In All The Wrong Places

by Jamie August

I wrote this in honor of Valentine's Day - Skinner sets Doggett up on the blind date from H-E-double hockey-sticks! What more needs to be said?!

AUTHOR: Jamie August

RATING: PG, mostly because of a potty-mouth little old lady.

SUMMARY: Skinner sets Doggett up on the blind date from hell! What more needs to be said?

DISCLAIMER: Doggett isn't mine (boo. He's not yours, either, CJ. You've got a clone.). The Lone Gunmen aren't mine, either. (boo.) Neither is Reyes. (yay!) Or Skinner. They all belong to Chris Carter and 1013 and everyone but me. All the other characters herein *are* mine, though. Pity them.

FEEDBACK & ARCHIVING: augustdragon81@netscape.net No posting without my permission. And no stealing! Somebody plagiarized one of my Next Generation stories once, and that person got kicked off FFN. Stealing is bad.

A/N: The Wizard of Oz reference is for you, Capt. Janeway. The stuff about whale music is for everyone at Mulder & Scully's Bogus Journey. Have fun!

. . . In All the Wrong Places

***

Agent John Doggett shifted in his chair and stared at the Assistant Director in disbelief. Surely he couldn't be serious! "Uh, sir, could you repeat that?"

Skinner sighed. "You know perfectly well what I said, Agent. That was a direct order."

"With all due respect, I don't think you can order me to do that."

"Yes I can."

"No, sir, I really don't think so."

Skinner's face fell. An expression of desperation replaced the stern mask he'd been wearing. Taking a deep breath, he rose from his chair and came around the desk. Glancing over at the office door to make sure nobody could see into the room, he fell to his knees beside Doggett's chair. "Please, John, I'm begging you! She's been staying with me for the past two weeks, and I can't take it anymore! I've got to get her out of the house, just for a few hours! I can't take one more weekend of this! MTV! Pizza and beer all over my living room! I'm going crazy! Please, I beg of you!"

Doggett carefully extricated his hand from the death-grip Skinner had placed it in halfway through his outburst. "Sir, will you please get up? This is just pathetic."

Looking down as if surprised to find himself on the floor, Skinner cleared his throat and stood. "Of course. I apologize. But, Agent Doggett . . . ?"

He sighed. What choice did he really have? Gritting his teeth, he nodded. "Fine, sir. I'll . . . go out with your . . . niece."

Skinner beamed, and Doggett was certain he detected a maniacal gleam in the man's eyes. "Great! Pick her up at six."

"Right." What the hell have I gotten myself into? Doggett wondered.

X X X

Doggett took a deep breath and raised his hand to knock on Skinner's front door. As if coercing him into this hadn't been bad enough, Skinner wasn't even around to make introductions. He was on his own.

The sound of blasting rock music escaped through the door. Nobody answered his first knock. He was just preparing to knock a second time (and if no one answered within half a second, he planned on calling it a wash and going home), when the door opened. He quickly pulled his fist back to avoid knocking on Skinner's niece's face.

The first thing he noticed about the girl who had answered the door was her purple hair.

The second thing he noticed was the pierced lip.

The third thing was the dragon tattoo winding its way up her neck.

He raised his eyebrows. "Uh, are you Emily?"

"Yeah. But you can call me Heidi." She shook her head at his confused look. "It's a long story. So, are you the stiff Uncle Walt sent over to take me out?"

Doggett briefly wondered if he could get away with claiming to be a Jehovah's Witness instead. Or maybe a pizza delivery guy. He dismissed both ideas after a second of serious consideration. No, might as well get this over with. "I guess so. I'm John Doggett."

"Uh-huh." Heidi leaned against the doorframe and looked him over. "I guess you'll do. I don't suppose you wanna go to a concert tonight, do you?"

Doggett peeked into the house, where the stereo was still blasting some noise pollution that would probably make his ears bleed if he was subjected to it much longer. "Not if it sounds like that, no."

Heidi sighed. "I keep telling Uncle Walt to quit setting me up with guys twenty years older than me."

"Wait a minute. How old are you?"

"Twenty-five."

Doggett felt a bit insulted. In fact, everything the girl had said to him so far was insulting! "I am not twenty years older than you."

"Well, whatever." She waved her hand. "Let me put it this way: I'll eat the sofa cushion if you know who Rancid are."

He stared at her.

"Sum 41?" she questioned.

He blinked.

"Alien Ant Farm?"

An eyebrow raised. "That one sounds like an X-File to me."

She rolled her eyes. "Ooh, yeah, we have a lot in common. Thanks, Walter."

Funny, she'd echoed his thoughts exactly. "Look, obviously your uncle had a severe lapse in judgment. Why don't we just forget about this?"

"What, and spend another thrilling evening here, watching Uncle Walter organize his spice cabinet? I don't think so." Heidi ducked back into the house and shut the stereo off before Doggett could protest. She grabbed a jacket off a chair and ran out the door, slamming it behind her. Grabbing his arm, she said, "C'mon, let's go."

"Where are we going?" Doggett struggled to keep up with her.

She halted beside his car. "I don't know. We'll figure it out in the car, how about that? Are you gonna open the door for me?"

Well, it wasn't like he had a choice. What was his alternative; to jump in the car and peel out, leaving her standing in the driveway? Actually, that wasn't sounding like such a bad idea. But no, he was a gentleman. He sighed and opened the car door for her.

When he was seated in the driver's seat, he started the car and glanced over at Heidi. He took in her outfit - black combat boots, ripped up jeans, a black tee-shirt advertising something called Linkin Park, and a black leather jacket. Well, he guessed going out to eat at a nice restaurant was out of the question. Maybe he should take her somewhere dark. And definitely someplace where he wasn't likely to run into anyone he knew.

Doggett put the car in reverse and let it roll down the driveway. "Where do you want to go? I'm sure we can agree on something."

Heidi thought for a moment. "You up for a carnival? There's one just a few miles from here."

"All right." He tried not to sigh as he accelerated up the street. A carnival? A bunch of screaming kids and teeny-boppers losing their lunches on the Tilt-A-Whirl? Crooked barkers running rigged games? Gigantic fuzzy pink elephants as prizes? Cotton candy? Two bucks per ride? Yeah. Sounded like fun.

Oh, well. Maybe they would have a decent Polish sausage.

Heidi suddenly leaned forward and switched the radio on. She cocked her ear toward the speakers to hear what the radio was set on, then made a face and changed Doggett's favorite blues station in favor of more ear-splitting noise, which she turned up to an earth-shaking volume. "Isn't this great?" she shouted.

"Is it too late for what?" Doggett shouted back.

"No, I'm not too hot!" Heidi yelled in response.

Doggett drew his eyebrows together. "What?"

"Huh?"

He reached over and turned the volume knob from 10 to 0.5. "What did you say?"

"What did I say when?"

"Forget about it." Doggett sighed. Blind date? Ha! This felt more like a baby-sitting job. He was going to have to have a little talk with Skinner when this was over. That was, if he survived this "date".

"It's forgotten." Heidi leaned her seat back and stretched out her legs. "Hey, you wanna go smoke a joint?"

"Excuse me?" Doggett wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly. That seemed to be happening to him a lot today.

"You know, go get stoned? The roller-coaster's a hell of a lot more fun that way."

He stared at her, not believing her nerve. "I'm an agent of the FBI."

"So what's your point?" She stared back at him blankly.

"You're joking, right?"

"Hey, look out!" Heidi pointed in front of them. "Yo, Mr. FBI, red means stop!"

Doggett slammed on the brakes and managed to screech to a stop with the vehicle halfway in the crosswalk. The little old lady who just happened to be in the crosswalk looked down at the front bumper of the car, less than half a foot away from her. She removed one hand from her walker and made a fist. Shouting several choice expletives, she shook her fist at Doggett. He rolled the window down and leaned out. "Sorry, ma'am."

"Well you damn well should be, you stupid son of a -"

Doggett hastily slid the window up again. The little old lady slowly clopped a step past the car, then turned back to face it. Staying carefully balanced on her walker, she lifted one foot and kicked the driver's side fender. She then flipped Doggett off and went along her way.

Heidi studied him thoughtfully. "You won't smoke a joint, but you'll run down Granny in the crosswalk. You have an interesting set of ethics."

"Thank you." Doggett rubbed his forehead. Well, at least the worst was probably over. After almost running over Grandma, really, how much worse could it get?

X X X

The remainder of the ride to the fairgrounds was, thankfully, uneventful. Which was not to say it was quiet, with Heidi talking a mile a minute about anything and everything, and the radio cranked up full blast, but it was uneventful. No more near-misses in the crosswalks, no more little old ladies flipping him the bird, just bone-crunching noise pouring from the speakers. Even finding a parking space had been easy compared to what he was expecting. The situation was finally starting to look up, even if the actual date was not.

Now, standing on the midway, Heidi grabbed Doggett's arm and pointed to a game booth. "Hey, look, a shooting gallery! You can shoot those three little duckies and win me a big pink elephant, can't you?"

Doggett looked at the sign on the booth. "Five dollars for one game? No way. It's highway robbery!"

"Oh, come on! You're no fun. Besides, it's the least you can do after almost running over that lady in the crosswalk. I hate to tell you this, but vehicular manslaughter on a first date is a lousy way to make a good first impression."

He considered pointing out that the near-miss in the crosswalk had been her fault, but decided against it. It wouldn't do any good, anyway. Instead, he pulled out his wallet and stepped up to the booth. He slid a five dollar bill across the counter. The grizzled carny barker handed Doggett a worn laser rifle and grinned menacingly. "You get five shots. Good luck, buddy."

"Thanks," Doggett said dryly. Heidi patted his arm and gave him two thumbs up. Shaking his head, he raised the rifle and took aim at the first quacking yellow duck. He tracked it, then squeezed the trigger.

"Quack, quack!" The little duck reached the end of its mechanical track and did an about-face, now following behind its two compatriots.

Doggett frowned. By his estimation, the duck should have been hit. He took aim at the duck in the middle and fired.

"Quack! Quack!" The duck's head turned from side to side. It didn't pause on its course to the end of the track.

If he didn't know better, he'd swear the three little ducks were mocking him.

"Boy, don't they teach you to shoot at the FBI? You're not very good." Heidi snickered.

"These carnival games are all rigged," he muttered. Ignoring the look he got from the carny worker, he aimed at the third duck. This time, he made doubly sure the duck was in his sights before pulling the trigger.

Still no luck.

"Two more shots, buddy." The carny grinned again, revealing a big black gap where his front teeth should have been. "If you can hit two ducks, you win one of these little duck keychains." He dangled the miniature duck from his index finger.

"Yeah, that's great." Doggett aimed at the first duck again. Upon pulling the trigger, he was entirely unsurprised when the duck continued on its way. "I don't guess I would get anything for hitting one duck?"

"Nope."

"Mm." He nodded and stared at the row of quacking ducks, situated six feet behind the counter. Without warning, he reached out and lifted the partition in the counter. He entered the booth and walked over to the row of ducks.

"Hey, you can't come back here! Don't make me call security, bub!"

"This'll only take a second." Doggett placed the barrel of the rifle flush to the head of the middle duck and fired at point-blank range.

"Quack, quack, quack!" the duck sang out, still cruising quite happily along its track.

He turned and raised an eyebrow at the carny. "You still feel like calling security?"

The carny sighed. "Hey, you're not from Inside Edition, are you?"

"Yeah, he is! And we're about to do an exposé on these crooked games, Mister!" Heidi said. "But we might be persuaded to forget it if you let us have the pink elephant."

"Fine, take it." The carny shoved the elephant into Doggett's arms and pushed him out of the booth. "Just get lost before you drive the other customers away!"

Heidi took Doggett's arm and pulled him down the midway. She started laughing. "Oh my God, that was great! Did you see the look on his face when you put the gun to that duck's head?"

He shook his head and looked at the fuzzy pink elephant in his arms. It was cute. It was soft. It was cuddly. It was . . . pink. He held it out to Heidi. "Here, why don't you carry this?"

"Oh, macho man doesn't want to be seen holding a cute little pink elephant?" She took the stuffed animal and hugged it.

"I don't think I'd call that thing 'little'." Doggett looked up and down the midway. "Where are we headed now?"

"Um . . ." Heidi surveyed the area. "The Spook Shack. Okay?"

"Sure, whatever." Doggett sighed in resignation and followed her to the haunted house. The line for the ride stretched out in front of them. He checked his watch. "This is going to take forever."

"Yeah," Heidi agreed. She looked around, trying to spot a ride with a shorter line. "Hey, there's the Tilt-A-Whirl. There's hardly any line for it. Let's go!"

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"What, do you get sick on it?"

"Well, actually -"

She didn't let him finish. Before Doggett knew what had happened, they were standing in front of the Tilt-A-Whirl. She released his arm and herded him up the flimsy metal steps to the ride, where they were stopped by the teenage kid operating it. "You can't take the stuffed animal on the ride with you."

"Why not?" Heidi questioned.

"Just because. Those are the rules. You'll have to leave it behind. I'll take care of it for you."

Heidi frowned at him, but handed over the elephant. Looking around at the teacup-shaped enclosures, she pulled Doggett along the platform. She pointed. "There, I think that one was spinning better than the others."

"Then let's get on a different one."

"Oh, would you loosen up?" She hopped into the seat.

Not really seeing any other choice, Doggett sat down beside her and pulled the safety bar up to their waists. Yes, if he survived this date, he was definitely going to be having a little talk with one Mr. Walter Skinner.

X X X

"Wasn't that great?"

"Yeah. Great." Doggett leaned against a tree and took a deep breath. They had just ridden the Tilt-A-Whirl for the fifth time in a row. He wasn't sure how much more he could take. To his dismay, he realized it was only eight o'clock. Probably still too early to deliver Heidi back to Skinner's house. He sighed and looked around for a ride that didn't spin. "There. Why don't we go ride the Ferris wheel?"

Heidi shrugged. "Okay. Hey, we can scout out the rest of the rides from up there."

"Sure." Doggett managed to shove himself off the tree, swaying a little as he tried to walk. The world around him spun in crazy circles. "Maybe just another minute."

"Oh, come on, I'll help you." Heidi slid an arm around his waist and pulled his arm around her shoulder.

Doggett quickly pulled away. "That's really not necessary."

"Oh, fine." She flung his arm away and stalked off ahead of him, on her way toward the Ferris wheel.

"Doggett?" a disbelieving male voice inquired from behind him.

He cringed. Well, there went the plan of not running into anyone he knew. He turned to see the Lone Gunmen standing behind him. They stared both at him and past him, to where Heidi had stopped to wait.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Frohike asked.

"I'm doing a favor for Skinner. That's his niece, Heidi."

"That's Skinner's niece?!" Langly laughed. "No way, man."

"I didn't know Skinner had a niece," Byers said.

"He does. That's her. He begged me to take her out tonight, so here we are." Doggett looked over at Heidi, who was staring at him and making 'come on' gestures. He sighed. "I guess I'd better get over there."

As they watched Doggett walk away, Langly shook his head. "Check it out, man. Doggett's taking a walk on the dark side!"

Things went well on the Ferris wheel. There was one terrifying second when the ride almost got stuck, but luckily it kept going. Doggett was glad. Being stuck on a Ferris wheel with Heidi was definitely not how he wanted to spend the rest of the night.

After the Ferris wheel, they headed for the Spook Shack. The line had thinned out considerably, and they were able to climb in one of the little cars after only a ten minute wait. Screams and shrieks from the passengers ahead of them drifted back as their car was pulled through the entrance on its track. As the doors slammed shut behind them, darkness surrounded them. Ten feet into the ride, a plastic ghost jumped in front of the track and screamed.

Heidi frowned. "Well, that's stupid. Since when do ghosts scream?"

A few feet past the ghost, a green-faced witch mannequin flew across the track on a broomstick. The witch raised an arm and cackled. As she lowered her arm, there was a burst of light on the tracks. A cloud of smoke obscured her from view. Doggett coughed as their car passed through the smoke.

"Oh, please." Heidi snorted. "I've seen scarier witches in 'The Wizard of Oz'."

"Actually, so have I," Doggett agreed when he was through with his coughing fit.

The next attraction in the house of less-than horrors was a motorized Dracula mannequin. It leaned over the tracks five feet in front of their car and reached its arms out. Dracula continued to flail his arms as he emitted a slow, ridiculous evil laugh. "MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!" Dracula laughed, then slid back into his coffin against the wall.

"Now that's just pathetic." Heidi rolled her eyes. Before Doggett could say or do anything, she jumped out of their car and hopped up to Dracula's alcove. "Come on!"

"What? Get back here! You can't get out of the car!"

"Yeah I can. I just did. Come on!"

Doggett looked around and groaned. Well, what choice did he have? He couldn't just leave her here, could he? Fortunately, the cars moved very slowly along their tracks. He was only a few feet past the place Heidi had jumped out. He raised himself up to the back of the car and swung his feet out over the tracks. The car was getting ready to go around a curve. Before it went any farther, he slid off the car and climbed up to Dracula's niche.

"All right!" Heidi exclaimed. "So you've finally decided to loosen up?"

Doggett just looked at her.

She shrugged and turned to Dracula's coffin. "Hello? Wakey-wakey!" She knocked on the coffin lid.

The clanking sound of machinery accompanied her knock. Two things happened at once: a car came around the bend to Dracula's lair, and the coffin opened. The vampire rolled out on his track and leaned over the edge of his alcove. Heidi giggled and hid behind him. When the car rolled past, she jumped out of her hiding place and screamed, "BOO!!!"

The occupant of the car shrieked and grabbed her heart. Doggett stepped forward and reached for Heidi. He pulled her back and called after the car, "I'm sorry, ma'am!"

The lady in the car turned. "You!"

Recognition dawned on Doggett's face. "Oh, no, you gotta be kidding me."

It was the foul-mouthed little old lady from the crosswalk.

She raised her fist and craned around so she could glare at him as her car traveled along its route. "Why you damn dirty little punks! You should be ashamed! That's the second time you've tried to kill me, you rotten little mother -" the car turned the corner, out of earshot.

"Let's go," Doggett said. He looked around and spotted an exit sign glowing red behind Dracula's coffin. Pushing the door open, he motioned to Heidi.

When they had escaped from the Spook Shack, Doggett looked down at Heidi, who he was beginning to suspect was clinically insane. No wonder Skinner had been so desperate to get her out of the house! "No more rides."

"Oh, fine. Hey, look, a fortune-telling booth! Let's go get our fortunes told!"

Doggett reluctantly followed her to the tent. A gauzy purple sheet hung across the entrance. To the side of the opening, a sign proclaimed, "Madame Zelda; Fortunes Told! Discover the Mysteries of the Tarot! Accurate Palm-Reading! Learn the Future! $5!"

"For five bucks a pop, I could tell you the future, too," he muttered as they entered the tent.

A woman he could only assume was Madame Zelda rose to meet them. She was dressed in flowing purple and gold robes. A gold turban covered her head. She motioned them to sit at a little round table, on which sat a large crystal ball. The hokeyness of it all almost made him laugh.

"Come in; sit down. You have come to get your fortunes told, yes?"

"Gee, how'd you ever figure that one out?" Doggett asked as they sat at the table.

Zelda glared at him. "Ten bucks up front. Cash only."

He shook his head but forked over the ten dollars.

Madame Zelda smiled sweetly. "Will that be tarot, palm-reading, or the crystal ball?"

"Crystal ball!" Heidi answered for both of them. "Do his first!"

Zelda waved her hands over the glass ball. She squinted into it and held up a finger. "Ah, yes. I see here you will meet a friend from . . . Virginia. No, wait . . . you have already run into him tonight. Yes, a blonde man from Virginia . . ."

"Langly," Doggett muttered.

"Yes, he's from Langley, Virginia . . ."

"No, his name is Langly. And it's spelled differently. And he's not exactly a friend. I sort of inherited him."

"Oh." Madame Zelda frowned at the crystal ball, then rubbed a smudge off of the glass. "Ah, yes! The ball is no longer fuzzy!"

"I thought you were supposed to be telling the future. I ran into Langly a good twenty minutes ago."

"You dare to question Madame Zelda and the secrets of the crystal ball?!" The woman stood and pointed to the exit. "Out! There is no room for your doubt and insolence in this tent!"

"No, Madame Zelda!" Heidi exclaimed. "Please, continue!"

Zelda raised an eyebrow at Doggett. He sighed. "Fine. Go ahead."

She sat down and stared into the ball. "In your future, I see . . . whales?!"

"Whales? I think you better check that thing again."

Zelda furrowed her brow. "No, not whales . . . . Whale music. You will soon be listening to the songs of whales."

"Don't count on it."

"I also see a brunette in your immediate future. And a car chase." Zelda sat back. "That is all the crystal ball can see for your future."

"Hm." Doggett nodded. "It didn't see me getting ripped off, huh?"

"John!" Heidi slapped him on the arm. She turned to the fortune-teller. "Now do mine!"

"For you, I see . . . you've lost something. Yes, you've lost something . . . big. An animal of some kind. A pet, perhaps?"

Heidi's eye widened. "The pink elephant! I left it with the Tilt-A-Whirl guy!"

Doggett rolled his eyes. Madame Zelda nodded. "Yes . . . I also see in your future . . . a confrontation with a bald man . . ."

"Oh, that'll be Uncle Walt." Heidi nodded confidently. "I accidentally broke his microwave this afternoon."

Zelda glared into the glass sphere and shook her head. "That is all the crystal ball wishes to reveal at this time. Thank you. May you live in peace and harmony until the end of your days."

Doggett got up and walked to the exit. "Yeah, right. May the force be with you."

As they left the tent, Doggett heard someone call his name. He turned and saw Monica Reyes running his way. Behind her was a young man who looked like the male version of Heidi, only with spiked blue hair. When Heidi saw them, she grinned and waved. "Hey, Sid!"

"You know him?" Doggett asked.

"Yeah, that's my big brother. You know her?"

"She's my partner at the FBI." She was also a brunette who listened to whale music. Doggett turned and gave Madame Zelda's tent a curious look. Nah. Surely not.

When Reyes and her date reached their position, Doggett took her aside. He glanced over his shoulder at Sid and Heidi, then looked back at Reyes and raised an eyebrow. "Let me guess. Skinner?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Sid is staying with him for a few weeks, and he thought it would do him good to get out and meet some people . . ."

Doggett snorted. "Yeah, apparently it's going around. I got a little bit different story with Heidi, though. Namely, Skinner was down on his knees begging me to get her out of his house for a few hours. And after a few hours with her, I can see why!"

Reyes frowned. "Give her a chance, John. You might like her if you got to know her."

"I doubt it. How's your date going?"

Reyes remained silent.

"That good, huh?"

"Well . . ." She glanced around. "Hey, where did they go?"

Doggett also surveyed the immediate area. He finally spotted the brother and sister terrors leaning on the railing in front of a calliope. A mechanized clown sat at a bench in front of the organ, supposedly playing the instrument. As he and Reyes watched in dread, Heidi hopped over the railing and sat beside the clown. "Oh, no."

"We should go over there, shouldn't we?" Reyes asked.

"I guess so."

By the time they reached the calliope, Sid had also hopped the railing. He was working on removing the clown from the bench while Heidi looked around the instrument. "Hey, where's the off button? It's gotta be here somewhere."

"I really don't think you're supposed to do that," Reyes informed them.

"Ooh, here it is!" Heidi exclaimed, flipping a switch. The calliope fell silent. She and Sid sat on opposite sides of the bench and began playing "Chopsticks" on the calliope.

"I really don't think you should be doing that," Reyes said.

"Come on, knock it off! Let's go," Doggett called.

Too late. A big, mean-looking carnival security guard pounded over to them. He glared at the four of them collectively and crossed his arms over his chest. "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you folks to leave."

"But -" Heidi started.

"Get out! Now!"

So much for the carnival.

X X X

In the parking lot, the group stopped and looked at one another. There were no clear-cut couples anymore. Heidi and Sid were sticking together, while Doggett and Reyes had formed their own alliance, mostly for moral support. When Reyes suggested Doggett drive her and Sid to her car, three blocks away, he readily agreed.

Inside the car, Sid and Heidi were the only ones talking, mostly to each other. They reached Reyes's car within a few minutes. She'd had to park it in the dark parking lot of a factory, and now it was the only vehicle left in the lot. As Doggett pulled his car up beside it, they saw that the window on the driver's side had been shattered. He turned the engine off and shifted into 'park'. Everyone piled out of his car to look at the damage to Reyes's. As she climbed out, Heidi accidentally kicked the gearshift into neutral. Nobody noticed.

"Oh, no," Reyes sighed, inspecting the damage. "Who would've done this?"

Sid shrugged. "I think the question is, who would've bothered to do this, and then not even steal the car?"

"Do you think it was those kids who were roaming the parking lot carrying those baseball bats?"

Heidi raised an eyebrow at Reyes and nudged Doggett. "Is she for real?"

Reyes turned and looked past Doggett. Her eyes widened. "John! Your car!"

"What?" Doggett turned and saw his car rolling backwards through the parking lot. His eyes also widened. He began running after the car, which was now ten yards away from him, with the distance growing at an alarming rate. There was no way he could catch up, and the car was aimed at a deep ditch. It was a big parking lot, so the car had a little way to go before it hit the ditch, but even running at his top speed, Doggett was still ten feet away when the ditch seemed to rise up and engulf the vehicle. The back bumper hit the bottom of the ditch and the car flipped over. The roof promptly crumpled.

He stopped at the edge of the parking lot and stared at his destroyed car. Pounding footsteps behind him signaled the arrival of the others.

"Whoa. You totally trashed your car, man," Sid commented.

Doggett continued to stare into the ditch. Reyes came up and patted his shoulder. "It's okay, John. I'll give you a ride. Come on." She gently tried to tug him away from the mangled car.

As if in a trance, he slowly backed away from the ditch and allowed Reyes to lead him to her car. He looked at Heidi. "You hit the gearshift, didn't you?"

"Uh . . ." She shrugged. "I don't know. Hey, how about we all go get pizza?"

"No!" Doggett shook his head. "Look, I've put up with all I can take from you. I've tried to be nice today, but I've reached my limit! You're a menace! Just stay away from me! Please!"

He got in on the passenger side of Reyes's car and faced front, refusing to look at anyone. Reyes soberly regarded the siblings. "Maybe it would be best if the two of you found another ride home. Do you think you can?"

"Oh, yeah, no problem," Sid said. "I know a guy who lives around here."

"Good." Reyes smiled, relieved that she wouldn't actually be stranding anyone in a parking lot. She swept broken glass off the driver's seat and slid in behind the wheel. As they drove out of the lot, she glanced over at Doggett and smiled sympathetically. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Doggett rubbed his face and sighed. "No, I don't want to talk about it. Let's just forget about it, all right?"

"Whatever you say, John."

He nodded and stared out the window for a few minutes. He thought about Madame Zelda's prediction of a car chase. Well, yes, he had chased his car. Not exactly the typical idea of a car chase, but there it was, nevertheless. Finally he turned away from the window. "Hey, Monica?"

"Yes?"

"If I ever agree to go on a date with one of Skinner's relatives again, do me a favor and shoot me, will ya?"

"Ditto." Reyes reached over and switched on the radio.

Doggett shook his head. Score another one for Madame Zelda.

Whale music.

~The End~