "the forces heard Buffy -they are everywhere"
"So then why didn't they do anything when I fell in love with Angel?!
Couldn't they have poofed me out or what?!"
"No..." he shook his head again "they let you slid on that one kid ..
you were easily forgiven because I helped Angel be on your side.."
"And Spike?"
"Well, he's tough -and he's still evil. He's only neutred because of
you.. He loves you Buffy that's the only thing that's making him like a
harmless puppy -all bark but no bite. With or without that chip in his
head." he sighed and continued in a depressed tone "We didn't see this coming
-I'll tell you that even the forces are stumped. He wasn't suppose to fall
in love with you either"
"So what are you saying? -I was suppose to fall in love with ..."
"Riley. We didn't know how -why he- well, just call us stumped,kid
just let it be .. We need to focus now. You were given a judgement by the
judges. The saw you not exceptional. You being in love with a vamp with a
bad history and all .. And you fail -lost. Were going to see what to do with
you now..."
"But -what will happen to everyone? Giles .. a-and Spike?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I didn't know that
It was so cold
And you needed someone
To show you the way
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sorry, kid. There's nothing I can do in that department .. You
weren't allowed to fall in love with Spike. Period."
"But what will happen .. I-I mean I can't go around meeting them and
they I'm dead -i-is that it?"
Whistler sighed. Poor slayer. "I guess there going to think of you as
they've never met you berfore. Sure their lives continue but it won't revolve
around you..."
She covered her face to hide her tears.
"This-this can't be real .. I need to wake up.." she sobbed "This
can't be happening .."
Whistler chuckled "you know the thing is.. people always think that
they are in charge of their own life. But in reality, they don't. The forces
do every desicion made to every action. They rule your life. They know how
you feel and how you will feel." he scoffed "hm.. that's something to think
about isn't it..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I took your hand
And we figured out
That when the tide comes
I'd take you away
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away
From here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
Was somebody who cares
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time ticked the hours away. She just sat there. What was going to
become of her? Would she still be Buffy? Be someone who died? Be someone who
was loved? Who knew.. The endless void swayed as if against a powerful wind.
There was none. Darkness ate at it and it pretty muched nearly devored it
before Whistler came, It regenerated. She rose her head.
"so?" she spoke.
He just looked at her with eyes of sadness.
"It's time to go..." he answered giving her a hand.
She looked again at the endless void that seemed to watch her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to them. To friends -Xander,Anya,Tara, Willow, and Giles. To
memories that slipped like sand in an hour glass. Couldn't hold onto. So
easily slipped away. Washed away by waters and disappeared into nothing. How
will their life be now -without her? How will her life be with out them?
Will all of them still be there in their normal selves? or will they cease
to exist just as their memory of her did?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to Spike.
"Go where?" she finally spoke, the words choked her but she forced
the out.
Whistler gave a wry smile. A smile that told her everything was going
to be fine. But that smile was lying. She knew it and he did to.
"Your new life.."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
TBC..........
-------------------------
By: Buffy Ann Summers
Summary: She wasn't in charge of her life. She was judged without knowing.
She fell in love. And lost. She's been given a new life and now she's said
goodbye to all she wanted ..or has she. B/S!! PLS. R/R!!!
A/n: I was in a writer's block situtation and kinda wrote w/out thinking.
This is the outcome .. I just thought I'd like to go and share it with you.
If you want me to continue please review and tell me so!! um.. some of the
lyrics are from Michelle Branch her 2 songs all you wanted and goodbye to
you.
Acknowledgement: thanks to Jackie for everything! Joanna! and to (my spike)
Franklin, I'm not avoiding you!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(piano and drum intro)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her eyes casted shadows on her face. This was her. This was now.
This was the package she bore her entire life. Destiny, as they all call it.
But to her, it was still a job. A job -a curse that prevented her from ever
having a normal life. What is in a normal life? was it coming frome a loving
family? is it in the movies up on the screens? was it ever printed in a
book about a house with the white picket fence? -because if it did then she
wasn't seeing the big picture of the puzzle.
Life had ways of surprising you. One day your a normal fourteen year
old worrying about how big the pimple on your forhead is and then in a flash
of a second your worrying about apocalysps. Some wanted this life -give
anything to have it. But she didn't. It came to her. It searched the ends of
the world for her. What less could have it been if she searched for anymore
meaning in her life. Was she doomed to continue the endless cycle? She was
the girl the world never knew, and at the same the girl the world couldn't
live without. Some life she led.
But there are forces. Higher forces. Forces that led her here.
Forces that gave her this destiny, this life, these friends, This-this body.
It controlled the changes. It made the changes. It gave the dreams, it gave
the nightmares. It gave the life, and it could as well take the like life.
It altered, it changed, it moved. Cutting, dropping, pasting. Ancient forces.
Unseen. Unheard. The air, the water, the earth were the judges. They watched.
They listened. They too, controlled. And if they find you not worthy. A
little peeve about you -You were gone, erased, and given a new life.
So, What if you were judged -and you had never known it? What would
you do? Would you sit down in the farthest corner of a room and stay
quiet? or would you do anything to get it back? ....
The clouds circled and danced. Twirled in the black heavens only
millions, and million and miles above her. It looked pretty enough she could
just reach up and grab it. The stars sang their songs and it was a bit
windier than uusual. She twisted and turned in her little sancuary called her
room. Memories upon distant memories piled up in her head driving her mad.
Tears ran from her shut eyes and fell onto the colored cream sheets. They
watched the torment. Pleading in silence. A silent prayer to stop. He
watched.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look into my eyes
You will see, what you mean to me
Search your heart, search your soul
When you find me, then you'll search no more
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Light thumps were heard from his boots as he walked across the room
to her. In torment shape, frustrated with pictures that confused her head.
He wallowed in pity. His hardened mask of cruelty and predatory faded like
ice on fire. What was wrong with him. The fully dressed in black figure sat
down next to her. A person who's life was stained by her blood -her kind
could yet minimized his hatred to a zero. A person who's history was not of
the innocent but preyed on them was able to smile at this person and let her
live. Why?
It was because of feelings. Feelings let her live. Something of the
subconsiouse within him he had never felt in an infinity of years. Awaking,
and opening. The hidden youth that had been robbed of a freedom took it's
first breath. He shook his head and the youth disappeared. It hid, while
she suffered.
"Buffy.." he called out to her in a calm voice as he stroked her
hair in a slow motion. Instantly she opened her eyes and gasped.
"oh my god..." she breathed heavily and ran into him arms "oh my
god..." she said again. Too many images.
"ssh... it's okay" he assured.
She stopped and looked at him. His face didn't showed any
likenesses of the spike she knew. The arrogant, rude, bastard-like,
asshole one. This wasn't. His eyes were calm and his fingers (from the
way he was stroking her hair) was shaking.
"Why are you here.." she demanded, her eyes had now turned into icy
glares.
"I didn't see you .. I had to make sure your okay.." he replied,
Buffy sighed.
"If I wasn't up for patrolling that means I went to bed early" she
scoffed "sorry, next time I'll call you"
They were in the air she breathed. Listening, and watching. Around
and everywhere was where they hid. Counting the minutes, counting the moves.
"Sorry, pet" he chuckled "you sleeping was last on my list"
The air thickened and stirred. Wispering and talking amoungst each
other. Who was he?.. how did he relate to her?......
"hm.. tired .. you know fighting the rrrr.. the nasties" she fell
flat on her back "so .. tired.." she closed her eyes for a moment, then
opened one eyelid at him "boo.."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't tell me, it's not worth trying for
You can't tell me it's not worth dying for
You know it's true everything I do I do it for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He gave the closes thing to a smile she could ever get him. His
smile uttered unruly gothic matters that which he could never speak of.
Thoughts, feelings, hidden behind his vampiric soul.
"How tired, love?"
It was the eyes of cold heartedness that vanished before any
unrelated or uneeded features did. Nevertheless, his front was now
human.
"ooo..Very tired" Buffy added "what?.."
He sighed "Why aren't you afraid of this face?"
Features of what death looked liked reign an unfamliar note. She had
seen those eyes before, the face. The face of enemies, her kind had fought so
hard to rid the earth of. Their screams were heard every night. Screams of
torture and pain. They whisper in her ear at night. Guesome details of death
and blood that lingers in the air long after their bodies have decomposed.
They've died, inevitably. And the person she was looking in the eye had
already killed two. How awful. She was crossing enemy lines, again.
Consequenses was a familiar friend. She knew them well. From one
word to the other. End to end -she choose not to listen. Love didn't contain
any certain boundaries, barriers, nor steps. Screw them all. It, was sooner
ment to happen. These creatures of the night that stalked, these predators,
murderers, -these killers, she could relate to them. In their twisted souls
that echo and bounce off the walls of their darken cages inside them. They
were tortured, they were brutated -mutilated, hanged, whipped, call them as
you like. They were abused and their invisible wounds and scars were
reminders of their hollowed souls. Like empty jars annulled from their life
giving essence, that deep inside it reeks of the scent of a grieving heart.
It moans for woes after woes. Needing, wanting to live and work -it does not
function. Therefor, there is no use. No love lay here. Only, death.
"Should I?" she questioned "I mean if there is a good reson.. should
I be afraid of your face? It's just you."
He smiled. Doors that have been sealed shut for centuries creaked on
it's hinges welcoming the world in. It had been long. So long. So long to
feel the wind blow against his face. To have this feeling. A forgotten foe
to take over him and win the lonely battle. The battle unyet decided. The
battle not yet won. The battlefield that called to him at dusk, and did not
settle till the sky turned into colors of organge. Matters of the heart were
his battles of the soul.
She touched his face with a light stroke and all a sudden for a
moment she chased the pain away. With her fingertips and child-like hands
she played with his. Tangled, entwined, and twisted lay their hands for a
moment. They conversed again. The air seemed to stiffen. It worried and it
detested. Seemingly useless, was their thought of their feelings. Seemingly
useless.
"Your quite right pet..." he stroked her hair once again "your right"
Bitter life. Bitter damned life that didn't accept him. Damned the
society that refused to believe that their relationship of their kind could
ever develope. Damn the thought of fire and ice. Damn the watcher, damn to
the scoobies. Damn to everyone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Look into your heart, you will find
There is nothing there to hide
Take me as I am, take my life
I would give it all, I would sacrifice
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It cackled like the flame of a candle. Dancing and dancing in
bewilderment. They rose this girl to the ut most perfection. Only now did
they realize how perfection was hard to come by. Their perfected slayer was
now in the hands of the enemy. Her life now hanged on a thin line of thread.
She was falling and she wasn't even aware of it.
Buffy closed her eyes once more. Trying to picture the dream all
over again. Too many pictures, she remembered had vague discriptions and
blurred photographs. Recollecting them was the hard part. It stabbed and
punctured her brain till the insides hurt and she was left screaming.
But pain was a companion. It stood by her. To blood till death. It
stood with it's head hung over it's body and it's arm all limp all over. It
constantly smirked or laughed. It only wisphered. Silent wispheres. Mind
boggling wispheres that flooded her mind every hour of every day. Haunting
and haunting with it's riddiculous riddles that inevitably had no answers.
It was surreal and at the same time undeniable, that it made an actual kind
of sense. But pain never carried a converstation with her. It often followed
death around -like a tag along, it barely couldn't say anything. It wasn't
allowed to.
"Spike.." she called in an audible voice "Would you stay with me
-til I fall asleep?"
She looked like a frightened child. Nevertheless, this fightened
child was his slayer. She looked strong but, he sensed deep down she was
lost. Had she taken the road less traveled by others? Had civilization
drove her to the brink of a dead end? She was shaking.
Electricity cackled in the air outside. The judges have given their
final verdict. Death walked away, this time hoping to be called back.
Punishment took it's stand on the platfrom. It's long black hair touched the
bright floor emmiting with power. Death was never coming back.
The girl in her bed, closed her eyes and drifted into abyss. The
dark abyss of tortured dreams and souls of no return. On the platform awaited
punishment, and her long golden staff. Her face spoke of no news not touched
by the ears of men.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Don't tell me it's not worth fighting for
I can't help it, there's nothing I want more
You know it's true, everything I do I do it for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Her dream of an utopian world where harsh reality was like the sun
and dreams came like the moon, vanish in an instant. Punishement was not
here to bring forth good news. And she knew that.
"Hello little one.." she greeted, much less she was waiting for
Buffy.
She did a mild nod as the world she left behind in her tiny bed
drifted away. Piece by piece. Person by person. So doth did the love she
left behind -fell way.
"disappointment are the forces of you" punishment continued, her long
staff glinted and twinkled as thought it contained the stars of the heavens
in the crystal ball it held "What thou does make of it? does ye have anything
say?"
"Excuse me?"
"What does thee say to the cause of thou's masters appertaining
rage?" the expression on her face did not change, calm was written all over
it's face "is thou unaware of the consequences thou must face if the judges
are not pleased?"
"judges? consequences?" Buffy question "and can we cut the whole
accent deal it's really freaky.."
"Thou should not be rude under the presence, therfore thou must show
respect" Punishment answered sternly "Thou must answer thy questions"
"What if 'thou' doesn't want to" she answered stubbornly "who are
you?"
Punishment nodded and smiled "I am punishment"
"What am I doing here?" came her second question
"Thou is questioned by I, to continue to a next life. Thou must
answer truthfully if thou does not want a harsh life.."
"Want? -huh? last time I checked I have a life. I'm the slayer-"
"What thou is, isn't thou no longer"
"I SAID I am the slayer. I have a watcher, and friends"
"What thou mentions, thou doesn't have"
"are you speaking english?!"
Footsteps were heard and punishment diverted it's gazed from Buffy.
"quit yelling there, kid" came a voice "you really don't want to
aggitate her.."
"what does thou come?" she called "what does whistler want of I?"
"nothing much, sweetie" he replied "I want her -the slayer"
"she isn't of the slayer you speak ..."
Whistler smirked "leave it to me ... I'll fill her in"
Punishement bowed "As you wish.." and disappeared
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"So,kid" he sighed "how you holding?"
"holding?" she scoffed "I getting a new life what do you mean how am
I holding?! -I ..ugh. What did I do?"
Whistler sighed. He treid stalling. But it seemed it wouldn't work.
He didn't know how to do it -how to break her heart.
"well, kid" he paused "um.. the forces that made you slayer are kinda
pissed. You did something quite crazy back there kid"
"What did I do? -I was sleeping!"
"No.." he shook his head, "it isn't that, slayer. You fell in love
with a vampire w-with Spike"
"wha- huh?.. how did you?"
Whistler leaned over "the forces heard Buffy -they are everywhere"
"So then why didn't they do anything when I fell in love with Angel?!
Couldn't they have poofed me out or what?!"
"No..." he shook his head again "they let you slid on that one kid ..
you were easily forgiven because I helped Angel be on your side.."
"And Spike?"
"Well, he's tough -and he's still evil. He's only neutred because of
you.. He loves you Buffy that's the only thing that's making him like a
harmless puppy -all bark but no bite. With or without that chip in his
head." he sighed and continued in a depressed tone "We didn't see this coming
-I'll tell you that even the forces are stumped. He wasn't suppose to fall
in love with you either"
"So what are you saying? -I was suppose to fall in love with ..."
"Riley. We didn't know how -why he- well, just call us stumped,kid
just let it be .. We need to focus now. You were given a judgement by the
judges. The saw you not exceptional. You being in love with a vamp with a
bad history and all .. And you fail -lost. Were going to see what to do with
you now..."
"But -what will happen to everyone? Giles .. a-and Spike?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I didn't know that
It was so cold
And you needed someone
To show you the way
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Sorry, kid. There's nothing I can do in that department .. You
weren't allowed to fall in love with Spike. Period."
"But what will happen .. I-I mean I can't go around meeting them and
they I'm dead -i-is that it?"
Whistler sighed. Poor slayer. "I guess there going to think of you as
they've never met you berfore. Sure their lives continue but it won't revolve
around you..."
She covered her face to hide her tears.
"This-this can't be real .. I need to wake up.." she sobbed "This
can't be happening .."
Whistler chuckled "you know the thing is.. people always think that
they are in charge of their own life. But in reality, they don't. The forces
do every desicion made to every action. They rule your life. They know how
you feel and how you will feel." he scoffed "hm.. that's something to think
about isn't it..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I took your hand
And we figured out
That when the tide comes
I'd take you away
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away
From here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
Was somebody who cares
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Time ticked the hours away. She just sat there. What was going to
become of her? Would she still be Buffy? Be someone who died? Be someone who
was loved? Who knew.. The endless void swayed as if against a powerful wind.
There was none. Darkness ate at it and it pretty muched nearly devored it
before Whistler came, It regenerated. She rose her head.
"so?" she spoke.
He just looked at her with eyes of sadness.
"It's time to go..." he answered giving her a hand.
She looked again at the endless void that seemed to watch her.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I love
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to them. To friends -Xander,Anya,Tara, Willow, and Giles. To
memories that slipped like sand in an hour glass. Couldn't hold onto. So
easily slipped away. Washed away by waters and disappeared into nothing. How
will their life be now -without her? How will her life be with out them?
Will all of them still be there in their normal selves? or will they cease
to exist just as their memory of her did?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohhh yeah
It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time
I want whats yours and I want whats mine
I want you but I'm not giving in this time
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Goodbye to Spike.
"Go where?" she finally spoke, the words choked her but she forced
the out.
Whistler gave a wry smile. A smile that told her everything was going
to be fine. But that smile was lying. She knew it and he did to.
"Your new life.."
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TBC..........