Chapter 13 – Secret Garden
One single small light lit the room from the nightstand, while a slightly opened window caused the soft curtains to dance into the night. The bedroom, filled with childhood mementos of Cordelia's life, served as a backdrop for one of the longest silence she had ever experienced.
Lying each on their side, facing one another, in the middle of the large bed, Cordy and Angel silently admired the lines on each other's faces. His fingers moved along the side of her face, then trailed down her bare arm before nestling in the comfort of her palm. Slowly, softly, and with a care that spoke louder than words, Cordy took his hand into his and intertwined her fingers with his. His eyes rested on their joined hands for a long time, a peaceful expression covering both their faces.
So close.
In that instant, they were so close. Closer than Cordelia had ever felt to anyone in her life. After what seemed like an eternity of just staring and touching…admiring, a slight smile crossed her lips and she examined their hands.
She looked back up to his eyes and caught her breath for a moment. Such deep, soulful eyes in which she easily could get lost.
"Hi…" she whispered.
"Hi…" he whispered back in that same loving, private murmur.
"Your hands are warm." She whispered, awe and comfort taking over her every word.
Angel squeezed her hand, smiling with her for a moment. His hands were warm indeed.
"Funny…" he whispered back, catching Cordelia's loving glance fall back onto his face.
"What it?" she asked, so softly he barely heard her.
"I was just about to say the same thing about you." He smiled, wrapping his hand around her waist and pulling her closer to him.
Cordelia repressed a little laugh as their lips met in a long, slow amorous kiss. Cordy's hands traveled up his bare shoulders and entangled themselves in his disheveled hair. The soft sheets wrapping their bodies perfectly, the peaceful atmosphere of the room bathing them with calmness, they continued kissing until Cordy heard a small noise. She pulled away from the kiss with a small giggle and frowned as she stared into Angel's eyes.
"Was that your stomach?" she asked, clearly amused at the simple thought of it.
"I guess the no-food diet has caught up with me…"
"The pleasures of being human, Angel." Cordy smiled from ear to ear.
"Pleasures huh…" Angel repeated, lowering his lips to Cordelia's jawbone and trailing kisses down her neck. "I can think of more pleasurable pleasures than eating…" h e managed between kisses.
"Oh I'm sure you can." Cordy smiled as he brought his lips back to hers in an amused yet passionate kiss.
When she heard Angel's stomach again, she couldn't help but laugh.
"Okay, we really need to feed you first or this is going to be very distracting." She laughed, pulling away from his grinning lips and wrapping herself with one of the sheets.
"Feed me?" Angel questioned, rolling on his back while he watched her sit up. "And what do you intend to feed me?" he said as she looked at him with a raised eyebrow and an amused grin her on her. "I didn't notice any cafeteria around here…"
"Yes, well…a girl has her resources." Cordy grinned and lowered herself down on the side of the bed, looking under the bed for something. "There we go…" she called out while Angel sat up in bed, leaning his back against the wall and watching her expectantly.
"What resources?" Angel laughed, watching her struggle with some stuff under the bed.
"Resources. Just resources. You know…" she stuck her head up long enough to shoot him one of her million dollar smiles. "I'm a chocoholic, okay." She said coming back in bed with a large box of chocolates.
She laughed at the sight of Angel's incredulous facial expression and sat across from him.
"When I was little, I used to hide chocolate boxes under my bed because my mother wouldn't allow me to eat any. She was overly concerned with her daughter gaining weight." Cordy rolled her eyes at the memory. "Let's just say my grandmother had other opinions on that. It was our secret." She smiled, opening the box.
She noticed Angel eyeing the chocolate like a kid who hadn't eaten for weeks. The thought actually amused her. She shot him a funny stare and paused and held the box away from Angel, teasingly.
"But you know, if you'd prefer not…" she began but stopped when he grabbed her and pulled her to him. She tried to hold back a bit of laughter as he smiled.
"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've eaten any kind of normal food…? Are you trying to kill me with the teasing?" he said, his arms wrapped around her.
"I didn't see you complaining about any form of teasing an hour ago…" she said in a lower voice as his face broke into a smile.
"Yes well…" he said as his voice trailed off.
She felt his hands trace circles through the sheets on her lower back and tilted her head slightly.
"I'll give you some if you promise to behave." She said and at his raised eyebrows, Cordy felt the need to rectify her answer. "Some chocolate, I mean…" she smiled, a smile that matched Angel's mischievous grin.
She sat back into Angel's warm embrace, feeling his heart pound against her shoulder, and she proceeded to open the box of chocolate once more. She took one piece of chocolate out and turned around just enough so she could hand it to him. The look on his face as he ate the piece of brown chocolate was priceless, and almost amusing. It was as if he hadn't tasted anything like it in his life. It was actually like experiencing life for the first time ever.
For a moment there, the whole world around them disappeared and allowed them to enjoy this moment. The threats and the danger and the situation in which they found themselves seemed irrelevant. The look on Angel's face while re-discovering the pleasures of eating – among others – was enough to silence any fear at the moment. Cordelia leaned back into his arm.
"I had forgotten how nice this was…" Angel delightfully said, taking a deep breath.
"I know. All that chocolaty goodness…"
"I wasn't talking about the chocolate." His voice came out soft and tender as his arms tightened around her body.
She turned her head slightly enough so she could look at him in the eyes and smiled.
"I know." She simply answered, knowing perfectly well that he wasn't referring only to the eating part of this moment.
They stayed like that for a moment, silently, just enjoying the comfort of each other's arms. They knew that at some point they would have to leave this. They would have to go back to reality, or at least try to find a way back, but in that instant, they didn't care. They knew that Angel's humanity would not last forever, but if this were all they'd ever have, then they'd make the best of it.
As they sat there, her back leaning against his strong chest, she felt his lips softly kiss her shoulder, and then her neck.
"You know…" she found herself saying as his tongue traced invisible lines on her skin. "If you weren't so human right now I'd ask you to drop the neck fetish, but since I don't have to worry about that, please do go on." She smiled and heard a little amused chuckled coming from Angel's throat.
Did Angel even chuckle? The thought quickly left her brain as she turned her head around and met his lips. The kiss was not as demanding as some of their previous ones. It was long, slow, but very intense. Cordelia turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, still enjoying the feel of his mouth on hers.
When they broke the kiss, Angel grabbed one of her hands gently and brought it to his lips, kissing the tip of each fingers softly.
"You know…" he breathed deeply as he looked at their surroundings. "You had a really big bed for a 12-year-old." He said, nonchalantly.
Cordy couldn't help the tiny laugh that escaped her throat.
"A girl has needs." She offered with a grin.
They exchanged a teasing look before Cordelia spoke again.
"You're enjoying the whole human thing aren't you?" she then grinned.
"Well…" Angel coyly replied, nibbling on her ear. "If I remember correctly, I wasn't the only one enjoying it a few hours ago…" he added, now kissing her bare shoulders.
"You know, I wonder what my mother would think barging in here and finding a semi-naked man in her 12-year-old daughter's bed. I can hear her now, 'Cordelia Chase, what have I told you about bringing boys up to your room?!'" Cordy smiled, doing a perfect imitation of her mother's innocent voice.
"Cordy…" Angel then pointed out, as always, stuck on something irrelevant in her speech. "I'm not semi-naked." He said emphasizing the semi part.
Cordy faked looking under the sheets and smiled.
"What my mother doesn't see, she shouldn't know." She offered in her typical Cordy voice, which made Angel smile.
At that moment, time stood still in Angel's head. His eyes bore into Cordy's and he prayed that he would take that image with him until the day he died. There was something so calming in the way she was looking at him, so loving. So real.
In that instant, the worries started to crawl back into his head. At the moment Cordelia mentioned someone barging in, the fears began to make their presence known again. The fear of losing her. The fear of not being human anymore…of not having this. Here. Now. The fear of everything that came along with it.
The fear of them never being able to go back to what their lives were before…with their friends…with each other.
Cordelia saw the somber expression in Angel's eyes and she knew that the fears were starting to crawl back into her head too.
"Cordy…" Angel whispered, brushing her hair with one hand.
"Angel, don't." she said softly.
They both paused, as Cordelia's pleading voice silenced Angel's running thought. What he was about to say would have ruined this moment. It would have fully brought back everything neither of them wanted to deal with at the moment.
"I really do love you…" Cordy found herself whispering in a heartbreaking tone as she leaned in and pressed her lips against Angel's in a soft but emotional kiss.
The stopped long enough to catch their breaths and Angel rested his forehead against hers.
"I love you too." He whispered as their mouths met once again in a more heated kiss.
Their tongues danced with each other as the kiss intensified. Slowly, Angel laid her back down onto the bed, their lips never parting, for fear of letting in any more doubts or fears. All they needed or wanted in that instant was each other.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
--
A large troupe of demons barged into the main room, where the evil woman stood, staring at the wall.
"Did you find her?" she demanded in a harsh tone.
"No my lady." One of the demons answered, nearly shaking.
"Did she find her way in?"
"No. She's still in this realm somewhere. We can still feel her. She's not in the Garden yet." The demon answered.
There was a long pause before Dennis' mother turned around and met their eyes.
"Find her, and bring her back here, do you hear me!" she ordered them. "Alive." She then demanded.
"But…my lady…she has begun to control herself…" one of the demons interjected but she stopped him with her dry voice.
"Not her. Bring me the young one." She then said, an evil glare in her eyes as if she suddenly had a new plan.
--
The early morning sun peaked its head through the large bedroom windows, illuminating most of the room with its warmth and brilliance. Clothes, still lying by the side of the bed, served as a reminder of the magical night the two sleeping form on the bed had just shared.
Lightly wrapped around the sheets, Cordelia laid, eyes closed on her right side, with Angel's arms around her from behind. Both sound asleep in the comfort of one another's arms.
Angel was the first one to be awakened by the soft rays of sunshine that reached him from across the room. His eyes flickered open and rested on the sleeping beauty safely nestled in his arms. He breathed in the sight of Cordelia's beauty, mentally trying to photograph her with his mind.
As his eyes quietly stared at the windows and the morning light, a much somber thought invaded his mind.
This.
This would never be reproduced in reality. This was the one chance he and Cordelia had had to be together, to share their love in a way that wasn't allowed in their every day reality. Watching her sleep brought back insecurities he didn't want to be thinking about. He wanted to enjoy this moment without any doubts, without any fears. But he couldn't. As much as he cherished this moment, having Cordy in his arms like that, he couldn't help but think that she deserved more.
Breaking into his thoughts and slowly chasing them away for a few minutes, Cordy stirred and opened her eyes. She turned her head slightly enough to meet his eyes and realized he'd been watching her sleep.
"What are you thinking about?" she whispered in a sleepy voice.
"How beautiful you are." He smiled and kissed her bare shoulder lightly.
Cordy let her eyes drift to the windows and then back to Angel, who was lost in his own thoughts. Sensing that something was troubling him, she turned into his embrace and faced him.
"I'm not complaining about the complimenting, but what are you really thinking about?" she asked, her voice sounding more concerned this time around.
"You." He answered simply and honestly. "Cordy…" his voice was now filled with worry and concern and she sensed it.
"Angel…don't." she said, shaking her head, but he couldn't keep it to himself any longer.
"Cordelia we need to talk about this." Angel said, releasing her and sitting up on the side of the bed.
"Angel…what is it?" she asked, sitting up beside him, leaning against his arm and running a hand through her hair.
"This." Angel repeated, unable to look her in the eye. "We can't have this in real life. We can't be like that…" he said, his voice nearly breaking under his words.
"Okay…" Cordelia nodded, straightening herself, realizing just exactly where Angel was going with this. "We are not going to have this conversation." She said, determined.
"Cordy…"
"No." she softly replied. "Is this the normal life talk? Is this the 'I'm not worthy of you' talk? 'Cause if it is, we're not having it." She said, still holding his arm tenderly. "Angel…" she paused and waited until he looked at her. "I know what we can and can't have…I know that…" she whispered, somewhat trying to read his face.
Angel looked at her, knowing how badly she meant it, but he couldn't help feeling as if he was robbing her of any kind of normal life.
"Cordy…" he began again and this time she let him speak. "Last night…being human…being with you…" he tried to make his thought coherent but they seemed to just bump into one another repetitively. "It was…"
There was a short pause and Cordelia noticed how he couldn't find the right word to describe what he was feeling. Never much of the talkative type, he was.
"…Perfect?" she offered as an answer and after little pondering, he nodded.
"Perfect." He repeated, staring into her bright and shining eyes. "We can't have that once we get out of here…" he then somberly spoke, regretting the words as they came out.
"I can live with that."
"You shouldn't."
"Well let me be the judge of that." She said.
There was a long silence between them as they both sat on the side of the bed, staring off into space, thinking. Thinking. Then Cordelia turned to face him again and spoke with such softness that Angel's heart skipped a beat.
"Angel," she began, taking a deep breath. "I know this is going to sound very unconvincing – what with me being so undressed and after last night – but…" she said, looking down at herself as if knowing her words were going to contradict the situation in which they found themselves. "Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship." She offered in all honesty.
Angel looked at her, silently.
"I mean, don't get me wrong, it's something I welcome with open arms as far as you're concerned…" she smiled shyly at first and then continued. "But that's not what I care about the most."
"Cordelia…"
"I mean it." She said emphasizing each and every word. "I know you left Buffy to give her a normal life…well…look around Angel." Cordy motioned with her hands, raising an eyebrow. "I don't have a normal life, whether I'm with you or not. We just spent the most incredible night together, inside my head after nearly dying a dozen of times. I think that qualifies as 'not normal' by any definition."
"I don't want you to wake up one morning and realize what you're missing out on…" he genuinely said with concern.
"Angel…" she said in a bare whisper, placing one of her hands on the side of his warm cheek. "I meant what I told you last night."
Angel took a deep breath at the touch of her fingers, before being able to form any coherent words.
"What do you mean?" he asked, clearly trying to remember what she had told him before.
Cordy took his hand into hers and gently held it with both of her hands.
"I really do love you…with or without a heartbeat…" she whispered as tears welled up in her eyes involuntarily.
She saw the tears in Angel's eyes as well as he leaned in and kissed her softly. When their lips parted, Angel rested his forehead against hers, unwilling to open their eyes.
"This is real, right?" she asked her, taking a deep breath. "Promise me we'll remember everything once we get out of here? Promise me this isn't just a dream…" she whispered, her breath to close to his skin it sent chills down his spine.
Cordelia knew that she would probably remember all of this since it was inside of her own head, but her fear was that Angel wouldn't. Once they got out, if they ever got out, she wanted him to remember.
"Promise me you won't forget…Promise me you'll remember me this way…you'll remember this right now…" she whispered and Angel kissed her one more time.
"I promise…" he whispered back in between kisses.
A tear rolled down Cordelia's face as their lips met in a long, emotional kiss that lasted for several minutes. As they were kissing, Cordy's hand moved to Angel's bare chest and rested on the safe sound of his heartbeat for a while, marveling in the feel of its pounding against her palm.
Yes, whatever happened, she would be fine. They would be fine. And one day…maybe not now, but one day…she'd feel that heartbeat again. And they would have this.
They would.
Suddenly, as if struck by lightening, Cordelia pulled away from him. Angel looked at her in confusion as she stared at him, eyes wide open, as if something had just hit her over the head.
"Oh my God…" she whispered, almost to herself.
That was it. In one small second, she remembered. It was more like an instinct, a feeling…a force inside of her.
She just knew.
Right there, right then.
She knew.
"What? What is it?" Angel asked her, genuine concern filling his voice as he watched her sit still, frozen.
"Get dressed." She then offered, handing him his shirt.
"What? What's going on?" he was now honestly confused by her behavior.
"There's something I need to show you…" she smiled, reaching onto the floor and grabbing her t-shirt. "Come on…"
The bright smile on her face was enough to calm him down and reassure him. They both got dressed and he followed her to the window. He watched as she opened the window and stepped out of it, pulling him out with him. As they stepped outside the room, into the bright sunlight, a huge blinding white light appeared, forcing them both to close their eyes.
When Angel re-opened them, he stood, amazed by what he was seeing.
[I]She'll let you in her house
If you come knocking late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides
[/I]
Angel stood, in the middle of the most beautiful place he'd ever seen. Trees bowing down to them as they walked, hesitantly at first…flowers growing everywhere. A river to the left, mountains to the right. The sun was shining to brightly that he felt his heart stop for a moment and he had to remind himself the procedures of breathing.
Cordelia slid her hand into his lovingly as she watched him, amazed by the look on his face.
There they were.
In the middle of the most magical, peaceful and beautiful garden he had ever seen.
He and Cordelia walked between two beautifully sculptured rocks before finding themselves surrounded by small and tall trees. Between the branches, he was a magnificent river, with little children playing and looking over at them. They kept on walking, holding hands, as Cordelia led the way through the magical land.
[I]She'll let you in her car
To go driving around
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down.
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden
Don't think twice.
[/I]
They arrived at the top of a small hill overlooking mountains and prairies, all more beautiful than the other. Angel looked up at the sky, feeling the warmth of the sun against his skin and Cordy couldn't help but smile as she watched him.
Human.
Breathing.
In the sunlight.
[I]You've gone million miles
how far did you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget
[/I]
She remembered now.
Somehow, she remembered. The fear was gone.
She'd found her way.
As they both stood and watched the beautiful and enchanting scenery, Angel's voice came into a bare, awed whisper.
"I've never seen anything like it…it's beautiful…" he whispered.
Clearly a strong contrast to the side of her mind that they were coming from.
"I didn't know a place like this even existed…" his voice came once again in a whisper filled with awe and pure disbelief.
"It's because it doesn't. It's my secret place." She said, turned to him and smiled softly (almost sadly) "I told you I'd bring you here…" she whispered.
[I]She'll lead you down the path
there'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just as far enough
So you know she's really there
And she'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away…
[/I]
They looked at one another, the magnificent scenery behind them adding to the depth of their emotions.
Cordelia then turned and saw a little girl – herself – standing near a tree. The young Cordelia motioned for them to follow her in a childlike manner. Cordy's eyes went back and forth between the little girl and Angel, and that's when she was sure.
She was finally sure.
She knew.
"I remember now." She whispered, squeezing Angel's hand into hers. "I know the way out."
--
SNEAK PREVIEW: Will Cordy and Angel manage their way out unharmed? Or will someone unexpected come to their rescue?
One single small light lit the room from the nightstand, while a slightly opened window caused the soft curtains to dance into the night. The bedroom, filled with childhood mementos of Cordelia's life, served as a backdrop for one of the longest silence she had ever experienced.
Lying each on their side, facing one another, in the middle of the large bed, Cordy and Angel silently admired the lines on each other's faces. His fingers moved along the side of her face, then trailed down her bare arm before nestling in the comfort of her palm. Slowly, softly, and with a care that spoke louder than words, Cordy took his hand into his and intertwined her fingers with his. His eyes rested on their joined hands for a long time, a peaceful expression covering both their faces.
So close.
In that instant, they were so close. Closer than Cordelia had ever felt to anyone in her life. After what seemed like an eternity of just staring and touching…admiring, a slight smile crossed her lips and she examined their hands.
She looked back up to his eyes and caught her breath for a moment. Such deep, soulful eyes in which she easily could get lost.
"Hi…" she whispered.
"Hi…" he whispered back in that same loving, private murmur.
"Your hands are warm." She whispered, awe and comfort taking over her every word.
Angel squeezed her hand, smiling with her for a moment. His hands were warm indeed.
"Funny…" he whispered back, catching Cordelia's loving glance fall back onto his face.
"What it?" she asked, so softly he barely heard her.
"I was just about to say the same thing about you." He smiled, wrapping his hand around her waist and pulling her closer to him.
Cordelia repressed a little laugh as their lips met in a long, slow amorous kiss. Cordy's hands traveled up his bare shoulders and entangled themselves in his disheveled hair. The soft sheets wrapping their bodies perfectly, the peaceful atmosphere of the room bathing them with calmness, they continued kissing until Cordy heard a small noise. She pulled away from the kiss with a small giggle and frowned as she stared into Angel's eyes.
"Was that your stomach?" she asked, clearly amused at the simple thought of it.
"I guess the no-food diet has caught up with me…"
"The pleasures of being human, Angel." Cordy smiled from ear to ear.
"Pleasures huh…" Angel repeated, lowering his lips to Cordelia's jawbone and trailing kisses down her neck. "I can think of more pleasurable pleasures than eating…" h e managed between kisses.
"Oh I'm sure you can." Cordy smiled as he brought his lips back to hers in an amused yet passionate kiss.
When she heard Angel's stomach again, she couldn't help but laugh.
"Okay, we really need to feed you first or this is going to be very distracting." She laughed, pulling away from his grinning lips and wrapping herself with one of the sheets.
"Feed me?" Angel questioned, rolling on his back while he watched her sit up. "And what do you intend to feed me?" he said as she looked at him with a raised eyebrow and an amused grin her on her. "I didn't notice any cafeteria around here…"
"Yes, well…a girl has her resources." Cordy grinned and lowered herself down on the side of the bed, looking under the bed for something. "There we go…" she called out while Angel sat up in bed, leaning his back against the wall and watching her expectantly.
"What resources?" Angel laughed, watching her struggle with some stuff under the bed.
"Resources. Just resources. You know…" she stuck her head up long enough to shoot him one of her million dollar smiles. "I'm a chocoholic, okay." She said coming back in bed with a large box of chocolates.
She laughed at the sight of Angel's incredulous facial expression and sat across from him.
"When I was little, I used to hide chocolate boxes under my bed because my mother wouldn't allow me to eat any. She was overly concerned with her daughter gaining weight." Cordy rolled her eyes at the memory. "Let's just say my grandmother had other opinions on that. It was our secret." She smiled, opening the box.
She noticed Angel eyeing the chocolate like a kid who hadn't eaten for weeks. The thought actually amused her. She shot him a funny stare and paused and held the box away from Angel, teasingly.
"But you know, if you'd prefer not…" she began but stopped when he grabbed her and pulled her to him. She tried to hold back a bit of laughter as he smiled.
"Do you have any idea how long it's been since I've eaten any kind of normal food…? Are you trying to kill me with the teasing?" he said, his arms wrapped around her.
"I didn't see you complaining about any form of teasing an hour ago…" she said in a lower voice as his face broke into a smile.
"Yes well…" he said as his voice trailed off.
She felt his hands trace circles through the sheets on her lower back and tilted her head slightly.
"I'll give you some if you promise to behave." She said and at his raised eyebrows, Cordy felt the need to rectify her answer. "Some chocolate, I mean…" she smiled, a smile that matched Angel's mischievous grin.
She sat back into Angel's warm embrace, feeling his heart pound against her shoulder, and she proceeded to open the box of chocolate once more. She took one piece of chocolate out and turned around just enough so she could hand it to him. The look on his face as he ate the piece of brown chocolate was priceless, and almost amusing. It was as if he hadn't tasted anything like it in his life. It was actually like experiencing life for the first time ever.
For a moment there, the whole world around them disappeared and allowed them to enjoy this moment. The threats and the danger and the situation in which they found themselves seemed irrelevant. The look on Angel's face while re-discovering the pleasures of eating – among others – was enough to silence any fear at the moment. Cordelia leaned back into his arm.
"I had forgotten how nice this was…" Angel delightfully said, taking a deep breath.
"I know. All that chocolaty goodness…"
"I wasn't talking about the chocolate." His voice came out soft and tender as his arms tightened around her body.
She turned her head slightly enough so she could look at him in the eyes and smiled.
"I know." She simply answered, knowing perfectly well that he wasn't referring only to the eating part of this moment.
They stayed like that for a moment, silently, just enjoying the comfort of each other's arms. They knew that at some point they would have to leave this. They would have to go back to reality, or at least try to find a way back, but in that instant, they didn't care. They knew that Angel's humanity would not last forever, but if this were all they'd ever have, then they'd make the best of it.
As they sat there, her back leaning against his strong chest, she felt his lips softly kiss her shoulder, and then her neck.
"You know…" she found herself saying as his tongue traced invisible lines on her skin. "If you weren't so human right now I'd ask you to drop the neck fetish, but since I don't have to worry about that, please do go on." She smiled and heard a little amused chuckled coming from Angel's throat.
Did Angel even chuckle? The thought quickly left her brain as she turned her head around and met his lips. The kiss was not as demanding as some of their previous ones. It was long, slow, but very intense. Cordelia turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, still enjoying the feel of his mouth on hers.
When they broke the kiss, Angel grabbed one of her hands gently and brought it to his lips, kissing the tip of each fingers softly.
"You know…" he breathed deeply as he looked at their surroundings. "You had a really big bed for a 12-year-old." He said, nonchalantly.
Cordy couldn't help the tiny laugh that escaped her throat.
"A girl has needs." She offered with a grin.
They exchanged a teasing look before Cordelia spoke again.
"You're enjoying the whole human thing aren't you?" she then grinned.
"Well…" Angel coyly replied, nibbling on her ear. "If I remember correctly, I wasn't the only one enjoying it a few hours ago…" he added, now kissing her bare shoulders.
"You know, I wonder what my mother would think barging in here and finding a semi-naked man in her 12-year-old daughter's bed. I can hear her now, 'Cordelia Chase, what have I told you about bringing boys up to your room?!'" Cordy smiled, doing a perfect imitation of her mother's innocent voice.
"Cordy…" Angel then pointed out, as always, stuck on something irrelevant in her speech. "I'm not semi-naked." He said emphasizing the semi part.
Cordy faked looking under the sheets and smiled.
"What my mother doesn't see, she shouldn't know." She offered in her typical Cordy voice, which made Angel smile.
At that moment, time stood still in Angel's head. His eyes bore into Cordy's and he prayed that he would take that image with him until the day he died. There was something so calming in the way she was looking at him, so loving. So real.
In that instant, the worries started to crawl back into his head. At the moment Cordelia mentioned someone barging in, the fears began to make their presence known again. The fear of losing her. The fear of not being human anymore…of not having this. Here. Now. The fear of everything that came along with it.
The fear of them never being able to go back to what their lives were before…with their friends…with each other.
Cordelia saw the somber expression in Angel's eyes and she knew that the fears were starting to crawl back into her head too.
"Cordy…" Angel whispered, brushing her hair with one hand.
"Angel, don't." she said softly.
They both paused, as Cordelia's pleading voice silenced Angel's running thought. What he was about to say would have ruined this moment. It would have fully brought back everything neither of them wanted to deal with at the moment.
"I really do love you…" Cordy found herself whispering in a heartbreaking tone as she leaned in and pressed her lips against Angel's in a soft but emotional kiss.
The stopped long enough to catch their breaths and Angel rested his forehead against hers.
"I love you too." He whispered as their mouths met once again in a more heated kiss.
Their tongues danced with each other as the kiss intensified. Slowly, Angel laid her back down onto the bed, their lips never parting, for fear of letting in any more doubts or fears. All they needed or wanted in that instant was each other.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
--
A large troupe of demons barged into the main room, where the evil woman stood, staring at the wall.
"Did you find her?" she demanded in a harsh tone.
"No my lady." One of the demons answered, nearly shaking.
"Did she find her way in?"
"No. She's still in this realm somewhere. We can still feel her. She's not in the Garden yet." The demon answered.
There was a long pause before Dennis' mother turned around and met their eyes.
"Find her, and bring her back here, do you hear me!" she ordered them. "Alive." She then demanded.
"But…my lady…she has begun to control herself…" one of the demons interjected but she stopped him with her dry voice.
"Not her. Bring me the young one." She then said, an evil glare in her eyes as if she suddenly had a new plan.
--
The early morning sun peaked its head through the large bedroom windows, illuminating most of the room with its warmth and brilliance. Clothes, still lying by the side of the bed, served as a reminder of the magical night the two sleeping form on the bed had just shared.
Lightly wrapped around the sheets, Cordelia laid, eyes closed on her right side, with Angel's arms around her from behind. Both sound asleep in the comfort of one another's arms.
Angel was the first one to be awakened by the soft rays of sunshine that reached him from across the room. His eyes flickered open and rested on the sleeping beauty safely nestled in his arms. He breathed in the sight of Cordelia's beauty, mentally trying to photograph her with his mind.
As his eyes quietly stared at the windows and the morning light, a much somber thought invaded his mind.
This.
This would never be reproduced in reality. This was the one chance he and Cordelia had had to be together, to share their love in a way that wasn't allowed in their every day reality. Watching her sleep brought back insecurities he didn't want to be thinking about. He wanted to enjoy this moment without any doubts, without any fears. But he couldn't. As much as he cherished this moment, having Cordy in his arms like that, he couldn't help but think that she deserved more.
Breaking into his thoughts and slowly chasing them away for a few minutes, Cordy stirred and opened her eyes. She turned her head slightly enough to meet his eyes and realized he'd been watching her sleep.
"What are you thinking about?" she whispered in a sleepy voice.
"How beautiful you are." He smiled and kissed her bare shoulder lightly.
Cordy let her eyes drift to the windows and then back to Angel, who was lost in his own thoughts. Sensing that something was troubling him, she turned into his embrace and faced him.
"I'm not complaining about the complimenting, but what are you really thinking about?" she asked, her voice sounding more concerned this time around.
"You." He answered simply and honestly. "Cordy…" his voice was now filled with worry and concern and she sensed it.
"Angel…don't." she said, shaking her head, but he couldn't keep it to himself any longer.
"Cordelia we need to talk about this." Angel said, releasing her and sitting up on the side of the bed.
"Angel…what is it?" she asked, sitting up beside him, leaning against his arm and running a hand through her hair.
"This." Angel repeated, unable to look her in the eye. "We can't have this in real life. We can't be like that…" he said, his voice nearly breaking under his words.
"Okay…" Cordelia nodded, straightening herself, realizing just exactly where Angel was going with this. "We are not going to have this conversation." She said, determined.
"Cordy…"
"No." she softly replied. "Is this the normal life talk? Is this the 'I'm not worthy of you' talk? 'Cause if it is, we're not having it." She said, still holding his arm tenderly. "Angel…" she paused and waited until he looked at her. "I know what we can and can't have…I know that…" she whispered, somewhat trying to read his face.
Angel looked at her, knowing how badly she meant it, but he couldn't help feeling as if he was robbing her of any kind of normal life.
"Cordy…" he began again and this time she let him speak. "Last night…being human…being with you…" he tried to make his thought coherent but they seemed to just bump into one another repetitively. "It was…"
There was a short pause and Cordelia noticed how he couldn't find the right word to describe what he was feeling. Never much of the talkative type, he was.
"…Perfect?" she offered as an answer and after little pondering, he nodded.
"Perfect." He repeated, staring into her bright and shining eyes. "We can't have that once we get out of here…" he then somberly spoke, regretting the words as they came out.
"I can live with that."
"You shouldn't."
"Well let me be the judge of that." She said.
There was a long silence between them as they both sat on the side of the bed, staring off into space, thinking. Thinking. Then Cordelia turned to face him again and spoke with such softness that Angel's heart skipped a beat.
"Angel," she began, taking a deep breath. "I know this is going to sound very unconvincing – what with me being so undressed and after last night – but…" she said, looking down at herself as if knowing her words were going to contradict the situation in which they found themselves. "Sex isn't the be all and end all of a relationship." She offered in all honesty.
Angel looked at her, silently.
"I mean, don't get me wrong, it's something I welcome with open arms as far as you're concerned…" she smiled shyly at first and then continued. "But that's not what I care about the most."
"Cordelia…"
"I mean it." She said emphasizing each and every word. "I know you left Buffy to give her a normal life…well…look around Angel." Cordy motioned with her hands, raising an eyebrow. "I don't have a normal life, whether I'm with you or not. We just spent the most incredible night together, inside my head after nearly dying a dozen of times. I think that qualifies as 'not normal' by any definition."
"I don't want you to wake up one morning and realize what you're missing out on…" he genuinely said with concern.
"Angel…" she said in a bare whisper, placing one of her hands on the side of his warm cheek. "I meant what I told you last night."
Angel took a deep breath at the touch of her fingers, before being able to form any coherent words.
"What do you mean?" he asked, clearly trying to remember what she had told him before.
Cordy took his hand into hers and gently held it with both of her hands.
"I really do love you…with or without a heartbeat…" she whispered as tears welled up in her eyes involuntarily.
She saw the tears in Angel's eyes as well as he leaned in and kissed her softly. When their lips parted, Angel rested his forehead against hers, unwilling to open their eyes.
"This is real, right?" she asked her, taking a deep breath. "Promise me we'll remember everything once we get out of here? Promise me this isn't just a dream…" she whispered, her breath to close to his skin it sent chills down his spine.
Cordelia knew that she would probably remember all of this since it was inside of her own head, but her fear was that Angel wouldn't. Once they got out, if they ever got out, she wanted him to remember.
"Promise me you won't forget…Promise me you'll remember me this way…you'll remember this right now…" she whispered and Angel kissed her one more time.
"I promise…" he whispered back in between kisses.
A tear rolled down Cordelia's face as their lips met in a long, emotional kiss that lasted for several minutes. As they were kissing, Cordy's hand moved to Angel's bare chest and rested on the safe sound of his heartbeat for a while, marveling in the feel of its pounding against her palm.
Yes, whatever happened, she would be fine. They would be fine. And one day…maybe not now, but one day…she'd feel that heartbeat again. And they would have this.
They would.
Suddenly, as if struck by lightening, Cordelia pulled away from him. Angel looked at her in confusion as she stared at him, eyes wide open, as if something had just hit her over the head.
"Oh my God…" she whispered, almost to herself.
That was it. In one small second, she remembered. It was more like an instinct, a feeling…a force inside of her.
She just knew.
Right there, right then.
She knew.
"What? What is it?" Angel asked her, genuine concern filling his voice as he watched her sit still, frozen.
"Get dressed." She then offered, handing him his shirt.
"What? What's going on?" he was now honestly confused by her behavior.
"There's something I need to show you…" she smiled, reaching onto the floor and grabbing her t-shirt. "Come on…"
The bright smile on her face was enough to calm him down and reassure him. They both got dressed and he followed her to the window. He watched as she opened the window and stepped out of it, pulling him out with him. As they stepped outside the room, into the bright sunlight, a huge blinding white light appeared, forcing them both to close their eyes.
When Angel re-opened them, he stood, amazed by what he was seeing.
[I]She'll let you in her house
If you come knocking late at night
She'll let you in her mouth
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she hides
[/I]
Angel stood, in the middle of the most beautiful place he'd ever seen. Trees bowing down to them as they walked, hesitantly at first…flowers growing everywhere. A river to the left, mountains to the right. The sun was shining to brightly that he felt his heart stop for a moment and he had to remind himself the procedures of breathing.
Cordelia slid her hand into his lovingly as she watched him, amazed by the look on his face.
There they were.
In the middle of the most magical, peaceful and beautiful garden he had ever seen.
He and Cordelia walked between two beautifully sculptured rocks before finding themselves surrounded by small and tall trees. Between the branches, he was a magnificent river, with little children playing and looking over at them. They kept on walking, holding hands, as Cordelia led the way through the magical land.
[I]She'll let you in her car
To go driving around
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down.
She'll let you in her heart
If you got a hammer and a vise
But into her secret garden
Don't think twice.
[/I]
They arrived at the top of a small hill overlooking mountains and prairies, all more beautiful than the other. Angel looked up at the sky, feeling the warmth of the sun against his skin and Cordy couldn't help but smile as she watched him.
Human.
Breathing.
In the sunlight.
[I]You've gone million miles
how far did you get
To that place where you can't remember
And you can't forget
[/I]
She remembered now.
Somehow, she remembered. The fear was gone.
She'd found her way.
As they both stood and watched the beautiful and enchanting scenery, Angel's voice came into a bare, awed whisper.
"I've never seen anything like it…it's beautiful…" he whispered.
Clearly a strong contrast to the side of her mind that they were coming from.
"I didn't know a place like this even existed…" his voice came once again in a whisper filled with awe and pure disbelief.
"It's because it doesn't. It's my secret place." She said, turned to him and smiled softly (almost sadly) "I told you I'd bring you here…" she whispered.
[I]She'll lead you down the path
there'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just as far enough
So you know she's really there
And she'll look at you and smile
And her eyes will say
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Will always stay
A million miles away…
[/I]
They looked at one another, the magnificent scenery behind them adding to the depth of their emotions.
Cordelia then turned and saw a little girl – herself – standing near a tree. The young Cordelia motioned for them to follow her in a childlike manner. Cordy's eyes went back and forth between the little girl and Angel, and that's when she was sure.
She was finally sure.
She knew.
"I remember now." She whispered, squeezing Angel's hand into hers. "I know the way out."
--
SNEAK PREVIEW: Will Cordy and Angel manage their way out unharmed? Or will someone unexpected come to their rescue?