Author's Note: Updates to the credits: The words "Oh sweet desolation" and the idea of counting thoughts belong to bunnyb. Dennis said some stuff that may have been included in the story, blah, blah…etc.

The End of the Other Story

When we last left the Fellowship, Gandalf was about to announce the murderer…

"You do!?" said Frodo.

"I do," said Gandalf, "It was…"

"WHO!?" screamed the Fellowship.

"The one person who had the motive, the means and the…" he paused, "crap. Give me another word that starts with 'm.'"

"Malevolence?" suggested Boromir.

"Madness?" offered Frodo.

"Stupidness." Piped Aragorn.

"That doesn't start with an m," said Merry accusingly.

"And it's not even a real word," added Pippin.

"I bet he did it," said Gimli.

"Never mind, never mind!" said Gandalf, "The one person who had the motive, the means, and the opportunity…"

"Yes?" said the Fellowship.

"Frodo." Said Gandalf.

The Fellowship gasped and all eyes turned to the little hobbit.

"Why did you do it, Frodo?" asked Gimli, choking on tears of anger and sorrow.

"I didn't." said Frodo simply.

"Oh." Said Gandalf. He looked around the room for several minutes, and finally said hesitantly, "are you sure?"

"Yes." Said Frodo.

"Well…then…okay," said Gandalf, "did…um…I do it?"

"No." said Frodo.

"Ah ha!" said Gandalf, "Legolas killed himself!"

"What?"

"He killed himself."

"He let a snake loose in his room, unleashed fangirls, and dragged his dead body to my house?"

"It's possible."

"No."

"Well then," said Gandalf, "I'm all out of ideas."

"I bet I can figure out who did it," said Frodo, "we have all the clues. There was a barfight which Legolas and Gimli were the first to arrive at. Somebody put a killer snake in Legolas' room in the short interlude between when Legolas left and when the killer went downstairs. Therefore, it couldn't have been Gimli. Boromir was the last to arrive, and everyone has commented on how strangely he looked, which he claimed was the result of a run-in with a Mary-Sue of which there are no witnesses. When the snake failed, the killer may have murdered the Mary-Sue, thinking it was Legolas if he only saw her from the back. Aragorn, things aren't looking good for you."

"I didn't kill Legolas!"

"We shall see. The dead Mary-Sue was disposed of before Legolas and Gimli returned to their rooms. Later that night, the killer released fangirls, hoping to kill Legolas that way. His attempt failed. The only people up at that time were Aragorn and the hobbits. Aragorn claimed to be checking that the fangirls were gone. The hobbits failed to mention why they were up, very suspicious. At around 2:00 in the morning, the killer was finally successful when he killed Legolas in his sleep and dragged his body here."

"So which of them did it?" asked Gimli.

"There was only one person here who could have done it," began Gandalf again, "the one person whose actions don't seem to come together. Elrond."

"Me?" asked Elrond.

"You are the only one here who is not a member of the Fellowship. Why is that?"

"Because the author likes me."

"Oh…well then." Gandalf sat down again.

"It wasn't Elrond," said Frodo, "in fact, it wasn't any one of them."

"I told you so," said Aragorn sticking his tongue out at Gimli and the hobbits.

"It was," continued Frodo, "all of them. All except for Elrond and Gimli had motives and opportunity to kill Legolas. They all just happened to fail. The snake was from the South, Boromir was the last to arrive at the fight. He was the first to fail at killing Legolas."

"How did you know?" asked Boromir, hanging his head in shame.

"I have the author's plot outline in front of me," said Frodo, "let us continue. Legolas was not killed by the snake, Boromir realized his plot had failed. He wasn't stupid enough to make a second attempt in one night. He thought he'd wait a while before trying again. Next, Aragorn saw the back of a tall person with uncannily beautiful blonde hair. Assuming it was Legolas, he stabbed the Mary-Sue. When he realized who she was, he knew it would be easy to cover his actions."

"It's true! It's true!" said Aragorn sobbing, "I tried to kill Legolas!"

"Aragorn realized his attempt had also failed, but he was too stupid to think of a new plan, so there was no other attempt made on Legolas' life by him. Next, we come to the fangirls. Needless to say, they were released by the hobbits. They failed to find Legolas and simply disappeared. The hobbits didn't have the guts to kill Legolas themselves, so they didn't try anything else."

"It's all too true!" said Sam, "we hated Legolas! We had to kill him!"

"Then it was Gimli and Elrond who succeeded in killing Legolas after all!" said Gandalf triumphantly, "I knew it. That was going to be my next guess."

"No." said Frodo.

"Damn it."

"Elrond and Gimli were the two people who loved Legolas. They tried to protect him."

"Poor…(sob)…Legolas!" wailed Gimli, "It's just…not fair!"

"Then who was it, Mr. Oh-Look-At-Me-I-Have-the-Plot-Summary?"

"Who else was at the Holiday Inn that night? Who else would want to kill Legolas? Who else," Frodo moved to the kitchen as he spoke, "is in this house right now. Hiding in the…refrigerator!" Frodo opened the refrigerator dramatically to reveal two men shivering inside.

Actually, neither looked much like a man. One was clearly a noble elf, the other looked wise as though time did not touch him.

"Bombadil! Glorfindel!" said Gandalf in a booming voice, "what the hell are you doing here!?"

"We…(shiver, shiver)…had to…(shiver)…hide." Said Tom Bombadil.

"This is about the movie isn't it?" said Aragorn, "I know, I hated it too."

"We don't care…(shiver)…about…(shiver)…your stupid movie!" They stepped out of the refrigerator and ran toward the fire where they sat for several minutes before they spoke again. "We hated Legolas for the same reason all of you hated him!" resumed Bombadil.

"Why?" asked Gimli.

"I know!" said Frodo.

"Shut up!" said Gandalf, "we all know you have the plot outline."

"Because," said Glorfindel, "he made us all look bad. He was just so damn good-looking that all us other characters, even those Tolkien intended to be the epitome of nobility and perfection such as me and Tom, looked like greasy, girly shmucks. It just wasn't fair! We wanted to get rid of that hot elf forever! And we would have succeeded if it hadn't been…"

"You did succeed." Said Frodo.

"Huh?" said Bombadil.

"Legolas." said Frodo, "You succeeded in killing him. He's dead."

"Oh," said Glorfindel, "um…yippee?"

"Actually," said Legolas, "I'm not dead."

"Why not?" asked Frodo.

Legolas looked over his body and contemplated that question for a long time. Finally, he opened his mouth to give the profound secret behind his miraculous reincarnation, then he shrugged and said, "I don't know."

"Shall we partake of some cheese then?" asked Gandalf.

"Okay!" said Legolas.

The End.

Author's Note: I can't believe someone guessed the ending! The author is hanging her head in shame. Alack! Well, at least I have cool reviewer people. Yes, my reviewer people are so cool. Especially Minka who wrote the longest review I have ever seen, and which was very amusing to read. Also, Mercuria who remembered "The Story" which made me very happy! And of course, bunnyb, who has always been so supportive of my work. Why are you still reading the author's note? Shouldn't you be reviewing now? Stupid ending? I know. Tell me about it. Hit the little button below and tell me what you thought. Don't make me beg. Okay, fine. Please, please, please!!! I'll give you an Oreo ®!

~Thecoffeebringer aka Mercedes aka Mandé