"So that's what I'm doing sitting here. Taking a break for lunch. Trying to figure out how I'm going to get to Arizona. Cause I have no clue." I slumped my head against my hand, trying my best to look innocent and helpless. I think it worked.
"Well I could help you. There's nothing here for me anyways, I've been wanting to leave for a while now. Maybe we could travel to Arizona together?" I knew he was seeking some sort of approval that had nothing to do with Arizona. I think he just wanted in my pants.
"Well why not? Might as well have another body along to try and figure this mess out."
"So you never told me about your life before you showed up at that house."
"That's a story for a long road trip Chad. For the time being, we need to figure out how we get to the next place we're gonna go."
"Well I have a bunch of money saved up. It wouldn't be any problem getting trains and buses all the way there. It might not be as fast and easy as an airplane, but it would be cheaper. Maybe more of an adventure too." If this freak thinks I'm going to spend time letting him bonk me on a train, boy does he have another thing coming.
"Sounds good to me. And hey, if you have so much money, what do you say to going out and doing a little shopping for me? I really need to lose this dress." I smiled sweetly, which he totally fell for.
"Sure. There's a mall with some cool stores right down the street." We paid our bill and left, talking about whatever as we walked towards the mall. He pointed out the stores, and to my delight they all seemed to have cool clothes I was used to wearing. I dragged him through them all, as I debated over prices and styles, wanting the best but not wanting to make him pay too much. I finally decided on a cool looking ruck type of bag, in which I stored the two pairs of flare jeans, three shirts and a totally cute hooded sweatshirt. I also had changed into the white rave pants and tank top, amazingly enough my tank top actually had a rainbow on it. How fitting. He bought me a new pair of sneakers too, and of course various other more personal things, I could tell he seemed embarrassed as the cashier rang it through and he paid. In all he spent over two hundred dollars on me in less than an hour. But he assured me he had plenty of money, and I did have absolutely nothing. I still
felt slightly bad though, I mean here I was, some chick he just met, taking total advantage of him. And he wasn't going to be getting anything from it! Well let me tell you, did I ever feel like a user. Oh well, I guess the saying goes, "a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do". If that's even right. Oh well, it suits my needs just fine.
So we left for the train station, after he had bought himself a few things too. So we manage to get there in time for the 2:30 train that would eventually down the tracks make it to California. Then from there we'd be able to catch one that would connect to Arizona. It would take a while, a few days, but hey, I now had a companion, someone to talk to. We bought some books and stuff, he had brought his discman, so we bought a little set of speakers and some cds, and we were off. This was going to be an awfully long trip, but it had to be taken. So after about twenty minutes of not much, I guess he finally gets the balls to ask about my past again. I thought over what I could tell him, what would be the best. But then I realized, what difference does it make? Even if he doesn't believe me and thinks I'm crazy, I already have my ticket for the next train, and I doubt he'd take all my stuff back and leave me stranded. Boy was stuck on me. Like a fat kid on Smarties. I love that
line.
"So you really wanna know about me? It's not what you expect, that much I can say. Okay, well you're probably going to think I'm totally crazy, but this is serious. You have to have an open mind. I'm not actually from here. Not totally. Well yeah I'm obviously human, and I was born here, but I don't live here. I don't know exactly where it is, but we like to call it Rainbow Land. Yeah yeah dorky I know, but it has a reason. Basically me and the other peeps I live with are responsible for all the colour in the world. There are things called colour crystals, and we have to manage them and make sure no one evil like Murky takes over"
"Hold on. What?" I looked at him, and could barely hide my laughter. That look on his face was way too much.
"Okay, I know it's a lot to handle, but it's the truth. I know it's weird, but that's just how it is. I don't expect you to believe me, just listen and let it be the interesting conversation we need for such a long trip, okay?" He nodded, and I went back to explaining my life. He actually seemed pretty interested, and over time as I described more about it, it actually seemed like he started believing. I told him about how lately I'd really done quite a circle change in my personality. The other kids were starting to get pretty pissed with me, I couldn't blame them. I was turning into one crabby and moody bitch. But I couldn't explain it! I just needed some sort of explanation for why things were going how they were going. I used to be so happy before, but now I just have this immense hate on for almost everyone. I can't stand being around most people. Even my best friend, who never asked for any sort of explanation for it, even she was getting tired of my attitude. I can't
remember exactly what had transpired before I ended up here, all I remember was waking up here this morning. Well I don't remember what time I started, but I finally finished at close to nine pm. He stared at me for a while, speechless. But it was a nice silence. After all I wasn't expecting him to have anything to say. I think if he had started analyzing my behaviour of late I'd be a little worried. Okay maybe more than a little worried but oh well. So finally he broke the silence, asking me if I wanted to talk about it anymore or not. I said not right now, and he didn't press on. Thank god for that. So we just sat around and chatted about his life, it was nice hearing about someone else for a change. We stayed up and talked till like one am, when we finally decided to get some rest. There was one large bunk in the cab, which we shared without question. He never tried anything the whole time, which totally surprised me. Talk about not being used to being left alone by the
opposite sex. I tossed and turned all night, I think I even started crying at one point, or so he told me the next morning, as I woke up with my head nestled against his chest and his arms around me. It felt nice though, just being held. And it felt right being held by him. I knew I was falling for him, it was inevitable. I could feel my heart getting attached to him, I thought about him constantly. But why? What was it about him that was exciting me so? I just hoped my feelings for him would stay positive. I was not in the mood to come to hate anyone else. So luckily over the next few days as we traveled, we grew closer. We finally arrived in Arizona, as it would only be a few hours now before we reached the town where the house was. I could feel the anticipation of the situation rising within me, as I wondered about what would happen once we got there. What if she wasn't receptive to me? What if she had turned into some horrible person like that nasty lady at the home?
What if I was making the biggest mistake of my life? Chad told me to stop worrying, that my mother would be completely ridiculous if she wanted nothing to do with me. I hoped he was right, but still my conscience was pretty wired.
"Wisp, wake up. We're here." I opened my eyes, looking out the window of the bus. We pulled into the station, I stretched my arms as I watched the bus pull up to it's space. I hesitated from standing, not sure if I really wanted to do this. Chad took my hand and pulled me up, as he dragged me off the bus. He got our luggage, as I sat on the curb. He sat down next to me, taking a moment as though he had to think of what to say.
"We didn't come all this way for nothing. I found where we're going on a map, it's not that far from here if you don't mind walking." He stood up and shouldered his bag, waiting for me to join him. I sighed dejectedly and stood up, as he helped me with my bag. We took off down the street, as I followed his lead. We walked for about fifteen minutes, until Chad finally stopped. We stared up at the house in front of us, taking in the view.
"1225 Faircross Lane. You're home Wisp." Chad turned to face me, waiting for me to give some sort of signal. I just stood there and stared, unsure of what to do. The house looked kind of deserted, there seemed to be no activity in it at all. The gardens outside were unkempt, as was the gate surrounding the house. As I touched it rust came off on my fingers. The gate swung open, a rather depressing bid of entry. I took a deep breath, before I made myself walk into the yard. I looked back to make sure Chad followed me; I felt that I would have a great need for his comfort here. He was right behind me, as he offered me a smile and took my hand.
"Come on, it'll be okay." Together we walked up to the door, as I reached out to ring the doorbell. We stood on the porch for a moment, waiting for an answer. The longer we waited, the tenser I got. After ringing the doorbell three times to no answer, I decided to try the door myself. To my surprise it opened, and without hesitation I walked in. I looked around, as I noticed the layer of dust on everything. I walked through the house, noticing no one was here. There didn't seem to be any sign of recent activity. Chad and I walked through the whole house, looking for anything. There was nothing in the fridge, but surprisingly the water was working. We found a bunch of wood out back for the fireplace as well. The phone worked too, and there was cable to the tv. So where the hell was everyone? Chad suggested someone was on a vacation, but that just didn't seem true. The place was too deserted. It would have had to have been an awfully long vacation. We walked through all the
rooms next, as I wanted to find my mothers' room. The first one seemed to belong to some old lady, so I dismissed that. The next one belonged to some teenage boy so it seemed, as there were posters of rock bands and models on the walls. I had no interest in that one, as it reminded me too much of Krys. The next room seemed to be the jackpot. As I looked in the closet I saw clothes that belonged to a beautiful woman, and there was makeup and all sorts of personal items, it had to be hers. I looked around everywhere, and found a locked wooden box. Chad and I looked around for a key, but couldn't find one that fit. I sat down on the bed, wondering what the box held. I noticed Chad staring at me, as I suddenly became a little self-conscious.
"What?" I looked up at him, worried that maybe he was getting some thought in his head.
"Your necklace. There's a key on your necklace." I sat up, fingering my necklace. I hadn't even noticed I'd been wearing a necklace before he mentioned it. I found what he was staring at, as I took the necklace off. It was the keys I'd found in my room at Wilson House. I didn't think how they'd gotten around my neck, dismissing the weirdness of it all.
"It looks to be the right size. Give me that box." Chad sat down beside me, the box in between us. I fit the key into the keyhole, holding my breath. It fit perfectly, and I turned it. I heard the soft click of the lock opening, and slowly pulled the lock off. I opened the lid, pushing it back. The contents stared up at me, a picture resting on top. It was my mother. She was holding a baby.
"I think that's me." I spent the next minute staring at the picture, feeling some sort of bond to this woman I did not know. She seemed so happy in this picture, so full of life. So how did she become so bad? And why didn't she keep me?
"She was beautiful Wisp. I can see where you got your looks from." Chad smiled at me, trying to ease the stress he knew I was feeling. Without explanation I suddenly threw my arms around him, as my eyes welled up with tears. He held me, not saying anything. He knew by now that I was the type of person who would only talk when I wanted to talk. And right now all I wanted to do was cry, and be held.
So he held me in his arms for the next twenty minutes, as I let myself cry. Crying was something I hadn't allowed myself to do lately. I wiped my eyes, as I put the picture down on the bed, picking up the wad of papers underneath. There was a birth certificate, dated April 27th, 1985. The name on the certificate was Wisp Reagan O'Hare, mother Emily Louise O'Hare, father, unknown.
"Well nasty lady was right about one thing at least."
There were official documents next, and as I read them, I came to find that I had apparently been living at Wilson house since I was two years old.
"So I had two years with her. I wonder why she gave me away?" Next was a list of names, all male. I read it a few times, no ideas what it could be. I put it down and picked up the few pieces of stationary.
"My darling daughter, if you're reading this then it can mean one of two things. Either we have been reunited, and you've forgiven my past errors and allowed me to explain myself, or you've found out about me, but I'm no longer here. I hope for both of our sakes it's the first, but in case it is the second, just know that I love you very much, and I always did. I never wanted to give you up, but when you're a minor under the control of your caretakers, you don't have any choice. I was almost to my eighteenth birthday when they decided to give you away, and make me into such a horrible woman that no court would see fit to give you back to me. Whatever you've heard about me Wisp, know that I loved you. I lost my parents too at a young age, and I was under the care of an aunt and uncle for thirteen years. I had you on my sixteenth birthday, everyone else around me thought it was horrible for a young girl to go through, but I thought you were the best birthday present I've ever
gotten. I had such a hard life, I was never pushed to do anything and never really wanted much from life. When I was fourteen my uncle raped me, and from then on I became so misbehaved. It is true that I don't know who your actual father is, but I did leave a list of names of who it could be. I don't know if you'll want it, to try and find out some way, but it is there. There's not much else I can tell you, I just hope that one day I can see you again. I haven't seen you or heard anything about you since they took you away. They won't even tell me if you're alive or sick, nothing at all. And I miss you so, and just want to see you again and hold you in my arms like I wished I could have done for the past ten years. I'm writing this letter now because I've just been diagnosed with cancer, and they don't know if they've caught it early enough in order to save me or not. I hope to see the beautiful young woman you'll grow into at least once before I die, I hope we can be
reunited quickly enough to allow that. But if not, just know that you can aspire to so much more than I did, and I hope in all my heart you can understand what happened, and that not once did I ever want to lose you. I love you darling, and I miss you.
Your mother,
Emily"
I put the papers down, trying to control myself. I knew I was shaking, could feel myself losing control. She can't be dead. No way.
"Wisp? Do you want to talk about it at all? Maybe she's not dead yet"
"She has to be. She'd be here if she wasn't and no one's been here in a long time! My mother's dead Chad and I never got to see her and all she wanted was to see me and she never got to and never will and now I have no mother and no father I don't have anyone!" I got up from the bed, wanting to get out of this house that holds so many memories, but none that I can remember. I ran down the stairs, and as I reached the bottom my emotions overwhelmed me so much that I must have collapsed to the floor, as all I can remember next is Chad by my side, picking me up and carrying me into the living room. I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes, and didn't bother wiping them away. I was so sad, and so scared, and I felt so alone.
"Wisp, you're not alone. I'm here with you and I'll stay with you as long as you want me to. I just want to help you." Chad hugged me tightly, letting me cry on his shoulder for only the umpteenth time on this absurd trip. What had I been thinking, coming here? What was I doing here to begin with? I tried to sort myself out, didn't like being so out of control. Just stop crying, stop crying and start thinking. There must be some reason for me being here, there must be.
"I'm sorry Chad, I just don't know what to think, don't know what to do. I came here to find the woman who gave birth to me, and all I found was a letter telling me she's probably dead. It's more than a little disheartening. I'm sorry I dragged you along, I never should have let you come"
"It wasn't a matter of letting me come. I came of my own free will."
"But you must be expecting something from me in return."
"Nothing at all. I just want you to get through this all right, I want you to let me help you. I really think I've fallen in love with you on this trip Wisp."
"No Chad don't tell me that. Everyone I love I've turned away, everyone who wants to help me only gets a proverbial slap in the face every time they try. I don't deserve anyone's love, I'm not ready for it."
"Are you telling me that you don't feel anything for me at all?"
"No. I'm telling you I feel too much for you. Everyone I love I end up hating and I don't want to hate you. I want to love you, and I want you to love me but I'm so scared everything will just end up ruined. I just can't do this right now, not after what I've found out. I just need to be alone Chad. Please just leave me alone for a little while." I got up, leaving him in the living room as I returned upstairs again. I locked myself in my mother's room, wanting to try and get a better idea of who she was. I don't know what Chad did or where he went, but I hoped he wasn't mad at me. But I'm sure he was. After all he did for me, and I turned him away like that, I'd be mad at myself too.
"Well I could help you. There's nothing here for me anyways, I've been wanting to leave for a while now. Maybe we could travel to Arizona together?" I knew he was seeking some sort of approval that had nothing to do with Arizona. I think he just wanted in my pants.
"Well why not? Might as well have another body along to try and figure this mess out."
"So you never told me about your life before you showed up at that house."
"That's a story for a long road trip Chad. For the time being, we need to figure out how we get to the next place we're gonna go."
"Well I have a bunch of money saved up. It wouldn't be any problem getting trains and buses all the way there. It might not be as fast and easy as an airplane, but it would be cheaper. Maybe more of an adventure too." If this freak thinks I'm going to spend time letting him bonk me on a train, boy does he have another thing coming.
"Sounds good to me. And hey, if you have so much money, what do you say to going out and doing a little shopping for me? I really need to lose this dress." I smiled sweetly, which he totally fell for.
"Sure. There's a mall with some cool stores right down the street." We paid our bill and left, talking about whatever as we walked towards the mall. He pointed out the stores, and to my delight they all seemed to have cool clothes I was used to wearing. I dragged him through them all, as I debated over prices and styles, wanting the best but not wanting to make him pay too much. I finally decided on a cool looking ruck type of bag, in which I stored the two pairs of flare jeans, three shirts and a totally cute hooded sweatshirt. I also had changed into the white rave pants and tank top, amazingly enough my tank top actually had a rainbow on it. How fitting. He bought me a new pair of sneakers too, and of course various other more personal things, I could tell he seemed embarrassed as the cashier rang it through and he paid. In all he spent over two hundred dollars on me in less than an hour. But he assured me he had plenty of money, and I did have absolutely nothing. I still
felt slightly bad though, I mean here I was, some chick he just met, taking total advantage of him. And he wasn't going to be getting anything from it! Well let me tell you, did I ever feel like a user. Oh well, I guess the saying goes, "a girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do". If that's even right. Oh well, it suits my needs just fine.
So we left for the train station, after he had bought himself a few things too. So we manage to get there in time for the 2:30 train that would eventually down the tracks make it to California. Then from there we'd be able to catch one that would connect to Arizona. It would take a while, a few days, but hey, I now had a companion, someone to talk to. We bought some books and stuff, he had brought his discman, so we bought a little set of speakers and some cds, and we were off. This was going to be an awfully long trip, but it had to be taken. So after about twenty minutes of not much, I guess he finally gets the balls to ask about my past again. I thought over what I could tell him, what would be the best. But then I realized, what difference does it make? Even if he doesn't believe me and thinks I'm crazy, I already have my ticket for the next train, and I doubt he'd take all my stuff back and leave me stranded. Boy was stuck on me. Like a fat kid on Smarties. I love that
line.
"So you really wanna know about me? It's not what you expect, that much I can say. Okay, well you're probably going to think I'm totally crazy, but this is serious. You have to have an open mind. I'm not actually from here. Not totally. Well yeah I'm obviously human, and I was born here, but I don't live here. I don't know exactly where it is, but we like to call it Rainbow Land. Yeah yeah dorky I know, but it has a reason. Basically me and the other peeps I live with are responsible for all the colour in the world. There are things called colour crystals, and we have to manage them and make sure no one evil like Murky takes over"
"Hold on. What?" I looked at him, and could barely hide my laughter. That look on his face was way too much.
"Okay, I know it's a lot to handle, but it's the truth. I know it's weird, but that's just how it is. I don't expect you to believe me, just listen and let it be the interesting conversation we need for such a long trip, okay?" He nodded, and I went back to explaining my life. He actually seemed pretty interested, and over time as I described more about it, it actually seemed like he started believing. I told him about how lately I'd really done quite a circle change in my personality. The other kids were starting to get pretty pissed with me, I couldn't blame them. I was turning into one crabby and moody bitch. But I couldn't explain it! I just needed some sort of explanation for why things were going how they were going. I used to be so happy before, but now I just have this immense hate on for almost everyone. I can't stand being around most people. Even my best friend, who never asked for any sort of explanation for it, even she was getting tired of my attitude. I can't
remember exactly what had transpired before I ended up here, all I remember was waking up here this morning. Well I don't remember what time I started, but I finally finished at close to nine pm. He stared at me for a while, speechless. But it was a nice silence. After all I wasn't expecting him to have anything to say. I think if he had started analyzing my behaviour of late I'd be a little worried. Okay maybe more than a little worried but oh well. So finally he broke the silence, asking me if I wanted to talk about it anymore or not. I said not right now, and he didn't press on. Thank god for that. So we just sat around and chatted about his life, it was nice hearing about someone else for a change. We stayed up and talked till like one am, when we finally decided to get some rest. There was one large bunk in the cab, which we shared without question. He never tried anything the whole time, which totally surprised me. Talk about not being used to being left alone by the
opposite sex. I tossed and turned all night, I think I even started crying at one point, or so he told me the next morning, as I woke up with my head nestled against his chest and his arms around me. It felt nice though, just being held. And it felt right being held by him. I knew I was falling for him, it was inevitable. I could feel my heart getting attached to him, I thought about him constantly. But why? What was it about him that was exciting me so? I just hoped my feelings for him would stay positive. I was not in the mood to come to hate anyone else. So luckily over the next few days as we traveled, we grew closer. We finally arrived in Arizona, as it would only be a few hours now before we reached the town where the house was. I could feel the anticipation of the situation rising within me, as I wondered about what would happen once we got there. What if she wasn't receptive to me? What if she had turned into some horrible person like that nasty lady at the home?
What if I was making the biggest mistake of my life? Chad told me to stop worrying, that my mother would be completely ridiculous if she wanted nothing to do with me. I hoped he was right, but still my conscience was pretty wired.
"Wisp, wake up. We're here." I opened my eyes, looking out the window of the bus. We pulled into the station, I stretched my arms as I watched the bus pull up to it's space. I hesitated from standing, not sure if I really wanted to do this. Chad took my hand and pulled me up, as he dragged me off the bus. He got our luggage, as I sat on the curb. He sat down next to me, taking a moment as though he had to think of what to say.
"We didn't come all this way for nothing. I found where we're going on a map, it's not that far from here if you don't mind walking." He stood up and shouldered his bag, waiting for me to join him. I sighed dejectedly and stood up, as he helped me with my bag. We took off down the street, as I followed his lead. We walked for about fifteen minutes, until Chad finally stopped. We stared up at the house in front of us, taking in the view.
"1225 Faircross Lane. You're home Wisp." Chad turned to face me, waiting for me to give some sort of signal. I just stood there and stared, unsure of what to do. The house looked kind of deserted, there seemed to be no activity in it at all. The gardens outside were unkempt, as was the gate surrounding the house. As I touched it rust came off on my fingers. The gate swung open, a rather depressing bid of entry. I took a deep breath, before I made myself walk into the yard. I looked back to make sure Chad followed me; I felt that I would have a great need for his comfort here. He was right behind me, as he offered me a smile and took my hand.
"Come on, it'll be okay." Together we walked up to the door, as I reached out to ring the doorbell. We stood on the porch for a moment, waiting for an answer. The longer we waited, the tenser I got. After ringing the doorbell three times to no answer, I decided to try the door myself. To my surprise it opened, and without hesitation I walked in. I looked around, as I noticed the layer of dust on everything. I walked through the house, noticing no one was here. There didn't seem to be any sign of recent activity. Chad and I walked through the whole house, looking for anything. There was nothing in the fridge, but surprisingly the water was working. We found a bunch of wood out back for the fireplace as well. The phone worked too, and there was cable to the tv. So where the hell was everyone? Chad suggested someone was on a vacation, but that just didn't seem true. The place was too deserted. It would have had to have been an awfully long vacation. We walked through all the
rooms next, as I wanted to find my mothers' room. The first one seemed to belong to some old lady, so I dismissed that. The next one belonged to some teenage boy so it seemed, as there were posters of rock bands and models on the walls. I had no interest in that one, as it reminded me too much of Krys. The next room seemed to be the jackpot. As I looked in the closet I saw clothes that belonged to a beautiful woman, and there was makeup and all sorts of personal items, it had to be hers. I looked around everywhere, and found a locked wooden box. Chad and I looked around for a key, but couldn't find one that fit. I sat down on the bed, wondering what the box held. I noticed Chad staring at me, as I suddenly became a little self-conscious.
"What?" I looked up at him, worried that maybe he was getting some thought in his head.
"Your necklace. There's a key on your necklace." I sat up, fingering my necklace. I hadn't even noticed I'd been wearing a necklace before he mentioned it. I found what he was staring at, as I took the necklace off. It was the keys I'd found in my room at Wilson House. I didn't think how they'd gotten around my neck, dismissing the weirdness of it all.
"It looks to be the right size. Give me that box." Chad sat down beside me, the box in between us. I fit the key into the keyhole, holding my breath. It fit perfectly, and I turned it. I heard the soft click of the lock opening, and slowly pulled the lock off. I opened the lid, pushing it back. The contents stared up at me, a picture resting on top. It was my mother. She was holding a baby.
"I think that's me." I spent the next minute staring at the picture, feeling some sort of bond to this woman I did not know. She seemed so happy in this picture, so full of life. So how did she become so bad? And why didn't she keep me?
"She was beautiful Wisp. I can see where you got your looks from." Chad smiled at me, trying to ease the stress he knew I was feeling. Without explanation I suddenly threw my arms around him, as my eyes welled up with tears. He held me, not saying anything. He knew by now that I was the type of person who would only talk when I wanted to talk. And right now all I wanted to do was cry, and be held.
So he held me in his arms for the next twenty minutes, as I let myself cry. Crying was something I hadn't allowed myself to do lately. I wiped my eyes, as I put the picture down on the bed, picking up the wad of papers underneath. There was a birth certificate, dated April 27th, 1985. The name on the certificate was Wisp Reagan O'Hare, mother Emily Louise O'Hare, father, unknown.
"Well nasty lady was right about one thing at least."
There were official documents next, and as I read them, I came to find that I had apparently been living at Wilson house since I was two years old.
"So I had two years with her. I wonder why she gave me away?" Next was a list of names, all male. I read it a few times, no ideas what it could be. I put it down and picked up the few pieces of stationary.
"My darling daughter, if you're reading this then it can mean one of two things. Either we have been reunited, and you've forgiven my past errors and allowed me to explain myself, or you've found out about me, but I'm no longer here. I hope for both of our sakes it's the first, but in case it is the second, just know that I love you very much, and I always did. I never wanted to give you up, but when you're a minor under the control of your caretakers, you don't have any choice. I was almost to my eighteenth birthday when they decided to give you away, and make me into such a horrible woman that no court would see fit to give you back to me. Whatever you've heard about me Wisp, know that I loved you. I lost my parents too at a young age, and I was under the care of an aunt and uncle for thirteen years. I had you on my sixteenth birthday, everyone else around me thought it was horrible for a young girl to go through, but I thought you were the best birthday present I've ever
gotten. I had such a hard life, I was never pushed to do anything and never really wanted much from life. When I was fourteen my uncle raped me, and from then on I became so misbehaved. It is true that I don't know who your actual father is, but I did leave a list of names of who it could be. I don't know if you'll want it, to try and find out some way, but it is there. There's not much else I can tell you, I just hope that one day I can see you again. I haven't seen you or heard anything about you since they took you away. They won't even tell me if you're alive or sick, nothing at all. And I miss you so, and just want to see you again and hold you in my arms like I wished I could have done for the past ten years. I'm writing this letter now because I've just been diagnosed with cancer, and they don't know if they've caught it early enough in order to save me or not. I hope to see the beautiful young woman you'll grow into at least once before I die, I hope we can be
reunited quickly enough to allow that. But if not, just know that you can aspire to so much more than I did, and I hope in all my heart you can understand what happened, and that not once did I ever want to lose you. I love you darling, and I miss you.
Your mother,
Emily"
I put the papers down, trying to control myself. I knew I was shaking, could feel myself losing control. She can't be dead. No way.
"Wisp? Do you want to talk about it at all? Maybe she's not dead yet"
"She has to be. She'd be here if she wasn't and no one's been here in a long time! My mother's dead Chad and I never got to see her and all she wanted was to see me and she never got to and never will and now I have no mother and no father I don't have anyone!" I got up from the bed, wanting to get out of this house that holds so many memories, but none that I can remember. I ran down the stairs, and as I reached the bottom my emotions overwhelmed me so much that I must have collapsed to the floor, as all I can remember next is Chad by my side, picking me up and carrying me into the living room. I couldn't see through the tears in my eyes, and didn't bother wiping them away. I was so sad, and so scared, and I felt so alone.
"Wisp, you're not alone. I'm here with you and I'll stay with you as long as you want me to. I just want to help you." Chad hugged me tightly, letting me cry on his shoulder for only the umpteenth time on this absurd trip. What had I been thinking, coming here? What was I doing here to begin with? I tried to sort myself out, didn't like being so out of control. Just stop crying, stop crying and start thinking. There must be some reason for me being here, there must be.
"I'm sorry Chad, I just don't know what to think, don't know what to do. I came here to find the woman who gave birth to me, and all I found was a letter telling me she's probably dead. It's more than a little disheartening. I'm sorry I dragged you along, I never should have let you come"
"It wasn't a matter of letting me come. I came of my own free will."
"But you must be expecting something from me in return."
"Nothing at all. I just want you to get through this all right, I want you to let me help you. I really think I've fallen in love with you on this trip Wisp."
"No Chad don't tell me that. Everyone I love I've turned away, everyone who wants to help me only gets a proverbial slap in the face every time they try. I don't deserve anyone's love, I'm not ready for it."
"Are you telling me that you don't feel anything for me at all?"
"No. I'm telling you I feel too much for you. Everyone I love I end up hating and I don't want to hate you. I want to love you, and I want you to love me but I'm so scared everything will just end up ruined. I just can't do this right now, not after what I've found out. I just need to be alone Chad. Please just leave me alone for a little while." I got up, leaving him in the living room as I returned upstairs again. I locked myself in my mother's room, wanting to try and get a better idea of who she was. I don't know what Chad did or where he went, but I hoped he wasn't mad at me. But I'm sure he was. After all he did for me, and I turned him away like that, I'd be mad at myself too.