Here's another chapter I wasn't going to write. But Hiki-chan asked about nice domestic scenes, and I thought about it on the train, and eventually penned the first half of this chapter. The second half is mostly because I thought it was Seishirou's turn to do a bit of musing.
Chapter Ten
"Seishirou-san? I have a question to ask," said Subaru, walking into the kitchen where his companion was preparing breakfast.
He'd almost been amazed by how much the atmosphere at home had changed since Seishirou had returned from the hospital. The other man had, to all intents and purposes, abandoned the cheerful, sardonic mask he usually put on when around Subaru. He was finding he like this Seishirou more and more.
"Yes, Subaru-kun?" asked Seishirou, from behind the fridge door.
Even better, after their encounter at Rainbow Bridge he suspected that Seishirou had stopped feeding the Sakura the souls of the people he killed. They'd never discussed the subject, but the aftermath of the death of souls no longer surrounded the Sakurazukamori like a choking cloud. Sometimes he wondered why he had never noticed that when he was sixteen. But, then, Seishirou had always been very careful not to let Subaru suspect his true identity.
"Well, Tsuru-san is coming over for tea tonight," he began.
"So you want me to leave the apartment," finished Seishirou. It wasn't an unreasonable assumption - Subaru hadn't missed how the Sakurazukamori had conveniently arranged to be out whenever his cousin was over.
Still, that wasn't what he wanted. "Well, no," said Subaru, smiling a little nervously. "I'd like you to stay. I want you two to get to know each other."
"You want us to what? Subaru-kun, I know you don't like it, but I am the Sakurazukamori. And your cousin is the current Head of your clan."
And as for why the Sakurazukamori had suddenly changed his method of killing...
Subaru shrugged it off. Speculation on the assassin's motivation was fruitless. How their 'bet' ended was entirely dependent on whether Seishirou could understand his true feelings before it was too late.
He gave Seishirou a bright smile. "I'm sure it's not written anywhere that you two have to be enemies. Besides, it would somewhat awkward, having two of my friends wanting to kill each other."
Seishirou was silent.
Subaru sighed. "You don't have to like him. Just, act like you do."
"I thought you wanted me to stop pretending?" said Seishirou, presenting Subaru with a neatly arranged plate of food and sitting down beside him with a tiny smile.
"I want you two to be civil to each other. It isn't much to ask, surely." He gave Seishirou a look. "If you prefer, I could go to tea with Kamui and Tsuru instead. I haven't been to see Kamui in a while, I'm sure he misses me."
Seishirou frowned. "I don't know what you see in that boy."
"He reminds me of myself. We have a lot in common."
"Anyway," said Seishirou, somewhat hurriedly. "I don't think that will be necessary. I'm sure Tsuru-kun and I will get along just fine."
Subaru decided not to question the other's sudden change of attitude. He'd given up trying to second-guess the Sakurazukamori for the moment.
"Well, then. If you excuse me, I'll ring Tsuru-san."
~ * ~
Subaru's cousin Tsuru was, Seishirou reflected, a fairly average teenager. Oh, he was cute and talented, certainly, but he lacked most of the shy charm Subaru had had at sixteen. Tsuru wouldn't have drawn his attention in the first place.
Mind, Seishirou had been all of sixteen hmself when he first met Subaru. His mother was dead, but it was by his own hand. It didn't bother him. But it puzzled him, what she had said before her death. Love had been an alien concept to him. Despite what his mother said, he had doubted he could ever feel it.
Then, the future head of the Sumeragi Clan had been a beautiful little boy who hadn't quite lost that childish joy in the wonders of the world. The opportunity was irresistable - with a charming smile, he told the story of the pink Sakura blossoms, just as his mother had for him.
It was the Tree that had suggested the 'bet' that would have so many repercussions. Fascinated by the very idea of this boy teaching him to feel, he'd taken the boy's hands in his and marked them with his own symbol, the inverted pentagram.
And so his long-distance relationship with love had begun.
He hadn't understood, at the end of their year, just how much Subaru had been in love with him. He still didn't quite comprehend even the concept of it.
Nine years later, he wondered if Subaru was still in love with him.
He thought he knew a little more about love, now. Hokuto-chan had certainly been very eager to talk about the concept. Her fascination with love had none of the clinical detachment his own had - hers was fire and warmth and enthusiasm coupled with the desire that Everyone Be Happy.
"Love," she had said, "is caring so much about a person that you feel you'd be lost without them and you wonder how you ever lived before you met them. It's being willing to give up almost anything to make them happy." She had leant up to tap him on the nose, here. "It's putting their happiness above your own and not being afraid to let them go."
"If you love something, let it go. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to keep?" he quoted, with an ironic smile.
"Exactly," she said, ignoring his tone. "It's trusting another person enough to know they wouldn't ever deliberately hurt you."
By that definition, he supposed Subaru was definitely no longer in love with him.
But if Subaru didn't love him... then why did he make a new 'bet'?
He became dimly aware of someone trying to get his attention. "Seishirou-san? Moshi moshi?"
He turned to look at Subaru, raising his eyebrows.
"You were staring," said Subaru, returning to his tea.
Seishirou paused. "Was I?"
"Yes." Subaru turned to offer come cookies to his cousin, who was looking slightly bemused.
"At you?" he asked, puzzled.
"Yes," said the onmyouji, giving him a slightly amused look.
He got up. "I'm going outside to smoke," he announced, taking his coat off the rack. He needed some time alone to think.
Maybe Subaru wanted to love him. He smiled, almost bitter. "But what is there to love about me?" he asked his Shikigami, a shadowy form of smoke and darkness. "Subaru is a gentle person."
The bird simply butted against his hand in reply. Distractedly, he scratched it gently on the neck.
It wasn't really like touching a living bird. It was most like touching a tangible shadow - it lacked the warmth and definition of living creatures. But it was real, nonetheless. And it was the closest to a friend the Sakurazukamori ever had.
Subaru called him "friend". It mystified him. He had thought the onmyouji hated him. Recent events seemed to indicate that this assumption was incorrect, although he had no idea when Subaru's opinion of him had changed.
He shrugged that line of thought off philosophically. Human emotions were so complicated.
To make things worse, he seemed to be developing some of his own. This dull, burning anger he felt when Subaru spoke so fondly of the boy "Kamui" had to be 'jealousy'.
If he had to have emotions, why did they have to be so petty?